urban cookie collective

hello there

it would be lovely to say that the endeavours documented here are an aspect of some billy-ho, go for it, just f*****g do it, "yolo" grasp of life, look you see. probably not, though. most likely this is all quite symptomatic of me loosening a flailing grasp of sanity, or being full tilt business end of midlife crisis. quite possible it is all that mythical "male menopause" kicking off, too. 

so yes, then, i endeavoured (or attempted) to have a go at some baking. nothing too flash or complex or even close to sophisticated, true, but all the same a challenge to moi, what had not really gone done this sort of thing before. yet i probably have, but just cannot recall. 

gooey chocolate chip cookies were to be my project then, or if you like what was on the menu. why did i go for these for a voyage into the world of baking? mostly due to the mix packet being on sale for all of 99p, which i believe you will find is (just) a penny south of £1. also, yes, they looked particularly nice, and nothing from a rudimentary glance at the instructions for creation looked overtly beyond whatever latent, untapped talent i had. 

of course, it was not just this mix packet alone one (moi) required to make these cookies. no, far from it. well, not that far. all that was required was a mixing bowl, some butter, a "wooden mixing instrument" since it's not fashionable to say spoon, and water. rather surprisingly two (2) items there caused some controversy, of sorts, with those i discussed my baking adventure with, but we shall get to that. if you keep reading we will, of course, if not i shall just ramble on as ever. 

procuring a mixing bowl was, as it turns out, considerably more difficult than i had bargained for. my visits to find one took me to two (2) stored renowned for selling items what are pertaining to baking and that, yet they were bereft of such an item. how odd. anyway, as you can see, yes, i found one. not for the first time and (possibly) not for the last, it was Poundland to the rescue, who had them on sale for, yes, as you may well expect, a pound. 

the first controversy (as such) is right there in the above picture. yes, the butter. no, the controversy is most decidedly not related at all to any 'Brando variation' use of butter, thanks. i was rather keen to follow the instructions precise, this being a first time and all. the packet said softened not melted butter, so i left the requisite amount of butter (50g) out of the fridge to sort of soften naturally, at whatever ambient room temperature my lodgings offered. 

my sister, at this point, interjected. she said that it is a good deal easier if you just melt the butter in the, or a, microwave. no, i said (protested, even), the instructions said that it should be softened, and even has that it should not be melted in (brackets). to this my sister (perhaps not unfairly) suggested, as in directly stated, that i was being a big fanny, and that one does not really get all that much more softened than when something is in a melted state. 

indeed, a bit of "mixing" action there for you, all of course in the greater good and glory of Commodore 64 mode. quite a challenge, that mixing bit. especially when done "old school" with a wooden spoon like they said to, or implied. my goodness, mercy upon me, for i don't rightly know if my right wrist has ever had to do so vigorous, up and down rapid movements whilst clutching an ostensibly round shaft which might not be the biggest of its kind yet nonetheless serves its purpose. 

during this somewhat lengthy mixing procedure, which took (considerably) longer than the ten or so minutes "preparation" time the instructions suggested, i did indeed become aware of how it would have been a lot easier if the butter was all the more softer than it was. had, for instance, the butter been melted, as was suggested, then perhaps it would have gone more in accordance with the packet implied timeline. but then, well, for all i know, the mix would not come out right, the dough ball would not be constructed as required. microwaving the butter is certainly on the option list for the next time i decide to make some of these cookies, and yes i have further packs of the mix. two. 

anyone remotely interested enough to be reading this probably deserves some form of acknowledgment, if we assume (or take as a given) that an award is not within my remit to give. there you go, then, for as you may well have already clocked, above is some video of me doing mixing. well, partial mixing, for it is difficult to hold the (comparatively inexpensive) mixing bowl steady and mix when one feels a need to be filming it all. the soundtrack is just a little plus. 

with respect to the other 'controversy' of sorts, well, once again i felt obliged, or it best, to follow the instructions on the packet. so, or thus, i added the amount of water it said to. at this point a friend who i for some reason was keeping updated with this interjected, saying that i should have used milk. but the packet said to use water, i wove as a flag of defiant defence. further suggestions of being a big fanny about it all were, predictably, forthcoming. should it be so that milk rather than water speeds up the whole mixing bit, and no i am not buying one of them electric mixer things (a whisk i could possibly do business on), then maybe next time. on the list, etc. 

