Happy Birthday Dylan!

hey everyone

well, a belated happy birthday to Dylan, who turned 11 yesterday. this post being a little late is fine, as we held his birthday party somewhat early last weekend. which, i have just clocked, makes this update even later. erm......

now, Dylan is a well brought up lad (thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law), and it is rare that he ever asks for anything in the world. he did, however, ask if it was at all possible for him to have a PS 2 for his birthday. we explained to him very nicely that they are rather expensive, but we would try and get him something that he would appreciate and like all the same. he understood this, and just got on with things.

in retrospect, though, we decided that he had been a very good boy with his studies at school, and perhaps deserved a treat. and it's not like the credit card company was doing anything intelligent with the money anyway, and so.....





well worth getting him one to see the joy and surprise on his face! we are very happy to have been able to get you one, Dylan - hope that you are still enjoying playing with it!

i think the main reason he wanted one of these was because that's all you could get a Ben 10 game on. i have no clue what a Ben 10 is, even though Dylan very kindly and patiently explained it all to me. irrespective of my age now apparently being one where you don't "get" these new things (what's a blu ray?), we got him that game too!!





Monica, my most wonderful and excellent mother-in-law, laid on an ace party full of treats for all the children. this allowed James plenty of time to play and eat sweets with his much loved Uncle Dylan, as well as his cousins.





now, yes. there have indeed been instances where i have found myself outside on a blanket with a blonde or three myself son. and you know what? yes, i did exactly what you did under those circumstances, which is have a good sit down and read a most splendid book. no, you cynical bunch, i am not just writing that because my wife reads this. honest, i just read a book; the name of which escapes me for the moment.

oh dear, look! a masked monster approaches the party!





phew! what a relief, it's just James playing away!





considering James' outright aversion to wearing a hat, or combing and washing his hair, i was surprised that he quite liked wearing a mask. impressed, but surprised all the same!

now, what's an early birthday party without a really good early birthday cake? here's Dylan with his best friend Cobain admiring the beauty of a Ben 10 cake!





and, of course, the purveyor and purchaser of all things quality Ben 10 cake related, my much cherished mother-in-law. actually, on my list of mother-in-laws, she is number one on all of them that i have.




righty-ho, so how did the birthday present we got Dylan work out? very well indeed, really, especially as his Auntie Tasha got him an ace Ben 10 controller thingie for it!





it was very kind of James to sit in and be of help to Dylan in working out the mysteries and magic of the machine. James has, after all, commandeered mine as his own, and is quite a wizard with it!


well, there you go. we had a most wonderful day, and are delighted that Dylan had a very good time too!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my wondeful, magnificent mother-in-law

hi everyone


well, my darling wife and, as it happens, my mother-in-law never ever tire of telling me that i have a wonderful, fantastic mother-in-law. it is very kind indeed of them to remind me; one would simply hate to inadvertently forget this little gem of knowledge.

in the earnest and sincere hope of letting them know that i know this, i have decided to do a pictorial tribute to her. if i am very lucky, it will make them happy, and give me every excuse to snooze on the couch on an afternoon over some weekends and thus not happily and of my free will be forced to go and visit her.

here, then, is my (as mentioned) dear mother-in-law, getting ready to travel on her preferred mode of transport.





now, to the untrained eye, it might look like i have coerced her into posing on a broom to imply, suggest or even perhaps outright say that she is some sort of witch. well, as this is not a broom but some sort of leaf rake thing that i thought was a broom, there is that myth dispelled. likewise, it is wholly unfair, immoral and wrong to suggest that i refer to her as "the wicked witch of the east". if, and this is a big if, i had ever called her that, i would imagine it was only on each and every single instance in which she came up in conversation.





actually, we really do get along just fine. we have rather similar tastes and a peculiar shared sense of humour, and think that she has brought up, or is bringing up, three wonderful children.

which is why it is such good fun to post pics like this one below, i guess!





hope you have enjoyed this special tribute Monica, luvvies as ever xxxxx


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!! even, in exceptional cases, your mother-in-law !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spiros rejoice! George is free!

well, it is as you know rather rare for me to turn this site over to someone else, but my good friend Spiros made a rather passionate plea to me to include the news that Boy George is free from prison. free and, in the words of Sprios, looking like he has "really benefited from the prison lifestyle".


to be honest, i have not really followed the case of Boy George with the same kind of passion and interest that Spiros has. i believe Spiros went to the trouble of writing to him on a regular basis, and indeed forwarded him a book or two to read whilst being detained. i wouldn't say i am not interested; i would, however, stress that the affairs of Boy George do not excite or motivate me as much as they do Spiros.


