bowen tapes

now then


it would, look you see, seem that i am, perhaps more by default than design or if you will ipso facto, doing what i suspected might happen earlier this year. this would be at least one post per calendar month pertaining to Bullseye broadly and the greatly missed Jim Bowen specifically.

the latter is of relevance here. yes, i know it is hard to imagine Jim away from Bullseye, his chosen forum via which he did his thing. every now and then, though, he was persuaded to step away from the studio so as to perform his art by other means. undoubtedly the most famous of these instances was when he stepped in for "the italian job", so to speak, when the German incumbent could not handle the job, but we have covered that ground before here.

yes, quite. not one, not three, but indeed two recordings of Jim Bowen in action. two similar, but ultimately different ones, as we shall see if you stick this out and read on.

did i go and seek these items (remember, not one and not three but two, which you get nothing for if they were in a bed according to his holiness the most righteous Jim Bowen may he rest in eternal peace) as a tribute to the great one after his recent passing? no. well, partially. we will get to the specifics of provenance as we go on with this. assuming, of course, that you read on.

what i would say now, however, is that i got all of these items for bargain prices. less than £5 in total for the pair, i think. the final figure may well even be south of £4, i am having a look. going on market price indicators, one of them was then quite the bargain.

to start with the first purchase, then, although i believe this was the most recent or should you prefer last or indeed youngest of releases; the DVD Jim Bowen You Can't Tell These Anymore!

provenance of my copy? alas, one of my favourite shops, That's Entertainment, was closing down and had a sale. they are, i believe, moving all operations online, via the splendid Music Magpie website.

so, this disc was sat there as part of a deal, where you could have it for £1.99 or one of three for £5. as the closing down sale mean 75% off all stock, i got this for whatever 25% of £1.99 is. i suspect it is somewhere just slightly north or south of 49p.

having not heard of this DVD before, for if i had then i would have surely already owned it, i did some research. from what i can gather it seems a rare, scarce thing. the best price i saw it for online was, in a used condition (like my copy, for full disclosure), listed as north of £20 but just slightly south of £25. quite steep and exploitative,  really, unless the money from the sale goes to one of the many charities which the honourable Jim Bowen was a patron of. anyway, anyone not prepared to stump up that sort of money is clearly not a proper, committed, dedicated fan of Jim Bowen, or has otherwise discovered that the whole thing is online, for free, on that "you tube" thing.

oh yeah, the disc. this was filmed at a venue in Blackburn, and i am quietly confident that it was made post-Bullseye, pre-Vatican era. ostensibly, it is one of them "live stand up comedy" shows, but let me not accidentally cheapen it. because it is Jim Bowen doing it, this is the best thing ever.

as the title suggests, this is Jim Bowen lamenting the way the world has gone. everything in society went south precisely when ITV took Bullseye off of the tele. we lost our moral compass, with no guidance given to how we should live via his sermon on a Sunday tea time. to this end, Jim shares with us, his devout audience, jokes which are not offensive at all, for they laugh with people and not at their expense, and explores his sadness at how he is not supposed to tell them any more. also, he tells an absolutely brilliant story about an episode of Bullseye what ended up not being screened, due to the out of character drunken activities of two Irish contestants on the show.

much of the same is on offer in an audio form with the tape Jim Bowen Live! Super! Smashin! Great!. this i did quite deliberately purchase without actively looking for it. i was just searching the internet for things pertaining to Jim Bowen, and this cropped up for sale.

should the provenance be the internet, the cost? approx £2.50, as it happens. so both together did, assuming my skills with % are correct, cost me just south of £3.

in showing the dedication Jim had to cities and towns what start or should you prefer commence with the very same letter what his most excellent surname does or sadly rather did, this one was recorded in Blackpool, not Blackburn. or Bolton. or Basildon. also, not Basingstoke. i could go on with the list of places where this was not recorded. for the sake of less typing, i would ask you to just accept that i could do that, whilst we carry on with the actual point of this, if indeed there is much of any point.

mostly this is the same material on the DVD. there are, however, a few extras. highlights of the extras include referencing some contestants if Bullseye with casual obscenities vented in favour of their guilt of the sin of greed and the subsequent loss of prizes.

yes, by the way, one does hear Jim Bowen use what society deems to be offensive language in both recordings. in his defence - not that he needs me to defend him - this was all before he accepted the job of being Pope Francis, so as far as i am concerned he was not breaking any terms and conditions of employment. besides, if he was, well, look at the terms and conditions the pope before him broke.

the tape, alas, was not perfect. despite being brand new and factory sealed (it looked to be and the fella what sold it to me assured me that it was) there was some damage. the tape had one or two "folds" in it. whereas some fast forwarding and rewinding, or "fast backwarding", straightened it out (plus a bit of pencil magic), the sound was distorted as a consequence.

distracting, disappointing but not a failure. that's what i say of this. whereas it is not perfect, i all the same used my deft skills to convert this tape to that "mp3" format, so as i may be able to load or otherwise add it to that one decent device Apple made, the iPod. now i may listen to the voice of Jim Bowen on a night as i lay down to rest.

alas, no, the great Tony Green does not make a guest appearance on either of these recordings. he does get mentioned in the most respectful terms, though. someone called Hughie Green gets mentioned, mind, and not in particularly complimentary terms.

right, that's about that. yes, indeed i am happy with these purchases. surely, if i can, i will find something else to say of Jim Bowen and/or Bullseye next month, just to keep this regular thing going.



be super smashin great to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hobbies my father taught me

hello there


for some time i have, look you see, thought that i should really do a follow up piece to this one, in which i explored a popular card game what i learned off my Mum, to be sure. to give some sort of fairness or balance, it strikes me as being so that i should have a gander here at something what i learned off of my Dad.

events have conspired, as in retrospect they always seem to do, to make today the day that is as good as any to do exactly or entirely that.

yes. with another edition of the FIFA World Cup looming, it is time for a sticker book album and countless stickers to go in it. although, in the latter respect, maybe not so much.

