there are, look you see, those who would say "ooh, you wanna be careful, don't go writing things like that" about this. my name and reputation may be marked or otherwise sullied if i did, to be sure. an understandable logic is behind this expression, for in this day and age we are told to be fearful of what we say, unless of course we do it anonymously on the net. well, whatever i am doing now clearly isn't write, so how much more wrong could i go? famous last words comes to mind.....
so anyway, i've been told by Santander that they do not want me. as an employee, that is. and this is the third such instance of me being told this. you can, then, if you so wish, suggest that what follows is what we term "sour grapes", or just bitter resentment. all i can do is try to give a fair comment on why i am a trifle miffed.
regular readers all too familiar with my current avant garde tramp look would, no doubt, suspect that i would be refused a job on the spot by anyone. let's start off with a picture of me, then, after the "interview" what failed, so you can see that i do clean up from time to time.
look you see, i can scrub up and look all presentable as and when required. neatly shaved, hair cut and a most dapper suit on, since i was instructed to wear "business attire". the shirt is a gift off of Spiros no less. a very or if you like tres expensive one, worn by the top financial people in London, innit.
this will all probably work better with sub-headings and the like, so let me write it that way.
The Three Santander "Assessment" Experiences
so as i said earlier, this most recent rejection was the third of three. thus far - oh just you wait, people, this has a most curious ending to it.
i wholeheartedly accepted the first one. that was some 3 or so years ago, was my first "interview" in close to 15 years and took me by surprise as it wasn't an interview as such, it was a group of 8 of us doing "exercises". basically you had to introduce yourself, watch a video about how ace Santander is, participate in a group exercise and then do some rudimentary maths and reading tests, along with a go at data capturing. i flummoxed most of them, i confess, for i simply was not expecting nor prepared for it.
the second was some 12 or 18, maybe even 24, months later. i was far better prepared for this. alas, others in the same session were all the more so. they, and i say this to their credit, had worked out (presumably from other such sessions) that the only way to succeed in these things was to be as voiceful, loud and opinionated as possible. thus, i was kept silent for most of the session. sure, i can be loud - louder than war if need be - but for some reason i thought a bank might not wish to employ someone what simply shouts their own opinion over everyone's conversation.
besides, as i remember, the team from Santander spent the first half of this "assessment" session checking out an assortment of websites unrelated to banking. i have no idea how they spent the second half, as they simply got up and left. perhaps they went for a coffee, or off to look at something they had seen on the internet.
third time lucky? well, no. hence me writing this.
yeah, sorry about the further picture of me. at least one to follow. i don't really have any other images to use that are relevant to all of this. but, back to the narrative.
Third Refusal
what made this third approach interesting was some changes. one did the tests at home before going, presumably to see that you were up to the task. in respect of this, i scored 90% in their basic maths test, a perfect 6 out of 6 for "best answer" to give to hypothetical situations, and a not so bad 99% on their data capture test. when the lady called me back to discuss my results she was happy, excited and optimistic, saying that these were by some distance the best results they'd had. well, as i shall reminisce later, i do know my verk stuff.
off to the "assessment" session, then, with 7 strangers. it was at their premises here in what's been styled "Tees Valley", whereas the other two were on offsite locations. perhaps they had grown tired of people running the sessions abandoning them, who knows.
an early warning sign was that i, along with everyone else, was told to "park in the staff parking area". when i and a few others arrived to do this, we were met with a gruff voice, informing us that "we don't even have enough parking for our own staff", and it was our problem to go find parking somewhere else. nothing quite like getting potential employees all flustered and out of a routine just before the "interview". presumably this approach is what has seen Santander win all those "a great place to work" awards.
ok, maybe two more pictures of me, then. but you all get bored and complained when there are no pictures just text. who knows, maybe someone out there actually likes the way i look. if so, bravo you on keeping it secret from me.
That Third Assessment Session At Santander
i kind of suspected that not all would go ever so well with this with the parking debacle. also, the co-ordinator sacrificed the needs of the many for the ambivalence of the one. someone booked for a later session decided to just pitch up for this earlier one. so everyone got delayed whilst she elected to sort that all out for him. not that it would have seem to have done much good.
an exceptional amount of time at this session was spent with all 8 of us being informed how brilliant it is to work for Santander. how they really, really value people, encouraging awards and recognition and all that. also, how they know and understand that the key to success is valuing staff and making sure of long term employment.
let us pause to consider this. if you have to keep saying the same thing over and over again then it is usually because people do not believe it to be true. the most recent and well known example of this is that Mr Kim Kardashian fellow who has to keep telling everyone he is in fact a "genius", although no one else calls him this.
