a triumph of justice over vengeance

hello there


not so long ago i, look you see, wrote (with some passion) about the time i was called upon to do, or if you will perform, a most noble level of civic duty. this was to be on the jury of Viz Crown Court, Fulchester. i, like several unsuspecting readers of The Viz, was summoned to serve and hear the sordid details of a case involving a gentleman, a zoo, a crocodile and what can only be described as a quite unnatural act.

ladies and gentlemen, with all deliberations and formalities completed, the verdict of this particularly unpleasant case is now "in". as i made some sort of vague, partial promise to give an update, and indeed as i have absolutely nothing else better to write about, i thought i would share the verdict with you, so that it may be a matter of public record, or whatever.

yes, you see, guilty. i think the fact that the accused, the disgraced Mr Cummerbund, asked for 134 (that is one hundred and thirty four) similar such incidents to be taken into consideration vindicates my point that the police were not exactly going to go and arrest an innocent man. for some reason a number of my contemporaries questioned my logic, if you will my rationale, in such a view. i believe the facts here entirely vindicate this view.

my main concern is, of course, the leniency of the sentence. once again the hard work of the police has been undone by the generosity of the courts. a sentence should seek both to punish the criminal and send a stern, clear warning to all others. i do not believe that a 2 year suspended sentence is going to frighten or scare off any other sort of randy chap who also thinks it is perfectly acceptable to bum a crocodile.

whilst on the subject of the police, a recent BBC documentary suggested that the constabulary of Hartlepool was quite stretched, with only ten officers available. might i respectfully suggest, then, that Hartlepool council give some consideration to managing resources, and have some of their ten thousand (approx) traffic wardens work as police officers, catching criminals instead of randomly ticketing any vehicle which dares to drive into the place?

no, nothing to do with the trial, that, or the police. i just noted it in a recent edition of Private Eye, and it amused me a bit so i thought i would add it here for good measure. not that i am much of a Nick Cave fan, really; a superficial one at best. both he and his music are ok, they are just not my thing. however, in my years i have come to appreciate and respect that for some reason mentioning you are a Nick Cave fan makes you seem more appealing, interesting and indeed attractive to the ladies, so i have from time to time blagged it a bit.

oh, yes, the title of the blog. indeed, you clever people, a reference to the aftermath of the infamous Timothy McVeigh trial, where one side referred to it as the title, and the other said that it was a triumph of vengeance over justice. no particular reason for using that title, but if you spotted or clocked the reference, what can i say but well done to you.

right, then, i shall take my leave from you here, for now, until the next time. and, until the next time,





be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in song and in dance

heya


well, it's that time coming up. that time, look you see - Christmas. i know this because, well, it looks rather close on the calendar, when i consult it. but, also, because Poundland have got their new (exciting) range of Christmas CDs out on the shelves.

quite surprisingly they do not have the classic, celebrated Chas & Dave Greatest Christmas on the shelf, at least not at the branch i went to. i would have thought that with the passing of Chas out of Chas and Dave they would have made this particularly fine album their flagship for the season, but no.

they do, however, but of course have a Christmas related recording by The King, Elvis Presley available for sale. yes, of course i bought a copy of such, otherwise this post would not exist in the way what it does.

yes, there you go, Christmas With Elvis by The King, Elvis Presley, presented in the greater glory of Commodore 64 mode. indeed, behind it is one of those holy grails of music - the mythological Nilsson demos for the Popeye soundtrack. but, perhaps a post on that some other day.

indeed, the cover for this 2018 edition of Christmas With Elvis features an image of Him in a classic pose from a still from the motion picture Jailhouse Rock. some clever person, or perhaps the works experience kid foisted on the office, has done one of them "photoshop" things to make it seem like The King, Elvis Presley is wearing a Christmas hat.

the defining feature of the artwork - the main, dominating characteristic - is that it is one which is predominantly free of the burden of copyright and licencing costs. we shall return to this subject soon.

should the above look like a coaster or beermat to you, that is because it is one. no, of little relevance to this post, but there it is. Spiros sent me that image, from a recent jolly adventure to an unspecified location in the Caribbean. he has recently learned of the legend of where the band 10cc got their name off of, and so has been playing Dreadlock Holiday on repeat ever since. as is his will, and his finances, he has headed off in the general direction of the song, just to see if it is all true.

but, back to The King, Elvis Presley. a general rule, as true of art as it is business processes and production, is that you do not waste. so, satisfied with how the image of Him looks on the cover, them what produced the CD Christmas With Elvis elected to use the very same image on the CD face and the inner cover artwork.

and why not, you have to say, and why not. sure, well, no, you don't have to say that, but if you do then it's quite fine to have done so.

i have several CDs which are named along the lines of variations of Christmas With Elvis. why, then, did i purchase another? mostly because it is The King, Elvis Presley, but also to help enable me to get into the mystical, so-called festive mood. sometimes it feels like we have let slip just how magical and wonderful a time it really is, and so i will take any action i can to make it feel special. this is particularly true when such an action, or course of direction, costs just £1.

do you wish to see what is on the disc this year? of course you do. here you go, then, a look at the track listing, with only some of it obscured by the reflection off of the flash.

with the exception of the ten "bonus" tracks, the 12 Christmas songs on Christmas With Elvis are the exact same ones that i bought on a similar offering off of Poundland by The King, Elvis Presley last year. and the year before. they are just presented in a slightly different order here.