where this is a hobby my Dad taught me is relatively straightforward. he is, or maybe was for i am unsure if he remains so, quite fanatical about getting these albums and completing them. always was, apparently. Gran kindly gave me this album, as it came free with a newspaper and she had no use for it. when she handed it over to me, she recalled with some fondness my Dad's habit of collecting stickers, cigarette cards and so forth throughout his youth. and into adulthood.

i had done sticker books before my Dad introduced the path of doing football ones. from my own youth i can recall, with some fondness, doing ones for both ET and Return Of The Jedi; two films ostensibly aimed at the whole family from the early 80s. perhaps you have heard of them in passing, or maybe not. to various degrees, and as an aside, both have merit and are worth watching.

that there above is/are some initial stickers what came free with the album. alas, no, no Panama team stickers, and no sign of Messi or anyone like that. still, quite a nice gesture, made all the nicer as you will find when we get to the part where i moan about the cost of stickers for this album.

anyway, around the time of them sticker books what i spoke, i think my Dad clocked that he could rejuvenate his own interest in such and have a hobby with me by introducing me to the joys of the English & Scottish football sticker album collection thing. i am not sure when, but this will have been either the 83/84 season or maybe the 84/85 one.

as far as i can tell they don't do that "mega" album any more. but once, they did. you got, i think, all four top divisions in England (back then it was Division One down to Division Four; far easier than the current names) and then i think the three main divisions in Scotland. football divisions; obviously "Scottish divisions" as a general thing has a good deal more than three. but, anyway.

indeed, that is the England page or pages for Russia 2018. whereas i have two stickers in it now, don't recall who, this is blank. England were of course widely expected to host the 2018 edition of the World Cup, but [text removed due to FIFA having a love of lawyers], so Russia it is. and why not.

this would be the best England team to feature in a sticker book for many years - perhaps 18, as point of fact. why? well, no Wayne Rooney. although i am not sure why they call him that, going on what the fans and all those who are aware of things like [text removed due to legal advice] shout at him, you would be forgiven for thinking his name is actually Wayne Carr or Wayne Kerr, depending on your provincial accent. anyway, i do not have to see him, and that is a good thing.

no, i am not sure why they don't do the football stickers every season for the divisions in England and Scotland any more. should i be called on to guess, i would say in these hedonistic "Premier League" days, royalties and "image rights" payments to some players would make it too expensive. also, with the kids having so much to spend their money on these days, maybe there is just no demand.

speaking of demand and cost, i was horrified when i went off to purchase some stickers for this album. i had, reasonably, expected a price of 50p per packet. no, it turned out to be 80p a packet. and for that you only got 5 (five) stickers in the packet, making a cost of 16p per sticker. interestingly if you write off to Panini and purchase any numbers you are missing, they charge you 22p per sticker.

whereas i thought i might buy 5 packets for 30 stickers for £2.50, i instead ended up spending £3.20 for 4 packets and got 20 stickers out of the deal. and none of them were, quite frankly, all that interesting. well, maybe one.

is my Dad having a similar torment with all of this? not sure. the last time i was with him and World Cup stickers were on the go it was the 2010 edition, the one celebrated with the vuvuzelas. he and Richard lost the plot somewhat with the stickers for that, buying many hundreds of packets and ending up with thousands of duplicates. this i know, as for some reason i ended up with all the duplicates. i think i still have them here somewhere, in a box.

that's five stickers for 80p on display, then. no, i am not all that sure who all of them players are, or indeed if any of them have any chance of glory.

one thing perhaps lost with no mega massive sticker book each season is an unsolicited knowledge of teams from far away. mindful of the fact, of course, that there was no internet thing back then. to this day i still have a thing for one Scottish team, Morton. i attribute this purely to the fact that, whenever that album came out was that me and Dad done, i did seem to get a disproportionately high number of stickers for Morton, be it the team or individual players.

as for the actual World Cup, will i be shouting on England? well, yes, no, maybe, perhaps, kind of. it would be nice if we could give a decent account of ourselves in the tournament and not leave it in disgrace, really, and that's all. i don't have any expectations or hopes of us winning; i suspect few do. we have some decent players and that, as well as a respected gentleman for a manager, but there's a hefty list of national teams which easily outclass us out there on the pitch.

Panama would be my team of choice, really. it's their first World Cup, i think, so i hope they enjoy. and yes, my enthusiasm for them is purely down to the song Panama off of Van Halen, or at least Van Halen when they were decent due to David Lee Roth being in the band.

what i particularly like about the above page for Panama in the World Cup 2018 sticker album is that it lists the spelling of Panama in various different languages. nearly all of them spell it, oddly, "Panama". which means the above looks like it is just the lyrics for the song Panama.

indeed, yes, it would be awesome if Panama won the World Cup, and to celebrate David Lee Roth was respectfully invited to come along and sing Panama to a worldwide, if not global, audience. one really suspects that Brazil, Spain, Germany, Argentina, etc might get in the way of this dream. but man, what a beautiful dream.

above is the one and only "shiny" i got, the emblem or logo for the Costa Rica team on a partially silver background. the player stickers are dull and bland, and the shiny stickers just are not as shiny as they once were. perhaps they now use eco friendly materials to print them on, or cheaper ones. what they charge more for to sell.

the astronomical costs involved in attempting to complete a 2018 World Cup sticker album have been covered on other corners of the internet. whilst i don't remember exactly, i think someone calculated that you would have to spend somewhere north of £500 or £700 on stickers to do it. that is, if you did it the fair and square way, which would of course be curious, since [text removed on legal advice] awarded to Russia.

i am sure, however, that if you and your mates did "swapsies" with doubles then you could get it done cheaper. perhaps you would only need to spend just north of £375 to fill the album.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

promise not to stare too long

hello


and so yet another "throwback" thing, look you see, even though this is not being written on a Thursday as such. no, in this instance it is not yet another look at "the beast from the east" or "storm emma", as that would be boring. instead, then, it is a look at the brief, maybe all too, return of the "beast from the east" what happened a week or so after we thought all the snow had gone.

the stability and strength of the Welsh is, i think you will find, illustrated by them plucky daffodils in the image above. for them it was spring, or if you will Spring, and so they were going to bloom no matter what the weather. indeed, quite, they are still going strong now that the snow has gone again.

