the gift of hartlepool

bonjour


for many, many people, look you see, to refer to Hartlepool as innovators is to do them a serious, if not quite grave, injustice. it is rather better to refer to them as the ambassadors of innovation, or even the personification of what it is to innovate.

most famously this is, to be sure, illustrated and emphasised by their strict, no-nonsense approach to the French, France in general and anything which might be French. you can read the specifics by clicking these words here, but in short basically if you might be interpreted as being even slightly French then do not step a single foot within Hartlepool, for you shall be hung until you are dead, and then again.

the approach taken by Hartlepool towards all things French is one that the vast majority of the world simply say "yes" to, or oui if they are feeling particularly brave or at a safe distance from their penchant for impromptu yet fabulous show trials. it remains to be seen whether or not the similar view Hartlepool has towards cars catches on the same.

yes, dear reader. i went to Hartlepool. proof of this is pictured above, and so may it also be below, in the form of a penalty fee i was given for having the temerity, audacity and nerve to not so much go in an automobile but to park it and step outside of it momentarily.

it's quite difficult to know what they want, really. the fine was issued within one single, solitary minute of a so-called "offence" being observed. perhaps the Borough Council of Hartlepool, in their infinite wisdom, have plans, ideas, ambitions and desires to turn their anti-French plains into a quasi Jurassic Park area, as in you may go there in a vehicle but under no circumstances may you exit that vehicle.

oh, sure, where i stopped there was some sort of sign saying "permit holders only", of which i was not a member of such a select band. but every street near where i was required to be had the same. as every single business premises bar a bookies was boarded up, shuttered and had for sale or to let signs on them i figured a momentary stop would do no harm. now, to my cost, i know better.

and just how much am i to pay for the privileged of parking in an exclusive area of the generally exclusive world of Hartlepool? £70, reduced to £35 if i pay within 14 (fourteen) days of the issue. the latter is proving complex and tricky, for their website where they said i could pay says that "the service is not available". perhaps Hartlepool is struggling with all this new "internet" thing, or has suspected it of being French and currently are hanging some servers and fibre optic cables after an impromptu, mostly fair trial.

is it that Hartlepool harbours a dream of being the first truly carless land in our fine nation? whilst they have roads, and surely some of the fine citizens of the place have learned to drive, they seem keen not to let anyone actually stop their car anywhere. maybe it is a tribute to that one episode of Doctor Who, where all the space aliens drove round and round in their space cars for several years. it was a David Tennant Doctor Who episode; that is all i can recall.

yes, a little later in the day - for i was not going to allow the small matter of a "you are not welcome here" fine prevent me from enjoying the picturesque charms of Hartlepool - i did indeed discover where they keep all the lavish parking bays where you, a commoner who is not a permit holder, may park. for a fee, of course, but £1 for 2 hours is somewhat better than what i paid for a few moments.

quite, i did indeed curse my misfortune at finding an alternative, suitable and perfectly serviceable parking area later on. but, what is done is done.

my recollection of the incident day was that it was pouring with rain and there was basically no one else around. this, indeed, is the circumstance in which many believe Hartlepool is best experienced. anyway, i suspect the traffic officer was the only other person around at that time, not that i saw them. undoubtedly he, or she, felt that their day was all the more worthwhile and beneficial for issuing me with this penalty.

right, i am going to go and watch those splendid scenes of Rob Brydon in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels on repeat, see if that cheers me up.

there it is, then. a painful, hurting, humiliating scar associated with me and my character for life. anyone who investigates or otherwise audits me shall see this and know that i did something what upset the employed authorities of Hartlepool. they will wonder how i escaped a trial. 

do i consider the so-called "Hartlepool dream", which is to say visiting Hartlepool, worthwhile despite this most unfortunate incident? sure, why not. if for some reason you want to go there, or need to be there, just battle through their confused, bewildered and quite scared approach to cars. they will get used to them in time, i have every confidence.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dutiful day of release

greetings


every now and then i am, look you see, prone to purchasing something out of a sense of obligation or responsibility. invariably, or if you like usually, this is to do with having the entire set of "complete works" of someone or something.

