haxit, or if you will poxit

greetings

here in the UK, or perhaps just aspects of England, we are quite close to some local, or if you will provincial, elections. this is at the least true of the time what this went "live", look you see. generally, or strictly speaking, little attention is paid to these elections. unusual, then, for there to be 2 (two) elections which are being watched with some great attention. 

first off is, of course, the London Mayoral Election. it is generally assumed, or taken as a given, that the people of London will wisely opt (or actually directly elect) to rid themselves of the scourge of Sadiq Khan, the man who appears to hate the place with some venom and has done all he can to cripple this fine city. as soon as he is banished to that same place of obscurity as the likes of John Bercow the better. if London contrives to put him back in power, well, good luck with that decay, gridlock and senseless stabbings. 

a lesser documented, or reported on, election is that which is to take place in (or on) Hayling Island. granted, or true, this is not an official or recognised election, but rather a "poll" arranged by some dedicated people in the place determined to make clear that they are nothing to do with Portsmouth, 

thank you Colin Babb

the struggle, or if you will plight, of those residents of Hayling Island troubled by their seemingly perpetual association with Portsmouth is well documented. i need hardly refresh the collective memory here, but they are tired of being viewed as just a town or suburb of the place. now, it would seem, is the time for many of them to say enough is enough, it is their time to see Hayling Island respected for what it is, and not simply what Portsmouth would like to prescribe. 

by some good fortune, i was fortunate enough to (recently) speak to Andrew, the architect of the Hayling Island recognition campaign. i asked if he felt there were any similarities, indeed parallels to, say, the much celebrated Brexit, or Scotland's current attempt to masquerade breaking away from the United Kingdom as the far more trendy, popular sounding quest for "independence". 

on giving the question some consideration, he gave what some may well consider a rather insightful answer. as it happens i did not consider it such, but anyway. for a start Andrew was keen to point out there wasn't much in the way of comparison to Scotland, especially as Hayling Island has an economic plan somewhat more robust and sturdy than the vague idea of Europe buying several billion euros worth of salmon every year. overall, he said that the idea was to be positive, and make Hayling Island "much more progressive", which sounded reasonable. right up until he finished the sentence with the two words "like Hartlepool". 

thank you Andrew Curtis

much of the conversation which followed that is not something that i care to recall. for the benefit of fair coverage (if this is such), Andrew spoke at length in respect of his admiration for Hartlepool, highlighting in particular what he called that "great story with the canoe" and his aspiration to own property there. when i asked which area of Hartlepool in particular he was keen to invest in he stuttered an answer along the lines of "anywhere". suspecting, or sensing something amiss, i asked when he had last been there. he said that he had not actually been, and then told me he needed to leave to speak to a surveyor or something. 

indeed a more aggressive faction of the Hayling Island Is Not Portsmouth movement exists. there is, for example, the notorious international flytipper Bertie Fettlebottom. he has taken up a residency in the place, although apparently of no fixed address. 

chance did indeed permit for me to speak to Mr Fettlebottom. or, rather, Field Marshall Fettlebottom, as he informed me this was his formal ranking in the Provisional Real Hayling Island Republican Army. informed me, i hasten to add, as we were sat on a rather windswept bench and as he drank with some enthusiasm from an unspecified brand two litre bottle of cider. 

thank you Claire Wilkinson

quite a lot of my conversation with the Field Marshall was marred by his ad hoc telling seagulls to, forgive me, "f*** off", and indeed wrestling the occasional one for the trophy of a discarded tray of chips. when he did have chance to focus on the subject he mostly referred to Andrew, and those of a similar ilk, as being "gutless f***s". for him the struggle seems to be less about being progressive, more about causing mayhem. he assured me a "red dawn" was coming, tapping the side of his nose with a forefinger as he did so. 

when asked exactly what he meant by such talk, he stated that "we can't be part of Portsmouth if that bridge is gone, can we?". by this i assumed he was referring to what is seen as the one bridge which links Hayling Island to Portsmouth. i asked him what he meant by that and he said that he could not possibly comment further. reluctantly i agreed to give him £2 in order to get more cider, at which poin he revealed it was his intention to blow up the bridge and immediately declare himself Supreme Emperor of Hayling Island, but so far he had discovered there was "not nearly as much gunpowder as you might think" in the cheap illegally imported Chinese fireworks and bangers on sale at various shops in the area. 

despite no scientific or conclusive research being done, i am not convinced that the ad hoc poll being arranged by Andrew - a poll which he has opted to cast votes on behalf of residents in - is being all that closely watched by the people of Hayling Island. from what i could see there's not much in the way of an appetite for change, or a will to disrupt the way things are. in this i could be wrong, all of us must simply wait and watch what develops there. 

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!