exactly when did all this happen? it is easy to forget March, here in May, but still. i think, or as i recall, it was about a week after the first wave of snow and that. but, for precision, i am sure if you do one of them google things you will find more information.

why did it happen? according to them soothsayers, charlatans, warlocks and wizards who claim to be able to foresee the future down at the "met" weather office, it came off of Russia. this, of course, let to many columnists, humorists and other such socially inept types creating hysterical jokes along the lines of "well, at least it makes a change from Russia sending deadly poisons to kill traitors!!!". such jokes were met, in relatively equal measure, with contempt, slight chortle sounds, manic laughter from the deranged and a trifle of bemusement.

oh, indeed, William was thrilled with the return of the lovely, thick, fluffy, crisp (hello, Faye) snow. his new found passion and enthusiasm for sledging was kindled like a phoenix. unfortunately, indeed regrettably, he had not quite put the sledge away as we had instructed him to, hence the picture above being possible. so, then, no sledge action this time.

the biggest problem, or if you like gauntlet, thrown down by this if not unexpected then not particularly welcome, return of "the beast from the east" was what to call it. many elected for "the sequel". so, to this extent, this second wave of quasi spring or if you insist Spring snow got called things like.....

The Beast From The East 2 : Electric Boogaloo

Beast From The East II : Attack Of The Clones

Beast From The East 2 : Their First Assignment

The Dark Knight

The Beast From The East 2 : The Sequel

The Return Of The Beast From The East

Beast From The East II : The Wrath Of Khan

The Beast From The East : Age Of Ultron

Beast From The East 2 : Judgement Day

and other such nonsense. me, personally, i think, just called it "oh bother", or "oh dear me", or words to that effect. probably with a few vulgarities involved, to be honest.

yes, of course i sent Richard some images of the return of the snow. his response to that was, well, i think that you would be able to work that out in the above image. he was of course in another land; one which did not have any snow as such. quite pleasant weather, by the looks of it, and i am absolutely sure he was only having the one beer as it was the only thing to cool down with.

most of you will be here partially for a Richard picture, true, but also for some video. let me not disappoint, then, and give you some video of this second wave of snow.

how was driving in this seminal return of the snow? not so bad. we had some decent street clearances off of councils, which i am sure is not related to the fact that local elections are on the horizon and all down to them wanting to do the public service they are paid at a premium for. also, the snow seemed keenest to settle just on lands and grass rather than tarmac based roads.

for those wanting an illustration of this, well then, here you go, one image at random what i took on my travels.

does this post represent the last "throwback" to the snow of March? i would certainly hope so. if fortune smiles upon us all, then perhaps we can get on with some quality spring and summer, cheers. it would be most splendid not to see the snow for quite a while again, at least several months.

well, then, that's that. until the next post, i suppose.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a new calendar for the newish month

heya

this, i know, look you see, is probably a little too late into the month to be of any considered, practical use. but, we are here now, it is done now, to be sure. yes, for those who for some reason use my blog for their calendar consultation requirements, here it is. at least, here it is for the month of May. in 2018.

indeed yes, for those following this story so far this year, i have elected to switch over to the Minecraft one, which i paid a quite reasonable 12p for. the "Babes" one off of Poundland was pleasant, like, but the corners kept curling in. cheap paper, cheap tat, perhaps.

am i a big fan of Minecraft? not especially. the boys seem to like it; from what i can gather it's sort of a quasi Lego computer game. please note, though, that i have no quarrel or issue with the game despite not being a fan; rather i just don't know all that much of it. except one can obtain cheap, branded calendars featuring it.

elsewhere in the house we have this magnificent Stonehenge calendar on display, what William made at school. i thought i would add this too, since the date information may not be all that clear for some of you on the Minecraft one.

certainly i was excited when William came home and informed us that he had a school project to do on Stonehenge. and yes, this excitement turned into disappointment when it turned out to be the other Stonehenge, which is to say the rocks and that rather than the classic song by Spinal Tap. nonetheless, i took this as an opportunity to show William a video recording of Spinal Tap performing Stonehenge, and he liked what he saw for he saw that it was good.

right, i will try and remember to a calendar update for you in June, too.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lynx gold something something under review

heya


an apparent mid-life crisis would appear to continue, look you see. despite me being 3 times the median age for the proposed, assumed or intended users, i do indeed use that there Lynx (or Axe, depending where you are in the world) deodorant. also, nay further, i do like to dabble and experiment as and when they launch or otherwise unleash a new, for want of a better term, fragrance.

which brings us to here. the here and now. and what is the here and now is an exciting new tin (two, then) labelled or branded "gold oud wood and dark vanilla". no, i have no idea what "oud" wood is, and to me dark vanilla is not vanilla - should it not be pale, white or opaque, then surely it is not?

yes, of course i purchased some of this new stuff. my deep rooted, passionate commitment to buying Lynx deodorant as and when it is on special really came to the fore. i think i got this one off of Tesco for about £2.33 a tin, which is a peculiar price but anyway. everywhere else had it for a price north of this; i think the next best i saw was £3.50 at Morrisons (no relation to Jim).

no, i don't really shop all that often at Morrisons any more, i suppose. much of the glitz and glamour of doing so went when they removed a large selection of books from nearby the cigarette counter. it made purchasing cigarettes boring, if not rather mundane. but essential. also, by the by, i have found some places what sell the fags for 2p a packet cheaper than what Morrisons does. trust me, in volume that adds up.

but we are here for Lynx Gold Something Something, not the fags. so to speak. and on that note, let us celebrate the balls out move to call it "gold". whereas in these more enlightened terms we understand gold to be not the rarest, most desirable or most expensive thing, but it is shiny and so we associate anything being called "gold" as meaning "the best" or similar.

i can tell you now, for those eager to get to the business end, that this one falls into the formidable, overbearing harsh musky / chloroform scent of the Lynx spectrum. the fragrance, the aroma and the ambience generated is quite what one would expect to get a sense of if they were ever in a proper, real or if you like hardcore Turkish Bath, in Istanbul, in the presence of some rather friendly Turkish gentlemen. yes, with big bushy moustaches and classical proclivities in terms of male bonding.

