so, another month, another post on Bullseye, look you see. do not say you were not warned that these were monthly. but yeah, if this is your first time ever on this blog, welcome, and indeed yes, i do try to, at least once a month, look back (rather than forward) at the wonders of this most magnificent and splendid of shows.
in this instance, then, it is time to look at one of the more controversial episodes to be broadcast. not the most controversial of course; that would be the infamous Bullseye Christmas Gang Bang one which i have covered in some detail in the past, as opposed to the future.
those of you who have watched the magnificent You Can't Beat A Bit Of Bully documentary will be familiar with this. if not, and as pictured above, there was one episode (at least) on which his excellency, the eternally treasured Jim Bowen opted or otherwise elected to wear a pink salmon suit to host the show in.
eyebrows were raised. questions were asked. Bullseye was meant to be sunday early evening viewing, suitable for the entire family, and hosted by the man who would be Pope when that German fella believed the job was beyond him. and there's Jim Bowen, brazenly wearing the single most sexually provocative set of garments ever to feature on domestic, theoretically free to air television.
one myth, legend or an urban nature or rumour about this controversial episode is, indeed, and as point of fact, pictured above. for years - decades - people have spoken of the time Bullseye featured a lesbian lady (as if there were any other kind) Mick Jagger tribute act on the show. few, if any, connected this to the episode featuring the salmon sex suit. well, as you can see, they are one in the same. although, in fairness, i have no idea if the lady in question is, or was ever, a lesbian, and further i have no idea at all, or whatsoever, if she ever carved a career out of tribute, affecting impersonations of any members of The Rolling Stones.
but then, much of that which i thought i knew of Bullseye is all out the window, so to speak, or otherwise gone. as regular readers shall be away, for a while now i have been touring the country, researching a book on what happened to all the class prizes people won on Bullseye, with particular emphasis on the speedboats and caravans that were often offered to them what were most smart with the darts.
the results of this research have been if not disappointing then a little bit depressing. whereas i expected to find speedboats and caravans kept (preserved) as loving tributes to the eternal memory of his excellency Jim Bowen, alas no. above is the only suitable speedboat i could find, one which was probably a prize on Bullseye, to take a picture of.
in keeping with the overall tone of this post, and i appreciate that i have strayed somewhat, it seems that most, maybe all, of the speedboats and caravans won on the show ended up being used for various illicit reasons. rather than look upon such modes of transport and accommodation with reverence, awe and a great deal of respect, they became sexual magnets. people, maybe understandably so, got quite aroused and somewhat titillated by being in the presence of something what Jim Bowen had touched. maybe the inevitable conclusion, or climax, of this was an expression of joy through the forum of sexual activity.
did any of the speedboats won end up being used for less than legal activities, such as smuggling? whilst i am aware of a number of orgies which took place on at least one of the speedboats won, unfortunately i am not sure. but, you would guess, yes. i mean, genius cover. "no, officer (or whatever they call the sea police, admiral maybe), i have not got anything or anyone illegal on board, i would not disrespect the fact that i won this on Bullseye" would all you need say and you'd be waved on to continue sailing and enjoying your victory.
exactly how hedonistic the 80s were is summed up in the above image. yes, that is of course the excellent, outstanding keeper of the darts score, and keeper of the secrets of celebrities who featured on Bullseye, Tony Green. this was taken at a time when he was "getting in character". some totally coked up theatre choreographer approached Tony Green with the idea of him playing Kevin Keegan as Donny Osmond in the role of that one out of Saturday Night Fever in a revival of Grease. an offer of three quarters of a million pounds was made for the role, but undoubtedly Tony will have graciously said he would do it as a favour, no trouble.
i bet you it was the same coked up theatre choreographer what approached Mick Talbot out of The Style Council to play George Bernard Shaw in a play; a play that never happened and a decision which brought about an end of the band he was in. but no, you are right, it would probably be best to head on back to the subject this post is ostensibly supposed to be about.
maybe, you are thinking, it was just some kind of accident or co-incidence that Jim Bowen wore the salmon sex suit to host one edition of Bullseye, at least, perhaps more as they did film two or three episodes a day and Jim Bowen was no Madonna; he didn't "do" costume changes. well, no, not really. any suggestion that it was not deliberate is kind of knocked back with the above.