well, there you go mate, hope that this update is what you wanted!!!!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

forgotten cinema - Nighthawks

it may seem rather strange referring to a Sylvester Stallone film as "forgotten cinema", but come on, how many people out there would, if asked, name Nighthawks in a list of his films? it's a bit of a shame that it is not frequently remembered, really. it's far from being a classic work of cinema, but it's a great thriller.

to put some perspective on the film, you have to remember that this was released in 1981. back then Stallone wasn't a global mega-star; he was seen (rightly) as a quality actor who could handle some action sequences and stunts. before Nighthawks, his standout roles were Rocky and Rocky II, as well as the low budget, superb trade union film F.I.S.T..

in regards of the first film of this list, it was Rocky which showcased his acting credentials. forget the excesses of the sequels III & IV to this film, then go back and watch the first one. it is a masterpiece, and not only was Stallone Oscar nominated for his performance in the film, he was frankly unfortunate not to have won.

just to emphasize the "non-big star" status of the time, look carefully at the poster. a small-ish picture of Stallone on it, and whilst he has top billing, his name is distinctly smaller than the title of the film.





this was something of a cautious casting of Stallone as a possible star big enough to carry a film; then. it set a precedent for the launch of future stars - the first posters for Die Hard bore the name of Bruce Willis is rather small lettering, and the building was considerably bigger on the poster than the image of Brucie. this was something rectified for the sequels.


the plot for Nighthawks isn't too complicated - a ruthless terrorist called Wulfgar (Rutger Hauer making his American cinema debut) is on the run, believed to be heading to New York. an aged, experienced British detective (Nigel Davenport in full-on old school English Headmaster style) travels there to train some New York cops (notably Stallone and Billy Dee Williams) with the skills to find him and eliminate him. Stallone's character is happy as an undercover cop working the streets and wants none of it; something that obviously changes but i want to try and keep this as spoiler free as possible.

in regards of Stallone cast as an honest, loyal cop just happy to keep his city streets safe for fellow New Yorkers, well, here's another clue as to just what plan Hollywood had for Sylvester. if the character sounds a bit like another famous movie cop, the look kind of gives it away. here's an image of Stallone as Deke DaSilva in Nighthawks...





.... and here, a few years before, is Al Pacino in the celebrated role of Serpico





not too different, is it? i think someone somewhere had the idea that Stallone could be "the next Pacino" with perhaps a stronger emphasis on action. the odd thing is that had Stallone won the acting Oscar for Rocky, then this is probably the path he would have taken. not many agree with my interpretation on this one, it has to be said. i think people find it easier to see Stallone as all brawn, no brain, and this is rather unfair on the gent.


so, is Nighthawks worth your time looking for? oh yes, very much so. i recall seeing it on TV some 20 or so years ago, and when i saw the DVD going for a rather low price, i had little hesitation to pick it up and look at it again. Stallone juggles the "half acting, half action" requirements of his character rather well, and makes for a convincing cop, if not quite to the level of Pacino. Rutger Hauer's debut with the English language is solid enough, and the cold, ruthless performance here was perfected in his next film where he played the career-defining Batty in Blade Runner.

Lindsay Wagner as the "love interest" has a limited role, perhaps cut to trim the film to a well paced 100 minutes. Billy Dee Williams, however, is given a decent slice of the pie in terms of lines and appearance as Stallone's partner. it's interesting, if nothing else, to see the man who would be Lando Calrissian make several (ahem) oedipal references. whereas there are no particularly outstanding performances across the board, there are no bad performances either. it's not like anyone would have signed on for this film for the accolades, but then again neither the budget nor the time was one where actors took the money and just turned up to slum it.

whilst not as celebrated in the sense that Apocalypse Now is for similar reasons, the making of the film also has many a strange story. a number of scenes were clearly cut (in particular, according to Stallone, an entirely different ending) - the evidence is in the posters and promo pics for the film, the majority of which never featured in the released version of the film. there was some trouble with unions and guilds too, for Stallone opted to direct some scenes himself when, for a range of reasons, the director (Bruce Malmuth) didn't arrive on set.

overall, as hinted at, Nighthawks is an above-average, cat and mouse cop thriller. the premise and condensed speed of the plot may approach the border of far-fetched, but it never crosses that line and certainly isn't contrived. if you want an entertaining but not too demanding film for some entertainment, and/or you are curious about the days when Stallone was cast in a film rather than the film being made around Stallone, then you can do an awful lot worse than find this movie and watch it.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iron Man returns.....

hey everyone

the first offical pic from Iron Man 2 has been released! not bad, since it's about a year since the first one hit the cinema screens.

whereas the pic below isn't all that exciting, it is at the least more interesting than the "space age alien" bed image released by James Cameron from his hugely anticipated and incredibly dull looking Avatar, i guess!





the first Iron Man was great fun, bar how disappointing Jeff Bridges one. this one sees Mickey Rourke join the cast, can only hope it's more of the same of the many good aspects!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!

