sssssssh. be quite quiet. silence.
can you hear it? that, look you see, is the sound of Roger Daltrey rolling up his sleeves. he tried to be nice and kind and civil to you people, but you have rejected this. well, some of you have.
when Roger Daltrey records and releases something, in particular quality music, there is a tacit expectation or agreement that you people will buy it, or otherwise "stream" it. certain, more cultured and refined ones of you, have done this. several of you have not, and so have put yourself at risk of being punched in the face by Roger Daltrey for the disrespect. this is disrespect you have shown to him and, looking at the dire state of the chart somehow above his splendid new record, British rock in general.
just look at that desecration above. actually, look at it briefly and, unless you like me purchased As Long As I Have You by Roger Daltrey, go ahead and hang your head in shame. what a bloody sorry state the world, or specifically the counting nations of the UK album chart, are in if those seven records can somehow sell or be "streamed" more than Roger Daltrey.
i suppose i should say that certain Scottish readers are exempt from shame. this would be those that bought or streamed the most recent incoherent, nonsensical mumbles over the music of other, vastly more talented musicians to be released by that Mr Kim Kardassian twat. i have every confidence that at some stage, purely for marketing, Mr Kim Kardassian either professed Scottish heritage, or otherwise "gender identified" as Scottish, and so he tends to sell a lot of records there, most probably. also, Daltrey might just be a "bit too London" for certain corners of Scotland.
for everyone else, however, there is an expectation of knowing better. a lot better. this business of buying songs about a circus, or the flat refusal to accept Snow Patrol were meant to be (barely) one hit wonders, simply will not do. reckoning is coming. if you were to meet Roger Daltrey in the street and haven't bought his record, he will know, and will be exempt from any legal recourse if he punches you in the face. this punch will hurt you, a lot, for he is a hard man.
you are probably feeling very guilty and quite sorry for yourself. undoubtedly you now are seeking ways to urgently avoid being punched in the face, although it has to be said there is some honour in being punched in the face by the hardest man ever to work in rock and roll. but really, you do not want a taste of what he has.
how do you avoid this? well, the most obvious course open to you is to go out, right now, and purchase this album. it is exceptional, and a decision you will not regret. further, as an apology for not doing it sooner, Roger would no doubt accept you making a donation to the Teenage Cancer Trust as a means of apology.
in terms of how you find out if you are, colloquially, "off the hook", well, you are going to have to write to Roger Daltrey and explain yourself. the address is Roger Daltrey - The Hardest Man In Rock & Roll, c/o Polydor Records, 364-366 Kensington High Street, London, W14 8NS. as you did not have enough sense to buy the record you probably don't know how to write a letter, so here is a template -
Dear Mr Daltrey
I am writing to you to apologise for not purchasing your new record during the first seven days it was possible to do so. My failure to do so, I know, makes me a sh!t and quite liable to be punched in the face by you, the hardest man in Rock & Roll.
Everything I have been told about your skill and prowess in regards of punching people in the face tells me that I do not want to have a taste of it. In the hope of avoiding this, I have subsequently bought at least one copy of your record, and further have made a respectable donation to the Teenage Cancer Trust.
Whilst I know the above does not in itself give you sufficient reason not to punch me in the face, I do hope that it is taken as a clear message of how truly sorry I am. But, if you could forgive me this one transgression - as serious as it was - then it would underline your status as a caring, compassionate and gentleman Rock God; with of course it being the case that this status was never ever questioned.
of course, you are entirely welcome to disregard this advice and offer of help. that's up to you, really. but if you do, well, don't come crying to me as you hold your broken and bloody nose back together.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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