it is quite shocking and surprising to see Jim Bowen making such an overt, well known and in certain cultures obscene sexual gesture. this would, i suspect, be particularly true of them only familiar with Jim Bowen ever since he agreed to become Pope in 2013 or whenever. you have to remember that Jim Bowen was very much a man of the world, however. he was no doubt aware of, and very comfortable with, his unique sexual magnetism, and i dare say he enjoyed that which it brought him. but rare was it to see him celebrate it in public in such a way. about 18 million people will have seen the above at the time of broadcast, and no doubt billions since. or a couple of hundred million, anyway.
how about one of them animated, Commodore 64 mode "GIF" things that i have recently worked out how to make? sure. for you, here is Jim Bowen with the extra special guest on the salmon sex suit edition of Bullseye.
yes, Greavsie, or if you like Jimmy Greaves. the legendary footballer, better known at that time for being Greavsie out of Saint And Greavsie, a fairly popular football television show broadcast around midday on a Saturday. it was broadcast around about the time most gents had been down the bookies to conduct their business for the day (there was no online gambling), and just before they would need to set off down the pub, or to the match, or both. quite good it was, if not Bullseye.
more about the book i have spent some time writing about what happened to all the speedboats and caravans won on Bullseye? well, in truth, doing so would really rather steal the thunder of the book once the lawyers have approved it. but, as i can tell you are really interested and curious, sure.
that's me, getting ready, in some formidable rain to follow a fairly reliably unreliable tip about a speedboat being used for sex tours of the Humber down in Hull. as it turned out, sadly, some three hours of driving and no i didn't find anything. my search of the Humber was exhaustive too, for i spent about five minutes looking at it.
anyway, there will probably be a chapter or two, or ten, on the many dead end leads i have followed, as and when the book is in a condition both i and the lawyers considered to be suitable for publication. let us now, if anyone is still reading, instead return to the subject of Jim Bowen wearing the salmon sex suit.
perhaps i should have given you some warning before showing that picture, but it is done now. yes, that is indeed the Jim Bowen seduction pose in full effect. women, and in some cases unintentionally men, wilted when Jim made his special sexually stylish move.
it was not just the look either. many of you, in particular those of you who were there in the 80s, will be well aware of the Jim Bowen "sexual strut". usually you can tell when he performed this on Bulseye by counting back around 9 months from any day when the NHS said that they had an "unexpectedly and extraordinarily" high number of births for the day.
now, possibly for the first time ever in history (i have not researched this, so please note the possibly), i bring you the Jim Bowen "sexual strut", in the salmon sex suit, in Commodore 64 mode "GIF" thing. and so i really, really hope this "gif" thing works on your device.
do i think Jim Bowen came under pressure to cease wearing the salmon sex suit on Bullseye? this would not be a development which would surprise me. censorship proliferated throughout the 80s, with the Thatcher regime determined to absolutely ban or tax anything at all that brought the slightest bit of pleasure, enjoyment or entertainment to the proletariat.
but also, Jim would not wanted to have caused a fuss or scene. he would have known that wearing his salmon sex suit would have caused notice to be paid, but perhaps he innocently thought not too much attention would be given. maybe he simply elected, in a noble act of self-censorship, to retire the garment, as resplendent as he was in it, for the greater good. but also yes, it is better to blame Thatcher, for she was pretty much responsible for anything which went wrong in the 80s.
some of you for some reason might have wanted to see a non-animated, non-Commodore 64 mode image of Greavsie on Bullseye whilst Jim looked most dapper in his salmon sex suit. whilst i can think of no reason whatsoever why one would wish to see this, let me not be seen as having stood in the way. the above image, then, is for you and your wishes. or wants.
far more likely is that you will want to see a bit more animated, Commodore 64 mode Jim Bowen in the salmon sex suit. this is most splendid, and so here you go.
so, no, then. whilst admittedly i am pushing it somewhat with posts like this, clearly i have not as such or as of yet run out of things of interest (even if only passing) to share with you all about the wonders of the show Bullseye.
by this stage i would wager no one is reading, but instead simply looking at the wonderful pictures. so, then, i will use that as an excuse to sign off now.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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