for a confession to start with (since this is the start, look you see) i was going to call this "absolute tw@ts in the present day". people tend to get a bit picky about such terms, however, so i thought i would go with a somewhat sanitised, if not censored, variation. but, well, you know what i mean, like.
every day it is, alas, so that each and every one of us encounters someone who is being a complete and utter tw@t. the emphasis there is very much on being, as in it is a life choice they have made and not their natural state. with just a fraction of effort they could be more better. no, alas, they opt not to be.
obviously this list is neither concise nor comprehensive, for such a list of such examples taken from all of a single day here in the UK would take up all of the space on all of the internet. to illustrate them i requested skynet (or cyberdine systems, or whatever) to generate some of them "ai" pictures. if you happen to look like anyone in them, what can i say, try and be less ("fewer") of a tw@t and our machine overlords might be kinder to you with future requests.
in no particular order, then.......
PEOPLE WHO REQUEST RADIO STATIONS PLAY "MR BRIGHTSIDE"
just how the band The Killers, and this song in particular, became so massive is inexplicable insanity. absolutely everything about the band is dull, beige, banal and bland. it's like that thing from 1984 where the human spirit and soul is destroyed, with people only singing songs written by machine. a slightly less hardcore version of Coldplay is, i think, the best description of them.
yet popular they are, and this horrid, rancid song is somehow one of (if not the) most played song in the UK this century. which goes some (considerable) way to explaining why i prefer the previous century. for some reason it is an extremely popular song at weddings. considering the lyrical content of it, well, presumably these days most people get married purely because they are looking forward to breaking up.
radio stations, in particular BBC Radio 2, are not shy of playing this song frequently. or a couple of others by the same bland band, with the incomprehensible, idiotic Are We Dancer being played far too much. why on earth people, given the chance to request any song they like, ask for one that the station has probably played already that day, is baffling and the act of a right tw@t.
by the way, anyone seething at my comments on this hideous song, before you attempt to defend it go and play Special K by Placebo, off of the Black Market Music album. note how The Killers appear to have very much "Ed Sheeraned (or whatever) it, right down to singing "jealousy" the way the superior band sings "gravity".
CYCLISTS NOT USING CYCLE LANES
the general view is that cyclists are (dangerously) nearly as bad as vegans for being all full of themselves with their "oh look at me i am saving the planet" identity. strangely, to be potentially controversial, cyclists in that there London (innit) tend to be really decent. everywhere else in the land, however, not so.
for some reason our beloved government has spent an absolute fortune (of all of our tax money) making an exhaustive set of cycle lanes everywhere. a problem with this is, outside of London (innit), cyclists simply refuse to use them. daily i encounter cyclists still doing their thing on the road with an empty cycle lane right next to them.
i wonder what would happen to moi, and my driving licence, if i went "well, yeah, i know there is a road i am supposed to drive on, but i want to drive on that cycle lane, so f*** off i am doing that". fine, perhaps? most likely points on my licence and maybe a custodial sentence for dangerous driving. no, i am not really one for the "test and tax" cyclists as some are, but they damned well should be issued with fines for not using their designated lanes.
DINNER BLOCKERS
every single f*****g dinner (lunch, posh) break it is always the f*****g same. you get half an hour or so to grab a meal deal (Tesco best, Morrisons close second, Sainsburys if you wish to pay more for less) and eat it. yet when you go to the meal deal section there is always a bunch of people, invariably the elder members of society and normally on mobility scooters or with an empty trolley, blocking the sandwiches for no apparent reason.
can they not do something else? i mean it's wonderful to see an active sense of community, but really, do they all have to meet up in front of the sandwiches down the supermarket between 12 noon and 1pm every single day? part of me is, oddly, sad that certain life choices mean i am (highly ) unlikely to make it to retirement age. i sometimes think it must be quite class to block people from going about their day, even if it is just to hear the sighs of resignation.
also, could someone not do something to make the cushions on these mobility scooters a bit more comfortable? that would (surely) mean they all stop looking like a proper bunch of (right) miserable b@stards. unless they are all in constant excruciating pain and their facial expression shows just how courageous they are being attempting to stop people purchasing a deli meat feast sandwich. bravehearts, the f*****g lot of them, give them all an MBE for their sacrifice.