Nunthorpe School, Form E1 1984 - 1989

hey everyone

i am very much indebted to Mr Colin Hart for his discovery and uploading of this ace class picture from quite a little while ago!

it is, as the title suggests, Form E1, of which i was a proud member. they have changed how they refer to the years now, but for us "old school" types, this is either us from our 4th or 5th year (late 87 - early 89) since us boys are allowed to wear the ace black jumpers instead of the navy blue pullovers and cherished school tie. if i had to state a date, i think it's 4th year, but stand to be corrected.





to my great shame I cannot recall the name of everyone on this pic - my most earnest and sincere apologies. however, on the off chance that some of my chums google their name, let me list who i can remember. this could get rather lengthy and be of little interest to the more casual reader of this site!

so, starting at the back, from the left : Alex Blackburn (had Star Wars on a double sided V2000 tape, now a surfer), Chris Marchant (wished to work with style, a connoisseur of quality clothes, music and ladies), Julia Woods (U2's With Or Without You, got me a Frankie Goes To Hollywood scarf for a birthday present), Nadine Cross (one of the most wicked laughs you would ever hear, got me a rare 12" of Frankie Goes To Hollywood's The Power Of Love for a birthday present), Marc Suthurst (always there on Monday to discuss Sunday's edition of Spitting Image - Nippon), Danielle Crawford (owns or at least owned the biggest dog in history, once suggested that i look like someone who should be called George), Kate or Katie i think (sorry!), Nicky Sinclair (talented athlete, looked like Tom Cruise and bought Whitney Houston records), and then Jamie (i think - joined us late, arrived as a bit of a wild card with pierced ears and a habit for smoking. good lad, though. i think his Dad worked for BT?).

middle row : Andrew Robinson (versatile athlete), Jonathan Goodall (Heritage Hampers, good lad), David "Milly" Milwall (once let off a can of "f#$* spray" in a Harry Sargeant music class - nice one!), your humble narrator (!!), Geoffrey Cox (a sharp wit to easily match the likes of Stephen Fry), Mark Fisher (i will bet that lawyers, guns and money feature in whatever he's up to), Jonathan Marron (an immense intellectual capacity matched by a sharp, observational sense of humour), Richard "Bozz" Morris (a champion of the BBC Acorn Electron PC, capable of ace Leonard Nimoy impressions), Colin Hart (the pic provider, had Friday 13th and A View To A Kill on the Commodore 64) and Paul Schaffer [edit - whoops! Christian, thanks Colin!] (keep thinking it's actually Craig? either way, a devout and loyal follower of Middlesbrough).


front row (and this is where the memory goes) : don't remember (sorry!), Helen Kitching (versatile singer and, apparently, world traveller), can't remember (REALLY VERY SORRY, if i recall a certain party at John O'Boyle's correctly....), Rebecca Griffiths (outstanding cross country runner, was the first person i saw when i heard that Holly Johnson was releasing a solo record and thus got a huge embrace from me), Sir Ronald Mitchell (Lord of Wales, however did he put up with us for five years?), don't remember (sorry! i deserve a beating), the exquisite Caroline McCormack (simply stunning, and a good friend), could be Vicky [edit - Vikki?] Hewson (i think, if i am right, she had an ace story about her parents daytime hobbies and a friend who was visiting discovering them.....) and finally, erm, don't remember (sorry sorry sorry!!)


well, there you go then! once again, my sincere and great thanks to Colin Hart for providing the picture, and my deepest apologies to those on the pic whose name have slipped my mind over time - sorry, the fault is mine entire.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

reflections on the idea of moving to China.....

hey everyone

well, if one were to move to China, not only would they be living in the land where The King has decided to live, they would also be subject to some pretty forward thinking regulations. check out this article for evidence to this effect!

No Ifs Or Butts: Officials Ordered To Smoke

Officials in China have reportedly been told to puff their way through four and a half million cigarettes a year.

Staff at local government offices in Hubei province were given the order in a move intended to set an example for the rest of the nation, according to state media.





And if they fail to smoke their way through 230,000 packs of locally-produced cigarettes, the officials could face fines.

Brands such as Huanghelou have been earmarked as part of the official quota.

"The regulation will boost the local economy via the cigarette tax," local official Chen Nianzu was quoted as saying in the Global Times.

The measure may also be a ploy to boost sales of local cigarette brands, under pressure from competitors in neighbouring Hunan province.

Some 350 million Chinese - including more than half of all male doctors - currently smoke, with around a million dying from smoking-related diseases every year.