this, mindful of the risk of sounding like one of them psychotic, no sense of perspective "fanboy" types, was surely and truly tested to the full on Monday. as many of you shall be aware, the Monday just gone was, but of course, the DVD and Blu Ray release date for Star Wars Episode VIII : Battlestar Galactica. or, if you like, Star Wars The Last Jedi; for so it is scribed on the box.

at the time of seeing it down the pictures i gave this an average to mediocre and dull review. many fellow Star Wars fans felt the same, with only paid, employed movie critics declaring it to be "the best thing ever". early, provisional talk of Mark Hamill winning an Oscar for playing Luke Skywalker again faded right around the time he commenced milking some sort of space cow. at least, let us assume it was milking what he was doing.

for me, this was a film that the more you think about it, the worse it was. perhaps i should watch it again - maybe sat comfortably at home it won't seem "all that bad". but, then again, just the thought if not prospect of committing about 30 minutes south of 3 hours to it once more is daunting and displeasing.

so why buy it? well, i have the rest of the Star Wars films, so it seemed silly not to. this, i know, is the entire Disney business model for the films. presumably they are quite confident that people such as i shall buy it whether or not we like it, simply for the name on the box. also, the boys and my (considerably) better half seemed to like it more than me. perhaps they are the target market, then.

given two choices of "exclusive, limited edition" slip cases, i went with the "resistance" one, showing the ostensible heroes of the film. the alternate, the "first order" one, was quite frankly rubbish. so bad that i elected not to bother taking a picture of it for here.

it is with some interest i note that the box artwork, and indeed the credits for the film at the back of the bottom of the packaging, exclude the "Episode VIII" or if you will "Episode 8" aspect of the title. from what i remember some fans - a few hundred thousand, give or take - requested via some sort of petition that Disney just delete this film, makes a proper Star Wars Episode VIII, and we will all pretend this did not happen. this is unlikely, considering the hectic, locked in schedule they have for further films.

of course, the alternate is that, after some 40 years of mixed results, perhaps the concept is exhausted, maybe there are simply no more Star Wars stories to tell.

no, i am not "angry" with the film in any "fanboy" sense. i just really don't understand why they did what they did. dragging some of the original cast back after 30 years was a nice, sentimental touch, but in all cases they have gone out of their way to ruin or change the characters. cocky, suave Han Solo was turned into a bumbling idiot. Leia was OK, i suppose, but Luke was totally knacked. also, "inconsistencies" in the plot narrative, to say the least. how come "force ghost" Yoda turns up when Luke is about to set fire to a tree, but for some reason did not when Luke was going to kill a young Jedi trainee (padawan?) because he "might" have gone bad?

worst of all, here in Episode VIII, was the ruination of perfectly good new characters. Finn, Rey and Poe turned out to be really sensational, ace new heroes in Episode VII : Mission To Moscow. here in Episode VIII, they are given entirely different characteristics, and all three of them are made to be dull, of no interest and frankly boring.

there are two questions about Episode VIII : Battlestar Galactica, or if you like Star Wars The Last Jedi. first off, why did they make it like they did? at best, genuine innocence or a belief that they really were making a decent film. a darker possibility is that the incumbent owners of Star Wars absolutely hate it, and think the fans are stupid. if this is so, then perhaps they have thrown billions at it so as they may make uber billions to prove the point of how easily fools and money can be parted.

one would have to assume that we shall never truly know the answer to that first question. the second, however, will be answered in good time. just what is that question? how the hell are they going to wrangle another, supposedly final, story out of the convoluted mess of what happens in Episode VIII to make an at best semi decent film for Episode IX? again, perhaps it is just me, but there's no possible two hour story that could be told at the end of that one.

so there, it is sat in the collection. perhaps the boys will have a watch of it again at some point; maybe i will.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when sledge is life

g'day


there are, look you see, several differences between us here in England and our friends in Australia. one which is most pertinent to this post, before you read on, is how each of our great cultures understands the word "sledging".