eventually, then, the mixing all got done, or done as much as it was going to be done. whilst i did take a picture of the ball of mixed (gooey) chocolate chip cookie dough, i would care not to share it here. as far as i am concerned it looked ok, but also i acknowledge it may conjure up vague images of something else, a matter which maybe someone like Morrissey would make oblique lyrical references to. instead, then, the dough all split and ready to bake. 

but, also no. here i did indeed decide to deviate from the instructions. on the packet it said split it into eight (8) balls (or what have you), so as to make the 8 (eight) cookies the pack was intended to. at last in this whole endeavour i decided to embrace 'yolo', to say "f*** it", to not be a big fanny about it all. an ambition i share with my (to date, so far as i am aware) youngest offspring is to one day make the ultimate uber mega cookie. small steps are required to see if it is feasible. with this in mind, i made six like they said, and put the remainder (presumably two) together, so as to make a larger one. 

true, i give it to you, this wasn't really making a mega cookie as such, rather just (although using the word just sounds unduly harsh) a 'double cookie' of sorts. i acknowledge that. from his own planning in regards of creating the ultimate cookie, William believes an issue would be that the bigger the overall diameter (and consequentially radius), the more likely the result is uneven. as in, hard, over baked outer elements, offset with undercooked inner aspects. having a go at increasing the size in increments seems wiser, then, so as to find the optimum a mega one could be. next time, then, the dough of three (3) measured balls will be as one, to see what happens. 

off into the oven they went, then, as (presumably) you can see in the above. time for me to stand aside with my efforts and labour, leaving the miracle of the (reasonably) modern wonders of oven technology to wave their magic in, around and across my wares. indeed it was quite tricky to get that image with a reduced level of stuff of things reflected, but i think you can focus just on what is in the oven. 

just what does one do whilst the business end of baking these cookies is underway? to each their own. i seem to recall that opening the oven whilst baking is underway in some what undermines it all, as in that i can remember getting knacked off Mum, Gran (both) and probably at least 1 (one) former, likely the most recent of such, (considerably) better half for oven door opening whilst baking was on the go or underway. but maybe i was getting knacked for general nuisance interference, or being there. 

vaguely getting back to the kind of point in the last paragraph (the one above), i decided the best way to ensure i did not fiddle, so as to avoid getting knacked off myself, was to take a stroll outside, smoking a cigarette (sorry) whilst the oven got on doing whatever it does (bake). 

again, yes, i returned to the packet for guidance. it said that the cookies (gooey and of chocolate chip) should take about 10 to twelve minutes to bake, or alternatively one would know they were done for they would go the shade which is described best as also being the title of a boss song off of The Stranglers, the precise name of which escapes me for the moment. i waited for such time to pass, then, and also sung a random tune when i decided to be brave (if not bold) and check on them. which is what you can see moments of happening in, yes, the video above. 

did i enjoy all this baking business? yes. i mean, it was all right. gave a sense of achievement, even if by way of being informed of such. further, it was also something to do with a relatively free evening, for no tasks were of want and not a soul was requisite of my companionship. baked for fun, to fill the moments, and of course to eat.

behold, for above is the vaguely completed cooked cookies (chocolate chip and gooey). on the pack, and yes i do like instructions, it said to leave them to "cool" on the baking tray / sheet for ten minutes, then to take them off of this and let them cool on some other platform (which i took as meaning a plate) for another 10 minutes. so, i did that. 

how did they turn out? not bad, actually, not bad at all. so far as i can ascertain they were baked properly, for no ill affects came from me consuming them. probably should have given one or two to others to test and taste, but no, i ate them all. interestingly, the mega (double) one was a great success, so will certainly try even bigger ones next time. using an entire packet to make just one mega cookie is, of course, the ultimate aim. 

whilst i may well do more cookies, i don't think it likely that i shall further document such an adventure in this way. telling some stories just once is enough, and that has been the case here, so far as i am concerned. but yet, or and still, if i decide to bake or meddle with other substance, then yes, i could see me recording the adventure here. 

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!