State media recently reported the government was attempting to reduce the number of doctors smoking in China.


and you just know that certain Western, "civilised" Governments are just wishing that they were allowed to put this kind of plan into action!!!


be excellent to each other! if in China, smoke 'em if you got 'em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the worst book about rock n roll ever is.....

..by some margin, this horrid book called The Worst Rock n Roll Records Of All Time by two incredibly cynical, music loathing, apparently jealous and rather misguided individuals called Jimmy Guterman and Owen O’Donnell. i believe the former has some sort of "reputation" for journalism; going on this book it must surely be a self-appointed one.

the big problem with this book is that they routinely stray away from the world of Rock n Roll to have a snide go at someone (anyone), apparently so they can showcase their vast, witty and (like the last two comments) sarcastic skills. the fact that they were dumb enough to name their book about "the worst rock and roll records" and then barely include records that set out as either being rock and roll or were ever thought as such says it all. let's have a look at some of their dumber moments, though, see how they like it.

OK, a few random selections (and dismissals) from their "50 worst rock and roll singles of all time"

9. McLean, Don – American Pie
Once you start listening to the words, you’re left wondering: “What is this guy talking about?”

well, if you can't work out what American Pie is about from the simplistic, straightforward lyrics, you shouldn't be trying to review anything, let alone publishing it. the only frustrating thing about this song is that so many people think that "the day the music died" is a reference to Buddy Holly's death. it isn't; the last chorus reveals that the music died the day that fans died going to see The Rolling Stones at Altamont. speaking of whom....


20. Rolling Stones – Emotional Rescue
They didn’t care; why should we?

they are kidding, yeah? the Stones pay attention to the "disco" sound prevalent at the time, work out a killer percussion rhythm and deliver a song that tends to be a firm fan favourite. there are a number of songs from The Stones that could have gone here (Harlem Shuffle for instance), but a song that features in the top 50 Stones songs really doesn't belong in the worst 50 rock and roll songs of all time. unless, of course, you are two writers apparently insanely jealous of Mick Jagger; more on that later.


24. McFerrin, Bobby – Don’t Worry Be Happy
It is embarrassing to watch a once-defiantly-non-mainstream performer try to accommodate himself to the demands of the mass audience; it is especially pathetic when that performer does so by appealing to the lowest common denominator.

up front, this song really grates me. that said, many people out there love this song. and not one of the many people who love it would ever refer to this song as being "rock and roll". how desperate were the writers of this book and how poor was there research that they decide this little ditty is rock and roll?


29. Art of Noise featuring Tom Jones – Kiss
Jones has received many accolades from many performers who should know better (from Elvis Presley to Van Morrison), but his unctuous baritone is completely inappropriate for the falsetto lust of Kiss, one of Prince’s greatest singles.

well, there you have it, in their dismissal they miss the whole point of the record. of course Tom Jones was inappropriate for the vocals. that's the whole point of this synth-pop gem (ie not rock and roll), done slightly tongue-in-cheek for The Last Resort With Jonathan Ross TV show, proving to be so popular that it was released as a successful single.


41. Jagger, Mick & David Bowie – Dancing in the Street
… we question why these major rock figures bothered to turn the microphones on if they didn’t have anything to say. …why is Bowie yelling ‘South America!”?

nowhere near the best record ever made, but not bad for a "made on the spot" single when the proposed Bowie-Jagger duet via satellite wasn't possible for Live Aid. a charity record made for a bit of fun to do some good is all that this was. and in answer to the question to the two thick "writers" of this list, Bowie's shouting of "South America" is part of the list of places around the world that were receiving the Live Aid broadcast, the place where this song was intended for and thus made its debut.


43. Wham! – Freedom
Freedom is the transition between Michael’s unaffected trash and the affected kind.

44. George Michael – Freedom ‘90
The former Elton John wanna-be with no dance-floor credibility is now a frankly self-involved auteur with multilayered stubble.

two great summer pop songs nicely bundled together in this book as two bad rock and roll records. the lack of imagination or interest in rock and roll is perhaps best personified by the inclusion of these two singles.


if their choice of "worst" rock and roll singles is idiotic, wait until you get a load of their choices for "worst rock and roll albums" of all time. here we go.....


1. Presley, Elvis – Having Fun with Elvis on Stage
This 1974 monstrosity was subtitled “A Talking Album Only”, but it was packaged like a standard live album. There was only one minor problem: this live album had no songs on it, just the rote between-song patter, repetitious nonjokes, and flat-out stupid scarf disbursements that were epidemic at the King’s arena shows in the seventies.

yes, that's right folks, the record chosen as the worst rock and roll album of all time, by their own admission and as stated clearly on the record cover, does not have a single note of music on it. says it all, really, doesn't it? what a shame their jealousy of people with a record contract stopped them from doing proper evaluations. for the record, the albums of The King speaking to his audience stretched to 5 (five) volumes. they might not be rock and roll, they might not be music, but they were popular.


