and so the invisible war against the new plague rages still. despite the best (or worst) efforts of certain nations to engage (or provoke) actual, 'proper' and all too real wars, it remains that as something akin to a population of a planet the fight against the virus is far from done, look you see.
by no means is it, of course, that we, the people are unified in our crusade. at first, sure, we were, when just for a moment the whole world sensed that we may very well be gone proper f****d if we didn't somehow work together to quell it. even the incumbent dictator of the scottish parish council stopped biting the heels of grown up, actual politicians momentarily. for just a little while, there was a sense in the air of the people of this planet being as close to united as ever, quite possibly for the first time since, blimey, Live Aid, i suppose.
still, that's all gone now. pockets of people around the world seem to have decided on their own ways of fighting the war. our friends down under, and their neighbours, for instance, believe that if they just pretend they are all out and don't answer the door to no one it will go away. our friends in America were, of course, inclined to shoot at it for a little bit then run away, which generally has mixed results for them. also, we had some lovely throwbacks to less enlightened times, with people doing things like sacrificing statues to the water gods and burning down phone poles on the off chance it might make it all better.
mostly, here, in England, we have resigned ourselves to the fact that the war cannot be won as such, but a stalemate is possible. with a sigh, usually reserved (under the laws of the English way of doing things) for middle order batting slumps or less than satisfactory "summer" weather, our approach is now to just get people to check if they have plague or not on a regular basis, and if they do then for goodness sake stay at home. with some fortune this whole vaccination thing may help defeat the high numbers of people infected, but also still some wish to keep sacrificing phone poles rather than getting a jab or two. well, two, actually, as apparently just the one does not work.
for testing, we get these lovely, plastic heavy kits posted to us, as and when we ask. these have all the stuff in them one needs to do a rudimentary scientific (perhaps more biological) experiment on themselves, or someone else if they are of a mind to, so as to determine if they are inflected with the brave new plague. as part, or consequence, of verk, i do at least two of them a week, sometimes a few more, if it feels wise to engage in a more frequent amount.
now that i have both mentioned it and thought of it, if not in such a specific order, of all the conspiracy theories floating around i am surprised no one has suggested that the whole new plague business is nothing more than the plastic(s) industry striking back. over the last few years the plastic industry, or industries, have all but been wiped out. this is mostly down to that scandinavian lass having all them temper tantrums; ones that you or i might have had given a f*****g good hiding for, rather than a press conference hastily arranged to discuss whatever dreams we had that may have been stolen. anyway, since one cannot be critical of her (yes she can say what she likes and don't you dare question it, she is only a child, you bully), plastic is all but gone, as exhibited by them sh!t paper straws. yet, for all these test kits, masks, gloves, breathing equipment and whatever else is required to wage war on a plague some remain convinced does not exist, well. i suspect we have all of a sudden produced more plastic in the last (nearly) two years than was made in the previous two decades or so. money in the bank for those what followed the sound advice given in the documentary The Graduate.
rather an interesting change dynamic with all this so-called home testing business, actually. which is kind of the point. somehow i have waffled on without getting to that which i wished to write of, which is how they have changed the testing kits for plague, here in England. generally we get a bit upset by change, but eventually we tend to ultimately embrace it.
getting down to business, then, and originally these test yourself for plague at home a whole bunch of times kits were in some standard, perhaps staunch, no-nonsense blue and white boxes. evidently someone decided these were not quite effective enough, and so a change has come. now, when one orders a kit, they get this predominantly green and white set, although there are dashes of other colours. particularly, i see, on (or within) what i take to be an artists' impression of what the plague virus thing may look like.
inside the box and the test is slightly different, too. much of the kit to test with is far more posh, almost elegant as point of fact. also, gone is the need to ram the bud thing down your throat until you jolly well, and by that i mean f*****g, choke on it. one just has to do the nose test aspect of it all, and leave it all in the unspecified liquid thing for a little longer than the other, original one.
one possible, plausible reason for the change in how one conducts (or does) the test is, apparently, we are getting these test kits off of a different maker, or manufacturer if you will. i have my doubts. anyone who has purchased some shady things off of the great virtual car boot sale of the internet knows to be rather wary of any seller who says "UK stock". scrolling down tends to reveal that the business is, as point of fact, registered and based in China. which is where these test kits come off of, or from.
whilst i lack as much proof (or evidence) as i do interest (a sentiment i dare say many of you still reading shall share), i have my doubts. my suspicions are that these are all made in the very same place, like "legit" charging cables off of China, and this new address and business name exists purely for tax purposes. but that delves into the world of conspiracy theories, which generally i avoid.
yet that said, someone recently (and i think i may have mentioned this in passing) tried to show me some sort of video on an "internet" thing, proclaiming that it spoke 'the truth' of these home test kits. apparently, and they were excited to share this, the cotton bud swab thing one inserts into mouth and or nose, are laced with something which causes instant cancer. how very interesting that someone should approach me with such a concern whilst i happened to be enjoying a cigarette (sorry). i would be bold enough to suggest that it is, perhaps, somewhat late in the day for me to be concerned about introducing things to my system what might cause cancer, or similar.
another theory, which for some reason i find interesting, is that smokers have something of a grounded or based advantage in the war on the plague. someone put forward a view that the bits of our systems, lungs and so forth, what smokers knack actually damage the parts what this plague attempts to "latch on" to, or whatever, making it more difficult for a regular smoker to get infected. blimey. that's good news, and i trust soon various draconian anti-smoking laws will be redacted, and the tax lowered. except, of course, that if a smoker gets the plague, they are going to be proper f****d because of that damage already well and truly done. oh.
right, well that's just about that from somewhere behind the front lines of the invisible war against the new plague. indeed, yes, i keep doing these tests, and they have so far all come back as negative, which is to say no, i do not have plague. any silences here might come from the tests not being quite so negative at some stage, and i become, at last, a statistic.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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