in respect of how these songs are selected, or if you like curated, the answer is quite carefully. should you ask the question. each and every song on Christmas With Elvis is chosen with focus and attention to detail being on the fact that they are not protected by copyright, and so are royalty free. once production and distribution costs are nailed, this CD is all profit for Poundland. as we, the people, are able to access the important Christmas messages of The King, Elvis Presley for a reasonable, affordable cost, this is all win for absolutely everyone.

my understanding is that someone called John Lewis have hired (Sir) Elton John to advertise Christmas for them, for a fee reported to be around £5 million. how wasteful. i mean, sure, Sir Elton is kind of OK as far as i am aware, but for that money they could have bought five million copies of this CD. when you put it like that - what would you have, thirty seconds of Elton John or five million recordings of The King, Elvis Presley - it's not much of a contest, is it?

anyway, if you celebrate it and all that, i do trust and hope that your Christmas preparations are well and truly all your own.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bullseye and birmingham

hello there


quite a tricky one this, to be sure. let me be honest, look you see. although i was rather close to Birmingham (the one in England) recently, i was not in Birmingham as such. so i cannot speak with absolute certainty about if you can or cannot watch Bullseye in Birmingham (the English one).

but, such trivialities have never really stopped me before. so, let's get on with whatever it is i propose to write in this post, hopefully for the entertainment of someone somewhere or other.

indeed, yes, that is His Excellency, Jim Bowen, presenting Bullseye, broadcast once more via the magic of that free to air TV channel called Challenge, or something like that. as i mentioned in passing above, strictly speaking this was not in a hotel in Birmingham as such, but not far off.

actually, and this is quite exciting, it was really close to Tipton. can't recall exactly what the sat nav thing said, but i was only 3 miles or 3 minutes away from the place. it is somewhere i want to go, having after all spent several years reading of the exploits of Hugo Guthrie, the apparent "in the job for life" Mayor of Tipton, in The Viz. my imagination stretches as far as assuming it would be quite class to meet him.

no, that's not where i was. far from it, in every sense you can think of. some of you will no doubt recognise the above, but if not, yes, that is indeed Vietnam. presently, or recently (or some time ago if you are reading this many years from now), Spiros went over there for a bit of business.

whilst he was there i asked him, if he would not mind, to look out for speedboats. yes, mostly i actually asked him to look for cheap cigarettes (he says next to no one smokes in Vietnam), but also speedboats. some of the research what i have done for my book on where all the class prizes off of Bullseye have ended up has led me to believe that a number of the speedboats won as prizes have been used to travel to distant parts of the world. well, relative distant parts, since taking a Speedboat off of the Bullseye studio and all the way to Vietnam would be a formidable voyage.

yes, that's me, where i was, which was close to Birmingham but not actual Birmingham proper. still, they had the smart accent and all that, so there you go.

and further yes, that is a canal behind me. any, or many if i press the "m" key properly, will already know of this, but for those who do not, there is currently an ambitious project underway to turn all of the major roads and many of the minor ones into canals across all of most of the Midlands, which will presumably (you would think) see most cars and lorries and trucks and that be replaced with boats. so, if anyone in that area happened to be someone what won a speedboat off of Bullseye has kept it in good condition for some 20 - 30 years (i have no idea how long a boat or ship would last, all that comes to mind is one particularly massive one what didn't even last one full journey), they will be able to go about their business normally as and when this roads into canals work is complete.

why exactly are they changing all the roads to canals and similar waterways? i do not know. my suspicion is that it is the genius of Hugo Guthrie, Mayor of Tipton, behind it. of his many characteristics, it is known that he is a big fan of science fiction works such as Jurassic Shed and Waterworld. perhaps he just wanted some of the latter in his life, and decided to share it with the wider geographical population.

that's not near Birmingham, no. as point of fact the above image, presented in the splendour and magnificence of Commodore 64 mode, is some 200 miles north of Tipton and similar.

indeed, it is a harbour, or if you like marina, like area which i visited as part of my research into the speedboats of Bullseye. whereas i would not care to say specifically where this was, it is of course true that Hartlepool is likely to follow the lead of the Mayor of Tipton and replace all roads with canals. they really, really hate cars in Hartlepool, so would be delighted to be rid of them. also, it is not like this would be the first time Hartlepool has simply copied the Midlands model. creativity and original thoughts are in the same room as Hartlepool just about as often as one sees Bruce Wayne and Batman sat together.

some Tony Green action, then. nothing is quite so reassuring as the voice of Tony Green telling you to relax and take your time. it is particularly welcome after one has driven for several (four) hours, is all alone and missing their family a great deal. or so i have heard.

indeed this was all in a hotel where i was staying. a reasonably posh hotel, although for goodness sake do not order coffee and cake at the same time in the restaurant, as it leaves the staff confused and bewildered. perhaps i shall do a post on that subject at some other, future date. not one in the past, then.

another selfie, for those what are for some reason interested in how i am looking these days, or if you will how i looked when i wrote this. yes, that is in a shop for all things celebratory of a football team quite close to Tipton. boing boing is their anthem, i think, or bouncey bouncey or something like that. splendid, magnificent stuff.

perhaps the title of this post is a bit misleading. whereas i have mentioned it in passing, kind of, not much of this has focused on the relationship between Bullseye and the soon to be mostly aquatic Birmingham. well, as far as i am aware you can indeed still watch repeats of Bullseye in Birmingham, so long as you have a television set and the requisite access to the channel what broadcasts the repeats.