strangely, despite the somewhat scary scenario evoked by the scent, this is not half bad. which, i hasten to draw your attention to, means it is also not half good. in its favour, sure, is the fact that the "all day" claim on the tin would appear quite correct. a very brief insight into my personal hygiene habits would be that i'd normally spray some deodorant on north of 7:15am but south of 7:20am; or if you will when Nick Ferrari is just about ready to do his first bit of shouting at someone for being absurd over on LBC. by 4 in the afternoon or so i still smell - not unpleasantly - like i've been hanging around with Mehmet, Deniz Arsla, Haluk and several other big butch Turkish men with lovely bushy moustaches down at Ağa hamamı.

what i perhaps don't quite get is why exactly the makers - Lynx, or Axe, or whatever - believe that this is suitable or otherwise ideal for their target market. as per previous "under review" editions, the demographics of Lynx / Axe users is 98% feral, uneducated teenagers, with the spray being used as some sort of territorial thing, so as the female may be attracted to the male wearer for what i suppose you could call or consider breeding properties; normally in or around bush shelters or in the vicinity of seldom used alleys down the back of shops. oh, make no mistake, i am firmly in the 2% demographic which has no wish to be involved in any such shenanigans, thank you very much.

just why, then, do they feel that the average female variant of the feral teenager would be attracted to the purely masculine preserve of the Turkish Bath scent? i mean, sure, i could understand why a young lad in this day and age would crave such a scent. my heterosexual, married life has taught me many things, and one of those was indeed that perhaps i was a little hasty in ruling out a more homosexual approach to it all early doors. but why would the feral teenage girls of today find this scent so alluring?

it's possible, i suppose, that Lynx / Axe are jumping on the "gender identity" bandwagon. maybe, to them, the idea that getting men to find other men attractive is the long term money maker. should this be the case, and if it catches on, then we may have problems meeting our requisite quota of single teenage mothers populating council estates across the land.

no. as part of the 2% of demographics, neither scenario has happened. i have not had oddball feral teenage girls flock to me, and so far as i am aware i have not garnered the attraction or attention of any gentlemen, with big bushy moustaches or not, further than would be normal for me. sadly i cannot say if this is a success or failure, as i have absolutely no idea exactly what they are trying to achieve with this.

so, is Lynx Gold Something Something worth your time? yes, and no. if you have ever speculated about using one of their rather more brutal, musky, sweaty man, used prophylactic and uber priapic fragrances but not had the courage to do so, consider this to be a slight stepping stone towards it.

to be honest, i think i will stick with their Black Night, which of course is a tribute to the song Black Night White Light by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, and is a fitting and respectful tribute at that. otherwise, maybe a bit of Excite, and some Apollo too. this one has been an OK diversion or deviation, but nothing in the fragrance or results of wearing it says "buy a third tin".

as ever, hope this has been of some use or interest to someone somewhere!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

random bowie - young americans

Howdy Pop Pickers


And so here we are again, look you see. By my reckoning this is edition or if you like episode 17 of Random Bowie, although including this one there's only been 16 "officially recognised" solo Bowie albums done. In this instance it's Young Americans that's the topic; the ninth or if you like 9th solo studio album off of David Bowie as per the commonly agreed methodology of counting such.

Some fantastic facts to start off with? No. Instead, then, two wonderful bits of "trivia", or urban legend, or myths, that have always floated around inside this head of mine. Let me record them here for posterity, or if you like so should anything occur to me and this blog survive, well then my worthwhile knowledge is saved. These are stories which have probably / possibly been widely circled in Bowie fan, erm, circles, so apologies if there is nothing new.

First off, the titular track, Young Americans. Legend has it that Bowie felt he had "nailed" contemporary 'Americana' in terms of folksy bluesy storytelling rock. And so he proudly played it to, depending on which variation you believe, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan or Neil Young, expecting praise. Instead he was laughed at by whichever and told it was awful. Reports of the "I know someone who was there and saw it, swear down, no word of a lie" variety state Bowie ran away in tears, locking himself in a room for hours.

How plausible is the above? Oddly, partially. We do, after all, know that he went off in a sulk and shaved his eyebrows off purely to have a go at Ian Hunter when Mott The Hoople rejected the chance to record Drive-In Saturday. Also, if it was the Springsteen variation what was true, that would go some way to explaining why exactly the two superb Bruce covers Bowie recorded - Growin' Up and It's Hard To Be A Saint In The City - remained unreleased until the 1990s.

Secondly, when looking for musicians to record this album David Bowie supposedly "discovered" Luther Vandross as a homeless busker, and was so impressed with him he put him on the album and then all of a sudden Luther became a star. No, not quite. True, this was the first big break the wonderful Luther got, but at that stage he was not quite so destitute as the legend says, and solo fame in his own right only came a fair few years after providing backing vocals here.

A look at the album itself, you say? OK, why not, with that trivia done. If you know nothing else of this record then you perhaps might have heard of it spoken as the "David Bowie plastic soul album". That's how he referred to it, pretty much as a constant. All this and yet the two best known songs from the album, the singles Young Americans and Fame, are more rock and funk respectively than they are flat out soul, plastic or otherwise.

Motivation for the album? Producer Tony Visconti is quoted, presumably at the time for one is not allowed to speak such honesty in this day and age, as saying of it "every British musician has a hidden desire to be black.". This, of the time, was true. When British musicians of the 60s and 70s made it big enough to go to America, they did so not so much to sell records as to go and pay homage to the Blues, Soul and (proper use of the term not the modern variant) R n B artists who had inspired them in the first place. The most visible or pronounced examples of this would be The Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin, but the same rang true for Bowie.

Quite a few people, and I don't think it's as a consequence of the above, don't like this album. Or, at the least, consider it the "weak link" in Bowie's otherwise formidable 70s musical output. To be honest, it was perhaps the album I'd played the least in my time, as in my petulant youth I tended to find it "a bit boring". Having given it a spin several times in advance of writing this, well, lo and behold older me appreciates it some, and it's nowhere near as bad as I had thought.

