and so another two (2) books read, look you see. ones which were partially deliberately yet mostly by chance accidentally related in choice. deliberately, if it matters (perhaps not) because i bought them and then made a decision to read them. accidentally as one of them i didn't really intent to purchase.
usual sort of thing (but not that sort of thing) for posts of this nature, then, which would be a bit of gander at the 2 (two) novels what i gone done read, followed by some vague comments of a most decidedly "spoiler free" nature. after that there will, alas, very much be spoilers on the go.
starting where i did, then, and Dead Line (Deadline?) off of Steph McGovern is bewilderingly vehement and steadfast in being one truly hideous novel despite the makings of a rather profound work lurking within. meanwhile The Long Shoe, being the third novel off of Bob Mortimer, does with mercy move away (entirely) from the exhausted characters of his previous (first) two novels. it is an absurd work as you would expect, with just about all the focus being on quirky characters and humour drawn from random words instead of, say, a coherent plot.
both of these writers happen to come from the same part of the world as moi, know worra mean, like. i suppose that i really should at least consider thinking of unashamedly signing the praises of all they do, leaving aside all existence being a quirk and such commonality being co-incidence. no, though, not going to do that as you have likely deduced.
you are all aware of that spoiler warning thing, yeah?
provenance of my copy of Dead Line (let me stick with that title variation) was Tesco, "book of the week" for "club members", £4.50. i had absolutely no intention of purchasing or reading it, however i ended up at a fancy, la-de-dah variation of Tesco in (why aye man) Newcastle where one had to spend at least £5 to be allowed to park at their hallowed premises. so, with no other book (and believe me i tried) seeming remotely interesting, this was it.
with regards to the plot, well, it is (certainly) not what it advertises. it claims that it is all about a tv presenter (Rose) having her highest ever profile interview "hijacked" by someone claiming to be holding her wife and child captive, implying harm if she does not follow their instructions. this takes all of twelve (or so) pages of the novel. it starts off with a vaguely interesting (yet far too long) look at the joys of outside live news broadcasts from building sites. the "best" part is the middle bit, a flashback to the reasons for the "hijack". once more, spoilers. buried in this novel is probably the novel the world needed more, for it is (despite the poor writing) a look at exactly how the hideous practice of "grooming" happens, seeing how some adults (mostly men) find and prey upon vulnerable, impressionable children. absolutely no clue why Ms McGovern would elect to junk what could well have been a hard, dark yet important novel to deliver what is effectively trash.
editing, or just proof reading entire, was apparently not in the budget for this. it pains me to even write it this way, but for a start there are two (2) instances where the word "revert" is immediately followed by the word "back". oh dear. yes, i have indeed been known to punch people in the face for using those two words together. you should also seriously consider punching in the face anyone who uses those two words in succession. they are clearly trying to sound clever by using what they think is a fancy word, yet clearly have no idea what "revert" means, otherwise they would know not to use "back" with it. same goes for anyone that tries to add a qualification to "unique". something is unique or it is not, so there is no such thing as "very", "quite" or "really" when using the word, thanks.
no narrative structure exists in Dead Line. it all reads like Ms McGovern is just spouting out a really lengthy story idea to friends down the wine bar (or whatever) rather than having given some idea as to how to write it all. overall, at the risk of being repetitive, quite a shame. the seed, or genesis, of what might have been an outstanding work is instead just sloppy trash. absolutely no idea if the idea was that she's that famous so it will sell anyway. regardless, a true lost opportunity.
moving on to The Long Shoe, then, which yes (provenance fans) was also a Tesco book of the week thing for £4.50 but i did (very much) knowingly and willingly purchase it. with some trepidation, if not hesitation, since The Satsuma Complex was underwhelming and, to be honest, Hotel Avocado was just an awful mess of the protagonist getting called a "sh!thouse" (mostly by himself) and being forced to eat raw (or if you will uncooked) mince for north of 300 pages. it being promised to be new characters had me go yeah, like the overwhelming majority, i adore Bob, and shall thus give anything he has done a go.
something akin to a vaguely inane plot exists for The Long Shoe, if only theoretically. it is (ostensibly) the tale of Matt, a recently fired fancy bath salesman. facing eviction he is tasked with finding a new home for himself and his partner (and possibly their cat), although his partner would appear to have left. whilst fending off the advances of a rather flirtatious neighbour Matt gets offered some dream accommodation on the cheap, so long as he engages in some morally (and legally) questionable work for the owner of it.......
there's a decent level of interest (and amusement) in reading this well written novel, but all the time you are quite aware that you're engaged with a work so abstract as to force you to question life choices. once more, or again, yes i am fond of Bob Mortimer, but it is baffling that either he or a publisher really thought that this novel desperately needed to be thrust upon the world. if the intention, or idea, was that any book with his name on would sell enough to be a profitable venture, well, why not just print a whole load of doodles off of him, or just a list of random words which popped into his mind and occurred to him as being (somewhat) funny.
each, or if you like both, of these novels are also laced with "red herrings" that are effectively rather dead herrings, for they exist as a momentary distraction and go nowhere. the most frustrating of these, and there was a spoiler warning earlier, was in Dead Line, where there was grounds for one character to suspect a relative might be a terrorist. quite the missed opportunity.
were both of these to do further novels it would be (unexpectedly) another by Steph McGovern that i most likely would give a chance to. risking repetition, the ideas and overall concept she had was brilliant, just let down by poor writing and an abysmal sense of structure. this can be taught, learned or improved, though. for Bob Mortimer, well, i have no idea what itch he felt compelled to scratch by becoming a novelist, but it's clear, after three (3) novels, he is simply intent on having his absurd, effective comedy from stage and television masquerade as a novel. it, alas, does not work.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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