6. Milli Vanilli – the Remix Album
“Musically, we are more talented than any Bob Dylan. Musically, we are more talented than Paul McCartney”. Half the record is remixes ,with the expected random echo, scratches, and synthesizer slashes that are supposed to indicate remixing. The other half is made up of early tracks left off Girl, You Know It’s True (American Debut Album). Imagine, if you can, the existence of songs not good enough to make it onto a Milli Vanilli record.

a very funny rock and roll quote that gives a tedious link to rock and roll, certainly, but the fact remains that Milli Vanilli were a gimmick, a con or a ruse - they were categorically not rock and roll. considering the expose of the con job that this band was did get substantial coverage, it's hard to understand how they could ever feature in any serious piece of music journalism, unless it was a piece on music hoaxes and cons. it is probably a bad record, but a bad rock and roll record?


21. Dylan, Bob – Live at Budokan
Bob Dylan went to Japan and made the most preposterous live album by a major performer in the history of rock & roll.

if it's as preposterous as they claim, why are there 4 or 5 other live albums higher up their list? invariably live albums are issued by the record labels rather than at the insistence of the artist as a "cash in" or "contract filler". whether they are good or bad, including them in a rundown of the best or worst rock and roll albums of all time is just plain lazy since they are not new music and rarely feature anything but (surprise!) live versions of the better known songs. the same very much goes for the compilations that the two writers insist on including on their insipid lists.


26. Bon Jovi – Slippery When Wet
Who many clichés can you squeeze into a single pop song? Probably not as many as Jon Bon Jovi can. The callous clinker “Remember when we lost the keys/And you lost more than that in my back seat” is Meat Head Jovi’s idea of evocative storytelling.


there's an irony for you - they get around to including an actual rock and roll record on their list and then decide to refer to it as being "pop". the album is full of songs which fill stadiums and songs that people like to listen to. that's pretty much the point of rock and roll, isn't it? "evocative storytelling" in a 3 minute song is tricky; perhaps it's something to be left to novelists rather than songwriters?


50. U2 – Unforgettable Fire
They think they are the most important band in the world, and sometimes they are. On The Unforgettable Fire, they don’t even come close.

had this observation been made about the bloated, self-indulgent Rattle & Hum, it would be hard to argue. to level this criticism against U2 for an album released when they weren't global stars yet, and an album that features Pride (In The Name Of Love) and Bad tells you that the writers were just desperate to have a go at every successful artist they could think of/were insanely jealous of rather than look and listen to any actual music.


not content with slamming records for no apparent reason, they also decide to produce a list of "the worst Rock and Rollers of all time". needless to say, this also delves into the world of just being plain bitter and jealous rather than an actual look at what or why someone would be considered one of the "worst" Rock and Rollers.


although Paul McCartney (?) and New Romantic, synth pop band Duran Duran are considered "runners up" for the title, these two seem to believe that none other than Billy Joel should be seen as the worst Rock and Roller of all time, with the "criticism" being that "no single performer has done more to encourage musicians without a shred of rock credibility to think that pretending to rock out is the same thing as rocking out than Billy Joel".

i don't know all that much about Mr Joel, but if memory serves correct, he unleashed himself on the world as "Piano Man" rather than "Rock and Roll Man". calling him, then, "the worst Rock and Roller of all time" is a bit like calling him "the worst tambourine player in the world" - meaningless. the choice here is all the more strange, since what i do know of Billy Joel suggests that he is capable of "evocative storytelling" in his songs; something that apparently all "rock and roll stars" should be able to do, going on the dismissal of Bon Jovi.


the rest of the book, and i don't blame you if you find this hard to believe, is full of even worse, invalid nonsense. these two come to the conclusion that The King, Elvis Presley, was "out of touch" with the entire decade of the 1960s for reasons along the lines of he happened to have the song Stay Away out as a single around the time that Martin Luther King was assassinated. so, according to Guterman and O'Donnel, Elvis should have had enough vision to foresee the assassination of a prominent political figure, and thus would have been expected to record and release a tribute record in advance? i think you will find that the intention of The King was/is to entertain with music, not make social commentary. i guess, then, that all those songs by The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Beach Boys and anyone else you can name from the decade were all a bit rubbish according to these two, since i don't recall any startling socio-political commentary being at the core of their rather entertaining music.