Would it be fair to consider Young Americans something of a "transitional" album? It is a rather peculiar, catching audiences at the time by surprise turn on the road that went from the character driven Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane, not to mention the nightmarish, 1984 (mostly) inspired Diamond Dogs towards the brave, the bold and the audacious era which delivered Station To Station and Low. Mostly, I think, I would say that Tony Visconti was on the money, really. Bowie just found himself in a position where he could make the music he wanted with the musicians he wished to assemble (with, among others, Carlos Alomar pretty much staying with him from here to the end), singing whatever his heart so felt to as it was likely to sell and find an audience no matter what.

So, the music. As mentioned this record gets called "plastic soul", mostly because that's what Bowie called it. For a soul album made of any material however, it sure lacks a dominant soul element. Perhaps it is just me, but of the 8 songs which comprise the album, only 2 - Win and Right are of a predominant soul sound. Even then, both lurch towards elements of jazz. But then again, every form of music was ultimately inspired or influenced by all other forms.

In terms of the above, Win is a track I don't like so much - bit too repetitive (dare I say monotonous) and sounds like it goes on for hours. David disagreed, somewhat. He included this track on that I Select set, where he was invited (and paid, you would hope) to put together his own "best of".

For an album routinely overlooked, dismissed or not held up as one of his best, well, it contains two track that one would have to call huge and significant staples of Bowie's career. They would be the titular track, or if you like Young Americans, with which the album starts, and Fame, which closes the album.

Should that myth or urban legend at the start of this post be true of the song Young Americans, well then maybe which celebrated American rocker what said it was either short sighted or jealous. Whilst the song is not one of my favourites, the genius (sorry, Charlie Watts) or brilliance is undeniable. A free flowing, linear storytelling narrative, it is, to be sure. Telling a complete story with some depth in the space of a pop or rock song is an art. You need to say a lot with as few words as possible. Here Bowie gives us "She took his ring, took his babies, it took him minutes, took her nowhere, Heaven knows, she'd have taken anything", giving you the entire story of a young relationship of default rather than design in less words that I need to use to describe it.

As for Fame, well, I used to feel the same about it as I felt of Win. Having said that, now that I have played it a few times ahead of writing this, I've found myself humming and singing it at random. The term is "earworming", or similar, isn't it? Anyway, yes. Fame is less plastic soul, more outrageous, catchy funk. A good many musicians - they know who they are - have borrowed from the hypnotic rhythm of this tune, with James Brown never hiding how much he loved it. When James Brown is giving you praise you, I guess, know you've done OK for a skinny pale white boy out of London.

Since we are on Fame, a frequently pointed out issue in these "random Bowie" posts is the one thing biographers, obituary writers and other such acolytes get wrong. There is something of a "myth" that it is OK or cool or right to say Bowie "never looked back". Not true. We know, just by going through the music, that at times Bowie was left frustrated that a particular song, every now and then, did not get the audience he felt it should. He would not hesitate to rework or reissue or revamp a song, as we've seen with overlooked 80s tunes like Loving The Alien and Time Will Crawl. So, when it came time to promote the SoundAndVision greatest hits shenanigans of 1990, it was not so much of a surprise to find a remix / reworked version of Fame, Fame 90, was issued.

The video for Fame 90 is well worth a watch. Here is a link for you good people to that there You Tube thing. Once I knew a lady that looked exactly like the lady in this video. No, alas, not intimately. Indeed I did not ask if it was her; my life has been better for, oh, 28 years, in just assuming that it was her.

No, Fame has never been much of a favourite of mine as mentioned. I suspect maybe some of that was the fact that it featured no less than John Lennon. To my mind, the coming together of Bowie and Lennon should have been instantly mindblowing, and when it wasn't instantly this I was left disappointed. It has grown on me, though.

Lennon also appears on Across The Universe, the album's one cover song and originally of course by The Beatles. You might want to let that sink in. To the best of my knowledge, in the 70s Lennon barely acknowledged The Beatles (Instant Karma and Come Together were done at one concert and that was it), much like the "other three". To me it seems strange that not as much fuss has been made of Lennon appearing on a Beatles cover that perhaps should. Maybe that's because not too many people like it, but I do.

Indeed, I do wonder. Yes, as my regular non-just-random-Bowie readers will know, I am a huge fan of Harry Nilsson. Lennon and Nilsson were mates. Not got any clue if Harry popped into the studio, or if David and John went out on the lash with him during recording sessions. It would be ace if they did.

Otherwise, I really love the guitar on Can You Hear Me, man. I am not convinced the rest of the song is as good as the guitar part, but still, worth it for that.

Yes, I have the fancy, early 90s re-issue of Young Americans with bonus tracks. Of the three, the most curious is John, I'm Only Dancing Again. This was recorded in 1974, around the time of Young Americans, but not released until 1979. Which is weird, if you have heard it. Basically the song is solid, up front and awesome disco, all made a couple of years before disco went mainstream thanks to the Bee Gees and Saturday Night Fever. And yet it only got released in 1979, as I said. So, basically, Bowie could have pre-empted the hugeness of disco a couple of years before it happened, instead he released it a couple of years after, when as far as most were concerned disco had had its day and was gone.

So, does Young Americans have a requirement to be in the collection of you, if you are the more casual, just coming to Bowie sort of appreciator? Difficult to say. It's not a bad album, but not essential. Should you have any of the "greatest hits" sets, then its likely you have Fame and Young Americans. The other six (nine if you include the bonus tracks) are OK to good, but you can get on with your life if you don't have them.

This album perhaps belongs to a time we no longer have. Once, we here in England, indeed the UK, had all of four channels to watch on the tele, and if we were lucky a VHS or a Beta video, with a couple of tapes. Should nothing across those appeal, one would switch the stereo on and spend the evening listening to vibes, rather than having music just as background wallpaper. Young Americans is an album which suited such occasions.