one more image from Vietnam, courtesy of Spiros. as you can see he did make the effort to see if any speedboats off of Bullseye had made it that far. having got to a body of water, however, Spiros decided that his time would be better spent having a try of the ale that they sell there, rather than looking for some peculiar prize offered by a gameshow that he is only vaguely familiar with. and why not.

well, anyway, that was this, and this is all that for now. more, so to speak, soon. or later.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

justice is reward in itself, but

hello there


there are things that you expect to happen in this life, to be sure, and then there are things what might happen, look you see, but you do not know if they will. one such example of these, or this if that is the proper way to word it (and it probably is), would be being selected for jury service.

it is of course that what has (kind of) happened to me, hence me singling it out from the many, many things that could or might have happened in this life. there i was, just minding my own business, reading The Viz when i turned a page and discovered that i was, as point of fact, on the jury at Fulchester Crown Court for a most particularly unpleasant crime.

yes, i will give the details of the case i was asked to sit on as a juror. no, they are not pleasant or comfortable reading. my advice to you, then, is that if you are squeamish or have no wish to be troubled by the more disturbing deeds of some members of our society, you should almost certainly skip the next paragraph of this post.

basically, a gentleman was caught in a compromising position. which is a polite way of saying that he was observed apparently attempting to bum a crocodile. this was observed by some fine, upstanding members of the community. despite being witnessed, a plea of not guilty was entered. the defendant claimed that he was, in fact, attempting to save the crocodile from choking on a duck what the zookeeper had fed him, at which point the buckle on his belt broke and that was why his trousers were down around his ankles as he did this.

we, the jury who happened to have stopped and read those pages of The Viz, were encouraged to carefully consider the evidence and decide if he was guilty or not guilty of (to put it frankly) bumming a crocodile. the judge reminded us that it was the job of the prosecution to prove beyond doubt guilt, and not for the defendant to prove beyond doubt his innocence.

i am not sure what and what not we, the jury, can discuss or say on our deliberations and the nature of our vote. let me not, then, say whether i voted guilty or not guilty. but my thinking, if you are interested, is that there is surely no way whatsoever that the police, or if you like the constabulary, would ever arrest the wrong person for a crime, now, is there?

now, of course, yes, being part of having justice served (although the verdict is only to be revealed in the Christmas edition of The Viz), and making a meaningful contribution to society is reward in itself. but it was lovely of The Viz to give all who served on the jury a free pen, so long as they sent in a stamped addressed envelope, with the stamp being for "large" letter due to the vagaries of Royal Mail.

the pen what i got (this time) was the short, stubby one, which features the potential and means to switch between red and black ink. this is, i suspect, partially based on them small, mini pens one can get down the bookies.

as you may well have observed, above and below, i have a number of free pens off of The Viz, as well as a pencil or two. the pencil is, i believe, something which i have discussed in a fairly recent post, so i will not go into too much detail again here.

indeed, due to the obsession what The Viz has with giving away pens (and pencils) to those what send in a stamped address envelope it is quite rare that i ever really need to buy a pen (or pencil). to be honest, the only time i have ever bought a pen over the last, say, 5 or so years is when i have felt the need to use one that does not have Viz cheap pen written on it, or i have seen one going cheap. which is not something that happens as often as you might think.

well, anyway, that's that. should i remember, then, yes, i will give an update on the eventual verdict on this court case what i was on the jury was. but i would be fairly confident you can assume he was found guilty, the filthy, dirty gentleman who was given the appearance of a fair trial.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

of cactus and argan

hello once more


perhaps it is just me, look you see, but it feels like quite some time since i gave any focus here to my decisions (or choices) concerning hair care. a bold, stark opening statement, perhaps, but one which all the same tells you more or less what to expect with the rest of this post.

a frontier has been pushed, ladies and gentlemen. i have made a decision and taken a course of action which i always thought would be quite unlikely. yes, to warn you, it is that threshold crossed - i have spent a sum in excess, or if you like north of, £1 on a single hair care product. not much more, mind, but over that seemingly fixed maximum costing.

this decision of mine will, presumably if you are still reading, have gotten you all interested and excited. so, let me not draw out the tale any longer than absolutely required.

of the two haircare items shown quite clearly above in Commodore 64 mode it is the hair gel what i spent more than £1 on. in a very real sense substantially north of £1. well, it cost £1.50. normally (usually) the money i spend on either shampoo or gel must be equal to £1 in cost or, ideally, south of that.

no, i had no intention of deliberately spending so much. something of an impulse purchase, perhaps, for when i was in the store looking at it - Tesco, i believe - the idea of having cactus extract in a haircare product struck me as being very exciting and quite desirable. why this would be so is something of a mystery. perhaps it is better to leave it as just being the case.

yes, that is indeed Iceman out of Top Gun, along with the one what is not Maverick or Goose or Iceman out of Top Gun. i think he was some sort of assistant or second fiddle to Iceman, no idea what his name is and i am not inclined to waste valuable internet looking for it.

at no stage in my life, at least post, when was it, 85 or 86, has anyone ever made the comment that my hair looks as smart as what Iceman out of Top Gun did. this is something i now consider to be a gap in my life which i very much want to be filled. now, i have no proof or evidence that the trick to having hair as smart as what Iceman out of Top Gun had is using products what have cactus extract in them, but surely it is worth a go. everything about Val Kilmer (he who portrayed Iceman out of  Top Gun), after all, says that he is a man who has a strong affinity for using products what have been blessed with or otherwise touched by cactus.