this book is not "controversial", it is just plain old rubbish. the infamous article in The Times newspaper which claimed that Steve McQueen survived and was recaptured at the end of The Great Escape shows more obvious research than this, and is perhaps more relevant to Rock and Roll, good or bad, too.

it will be a dream come true if the clowns who produced the book read this and get all upset - let's see how they like it.


be excellent to each other, bar a couple of obvious exceptions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not the kind to say i told you so, but.....

hey everyone

last January i wrote an article on 15 films that you would want a sequel to. on that list was the Oliver Stone masterpiece Wall Street.

well, wouldn't you know, it seems that someone with power and influence in the world of cinema had the same good idea as me, since this article seems to confirm that a sequel is indeed on the way!

i somehow doubt my article had anything to do with this, but all the same i am glad to see that my thinking isn't in the minority!

it's great to see that Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas are in on the project, but equally disappointing that it appears Charlie & Martin Sheen have opted out. ho hum, can't have everything!!!


Greed is good, greed is right..................

When In Doubt, Fire Wildly Into The Woods

hey there

click on these words to see an excellent article on the film Predator!!!

it's one of the funniest yet most honest i have read for a while! the 8 Life Lessons one can learn from the film Predator are as valuable as they are entertaining!

here's a little taster :


When In Doubt, Fire Wildly Into The Woods





When we learn it: After his first encounter with the Predator who has just killed his squad-mate, Mac picks up old painless and peppers the nearby shrubbery with bullets. The rest of the team soon joins in.

Why it's important: It takes a whole hell of a lot of bullets, but one finally catches the Predator, spilling some of his blood and providing an important clue. It's not the most efficient model for getting things done, but it's a lot better than sitting back and doing nothing.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feeding birds

hey everyone


well, down here April is a bonanza of public holidays. there's only 17 working days in the whole month, which is bad and good. bad because, in my grown up voice, verk is somewhat slow, and i am not sure that any economy can absorb 4 or 5 non-working days in one month. good, however, as it allows everyone to catch their breath, lets one catch up on some film watching (see the two reviews posted in one day), and of course lets James run wild, in particular when he visits Grandma and Grandad!





we went over to see Grandma and Grandad on Sunday. i went off and tried to do some gift and card shopping (you don't want to know how many wonderful events we celebrate in May), Michele put her feet up, Grandma got the camera ready and James and Grandad busied themselves with the important task of making sure that there was plenty of food for the birds which frequent the garden.




as you can see in the next one, James almost reaches the top of the bird table, and he more or less gets all of the seed onto it!





James, i am happy (and indeed proud) to report, loves all animals, and enjoys nothing more than trying to look after them, feed them and play with them. this doesn't, oddly, extend to the insect royalty of ants - he gets really upset when he sees them in the garden. it does, however, extend to a wish to feed even those who take pictures of him feeding the birdies, as the next picture shows!





if you're in our part of the world, i trust that you've also made the most of all the breaks! if you are in a part of the world that would rather verk than celebrate life, well, hope the working days have not been too bad!!!!



be very excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Stone Roses

back in June 1987 the 20th anniversary of The Beatles' Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. was rather big news. it made the papers, the television news (back when there was only a 30 minute bulletin, rather than today's 24 hour channels that are always desperate to full the air) and even had a retrospective documentary on the uber-arty The South Bank Show, hosted by renowned cultural snob Melvyn Bragg.

it made the news partly because editors no doubt felt there was some good journalistic copy in celebrating the 20th anniversary of an album which began with the words "it was twenty years ago today", partly because The Beatles' albums had all just been made available on this new compact disc format, but mostly because it was a great album and seen by many as a landmark or breakthrough in the development and direction of pop music.

the album which celebrates twenty years of being with us around about now (accurate timing wasn't really an issue for this band) is unequivocally and absolutely no different at all.





The Stone Roses was, is and always shall be one of the most audacious, awe inspiring and dazzling works of art that human ears have ever been privileged to hear. without peer in its time, and very few albums have come close to the majestic beauty of it since. by fate, quirk, grand design or accident, four lads from Manchester created a sound that shall forever reverberate though the world, the known universe and all that stretches beyond.

as there are so many biographies, histories and stories of the band across the whole of the interwebnetthingie, i'm not going to trawl through their history here. other than giving a strong recommendation to the fine book The Stone Roses by John Robb, this update is purely a look (listen, if you will) to this fine album.

here it is then, track by track......





I Wanna Be Adored
i don't need to sell my soul; he's already in me

a slow, sparing build up to a monumental sound, occasionally littered with sparse lyrics about wishing to be idolized and knowing that you're going to be. this would be considered as arrogance from a band who were already worshiped by the masses, never mind some new indie band on the first track of their debut. Ian Brown sounds like a man who fully believes that he is the centre of the known world, Mani, John and Reni create a sound the likes of which you imagine primitive man once heard, didn't quite understand or comprehend but went out and built Stonehenge and the Pyramids as a tribute to it all the same.