 Until the next edition or if you like episode, then,




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

swans

hello there


it is not uncommon, look you see, for people of other lands to ask me of the peculiarities and idiosyncrasies of the English way of doing things. more often than not such questions have been fielded, in an unsolicited but nonetheless welcome way, on my travels. but, every now and then someone will randomly message me in one form or another, which is nice.

whilst there are many subjects i have been consulted on so as i may share my wisdom or lack thereof, few can claim to be as intriguing to the wider world as the subject of swans. to, as far as i can tell, the rest of the world swans are standard, predominantly aquatic based birds of some description, and are not seen as anything all that special. well, not special bar being a bizarre hybrid of ducks and giraffes. here in England, though, they are treated with protection and admiration not afforded to many of our own citizens.

yes, i recently took some pictures of some swans that i saw. or rather was by accident allowed to see, for as i am not of the upper classes or landed gentry or ruling elite such beauty is normally prohibited from my commoners, proletariat eyes. there were, however, no police officers around.

how and why are swans so revered and protected here in England, or if you are American England land? broadly speaking, the law is of a nature which says that all the swans in England (possibly the UK, or the Commonwealth entire) belong to Her Majesty The Queen, or if you like the reigning monarch. or some breeds of swans do, as apparently there are different types.

many of you will want specific details of the above, which i understand and respect. for you, then, here is a far more explicit and involved breakdown of the law and protection of swans in England -

"swans something something something The Queen something something something owns all something something something offence to harm or kill something something treason something something Tower of London something something something hanging something something something".

at this stage i would love nothing more than to bring you an even better understanding of the law off of Spiros. he is, alas, still quite busy with a few matters. one of them, of course, is hunting down and punishing someone or other who is apparently making unfounded allegations about his sexual disposition on something called a "blog". but there are other matters to which he must attend.

yes, enthusiasts, that is Spiros, recently, proudly showing off a sort of quasi "cease and desist" and restraining order thing. it was issued, reluctantly, by a Turkish Bath, the name of the proprietor of which escapes me but it sounded a little like Farouk Ameen. as usual there is only so much i can discuss about the activities of Spiros, for his position as the greatest legal mind of his generation means much of what he does is secretive. but, from what i can gather, the whole matter is a little bit of silly nonsense, relating to a perfectly simple misunderstanding of what gentlemen are giving tacit consent to by entering a Turkish Bath and disrobing.

does Spiros have any sort of relationship with swans? not really. on the rare instances we have discussed them he has dismissed them, somewhat out of hand, as being "vicious b@stard$" that he would not wrestle. please, make no mistake - Spiros would not actively harm any member of the animal kingdom. although he does, from time to time, daydream about days gone by, when kangaroos were brought - at great expense - all the way from Australia to England, by sailboats, and shoved in boxing rings with some suitable gloves on and expected to fight plucky challengers.

well, for now, back to swans, then. and yes, that little bit of video i mentioned. this is quite short, but of course i had to be on my guard in case the constabulary, or the Beefeaters, or even the SAS were stalking and staking this out. they would have arrested me, a common peasant, for daring to think i could live the dream of being allowed to look at swans.

some of you will have observed, or even noticed, to be sure, that these Swans were clearly visible and pictured in Stockton. yes, indeed, i do have a good, strong working relationship - or at the least partially open line of communication - with the gentleman currently recognised as both the Viscount of Stockon and further the Marquess of the Tees Valley region, even though it is not really a valley as such and they just made up that name in the last decade or so.

alas, sadly, no, i do not have any comment from him, his excellency. he is far too busy attending to other matters, doing whatever it is a Viscount does exactly, to waste time on making comments for the benefit of people who are substantially beneath his social class.

but, since we are on the subject, as far as i am aware a Viscount, as a member of the higher echelons of our society, is probably permitted to look at swans for as long as they would wish to. no, i doubt such privileged existence allows them the right to hunt, capture, kill and/or eat them, though. if they did so, no doubt Her Majesty The Queen or ruling monarch would get quite cross, strip them of their titles and allow the courts to indulge the ways of justice on the matter.

from my perspective i wouldn't say i am all that particularly interested in swans in any sense. i mean, yes, Sydney Swans are a boss team, but as for actual swans, well, live and let live. may they carry on doing their thing, be it on the Tees or across the waters of some other, lesser body of water.

hopefully this has been of interest, if little practical use, to those of you who observe England from afar, and get quite fascinated with our approach to swans. should you feel that there are any more questions you have about swans that for some reason you think i am the best or only person who can answer, do feel free to pose or post them.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

infinity war

hello once more


well, what else would one do on a roasting hot day, to be sure, than go to the cinema? actually, look you see, i seem to remember some information about a whole load of rubbish films making fortunes at the cinema in America purely by being released in summer months, and people going in and paying just to sit in air conditioned cool ways for a couple of hours, caring not for what they see.

no such curse befalls Avengers : Infinity War, mind you, and if that is the right, correct and proper way to refer to the title. despite fears, suspicions and concerns that they are going to reach saturation point with all these "super hero" films, despite a sense that they seem to just use the same colour by numbers plot for each movie, this was quite honestly superb.

there. the above serves as a quick-ish, spoiler free review for any of you who, for some strange reason, were considering watching the film but bizarrely required my input. and, to be honest, i am going to do my darnedest to ensure the remainder of this post remains spoiler free too.

what makes it so good? perfectly balanced, really. despite being "part one" of a double bill of all this Infinity War business, it can and is all self contained, having a definitive start, beginning and very reasonable end. should you elect to watch no further films, then you do have an ending here if you wish. and sorry yeah, that might be spoiler-ish.

a big concern was that the film intended to throw dozens of characters together and make a coherent story. t this works as they trust their audience. sure, it is an audience what is required to have seen most, if not all, of the previous Avengers films, but as they are all rather good it is likely this happened. none of the many characters in the film felt forced or otherwise wedged in, and all served a purpose.

perhaps the greatest praise is for the relatively "new" character, the "big bad", Thanos. wow. not being much of a reader of the comics i didn't know all that much of him. this is a well defined, brilliantly created character. also, his mission, his purpose, his point and motivation are the same. they have veered from over-complicating things and avoided a simplistic "good vs evil as we say it is" scenario, hitting a very agreeable middle ground.

no, the receipts you so clearly see in these images do not lie. going to the cinema is tres or if you will uber expensive. the "admin charge" of £2.40 is interesting, since it's all automated online booking and you have to print your own tickets. otherwise, 3 x medium cokes, 1 x medium popcorn, 1 x opal fruits (or whatever they are now), 1 x fruit pastilles and 1 x water clocked in at £25.70, on top of the £38.00 for the movie ticket. just as well the film was decent.