should you find yourself in Australia and suggested that you wished to engage in some sledging, you would be directed to the nearest cricket pitch. and, believe me, there are many of them. to an Australian, to be sure, to conduct some sledging is to discuss, in rather intimate and indeed personal terms, the sister, mother, daughter, aunt or similar female relative of an opponent in a game of cricket.

whereas we English will, but of course, reciprocate these expressions of interest in kind as and when invited to do so, usually sledging brings to mind something entirely different. for us, then, sledging is to do with snow, which in fairness is not something Australians get all that much of.

oh, yes. this is another "throwback" sort of thing to the death of February and the arrival of March; those hedonistic days in which we got a right battering in terms of snow off of something called "the beast from the east" and someone called "Storm Emma". it is, i think, the third or fourth instance of me posting on the subject.

why so late or so long after it all happened? well, i kind of discovered the "schedule" button a while back. i have taken a shine to it, really, and so tend to do blog posts a month or so in advance. well, 3 - 4 weeks. partially this is all done to just let me get posts done here for those interested as and when i get chance. mostly, though, it is because death listens. and should death hear that i am ready, well, it kind of partially amuses me to think that statements from me shall seep or otherwise eke out with me no longer here.

in terms of the latter, hopefully that is all not any time soon, of course; although some will wish it to be so now. that is, however, not what we are here for. no, instead, it is all a celebration of William's celebration of some widespread, decent and "proper" (as in not "fanny") snow befalling our lands.

as we were touched with this proper snow - the kind of which that is rather deep and does not go away in what you would consider a hurry - William expressed an interest in having a go at this "sledging" business. my initial reaction was, of course, to teach him how to explain to the fellow cricketer who enquired about weight that it was down to said players' wife presenting him with a cookie whenever a certain act had been performed, but that should wait a few years.

off i went, then, to a local business what was selling these sledges. despite the high level of demand the pricing was not unreasonable at £9.99, or if you will just 1p south of £10. this investment carried a risk, of course - it might have been that William tried to sledge once and did not like it, and that was some 95% - 97% of a pack of Marlboro wasted on some plastic. as the pictures thus far have probably revealed, however, he loved it.

how about a look at the landscape, or if you will scenery, of where we went off to sledge? and why not, since i had a relatively decent digital camera and not just my phone with me. but also remember that i am not the greatest of photographers, and anyway i have compressed the image here to make it all easier for it to load up for you.

that, or this, is indeed an area of quite magnificent, unequalled beauty near by where we live. it's also been the spot for years where the young and the old of our village have congregated as and when the snow has descended to engage in some sledging. well, quasi sledging. some of my fondest memories involve bombing down this hill and similar within the conduit of an ICI plaggy bag.

other things have changed, too. back in the 70s and 80s this land on which we sledged and continue to sledge was under the custodianship of an easily angered, rural, farmer type. at any hint of snow he used to ensure that the bottom of the hill was a reservoir, or if you will veritable treasure trove, of barbed wire, broken glass and similar. the thinking would be that we would not go sledging on what he viewed as his land if we were liable to get all FUBAR (google it) at the conclusion of the ride.

some video of me before the beauty? why, sure. any screams you can hear are of the children bombing down the hill on sledges, honest. mostly, however, i suspect you shall hear the strong gusts of winds what battered all of us out, or maybe some of my struggles to breathe with my penchant for not quitting or cutting down considerably cigarettes being somewhat responsible.

a concern i had in putting this post together was it being "William heavy". i do my best to try to make this all fair and equal when it comes to updates on the boys. well, i suppose James gets the brunt of coverage here during cricket season.

the problem of getting updates concerning James when it snows is that he has expressed exceptional displeasure with the stuff. he did go out and have a go at (non-cricket) sledging himself. after ten minutes he felt, or believed, that the fun aspect most certainly did not outweigh the cold, the wet and the frozen body, and so went home. now, mostly, when it snows he remains indoors.

but circumstances determined that James would indeed go out in the snow, hence the above image of him existing. no, not school - that got closed down for four days whilst we battled the weather. and no, i am sure they did not close down school for us when it snowed, we got sent regardless and got belted off our parents and teachers if we dared to be all fanny about it and suggest it was too cold.

