time again, then, look you see. another glance into the future for you, using my special powers in the dark arts, extracted from knowledge that is known but was always intended to remain unknown. normally it would be acceptable and right to say that my "mortal soul" is at risk by learning such, but as i have pointed out before according to science i am immortal. this will remain to be the case until science proves conclusively that i can, as point of fact, die or otherwise be killed in some fashion or other. with this failing to happen, the empirical scientific answer is that i shall, much to the disgust and contempt of some, live forever.
quite an unusual twist in my vast powers of summoning answers now for questions then, with then being one day in the future. it is the case that these powers, if powers is the appropriate word, have been doubled by my obtaining a second device to consult for tales of the future.
yes. to go along with my powerful and all seeing, all knowing Magic 8 Ball, i now have something called a "bitter lemon". in truth, it had not occurred to me to see a lemon as a conduit to knowing the future. for me, a lemon was - simply yet effectively - an important ingredient in the type of shampoo what Jason Donovan uses. or used, at least, for he mentioned such in an interview he did in the late 80s, on a children's tv show if i recall right. but, when i saw it on sale in Poundland for 50p, i knew it was meant to be, that i must have it.
anyway, it is unlikely you want to know the technical stuff, just answers to questions of the future. to this end, i have posed questions to the Magic 8 Ball and the Bitter Lemon. in this instance, then, i have summoned my powers to ask key sociopolitical questions that many shall be demanding answers for. so best to differentiate which device speaks which future, the answers provided by the bitter lemon are the ones presented in yellow across what follows.......
will Japan win the war against whales?
SO IT SHALL BE
NOT LISTENING
shall Brexit be a spectacular success?
WHEN PIGS FLY
CHANCES AREN'T GOOD
will Trump make America great, apparently "again"?
CONSULT ME LATER
NO SH*TS GIVEN
shall Scotland be free of English "oppression" and become a minor slave state of the EU?
NO, U KNOB
VERY LIKELY
will France surrender to the first person that asks?
CANNOT FORESEE NOW
I DON'T CARE
shall Australia win the Eurovision?
NOT LISTENING
YOU CAN COUNT ON IT
well, quite interesting that. but before i go on, yes, the answers to questions that are key from the Magic 8 Ball above are indeed in green. why? to be sure, why not.
just how often it is that the Magic 8 Ball and the Bitter Lemon either agree or disagree is almost as curious as how coarse and crass the Bitter Lemon is with certain answers. quite an uncouth mouth, this device to tell the future has.
due to the remarkable popularity of these tales of the future, yes, indeed, i shall do some more at a later date. in the future, so to speak, although to say such feels like a terrible joke or poor play on words, considering the subject matter. for now, though, however, i can only hope that some or all of the findings in this incident have been useful or beneficial for some of you.
sublimis inter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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