yeah, i know, i know, they "have to charge" that much for stuff in order to make a profit. that would not be a problem - honestly - if they were not so harsh with the price of water. £2.75 for a 750ml water is steep, harsh.

also, but of course lots and lots of adverts. yes, with one or two trailers. some of them were interesting. quite heavy handed promoting of Jurassic Shed 5 or 6, i forget how many they have made. and the same old trailer for Solo, reassuringly featuring Lando but no sign of Lobot or that one with the bucket on his head.

much delight greeted the trailer for Venom. this was because the trailer said it is rated "12A", which means children under that age can go and see it with a parent or guardian. William very much wishes to go and see it.

the film, yes. how to word this best. it was so involved and well done that you felt you were being enthralled and captivated by a four hour epic, despite it running for only about half that. no, absolutely not, i don't mean the film drags at all. it very much hits the ground running and does not let up until the end. brilliant.

my one and only frustration with Avengers : Infinity War is that Disney made it and made it so perfectly. how come, exactly, that they can care so much and get it absolutely right with all this Marvel business, yet squander wasteful billions and make an absolute mess of Star Wars? this film was exactly the swashbuckling, thrilling and exciting ride that saw the original Star Wars films so dearly loved. and yet Disney ignored that, after spending so much money to own it, and turned it all into the at best below average Last Jedi instead.

well, then, yes. Avengers : Infinity War  is nothing short of spectacular. witty, funny, emotionally engaging, interesting and above all else enormous fun. that is, surely, precisely what films are supposed to be.

film of the year material? depends if Solo features Lobot or not, i suppose. but certainly a contender. hard to imagine anyone making a more entertaining film than this, but if they do then it is all win.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when science betrays

greetings


a little while ago i, look you see, wrote and published something of a "think piece", if not substantial guide, as to how a chap - or lady - could easily win the lotto or lottery in their country. whilst i gave a brief, maybe superficial overview of all the known ways to win, i focused on how science - or certain disciplines of scientific endeavour - were the key to success.

sadly, to be sure, it would seem if not appear that i was somewhat hasty in this. my celebration of the wonders of matters such as chaos theory and quantum physics were wildly misplaced. if you are in a rush, no, well yes, but no, as it turns out science has betrayed me and no i did not, as point of fact, win the £6.5million which was promised by it. well, promised or theoretically suggested, but according to those in the know science is always "fact", at least until someone researches the one fact and replaces it with another.

i, in good faith, took my ticket from the previous failed draw to a grocer of some note. that ticket, as you may recall, saw me secure a "free go" at a jackpot what totalled the mythical £6.5million. pictured above, in Commodore 64 mode despite the ticket not being worthy of such, is the "new" ticket, the one what science said would win me £6.5million.

yes, indeed, i exchanged the "winning" free go ticket for this one in a kind of breezy, whimsical manner. there was some light conversation with the employee of the grocer, the subject of which mostly concentrated on me purchasing a villa or chalet in Cyprus if (when, according to quantum chaos theory) i won the jackpot.

any chance of a protracted conversation about Cyprus, etc, was cut short by the rough, gruff and short sounds being made by the - and this really stretches the definition - gentleman waiting to be served behind me. quite impatient he was, for he seemed eager to purchase his basket loaded with cheap, nondescript branded vodka and no brand cornflakes as soon as possible. how very sad that my efforts to discuss science with someone had to be cut short by the fact that someone else was in a rush for breakfast.

that is the ticket what quantum science says won £6.5million, pictured next to a screen of the results of that particular lotto draw; one in which the lotto draw said no, quantum science, chaos theory and indeed my good self can all go f*** themselves.

some harm has indeed been caused by this failure of, or betrayal by, science. in anticipating all that money i allowed myself an extra spread of luxury butter on my croissant, figuring soon i would be able to afford as much butter as i cared to name in imperial measurement terms. also, i have had to go and buy a ticket for the next draw, as this one didn't even score another free go.

despite my poor experiences with it, no, i do not have an overt or constant quarrel with science. some of it is quite useful, i suppose. just never when you would prefer it to be, really.

on, in regards of the fellow patron of the grocer, should you be wondering or speculating the answer is no, i was not as point of fact in Scotland. no idea if the gentleman was Scottish, 50-50 really.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gauntlet

heya


for many people, look you see, the word gauntlet means many things. in most cases, which is to say amongst the elite and intellectuals of our society, gauntlet means Gauntlet, the boss arcade game in which you played as a warrior or a wizard and had to battle elks, demons and other such sh!t. beyond that understanding, there are the culture who would find their thoughts instantly drawn to The Gauntlet, a 1970s Clint Eastwood film which is incomprehensibly watchable on repeat viewings.

a lesser known or, to be sure, understood understanding of the word is with reference to a glove. in essence the word was devised to express a glove of a particular kind, most commonly worn in combat. things change, however, of course. just as "r n b" at some point in the late 90s changed from meaning "quality rhythm and blues guitar music" to mean "sampled, monotonous tripe with some twat chanting "one time" over it", so we now no longer really use the word gauntlet as it was intended.

until now, of course. once, in a more eloquent and celebrated time, one "threw down" their gauntlet to challenge someone else to a duel or other such form of combat. this, going on my observations, might be coming back big time, so it is, to be sure.

yes, quite. that is a glove which i spotted on the road during my travels. well, for the purposes of this post having some sort of point, not a glove but a gauntlet. maybe i spend too much time considering such things, or my brain is simply wired that way, i know not, but i would like to think this was thrown to the floor as an indication of a duel being requested, rather than it being simply dropped or discarded.

where did i happen to see this fine, splendid, well crafted glo...gauntlet? in the car park of an establishment known for providing patrons with as much alcoholic infused beverages as they can afford a cash price to pay for. indeed yes, maybe or perhaps it was the consumption of such which led to emotions being affected in a manner which caused one patron to call upon a fellow quaffing patron to resolve a dispute via physical means. this has been known to happen from time to time.