this travel out into the snow was down to James being invited over to one of his mates to celebrate a birthday or similar. celebrations which turned into one of them impromptu "sleepover" parties. he had to walk home, for the Met office soothsayers, charlatans and wizards of the weather had declared a "red alert" for our area. what this means is that the insurance companies have an excuse not to pay for any car related incidents, as apparently one should not drive under a red alert.

well, back to the sledging, then. here's William, honest, off in the distance, after completing a relatively successful run on one of the more gentler slopes what one does some non-Australian sledging on.

for William this was all love at first sight, or first descent, or first experience. he declared sledging to be the best thing ever, after also declaring snow to be the best thing ever. unlike James, William needs no encouragement or particular reason to be out in snow. as point of fact, in certain instances we have had to lock up the house and physically restrain him from being out in it, he loves it so much.

some video of William bombing down on a, or rather the, sledge? sure, why not. to be honest this is not the greatest or best of runs he had - and he had many - but somehow i managed not to film his most excellent, Olympic quality ones. but let me shut up now and make way for the video.

actually, that was a pretty decent run, now that i look at it again.

one hurdle or barrier to having fun whilst sledging is the uphill return. having bombed down the hill on the sledge i can remember it being somewhat of a downer to have to drag the sledge / ICI plaggy bag all the way back up to do it again. well, that was a downer and removing all the barbed wire or broken glass out of aspects of your body with thanks to the joyless farmer.

in fairness and with all credit, though, William seemed to love the walk back up as much as the ride down. not once, for instance, did he turn and ask me to carry the sledge up for him.

this is no doubt all due or down to him having a spectacular and splendid time with several friends who were also making the most of the snow. it seems they spoke of how awesome the sledging was as they walked up, discussing the strategy for the next run.

when i was of an age when sledging was something i did i dare say we had no such conversations. one would, after all, soon get bored of hearing how fantastic and awesome i was at it, and how i was oh so much better than anyone else.

much to the distress of William we could not, of course, spend as much time as he wished out on the hills. exactly how much time he wanted to be there was "all of it". to resolve this issue, he and his mother, also known or referred to as my (considerably) better half, had the genius and wise idea to construct a sledge in the back garden.

yes, there was that much snow to allow us to do this, and yes even James agreed it was smart and agreed to go and have a go on it.

some video of the sledge hill in the garden? why not.

yes, that is indeed and of course William running down it. i do keep wanting to call it a "sledge ramp", but that would be wrong. the idea of a ramp is that you go up it, not down, is it not.

make no mistake with the above comments, by the way. as much as William loves the snow, he is by no means immune to feeling the cold of it. yes, indeed, he found it most chilly - but not quite so chilled as to not be out having fun in it.

i do really rather like this picture above, the last of this post. not because it shows he who my (considerably) better half assures me is my son being cold and freezing, but rather because he has an ace, boss David Lee Roth like expression on the go.

well, then, that's that for yet another post on all that snow. perhaps by the time this gets published and goes "live", all and sundry will have forgotten of it. if so, may this be a most pleasant of reminders.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hard dane

hej med dig


it is a truth universally acknowledged, look you see, that modern day Scandinavia is renowned and celebrated for two things. these are pornography and furnishings what one assembles within the confines of their own home. what i propose to do, or shall attempt, in this post is to look at 50% of these celebrated items.

mostly when it comes to these two aspects it is Sweden of the Scandinavian area what gets all the fame, accolade and association. whilst it is most certainly true, or if you like trew, that yes, they do deliver some pretty impressive quality on both fronts, the real gems of them come from Denmark.

and this is how, dear reader, if you have continued to read on with this, it came to be that i took ownership of a Danish bedside cabinet. yes, i suppose, now that i think, in essence this combines the two qualities most keenly or acutely associated with the Scandinavian region or area.

just about all of this, visually in terms of pictures, is very much going to be presented in Commodore 64 mode, so you know. it's better this way or that way, do you not think or agree?