She Bangs The Drums
Kiss me where the sun don't shine, The past was yours but the future's mine, You're all out of time

a statement of intent as much as a roving, bass-driven gem of a pop tune, She Bangs The Drums is the band delivering on the arrogance of the opening track. at times a simple love song, at times a metaphorical reference to the joy of music and drug use, mostly it's a celebration of the band knowing that theirs is the sound to command. one generation under the same groove.

Waterfall
Now you're at the wheel, Tell me how, how does it feel? So good to have equalised, To lift up the lids of your eyes

astonishing. a simplistic yet devastating rhythm compliments this apparent homage to equality, liberty and celebration of the feminine. i have yet to meet the lady who, no matter how much she proclaims to hate the band, doesn't love this track. a song to be played loud in the car, with the windows all down. arrogant and cocky the band may very well have been, but this arrogance was one they wished to spread an ideal of universal love and harmony across their domain with. they succeeded very well indeed with this track.

Don't Stop
What's the matter for everyone i feel, Pain, blues singer

this track is Waterfall played backwards. and i do mean played, as in they performed it this way rather than just feeding the tape in backwards. the lyrics, presumably, arose from what they heard playing the tape backwards. a rather strange, curious free-flowing psychedelic tune that just lets you drift away into a very fine state of mind as you hear it. you didn't want the vibe and momentum of Waterfall to stop, neither did the band; here you go.


Bye Bye Badman
Here he come, Got no question got no love, I'm throwing stones at you man, I want you black and blue and I'm gonna make you bleed, Gonna bring you down to your knees, Bye bye badman, Bye bye

ah yes, the anarchic, smash-the-state side of The Stone Roses. ostensibly inspired by the French Student Uprisings (hence the lemon motif, there's some research for you), here's the band dismissing oppressive authoritarian control with a simplistic, innocent and child-like "bye bye". and all with a great looping guitar and fantastic beat. which leads nicely into the next track.

Elizabeth My Dear
Tear me apart and boil my bones, I'll not rest till she's lost her throne

less than a minute on the record, this acoustic number is the band making it loud and clear, in softly spoken words, that The Royal Family's days are numbered. with four lines and an acoustic guitar they whip up the enthusiasm for an end to the status quo that Republican politicians can only dream of. if the sentiment of the song upset anyone, that's probably why they did it.





(Song For My) Sugar Spun Sister
It takes all these things and all that time, Till my sugar spun sister's happy, With this love of mine

it's not all pro-feminine and equality for The Stone Roses, then, as this classic sounding tune seems directed at either unrequited or demanding love from another. had the band not been destined for greatness, the line "every member of parliament trips on glue" would have been changed to something less demanding, this would have been released as a throwaway summer hit and the band soon discarded as one hit wonders. they were, however, destined for greatness, and so the song stands as it is as an anthem for the frustrations of love.

Made Of Stone
Sometimes i fantasise, When the streets are cold and lonely, And the cars they burn below me

lyrically, the song seems to be about the sacrificial, ritualistic burning of someone whom The Stone Roses clearly feel the world would be a good deal better off without. for many, Made Of Stone is the standout track from the band, it certainly established them as a band to pay attention to. a classic rock-pop number delivered with apparent ease, there's so much been said in twenty years about this song that the only thing i can say is go and play it.

Shoot You Down
When the day is done, And it all works out, I'd love to do it and you know you've always had it coming

this song completes a rather dark trilogy on the album. after the unrequited love of Sister and damnation of it on Stone, here we are in a reflective mood, realizing that the narrator is at fault, but will shoot down those in the way all the same. a somber, jazz-blues mood persuades through the musicians on this one, giving further credence to any celebration of their vast talents and delivering one hell of a song too.

This Is The One
I'd like to leave the country, For a month of sundays, Burn the town where i was born

the sound of the previous track carries on to this one, building up to some clear, perhaps special resolution. it's something of a dark twin of Waterfall, lyrically seeking escape and equality, only this time wiping the slate clean and starting again afresh. a certain large team based in Manchester and supported by the band plays this every home game before kick-off, it's not so much for the song itself as because it indeed really does serve as a prologue to something very, very special.