shampoo is not usually a debate for me. i generally seek out (for £1 or less) any such shampoo what has lemon in it, for that is what Jason Donovan uses. failing lemon - and so few manufacturers use it in shampoo these days - i look for any citrus based one. not so in this instance, unless argan turns out to be something of a citrus nature. i simply don't know.

there were a number of factors which led to me selecting this particular shampoo. the most obvious was that it has argan oil extract (whatever that is) in it. but not just any argan oil extract, i will have you know. it features Moroccan argan oil extract. this i have concluded must be the very best of argan to use the oil of, otherwise why state it in such a brazen way on the packaging?

in truth, the argan aspect was of secondary appeal. yes, indeed, the long, squeeze powered tube packaging turned out to be the most prominent point of appeal. for too long i have relied on regular, somewhat conventional bottle shaped receptacles to draw my required shampoo from. why not, i say, have a go at a different approach? yolo is, i believe, the relevant expression.

will this shampoo - resplendent with (Moroccan) argan oil extract and in a tube - make my hair quite so beautiful and precious as either of the two celebrated lovers whose coming to terms with their feelings (longings, perhaps) for each other was the focal point of the romantic comedy Rocky III? i have absolutely no idea, but if i don't have a go i never will know, now, will i?

such a lovely scene, that one above, rewarding the audience for the emotional investment they have made in the motion picture. yes, indeed, looking at the above, i have often considered "working out" a bit so that my backside, or if you will posterior, can be so handsomely toned as what Apollo's is in the above picture. solid, firm perfection that is. i bet you could bounce a 50p coin off that, all day, every day. or a "quarter" if you are one of them Americans.

any regrets about how much i have spent on these haircare products of quality and distinction? not immediately so, no. should the cactus extract one see people compare me - favourably - to Iceman out of Top Gun, then it might well be that yet further such expenditure is given consideration.

just because i cannot think of a single good reason why someone would consult this blog for guidance or ideas on haircare products does not mean it doesn't happen. if, as point of fact, it has happened and you have taken something of value from all of this, most happy day.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

use a pencil

greetings


i am one of those "old school", or if you like no-nonsense types who prefers to send an actual, physical greetings card to those celebrating certain events, look you see. mostly this would, of course, be all a kind of birthday thing, but Christmas and other such events too.

many these days simply use technology to do this. it could be in the form of a "text message", or one of them social media platform things. in truth i use the same too, when distance, locale and a lack of address mean i cannot send a card, but when i can send one, i do.

a great fear i have in this is missing out on someone's special day. it makes me feel sad, and guilty, whenever i do. fortune has somewhat smiled on me with this in mind, then. the two great things what begin with the letter P in our world - Poundland and pencils - come together, at last, or finally, in a meaningful way.

once again, then - for it has happened before - Poundland has broken new ground with inspiration and innovation. this most splendid card is ideal. no, literally, ideal for all occasions. as you can see, the need to faff about looking for a card specific to the greeting is now eliminated; you simply tick off whatever it is you wish to wish someone on the front, and be done with it. quite time saving too.

the best part of this, or at least one of the top three best things about it, is if you mark off whatever you initially wish to wish someone on the front with a pencil. by doing this, the recipient can simply erase it as and when that particular period of celebration is over, and tick off the next relevant one, also with a pencil.

success is, of course, dependant on having a pencil. well, that and a rubber, or an "eraser" if you are American and are for some reason reading something about Poundland. as it happens, i have several pencils. since you asked, and are obviously interested, here are some of them.

do i have any particular favourite pencils? probably the One Direction, or if you will 1D ones. other than of course being a totes full on fan of Harry all the others in the band, whoever they are, all their branded stuff is going really cheap. it is inevitable that they will reunite one day; so i am stockpiling everything i see for sale with them on to cash in one day.

otherwise, the space people ones off of that Star Wars thing are smart, and the I Spotted Jimmy Hill ones that i got off of The Viz for spotting Jimmy Hill in their magnificent publication are much treasured.

just who did i get this card for exactly, and what greeting shall i initially apply the pencil to? well, it feels like i would be revealing too much if i said that it was for Chris out of the sensational Harlo gang for his birthday, so i will refrain from the details. he is a bright lad, i am sure he will work out how to rub out the tick i will place on birthday and add one on Christmas, or whatever.

how much does this fine card cost? well, there's a bit of a clue for you in the name of the proprietor that i bought it off. for the sake of clarity, however, yes, it cost £1. and, if looked after, that's £1 that will just keep on giving and giving for years and years.

to be honest i have absolutely no idea if this will all be of use or interest to anyone, but if it has been, well then there you go.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

可爱闪亮的香烟

你好


just one of them in many respects irresponsible posts what i do, look you see. so yes, then, to be sure, this will all concern cigarettes. let me give you the obligatory smoking is bad for you, it is very silly, don't do it, etc cautionary statement, and then suggest that you may want to look at another corner of the internet, rather than this one, should cigarettes be not your thing.

for those reading on, then, yes. once again Spiros, the greatest legal mind of his generation, has been on his travels. as a thoughtful kindness, he has picked me up some more splendid fags from lands afar, so that i may smoke them and smoke them in a way what does not bankrupt me in the face of the draconian, horridly high levels of tax whacked on them here in the UK. nice one, mate.