one of the more immediate or interesting questions you might have, should you have some sort of curiosity, is why exactly i was in a position where a bedside cabinet was required. there is no untoward story or concern here, i am sorry to disappoint. whereas i had a perfectly serviceable bedside table, this one just so happened to catch my eye. i felt it would be better, maybe even more appropriate, to have this rather than what i had, and so it came to be. thus far it has proven so.

the reasonable pricing, as illustrated in the image above and the one below, also factored. for just a simple, single and maybe solitary penny south of £20, to be sure, i could have some fine Danish wood in what is ostensibly my bedroom. every dream has a price, whether you knew you had the dream or not. should that price be or seem reasonable, then why not pay it.

an aspect i quite like of this self assembly cabinet is that them in Denmark are not going to seek to make it all that easy for you, or if you look at it from another side they are not to treat you as idiots. whilst the more famous Swedish self assembly furniture lot make it all easy and simple, the Danish concern - whose name escapes me for the moment - don't really go in for that sort of approach.

rather than neatly label everything, the Danes, or the Danish, or them off of Denmark, just give you all the bits and some lettering stickers, pictured above. for them, the approach is very much one of "if you want to have a system where one can easily connect a to a, b to b and so forth, you can have it, but you can do that bit yourself as we are not particularly interested".

for those interested in how the Danes would say the above, or at the least how Google translate reckons the Danes would say the above, hvis du vil have et system, hvor man nemt kan forbinde a til a, b til b og så videre, kan du få det, men du kan selv gøre det selv, da vi ikke er særlig interesserede. should it be that any obscenities feature in that translation, they are accidental and thus do not count so no apology will be issued at this stage.

just what constitutes as Scandinavian these days? traditionally it is a term which is used to reference Sweden, Norway and of course Denmark. popularly it is adopted as a phrase by those far too lazy to name each country (or kingdom) in its own right, but also can be used when you have forgotten which specific nation you want to speak of, or simply cannot be bothered to work out which is which. on a personal level, and for entirely personal reasons, i quite like to lump Finland in with my own definition of "Scandinavian", but you of course do not have to.

the intention here is to celebrate this "hidden gem" that is Danish self assembly furnishings off of Denmark. it is not to disparage or otherwise slander the rather more famous Swedish variation. indeed, at times and on certain instances i have assembled the famous Swedish stuff, and make use of such on a fairly regular basis. it is all perfectly serviceable. also, in terms of the other thing what the Scandinavian province is famous for, well, if someone came up to me and said "how about a nice bit of Swedish porn?", i would say yes, thank you very much, rather than rejecting it for not being Danish. presented with a choice, in either instance, i suppose i would simply elect to select the Danish offerings.

for me, and i can only of course speak so, the most exciting part of this self assembly bedside cabinet is that they gave me a big bag of nails for the construction. this was Denmark saying to me "let us not be a big fanny about this". Sweden's self assembly ambassadors are, of course, known for not only not giving you nails, but for going to perilously extreme lengths to advise you not to take nails to their wares. how refreshing that Denmark should go in an entirely different direction.

no, in the grand scheme of things, they weren't them chunky, damage inviting six or nine inch nails which one would use for outside concerns. it was just them little ones what held the thin wood - plywood? - to the back of the cabinet. but i mean, still, i was enabled to use a hammer and, for a change, use it for the purpose to which end it was ostensibly invented for.

yes, Thor - actual, real Thor, not that Australian lad - was or is indeed Scandinavian. Norse, specifically, which i take as to mean out of Norway, which falls into the definition. so no, i just used a standard hammer rather than a fancy one off of the gods. also, i don't recall singing, humming or even considering Immigrant Song as i used the hammer, but i might have. perhaps a lost opportunity, but no matter - my life has, after all, been littered or characterised by such and as such.

one of the biggest, if not the most major, areas of appeal for me with this bedside cabinet was the drawer. the table i had been using, reasonably in comfort, featured no such accessory or aspect. for some reason, and maybe it is would be best to leave it as unidentifiable, the idea of a drawer was exciting. it just seemed a nice, neat place to store away items such as whatever book i was presently reading, and indeed my spectacles, for i do not wear them as i sleep.

