luxury

now then


welcome to the world, as the title suggests, of the luxurious. an existence far too dependent on the accumulation of wealth for me to ever trouble, or even visit if only for a brief while. no, this is the stuff that we, the people, can only look upon with want, awe and jealousy. a bit like that show what they used to do called Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous, or any of the poor, second (and third) rate variations made of it since.

some products appear to be made with an exclusive demographic in mind. in this instance, i refer to items which are made needlessly (perhaps superfluously) and artificially expensive, just so that they may be sold to exceptionally wealthy people in order that they may effectively show off how rich they are. things like high value cars have at least some practical use, so rather think along the lines of quite flashy, so-called "designer" watches. they tell the time no better than a regular watch, but they do say to people how much money someone has. or is pretending to.

coming to this market, then, is a new form of chocolate. not only is it (probably) the most expensive type of chocolate to be on the market, it is also (maybe) one of the most expensive things ever to be made and sold, by anyone, at any stage of human history.

yes, of course. this new, high end, high powered, aimed (presumably) at the financial top 0.5% of our country's population chocolate product ("bar" sounds too common) is Darkmilk off of Cadbury. it is very much the new amiga rodox, or tog huler (or whatever) of the chocolate world, except it is indeed chocolate rather than a watch. buying this and showing it off is one of the ways in this brave new world that one may show of how rich they are.

as is invariably always so, it became clear that they intended this to be purchased and consumed only by the elite in the marketing (or branding) of the product. as you can see by clicking here, yes, they went to the top straight away. one really cannot do much more to state that their product is posh, or purely for the elite, than invite Jason Donovan to endorse it. getting Jase to say that your item for sale is what he is about is to have billionaires wallets open at your command.

for historical context, how, in this day and age, does having Jason Donovan endorse your product compare with previous (for that is what historical is) endorsements of luxury goods? quite well, but you shall no doubt wish to observe contextual examples. very well. this is the present day equivalent (2020) of that time Glass Eye endorsed some Japanese (or similar) whisky. it is Shatner giving his blessing to Commodore computers. also, that time Connery approved on some French bank.

exactly how expensive is this Darkmilk off of Cadbury? very. the PPG (which stands for price per gram, but i just used initials so as to save you some time. my assumption was that you would know what each of the letters, the two instances of a p and the one g, stood for, but happy to clarify if not) of this bar exceeds what i image (or assume) is the PPG for things like cocaine, coffee, gold, printer ink, heroin and even something insanely expensive like Royal Mail postage costs. which is a lot.

the cost and the exclusivity of it means that if you were to walk into the most posh shop in the world, Fortnum & Mason, or that tourist trap Harrods, you would not find it on the shelf. it may be so that they might carry stock of it, but it is only in the private showcase rooms of their premises, where only the elite are allowed. you have to be wealthy and on the exclusive list to be able to buy Darkmilk, or also you can, like i did, get a bar off of the shelf at Tesco.

what does such an expensive and exclusive chocolate taste like? i have absolutely no idea at all. no, really, dear reader, none whatsoever. the price and the exclusivity of it (plus the fact that i do not particularly like dark chocolate) meant that i felt uncomfortable trying it. instead i have made arrangements for someone else who might either be posh, or like dark chocolate, to have it.

another barrier to me trying this was, of course, previous experiences with dabbling with stuff what Jason Donovan had endorsed. regular readers of this blog will recall how, over the years, i have tried to use shampoo what has had lemon shoved in it on an exclusive basis, and all purely on the basis of Jason Donovan endorsing it, once, on a kids TV show in the late 80s or early 90s. whilst doing so gave me immense pleasure and distinct hair satisfaction, it did not turn me into Jase.

so, in conclusion, it is my considered (and learned) opinion that Darkmilk is exclusive, expensive and endorsed by Jason Donovan. on a practical level i shall concede that this might not be the most useful, insightful or even helpful review of something that i have ever done, but it is all the same the only one i am able to give you for this chocolate.

UPDATE TO CONCLUSION : it was so that, for the benefit of you, dear reader, i have arranged for and secured a review from the one they speak of as being from the condiment phoenix. worry not so much of the cost of arranging this, and be not confused, as the direct quotes come from someone what can write proper so the correct use of capital letters is (perfectly) in order. here you are -


You can bend it. You could never do this with the old 100g Dairy Milk. It doesn’t break. It has the consistency of fudge. 
 It doesn’t taste like Cadbury’s. I am confused as to who the target market is. People who like sweets but cannot bring themselves to eat Dairy Milk?!? 
It says ‘a rich cocoa taste’. Not with 40% cocoa and 86% vegetable fat, it’s not. It tastes more like white chocolate painted brown. 
It has been an interesting experience but if I want chocolate, I am unlikely to buy Dark Milk in the future.


to clarify just one point on the above, whereas the composer of the above could not have reasonably known this at the time (or wished to in advance), the target market is, as outlined above, those who would respond well to a Jase endorsement. please do not let (or allow) the validity of the review comments be affected by a deliberate unawareness of this, except that i mentioned it in a note with the bar. but, often it is so that my handwriting leaves one none the wiser.





be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!