i am sure you can see the brand and that quite clearly in the above image, enhanced by the greater glory of Commodore 64 mode, but for clarity, indeed yes, these are called (i think) Ashima fags.

provenance of the fags? as regular readers will know, for the purposes of security and various NDA things, i cannot reveal exactly when or where Spiros is at any given time. but it is not unreasonable for any of you to reach any sort of conclusion that they are oriental in origin, at the least.

what's really lovely about these fags is, of course, the fact that it features proper, well thought out and most lovely packaging. not the generic rubbish we are forced to have here now. no, none of that for these. look at how shiny the gold is, and how splendid the pattern on the side of each packet is too.

oh yes, for those still here despite having no appreciation for the fags, please take note of the warnings about smoking being harmful, etc.

i am not sure if you can make it out, but the packaging is also classic "old school", in that it states the level of nicotine and tar (or what have you) in each one. for some reason that's missing off packaging in the UK now. anyway, these have 10mg of each, which seems like a fairly decent volume.

the luxurious packaging stretches to the inside, too. marvel at the lovely crisp (hello, Faye) golden foil which protects the cigarettes prior to one removing it so they can have a fag.

do we, i wonder, really live in a word so dumbed down that people actually believe it's lovely, shiny packaging like this what makes people smoke? i am, admittedly without seeing the evidence or research, unconvinced. but, then again, i also seriously doubt that the results of the last 3 or 4 elections around the world have come about because millions - millions - were convinced to vote in a specific way on the basis of "tweets" or "facebook posts", whatever they are, by "Russian hackers".

now, at this stage you are probably wondering whether or not we, in our part of the world, got any snow on the final Saturday of October of 2018, or October (2018) to state it Kasabian style. yes, we did.

it came, made all cold, and went. unfortunately i have no idea if this means we are in for a long, cold, snow dominated winter, or if the stuff shall now leave us be for a few months. we shall simply have to find out as we go.

the business end of fags is, of course, not so much the packaging but the actual smoking of them. let me tell you, dear reader, these Ashima fags are most splendid. no, true, not Marlboro Red, what is the bestest greatest ever cigarette to exist, but rather splendid all the same. a most pleasant taste to them, and by my word they get the job done.

you probably, in all likelihood, worked out around about the time i mentioned snow that i have not got all that much to say about the Ashima fags, except that they are smart and a very welcome gift. but i had taken quite a few pictures of them, as you can see, and so feel obliged to put some writing around them for you all.

did Spiros deliberately pick them out as he knew they would be quite class? yes, of course. assuming that the retailer knew he wanted to do this, and so simply placed them as the cheapest nearest to the till for Spiros to grab and buy in a hurry as he went to get on (or in) his plane.

the rather elegant packaging of these fags extends to the fags themselves, as you can see. what a lovely blue pattern they have on the filter bit.

what does it say on the fags? at a guess, that would be Chinese or some other such language what has similar characters for "Ashima". or maybe it says "smart fags" or something like that.

no, yes, well, anyway. that's that. as ever, hopefully this has been of some interest to someone somewhere. many thanks again, Spiros!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i read the news today, oh boy

hello there


a recurring factor in modern day life, to be sure, is the dismissal of certain news reports as being "fake news". i have, look you see, commented in the past about how many - frighteningly so - are seemingly intent on the simplistic approach of describing anything they happen to disagree with, or just not like, as being this "fake news", no matter what validity the story actually has.

much of the flaws perceived to be in the world today - and this is not a dig at "snowflakes" or "millennials" or such, for we are all guilty - comes down to our apparently all of a sudden inability to accept things don't always go the way we want. could we but just do this once more and move on, well, who knows, maybe everything would seem a little less chaotic.

but, in addressing "fake news", a reality is that it has existed since, well, ever since the first ever news story was told, whenever that was. all forms of reporting, relaying information and what have you are subjective. one really only considers a news source to be objective when they happen to find one that says what they really like to hear.

for me, then, the "most objective" news outlet on the go at the moment would appear to be the Sunday Sport. they are flawless crusaders, reporting on whatever story they so wish and not caring that the rest of the newspapers, periodicals and so forth turn a blind eye to it all.

like, for instance, the story above, taken from the 21 October edition. that's of 2018, future readers. it is the tragic tale of Hilda Hughes, the hero we do not deserve but the one we need. the courage and bravery she showed in setting up secret cameras in a shower led to her stumbling on a Russian plot to start a war, or something. it is truly sad to read how any minor criminal action she may have inadvertently taken is not being overlooked for the greater good.

this is but one of several stories what the Sunday Sport bring to the attention of the public, no matter how much the rest of the media here in the UK elect to ignore, or perhaps suppress, them. it is usual that nearly every single page of any given edition covers stories that the likes of the Guardian, the Telegraph and what have you just run away from.

like, for instance, this one above. or below, if for some reason your display screen has formatted this text so that it does not appear how it should. no, i had no idea that Boris "BoJo" Johnson had a secret twin brother, but i would imagine that is where the secret part is. so much of a secret, in fact, that not even Boris himself appears aware that this is the case.

what's admirable here is that the Sunday Sport does not exploit this knowledge for the sake of it. they clearly take a genuine interest in this "secret twin", and are happy to share with their readers the plight this poor chap faces. it was with nothing but sadness that i read of his current predicament, being either banned or simply snubbed from what sounds like a truly wonderful social gathering.