how did i find the construction of the bedside cabinet of Denmark? rewarding. sure, it was not as fast or as easy as one i could have gotten off of that there Swedish lot, but still. other than being a lot lower in cost, there was a great sense of satisfaction to be had in putting this all together with no errors. not bad at all, considering the low ranking my abilities and skills with such would have in general terms.

bacon would be the other thing what Denmark is known for, i suppose. for some reason i believe connoisseurs and experts get all excited about Danish bacon, claiming it is the finest. for me, well, i do not believe i have ever asked the origin or provenance of any bacon which i have eaten. cost, to be sure, and what i feel like eating have always been a priority. also, i tend not to dine at establishments where such questions would be encouraged or in any way welcome.

indeed, no, i have never been to anywhere one would call Scandinavian. obviously i have purchased a thing or two from there, and seen many of their most splendid films intended for a more mature in terms of age audience. indeed, one or two things off of me have been sent there, too. and, for all i know, the people of the nations what form that geographical expression read this blog from time to time, which is nice.

as you possibly don't need me to highlight i pretty much ran out of things to say of this fairly early on into the post, but mumbled on. to finish, then, above is a non-Commodore 64 mode look at the finished bedside cabinet, off of Denmark and what i made.

well, anyway. if the question posed at any stage was one of if Danish or off of Denmark self assembly furnishing are a worthwhile investment, i would say yes should you either want, wish or need for the specific furnishing in question. nice one Denmark, cheers.

indeed, quite, i would have an interest in getting some self assembly stuff off of Norway and also Finland, with the latter perhaps being the priority. no idea why, but it would be nice.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

darkness on the edge of town

heya


perhaps i am being naive, optimistic or ambitious. of which i am certain, look you see, is that i am neither innocent or ignorant in this, for those days have long since gone. but still, to be sure, i believe, or if you will hope, that everyone has a place in society. even those of us who, to be frank, hate all others within that society.

usually those who despise others can find a role or place in the world which allows them to contribute to society as they actively flaunt their hatred of others. the most common vocations of this nature are traffic wardens serving Hartlepool, as well as postal, parcel and other such mail delivery employees. many other such opportunities no doubt exist, but those are the main ones in which you are likely to encounter such.

a role which someone who absolutely, resolutely hates people in general and society as a whole should not, under any circumstances, take is that of British Prime Minister. how very unfortunate that no one thought to mention this when at the time Theresa May took the role, or now when someone called Viktoria Skripal out of Russia is asking Mrs May to behave, i reluctantly quote, "as a human being".

i have every confidence you know the details of this. if not, well, here are some links. choose what you will, depending on your affiliation or political preference. here's the BBC, the Daily Mail, the Independent, Sputink News (not related to Sigue Sigue as far as i can ascertain) and for good measure, the yee haa, muddafuggin' gawd damn American NY Times. hopefully that covers all bias.

so, anyway, young Viktoria, or if you like and it is appropriate Ms Skripal, has asked of Theresa May why she is not being a decent, normal human being, and why is she keeping her apart from her family, who as you may know happen to be in Britain presently and are somewhat ill; for reasons some have claimed but not yet proven.

Ms Skirpal, i am so sorry to have to say this to you, but i suspect you know this. Mrs May hates people, hates families and loathes the idea of anyone being in "her" country. the only known people we know she will tolerate are a small group of Italian immigrants living in her constituency, and even then this is not known as truthful - perhaps she was being unusually polite when she said that as she was in Florence at the time; a place i am sure one of her advisors will have mentioned as being in Italy.

exactly how far does her, Mrs Theresa May, allow her hatred, dislike, disgust and contempt for people and society go? as far as possible. this i know as fact, from experience. whilst she, when (choking as i write this next bit) "served" as Home Secretary, well, in fairness she did not outright deny then 7 year old and 3 year old British citizens the right to live in Britain, but she did try to make it so that if they did then it would be without their mother. yes, you read that right - Theresa May made it so that some had to choose between their own mother or their country,  and she was quite all right with this action.