other factors question what we were told on repeat. at a similar session for another place of employment (perhaps another bank, perhaps BT) we had one lady who spent the entire time saying how awful Santander was. how no matter how much you wanted to help people calling if you didn't get rid of them and on to the next call within 2 minutes you were in serious trouble. also, if they attract and retain staff, why so much recruitment? no bank is growing so fast that they need to "interview" 160 people a week - and do so for more than one week.
so anyway, the session. yes, i introduced myself nicely. i spoke the most clearly at the assessment exercise. i acknowledged someone working there that i vaguely know from school days. i listened to what others said. i conversed with them. i asked questions. in truth, i walked out thinking i had done pretty well.
but today, when i called to find out what the word was, i was told that Santander said "no one" from my group was "selected" as "no one really stood out or made an impact". that wonderful thing when you are told there is no need for you in this world.
yes, promise, that's the last picture of me for this post. and again, if you are one of the people out there that for some reason like how i look, stop being shy and retiring and quiet - please say so, maybe i can feel of value to the world if nothing else.
What Was Missed
i am still struggling, if not wrestling, with this approach by Santander. on the one side they go to great lengths to claim, indeed celebrate, what a great employer they are, how they look after their employees, give them special badges, rewards, etc. and yet they cannot be bothered to spend so little as just five minutes speaking to potential new employees on a one to one basis? perhaps the truth of how Santander treat staff is closer to what that lady i met said. i certainly saw scant interest in people.
down memory lane, then. in my time at verk in the banking world, these highlights come to mind. with a very dear friend i re-engineered a password issuing process, getting access to clients within 24 hours rather than 48. an elderly retired lady once called me in error. not only did i, outside of my normal job, help her with her query but assisted until the day i left verk and made sure my successor would do the same. this one time a business owner was under threat of physical violence by his staff as the payroll failed. i made sure i contacted the right and relevant people to sort the credit details out and got the staff paid. i was sent to meetings with Government officials to answer queries and explain exactly how their interest worked as they were struggling with their own reconciliation calculations. trust was placed in me to make sure all interest rates were applied correctly. in respect of the latter, one of the accounts i handled for this was the charity established by Mr Nelson Mandela - an account that, you would think, they don't let just anyone handle. and, well, lots of other things. also, a lot of good times, fun, and friendships.
would i be sat here thinking the above makes me something special? not particularly, i simply did all that was asked to the best of my abilities. the thing is, though, i'd like to think it shows that i am capable of doing the job asked. this is something Santander could have found out in, say, a brief, five minute one on one interview, asking me what i could bring to their (so they say, often) great organization.
that might have been more helpful to them than what happened, which was to sit me in a room with seven strangers and encourage us to shout, debate, speak and talk all at the same time.
right, it's time for what was promised.
That Rather Interesting And Entertaining Ending
for me the best part of being told that i did not stand out, that i was not wanted and that i could not bring anything to Santander was this email i got. it came within minutes of the phone call what said that as far as Spain's leading bank was concerned i was of no use to the world.
perhaps clicking on that would make it large enough for you to read clearly. if not, or you simply cannot be bothered to, that email there is inviting me to apply for the very same job at Santander which they have concluded i cannot do. fascinating how my CV says to them "yes" but their bizarre approach to herding potential staff says no.
directly approaching people like this suggests that they really, really need staff. again, perhaps that lady who worked there once spoke truth, although that must be tempered with the fact that she was looking to work somewhere else. at best, then, they are wasting the time of - and raising false hope - hundreds of people in seeking one or two that meet an undefined level of expectation.
a lot of the problem at Santander, and other organizations, is the curse of "Empire Building". this happens when someone is so entrenched in a role at an organization that they believe they have absolute power. when not repeating how ace an employer Santander is the three representatives could barely wait to remind us all of how many years they had been in the role. that's wonderful, but it does lead to clouded judgement and mistaking your own personality for what is best for a company. no one dare question them, of course, for they have been there so long they simply must know what they are doing.
in all likelihood, then, publishing this and not hiding behind a fake name probably means there is no chance at all of Santander "considering" me again. this doesn't really matter, does it? with their herd like cattle auction mentality approach to finding staff i am clearly not going to make the grade.
or, maybe, it's just me. perhaps i am worthless, a waste of space, overweight and out of date. by Spanish standards that would be yes, no and maybe in relatively equal measure to all of those.
SENSATIONAL UPDATE - as preposterous and ridiculous as this might seem, i have just taken a call once again asking me to apply for this position!
let me press on, then.
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡sean excelentes los unos con los otros!!!!!!!!
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