so recently i, look you see, got some of them fancy new £10 notes. if you are a bit lost about that, here in England (and Wales, but Scotland and Northern Ireland do their own bank notes) they are gradually replacing the shape, style and nature of bank notes what represent coins of money. it is a security measure change, mostly, but one which has upset vegans. my basic understanding, however, is that normally it does not take too much to upset this important element of our society.
one of the more interesting aspects of these new notes, to be sure, is how they have upset an entirely different group of people. whilst some of that group presently offended might well be vegan it is not exclusively so. let us look at this, together in a way, and see if the upset is misdirected.
the provenance of my brand new banknotes? one of those automated teller machines, or if you will atm things, or even the "hole in the wall" if you are old school, of my preferred bank. which bank is that? well, as per a recent and quite widely read post, it is not a Spanish one. but, well, we move on.
my first action with one of these new notes was, and forgive the predictability of it, to purchase some items off of Poundland. this led to me being somewhat crestfallen and deflated. i, as usual, engaged in some friendly chitchat of a conversational nature with the lady who served me (and others) as a teller. when it came time to pay the lady i, in a jolly way, mentioned how this was the first time i was using one of the £10 notes. rather than be polite, the lady said how they were now old news to her, and that they had handled hundreds of them in the last week or so. oh.
yes, it would have been nice if she had continued to be polite and courteous in a response, but one cannot fault her brutal honesty. moving on once more, then, and the great controversy surrounding these somewhat shiny new £10 notes. well, the controversy other than whatever it is about them which has touched a nerve for vegans, again.
indeed, to be sure, the new bank notes feature celebrated author Jane Austen on them. this came about after, you would think, some significant deliberation. with the proviso that whoever featured must be both British and dead i have every confidence that a number of candidates were considered. just as well these changes happened when they did, then, for there was a dangerous, in retrospect, window in which Jimmy Savile may have been on the consideration list.
the controversy is not, happily, about the selection of Jane Austen as such. it is, after all, something of a universal truth to say that she is regarded as one of the finest writers the world has had the pleasure of reading the works of. no, what is causing the upset is the allegation, suggestion or perhaps proven point (i really cannot be bothered to check) that they have "doctored" the image of Jane Austen on the banknote. which is to say that they have, in some way, "sexed up" her appearance.
should it be glaringly obvious why the person on cash issued by the Bank of England should be British or English then it might be of interest to know why they must be dead. quite simple. it is supposed to be only our reigning Monarch who features as an alive and well person on such. this used to be the rule for stamps too, but i note over the years Royal Mail seems to have brought about a change to this.
right, anyway, this "sexed up" business. and it is a business, for it would be disrespectful to those with a genuine displeasure with it to call it nonsense. whilst alterations to a so-called "classical" portrait of Ms Austen have been made, there's nothing to say that they have not been done so as a security measure. subtle changes to a widely distributed image would, you would think, make it all the more difficult for counterfeiters and other such scoundrels. although they could just make copies off of the new notes, i suppose.
more importantly, though, i suspect those berating the "sexed up" image of Ms Austen on the bank notes may have missed a few things in her works. most, of not all, of her works were purely sexual. they celebrate sexualists, praising them for their skill, prowess and indeed letter writing abilities. sexing up that which is already highly sexually charged seems to me if not impossible then quite a natural progression.
you would also have to wonder if them people what do banknote designs have any realistic grasp on what "sexed up" would involve. most bankers and bank people, and i have known many, have some pretty peculiar, although i hasten to add rarely upsetting, ideas on what is and what is not sexy. this is at the least when measured against the commonly accepted definition. to the average senior figure in the financial or banking world who has been there for most of their life, yes, it is true that they probably considered the old £10 image of Charles Darwin to be the epitome of male manliness and sexual attraction. the frown is, most probably, the key to this interpretation. for them, not me.
in terms of just how sexed up Ms Austen in her works was, is there a modern day comparison? well, so far as my imagination goes, i would like to say she was the David Lee Roth of her day, but such is the way of cultural appropriation that you get negative responses when you credit a lady for being similar to a man for comparison on a sexual level. that said, if back in her day someone - her manager, wielding whatever they had prior to cricket bats, for instance - had said "Jane, baby (or 18th Century parlance equivalent), this Pride & Prejudice is a bonzer smash (see previous brackets). instead of a book, though, why don't we turn it into a rock opera? you could tour music halls, performing it as you dangled above the stage swinging about on ropes, wearing leather trousers with the backside removed?", she would have considered it, at the very least.
so who will be on the back of the £20 note? no idea. as they have shown, with Winston Churchill (the actual Winston and not how Spiros refers to his gentleman parts) on the £5 note, that they are prepared to consider iconic and important figures from 20th Century England then maybe they will go more contemporary. perhaps David Bowie, or Lemmy, or even Guru Josh would be excellent choices, but they might get criticised for being "populist". maybe Laurence Olivier or David Niven, then, which would make for a most dapper looking banknote.
well, sitting here writing this is not going to get these notes spent, so that shall do for now.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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