speaking of institutions such as BoJo, the Monarchy. a quite vocal, opinionated minority seem to think the idea of a Queen, indeed a Royal Family, is outdated, and it should be scrapped. what they crave is a movement away from stability and tradition, and a move towards the exciting chaos of an elected Head of State. just picture how wonderful a President Blair, for instance, or President Thatcher would have been.

it is splendid, then, when one reads of one so committed and loyal to the monarchy that they are prepared to make any such personal sacrifice asked of them for the greater good of this institution. this young lady shall, and there can be no doubt, feature prominently on the Queen's New Years Honours List in just a couple of months or so. actually a month and a bit. oh, but if only so many more of us would be prepared to make such a great sacrifice then this place would be a good deal better.

my advice to you would be to simply find a news source you like, stick with it, and get on with things. shouting, fighting and arguing with news stories you do not like does not change them, and does no one any particularly great favour.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wrestling with concepts

hi there


not a great deal in truth, to be sure. i am just checking in, look you see, to say that yes, so far as i am aware i am still around.

lately i have been busy wrestling with a concept. several, actually, hence the plural title, but one in particular i thought i would share with you. the sorites paradox, since you ask. yes, if trying to pronounce that gives you a headache, you may want to try reading about it, and then thinking on the matter.

oh, no, picture above is nothing to do with the sorites paradox or similar, and so far as i am aware nothing i have been wrestling with. just a nice image (i think) of my (considerably) better half and i, in the greater glory and splendid ways of Commodore 64 mode.

well, anyway, time for me to provoke some more headaches by having a think about this business. should you wish to experience similar or the same, here you go, here is a link to it all. see what you make of it.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

impossible lighter

now then


another brave tale of doing that which was thought that could not be done, look you see. so yes, then, for those of you who have been here before, this is indeed one of them incidents where i have left an item of some consequence in the pocket of some clothing, and the intrepid item has survived both trial by washing machine and trial by tumble dryer.

in this instance, and i would rather suspect the title has given this away, it was a cigarette lighter. well, a lighter, i suppose. the current social climate means that there are many, many wonderful reasons - some of them perfectly legal - to have a lighter as such, but using one to spark into flame a cigarette tends to be one of the least popular applications.

should this lighter look a bit different from the normal ones i have, well, you are not wrong. quite recently i was caught without one, and so had to spend some 79p or 89p on a single "prestige" lighter out of the posh shops, rather than using one from a packet of 4, 5 or 6 that i had purchased from Poundland for £1. not, of course, that Poundland isn't posh; they simply don't go around slamming posh prices on things.

for what reason do i keep putting things like cigarette lighters through tough and demanding trials by things such as washing machines and tumble dryers? well, i can assure you it is not deliberate. quite absent minded of me, really. usually i do check trousers, and them fancy shirts what have pockets, before i place items in the wash. on this instance, however, i clearly failed to do so.

at this stage you are probably looking for some evidence that the lighter works. sorry, i can't show any evidence of it going through the wash or tumble dryer, for i had no idea it was in there. but it still working, yes, i can do that. in the form of one of them Commodore 64 "GIF" things. quite a splendid one, too.

i reckon that this lighter must have been made out of that dead expensive stuff what underwater welding equipment is made out of. at least i assume it is expensive, it certainly sounds it. whilst my view is one of that it is probably better to weld the stuff before you submerge it in a body of water, yes, indeed, a career which i always wanted but never got to pursue (thus far) was that of being an underwater welder. it just sounds really smart, and would impress people when i told them that i did it.

well, anyway, i have quite probably exhausted all points of interest concerning this adventure. let me head off to the next one, then. one which, hopefully, will not see me expose a combustible, flammable device to pressure and heat, even if i did get away with it this time around.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

random bowie - labyrinth

Howdy Pop Pickers


And so here we are again, look you see, with another episode or edition of Random Bowie for your reading pleasure. But, yes, with the end coming, this is all a lot less random in order than it once was.

This particular episode (edition) should be called Labyrinth And Wrapping Up The 80s, but that felt far too long. In truth there is only so much that I can say of the four songs on which Bowie’s vocals appear on the soundtrack, so it could well be that there’s somewhat more of the wrapping up part.

But, Labyrinth is the title, and that is where this will all start. Or go to from here.

Labyrinth is, of course, not an official David Bowie album as per the standard, commonly agreed way of counting them. Whereas it makes no sense to say The Buddha Of Suburbia is not a Bowie solo album proper, in this instance it does. That’s not to demean the songs (well, not all of them), it’s just that on a practical level the record is more the Trevor Jones score. One does not, for instance, refer to the soundtrack for The Rocky Horror Picture Show as a “Tim Curry solo album”.

Well, anyway, to start with undoubtedly and most iconic of Bowie songs off of the Labyrinth soundtrack would be to start with Magic Dance. So, with the power of voodoo, that is what I shall do.

Unfortunately, at the least for me, this bouncy song falls flat on the soundtrack. Whether you found the scene in the film riotously funny, entertaining or cringe worthy, it was unarguably memorable. Isolated to a soundtrack alone and it just does not work. Sadly, it’s not the same just listening to it, one needs to see Bowie with massive hair and massive codpiece in a room full of puppets to appreciate it.

The other three songs, however, work just fine. In particular this is true of the ostensible theme song, Underground. As we will get to in a bit, this is an example of the astonishing trick Bowie was able to do with music for films. He, apparently effortlessly but likely with a lot of work, could produce a song which worked perfectly as the theme to a particular film, yet could also stand alone in its own right. This is just a really, really good song, with a lovely crisp (hello, Faye) vocal by Bowie. A highlight is his delivery of the line “daddy, daddy, get me out of here” – this is Bowie on top form, going full tilt with it.