CLUB 40
let it (please) be said that i am someone who(m) recognises speed limits as a limit, as in not a target. there is, however, quite the difference in going slightly slower than the limit on a road and doing some 20 to 30 miles below it. welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Club 40.
minimum age requirement to join Club 40 appears to be 80, although every now and then a (slightly) younger person can join. for other expectations you need to be absolutely terrified of the idea of driving, and must always appear petrified as you clasp your hands on the steering wheel. under no circumstances whatsoever must you ever deviate from the speed of 40 (forty) miles per hour. often i have been sat (to be honest, stuck) behind one of them and watched in disbelief as they have maintained a 40 speed all the way through a 60 zone, when it drops to 30 and then also (near schools!) drops to 20. either they have been told that doing anything other than 40 is illegal (and/or likely to kill them) or they have totally misunderstood the film Speed.
where are these people going at such a consistent speed? from what i can tell normally it's just to a particular supermarket or shop, at least a dozen miles from home, to buy the Daily Express or similar, from a retailer who(m) hires what they (the Club 40 members) consider to be people of an appropriate ethnic/nationality/religious background. bring back paper rounds and get them off the road.
BROADCASTERS
you know how them Scandinavians (or whoever it was) aren't allowed to go and club baby seals to death for their skins? or that the Japanese are not allowed to harpoon whales any more? we should really consider not losing their skills, instead letting them loose to perform their art on anyone who plays any awful sounding thing at all on the tinny, crappy speaker on their phone in a public place.
i say "anyone" but there is a type. normally it's quite sad, bald angry looking men, resplendent with nonsensical tattoos intended to make them look "hard". should you politely request that they turn it down, or preferably off, they shall of course (invariably) attempt to showcase these "hard" credentials by shouting angrily at you, or even offering you out for a fight.
people who style themselves as broadcasters are usually found either on public transport or in hospital waiting rooms. quite often they have young children with them, who(m) they are steadfast in ignoring as they focus on whatever sh!t they are playing. actually, i have taken to looking upon them with something akin to sympathetic eyes. nearly always they have clearly done a custodial sentence, presumably for spousal abuse, petty theft (and/) or non-payment of a fine. with their effete pretty boy looks they were likely quickly passed around for use as the prison b!tch, and so maybe playing utter tripe to annoy people is just their security blanket away from the big boys in the cells.
DOORWAY PONDERERS
look, just f*** off out of it, will you? please? for some reason there has been a massive upsurge, or if you like proliferation, who believe that narrow paths and doorways is the place to stop and have a little think about goodness knows what. never mind anyone behind (or in front) of you just trying to get on with what they are doing, you want to stop and consider things so everyone needs to stop and accommodate this.
yes, to an extent, these people are sometimes part of Club 40 or the Sandwich Blockers, but not exclusively. it seems age is not an essential part of just randomly stopping and contemplating life choices. we are too polite under the laws of the English way of doing things, if we simply had the will and the courage to barge them out of the way they would soon learn to cease doing it.
SMOKE GENERATORS
as an old school smoker (sorry) i do find it hilarious that, somehow, "vaping" is the more better thing. it strikes me as these things must be even more addictive than cigarettes, for "vapers" appear to have to have their device permanently in their hands.
despite all of the no smoking laws very clearly being applicable to e-cigarettes, vapes and what have you, for some reason vapers believe they are exempt. all too often i have seen them have a puff (as it were) in buildings which are clearly no smoking zones. much like the broadcasters no one dare say anything to them. just this last week someone was stood doing it (vaping) in a supermarket.
of course if you question them you get the "it's harmless it is just flavoured water (or liquid)" response, like some valid defence. it might well be harmless, but it is not in any way, shape or form pleasant. most of the scents for these vapes these days are particularly repugnant. usually they are a far from subtle blend of elderberry, strawberry bubble-gum and how one imagines Pat Butcher's vagina smelt during the more prolific business end of her sexual career. just because it is not as harmful as they assure us second hand cigarette smoke is does not mean it is pleasant or welcome. go f*** off to the proper areas designated like (nearly all of) us smokers accept we have to, thanks.
well, that will do for this list. quite (or very) likely i have missed off one or two you also get annoyed encountering. perhaps a follow up post shall, well, follow.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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