exactly where, in a more geographical than metaphorical sense, was all of this? why, Hartlepool.

that there is an "official" Hartlepool car park parking paid for sticker, endorsed and provided by Hartlepool Borough Council in exchange for £1 in real money. if you can find one of their well hidden car parking areas, in which cars are not so much welcome as they are mildly tolerated.

a little while ago, regular readers may recall, i took some time to celebrate the universally celebrated approach that Hartlepool has towards anything it, as a body of people, suspect of being French. pause was taken during this to question the wisdom of their anti-car stance. i was subject to fiscal, punitive damages by them on a wretched, wet day so as they may illustrate the brute, ruthless force in which Hartlepool says that it loathes, detests and hates cars.

indeed, that is an abandoned item of footwear, in the singular, once again in Hartlepool. or, you know, close enough to Hartlepool that it might as well be. one rarely sees abandoned, singular items of footwear in Yorkshire these days; for reasons beyond my comprehension the practice of doing this seems to have moved north.

any theories i may be willing to share about this particular item? well, the quality of image is poor as i had to take it from some distance. two gentlemen in a van were sat watching it, observing. they were in some sort of rudimentary workman's clothing outfits, but i suspect this was a ruse or a scam. perhaps they were charged with making the tale of Cinderella real, and were waiting to pounce on any lady who had a foot what fitted into the shoe. i was reticent if not reluctant, then, to venture too close towards what may have been a trap.

now, then, this is quite interesting. pictured above, in Commodore 64 mode, is the reverse of the perfectly legal car parking sticker from Hartlepool. as you can quite clearly see, it is instructing you, the patron, to in the future not bring your car, but rather ride a bus. from this i can conclude two things. one is that they must have a lot more buses in Hartlepool than what we do in my part of the world. second would be that they clearly do not want outsiders visiting; only those within the realm of the Hartlepool bus routes have any business visiting their stores.

this is a classic instance of short foresightedness, of course. or whatever. attempting to banish cars from Hartlepool is admirable in the sense of limiting pollution, congestion and so forth. but also, from my experiences, imposing random and excessive fines on a mere whim on cars is what presently props up the entire Hartlepool economy. if Hartlepool succeeded in having no cars come, then there would be no fines issued, and no money in for the honourable Borough Council. oh.

consider the cigarette model. for many years here in England, indeed the UK, a lot of effort was spent saying smoking is the worst thing in the world, it kills more people than anything else, it costs the NHS a fortune, etc. now we have a country where smoking figures are at their lowest. also, though, the revenue from cigarettes is gone, NHS costs are even higher than when half the country smoked, people are living longer and need care for many more years. the result is, of course, now the experts saying "oh, actually obesity is causing all that cancer and cost, so let us ban that now".

in terms of the above, when Hartlepool is as free of cars as it is of the French, i do wonder what they will tax or fine instead to raise money for the many Borough Council workers to live the life they want. the people of Hartlepool will, no doubt, find out.

for comparison, that's a parking sign in Hambleton, which is not Hartlepool and has as little as possible to do with Hartlepool, except maybe a shared view on the French but that is surely a common vision of all. note, with interest, how friendly, polite, civil and affordable they are in respect of motorists. the message here is not "f*** off with your f***ing car", but rather "you are welcome to visit us, please enjoy your stay".

would i consider attending a seminar on the issue of parking in Hartlepool, perhaps giving a keynote speech as part of my presence? yes, i would. provisionally i think i would structure my presentation on just how right Hartlepool were in regards of the French, but ultimately the focus would be on how the goodwill they have from the entire world in this respect is being undermined by being so mean, miserable and unreasonable towards anyone who happens to want to visit the place by means of a car.

oh, sure, yes, i do appreciate that the Hartlepool approach to anything French is probably not all that much loved or embraced in France, but really nobody cares what the French think. once they've worked out the basics, like border defence and having proper elections which result in a proper President or whatever being elected, then i am sure the international community will pay some attention.

indeed, yes, that is another look at the glov....gauntlet which this blog post was initially about, before it all got somewhat distracted. the interesting thing is that my blog seems to attract a significant number of readers off of France - 1,297 in the last month at time of publication. and 210 from Kuwait, a sovereign state which is in many respects "the France of the Middle East", when you think of certain armed conflicts in the 90s.

anyway, i am sure that's been enough for you to sit and read as you've enjoyed a cup of tea or coffee. that's how i like to picture you, dear readers. making a nice warm beverage, then sitting down with your internet connected device of choice, deciding to pass a few moments reading whatever nonsense i have come up with now.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

projected reflections on day six of the torment of the beast from the east

hello


first and foremost, i suppose, is to say a very happy May Day to you who celebrate this day, look you see, either as proletariat workers, eager pagans keen to get on with mating rituals or simply - as the day was always intended - as massive fans of Grace Jones characters in James Bond films.

i am, to be sure, writing this on the occasion or instance of the afternoon of the sixth day of the problematic weather. this was, as you may recall, you person in the future, the time when England and the wider UK collapsed into a peculiar post-apocalyptic state due to "the beast from the east" and something called Storm Emma using our lands as a battlefield.

should for some reason anyone be at all interested in such, i here and now shall add a picture and a video of the morning of the sixth day of all this adverse weather.

yes. whereas the prophets, the soothsayers and the charlatans had, during day four and day five, given every reason to believe that they had spoken to gods of the future and that the gods of the future had assured them no further snow would befall them, more snow fell. hopefully by the time this is published a fabulous show trial will have happened and the false witches will have been suitably burned.

it was not at all a nice or pleasant sight, this. by this, the sixth morning of these weather conditions, any possible amusement or entertainment value associated with the snow had long since been vanquished. my comments, directed at myself and aired internally for my own benefit, were probably along the lines of "oh bother", or similar such words.

by some stroke of mercy the snow which fell on this sixth day did not stay. just as soon as it hit the ground it seemed to disappear, leaving nor wreaking no more misery or inconvenience.

certainly, the above is some video of the snow falling on that sixth day, for those of you who would like to watch a few seconds of it.

anyway, that's that. one really does hope that by the time anyone reads this, everything is a good deal less snowy and considerably warmer.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!