As The World Falls Down is as solid example as you could wish for of a classic 80s big hair power ballad. My understanding is that there was an intention to put this out as a single, but alas no. Within You, much like Magic Dance, might be more well remembered for the sequence in the film, but again it works just fine as song in itself.

So, is the Labyrinth soundtrack worth getting for or by you, the casual Bowie fan who has stumbled on this and is contemplating a purchase? Kind of. It’s a bit frustrating that it’s rare, if ever, that any of the songs feature on any standard “best of” sets. The truth is, despite what I said (and stand by) about Underground working as a song, if you have a DVD, Blu Ray or VHS (yes I have all three) of the film, well then you can kind of just get on with enjoying the songs with some most splendid visuals. But, then again, if you buy the album then you get a lovely picture of Bowie as Jareth The Goblin King on the cover, so don’t let me stop you.

Time, then, to look at the remainder of Bowie’s 80s output. And there is a fair bit of it, with lots of his music from the time not featuring on his albums.

A general perception is that the 1980s was Bowie’s “weakest” period, ranking 4th behind his 70s groundbreaking creativity, his 90s renaissance and his 00s established genius, no matter how much Charlie Watts out of the Stones reckons Bowie was not “some sort of genius”. Is this true? Well, perhaps, but if 80s Bowie was “as bad as it got”, then it never really got too bad, did it. For a start, when people say Bowie in the 80s was “a bit rubbish”, I think they forget that Scary Monsters – the album used by critics to describe any record by him as his “best and most important since” – was an 80s album. Oh, how I wish I could produce such quality rubbish.

It’s all subjective, and in the eyes (ahem, ears) of the beholder (listener), but I would not disagree with a view that any “top ten of the 80s” list of Bowie songs would be dominated by ones he composed for films. As mentioned earlier, when called on to contribute a song to a film, Bowie had an incredible knack for producing something that had immediate and obvious relevance to the film, yet could survive, be enjoyed and understood with no knowledge of that film.

There are two films, as it happens, where one is possibly better off simply not knowing about them at all and just enjoying the Bowie music. In chronological order, they would be Cat People and Absolute Beginners. Whilst Cat People is not a bad film as such, it’s certainly no masterpiece. The theme, Cat People (Putting Out Fire) most certainly is. The moody, broody tribal drums which build up to a remarkable explosion of angst in the vocals show that Bowie got the thematic idea of the film down perfectly, even if the final film itself did not. As mentioned in the edition for the relevant album, cherish the original soundtrack version of this song; ignore the horrid re-recorded version for the Let’s Dance album.

Absolute Beginners? OK. When people ask “whatever happened to the British film industry in the 80s”, look no further than this for an answer. Yeah, OK, maybe this and Give My Regards To Broad Street. Whereas in the 70s the British film industry produced the likes of Kes, The Wicker Man and Get Carter, in the 80s the decision was made to throw all the money at musicals which no one in particular wished to see,. No such trouble with Bowie’s theme, though. It was great when it came out, and it has surely survived the test of time.

Bowie’s greatest theme song? At least for the 80s? I shall be brave enough to say that it is indeed This Is Not America for the film The Falcon And The Snowman. A personal favourite film, I confess, but the song is just amazing in itself. The broody music by Pat Metheny captures the tone of the story and the film perfectly. As do the quasi haiku lyrics of Bowie. Lines such as “a little peace of you, the little peace in me, will die” and “snowman melting from the inside, falcon spirals to the ground” sum up the film perfectly, yet also stand in their own right as brilliant.

Finally on film related music by Bowie in the 80s (now there’s a category for you if you’re ever on Mastermind), When The Wind Blows. If pushed for an answer, most would probably identify Two Tribes by Frankie Goes To Hollywood as being the greatest anti-nuclear war song of the mid-80s, despite the band originally writing it about Mad Max 2. To concentrate on the Bowie one (kind of the point of these posts), it’s a really good, poignant song, effortlessly mixing the sympathetic feel for the protagonist of the film with the scary warnings of the consequences of nuclear missiles.

Away from films and there were (at least) two other songs that Bowie was involved with. Two collaborations, and two massive hits. The first of these was Under Pressure with Queen, and then a few years later there was Dancing In The Street with a certain Mick Jagger.

To start with the first would be Under Pressure. Legend has it that this collaboration came mostly by accident, with Bowie supposed to be working with Queen on a different song entirely. Members of Queen have tended to change the story over the years, but the most treasured telling is that Under Pressure was the result of jamming after a wonderful sounding couple of days enjoying a substantially cocaine fuelled party in the Swiss Alps. No matter, for as I have said before it’s not where you’re from its where you’re at. And where Under Pressure is at is a perfectly correct status as one of the greatest, most treasured and celebrated pop songs of all time. If for some reason you’ve never heard the song, now is the time to depart this blog and hear it, and I do mean now.

Something that is easy to lose sight of is that neither Queen nor David Bowie were the huge, international, household name stars we know them now as at the time of Under Pressure. They were both successful, sure, and well known, but not “superstars”. For Bowie this would come some two years later with all of Let’s Dance, for Queen it would be 3 and a bit years, with the album The Works taking them to a whole new level, and then to a never before and never since reached by anyone level with Live Aid.