I Am The Resurrection
Don't waste your words i don't need anything from you, I don't care where you've been or what you plan to do, I am the resurrection and i am the light, I couldn't ever bring myself to hate you as i'd like

wow. as if the arrogance of the opening track wasn't quite as in your face as it could have been, acting as a closing chapter is the ultimate self-assured, dismissive of all who don't believe in the band, statement of intent song that you could deliver. it also happens to be one of the greatest songs of all time, if not the greatest rock song. what's the best thing you can do with a vocalist, one guitar, one set of drums and one bass? i defy you to find anything better.

the song is epic in its ambitions and scales these ambitions with ease. two minutes of venom and bile spill forth, followed by the quoted line which has to be the greatest triumph speech ever (i don't care that you hate me, i will not be you), followed by the most astonishing, whimsical instrumental coda break you have ever heard in your life. the finale of I Am The Resurrection is the sound of an coronation of a new emperor; it's the noise of victory marching over your ears. whatever it was that one was inspired to build from the sound emanating from the opening track, this closing track is the delivery of reward.





so there you have it. eleven tracks, one of which is another played backwards, and one being a short acoustic break. very few bands had released anything as ambitious or audacious before this; so very few have even tried after it.

how do you follow that album up? well, somehow, they did, releasing a single that would define the shape and sound of music for the next few years.





Fools Gold was a close to ten minute epic homage to the fledgling "e" generation, and very much the sound of one generation under the same groove. delivering this classic on the back of their phenomenal debut album gave rise to the view that The Stone Roses would reign for a very long time indeed........


....except of course, they didn't. lengthy courtroom battles, (ahem) "disagreements" with a succession of record producers, sheer laziness and a calling to different musical directions within the band led to a five or so year absence, the eventual delivery of the (at best) follow up album Second Coming, and a very sad, tragi-comical dissolving of the band.

but forget about how it ended. go back to the start. either get out your copy of The Stone Roses, go and buy a copy or, if you will, wait for the 3xlp, 3xcd, 1xusb, 1xdvd deluxe box set to be released in August and just listen to what a masterpiece sounds like.


who is and who isn't.................

Crank 2 - the most insane film ever made.

ok, let me try and review this outright masterpiece of entertainment!

first up, it would be appropriate to state *** SPOILERS AHEAD *** here. that said, when they have gone and made a film about a character last seen falling some distance from a helicopter, bouncing off a car and hitting the ground, it's difficult to know exactly what a spoiler would be. i will try and refrain from sharing some of the "surprises" in the film, in particular the cameo appearances (although the imdb page list them so be careful), but there's not much in the way of margin for surprise when the protagonist of the piece is impossibly indestructible.





the film starts with Chelios (the magnificent Jason Statham) being scooped up from the aforementioned helicopter "incident" and being bundled into a mysterious black van. as it turns out, for no given but clearly obvious reasons, someone very much wishes to get their hands on his apparently invincible heart.





it's not so much the loss of his heart that spring Chelios into action, but the next organ that they wish to take. those of you have seen the infamous "red band" trailer for the film know exactly what they wish to cut out (off) him next, and so he goes on the predictable but rather enjoyable rampage to claim his heart back.

the trick this time being that he has an artificial heart in him, and instead of requiring adrenalin to keep it going, this time he needs regular jolts of electricity to make sure it keeps beating.





well, beating or whatever it is that an artificial heart does. cue, then, many inventive scenes of Chelios needing to get electrocuted. not that, of course, it's all just him shoving electric cables into his mouth or on his body.....


....for those of you worried about there being no repeat of the magnificent "public display of affection" adrenalin charging scene from the first film, fear not at all. the wonderful Amy Smart returns as Eve, and sure enough she is conveniently on hand for another bout of "public display of affection", this time to create static electricity rather than the urgent dose of adrenalin. in a film full of laughs, this is perhaps the funniest scene, and it is certainly more public and more exotic than the similar part in Crank. oh yeah, this scene makes the film worth watching on its own!


so then, another 80 minutes of Jason Statham on a mission to absolutely knack everyone that crosses his path as he attempts to seek reunification with his heart, all filmed on a "modestly budgeted" digital camera and edited by someone who felt that the 'blipverts' out of Max Headroom was the only way to go. is it, as if my review so far hasn't hinted at, worthwhile?


oh, hell yes! if something like the mental Shoot Em Up raised the bar for all out action entertainment, this one smashes the bar into very small pieces, sticks it back together and hits a large number of people with it. Jason Statham famously turned down the chance to be in RockNRolla to appear in this and Transporter 3, and wisely so. Statham is not a bad actor, but he's clearly very comfortable with the idea of being a much worshiped and appreciated "cult actor", clearly having as much fun making this kind of film as us audiences have watching it. neither Statham or anyone else involved with the film is under any pretense of any great or noble art being on display here; the film is so much the better for it as they can just get on with the business of entertainment.

the only possible film that could be made which would be more insane entertainment than this is Crank 3. let us all hope that they are working on that film right now!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!