Which brings us nicely onto that second collaboration, Dancing In The Street. Originally the idea was for a “cross Atlantic” duet between Bowie and Jagger during Live Aid. However, the delay in transmissions with 80s technology meant this was simply impossible. The two simply went and recorded it, then, and a most wonderful video to go with it, filmed in the London Docklands early one morning with a questionable level of film permits in place.

The one thing I have never understood in this world is that people exist who call this recording of Dancing In The Street things like hideous, atrocious, awful and rubbish. I’d have thought that any well intentioned charity single would get if not a free pass then at least criticism refrained from. Other than that, it’s actually decent. If no masterpiece, it holds up well enough being played now, a long way on from the euphoric, world unifying event of Live Aid itself.

Objectively, the song is lead 100% by Mick Jagger, with Mick Jagger giving 1,000% commitment to it all. To answer why Mick Jagger is Mick Jagger, it is because of things like this. No matter what project he was or is involved in, he delivers nothing short of the best he can do at it. Bowie, by contrast, seems to chip in some lines on the song in a way he appears to think that his at the time ever growing audience expected him to sound. I will say this, though – Bowie’s shouting of South America, or if you will “SARF HURMERICAAAA” at the start is one of the best, most beautiful moments of comedy gold, either from the 80s or ever.

The video for Dancing In The Street is, of course, a thing of beauty. My reaction at the time was to go out and buy a shirt exactly like the one what Jagger had on in it. I confess at no point did I ever consider adopting Bowie’s wardrobe from the video as my own. At heart the video is two global megastars having fun and showcasing their talent for a very good cause. For those interested in such, yes, of course, there does seem to be an awareness and a playfulness with the rock legend (on which you’d think Angie Bowie has dined out on more than once) that the two of them had a “good relationship” at one stage in the 70s. In any interpretation, the video is just all fun, and fun in a way that seems absent from the modern world of music.

Bowie’s solidifying his name as a global superstar in the 80s was not limited to music, to be sure. The acting aspirations he had right at the start came to the fore. On screen, mostly, but also on stage. By all accounts his performance in the lead of The Elephant Man was sensational. To my knowledge, though, only a few moments of it were ever filmed.

It would make sense, would it not, to commence this with Labyrinth. By all accounts Bowie was particularly keen to get involved with a project aimed mostly at children but broadly families, hence, I guess, his involvement with the animated adaptation of The Snowman. When he signed up for Labyrinth, the entire character of Jareth, or if you will The Goblin King, was rewritten to get the most out of bagging this particular elephant. No idea what the original concept was, but with no Bowie it was unlikely to have featured much in the way of singing, or any sort of magic dance.

Am I a fan of Labyrinth? Erm. Ahem. With this one I shall go along with the consensus. From what I remember at the time it wasn’t generally well received by critics or audiences, with the latter at least not on a large box office scale. Bowie, or rather Bowie’s massive hair and Bowie’s codpiece, were generally ridiculed. But the years have been kind to it, I suppose, and it’s got a fair name as a classic, “cult” or otherwise.

Other Bowie acting roles in the 80s? Certainly. Whilst most would suggest The Man Who Fell To Earth remains Bowie’s greatest acting role, I disagree. For me that would be the heart wrenching, emotionally turbulent and difficult to watch Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence. In terms of Bowie’s dalliances with subversion, this is probably the ultimate in film, for this is not a film which was ever aimed at the teenage record buying demographic. Not, as I have given every indication, easy watching, but a superb film well worth seeing.

For the sake of completeness, Yellowbeard. Going on what John Cleese said when we, that is my (considerably) better half and I, saw him live, no one involved in the film particularly cared for it. Well, I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, and after watching for the first time I immediately rewound the VHS and watched it again. This film is mentioned here for a most splendid, quasi aquatic based cameo from Bowie.

A special mention for two small but significant parts played by Bowie. One often overlooked is The Hunger, in which he plays a vampire’s lover. Now, a wish to avoid spoilers prevents me from saying much more than he’s outstanding with what he is given.

Finally, then, the most controversial of films he was in during the 80s. Yes, The Last Temptation Of Christ. With his lifelong wrestling with having faith and belief yet having major issues with formal, organized religion, one would suspect Bowie found playing the role of Pontius Pilate somewhat cathartic. And play the part he does, superbly well. Whilst I’d advise watching the entire film I do appreciate it is not one many have felt comfortable with. If so, I dare say that someone somewhere has put just Bowie’s bit up on that You Tube thing.

Well, there we go. Phew, even. The odd, perhaps inevitable dynamic is the conclusion of the 80s for Bowie. Whereas it was easily his most commercially successful period, few are the fans that would hold up some or any of what he did during this decade as being his best. As a simple fan, one who loves the majority of what he did, hopefully this and all the other episodes from this period have shown that Bowie’s 80s were not quite as sh!t as many would have you believe.

No, dear reader. I have not forgotten about that other 80s Bowie venture, nor what day it is today. Usually I would celebrate this date as being the one on which, in 1991 (!!), I saw Tin Machine. To me it just seemed to make more sense to post this episode of Random Bowie instead.

But, for those who want semi-exhaustive or are interested, I said pretty much all that I could possibly say of Tin Machine in this post. As for my usual celebration of the date of the day today, well, the post I did on the subject last year is rather splendid, and has some lovely video for you.

Thanks as ever for reading. Until the next episode or edition, then…………….



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Wait, what? Still hear reading? Yeah, go on then........