with Ms Skirpal it is of course slightly different, but no less of a mess. unfortunately the current situation with Russia is one which is seemingly being used by Mrs Theresa May to indulge some sort of warped fantasy she has in which she is, and is regarded and respected as, seen as a sort of Judi Dench as "M" in the James Bond films. with, i kid you not, man of action Boris Johnson in the James Bond role. if nothing else - and there probably is nothing else - it would certainly explain the hideous leopard skin shoes she (May, not Judi, bless her, she can do what she likes) insists on wearing.

all the horrible, disgusting, despicable and inexplicable decisions Theresa May took as Home Secretary are, as thankfully as sadly, coming to the fore of late. with visas and rights of entry to the UK she sought to prevent families and loved ones being together, destroying relationships or at least causing financial hardship. for those actually living here, well, her decisions with regards to what the constabulary can and cannot do have been pointed at as a significant reason for the high number of stabbings and murders presently on the go.

the only good thing about Theresa May's evil, tyrannical and unforgivable reign and political career is that not just will one day it end, but you know it will end in comedy, farce and humiliation. whilst that day cannot come soon enough, one - or if you like i - really just wishes that all the horrible, mean, nasty and destructive things she has done could be worked on in order to be undone.

outside of one fairly obvious, i would have thought, exception........



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is it any wonder i reject you first

hello there


indeed, yes, quite, look you see. i do myself wonder if it is really all that necessary for me to keep you up to date and informed of what sort of cigarette lighters i am using. conversely, or if posh paradoxically, you must of course ask of yourself why you have such concern over this subject.

well, we are all here now, so let's have a bit of a gander at the new lighters. yes, oh yes, and but of course, in Commodore 64 mode for added effect. although, for fun, a Spectrum image appears later.

that's them. no, you are not mistaken - yes, that is a "firework" display in the go across all four of them. perhaps they were manufactured with Bonfire Night in mind, although i purchased them a number of months after November. i know "a number" does not help; for argument's sake let us sat 2 - 3 months after the passing of the last day of the most recent November.

provenance of the lighters? Poundland, but of course. with four so pretty lighters being sold to me for merely £1, i am not at all sure that i would ever buy lighters off of anywhere else. well, if i really needed one - say quitting / cutting down considerably on cigarettes did not work - i suppose i would if no Poundland was to hand, but when it is a purchase of convenience and choice, Poundland it jolly well shall be.

yes, quite, another selfie of me, out and about as it were, exploring this fine land. where exactly in the land? it would be fair to say within the borders of Yorkshire. why, exactly, would one go anywhere else, after al?

i cannot be 100% certain, but i am quietly confident that the above was taken after i had purchased these fancy new firework branded lighters, but before i commenced using them. no, oh, no, the lack of use was not due to a successful quitting or cutting down considerably; rather it was the smart beach ones i had before them were still perfectly serviceable.

but, that said, yes, i did feel it suitable - and most agreeable - to make an extra special purchase for the event of my commencement of using the fancy new firework branded lighters.

indeed, some tres expensive Marlboro Red. not that the packaging is red any more, of course. nor shall they ever be again, unless there's a radical shake up and make up of the ruling classes, one which sees certain decisions changed. but no, unlikely - if everything evil and untoward in our society is blamed on cigarettes alone, then no one has to do anything about anything.

how were the Marlboro? superb. i've made the comparison before, but the difference between Marlboro and basically all other (more affordable) cigarettes is like the difference bewteen a Heineken or Stella and a supermarket own brand lager - whereas both get the job done, the one you pay the more coins of money for is invariably a better experience.

should for some reason you have been of a mind to wonder what the new lighters look like in ZX Spectrum mode, well, the above is for you. to my mind, or in my imagination, they look pinker.

as for progress with the lighters, well, at the time of writing i had lost one of them, or misplaced it. the second i am using is going just fine.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cheaper time

heya


and so we are quite a way into the new month that is April of this year, look you see. well, at least at time of writing. something of a tradition here, to be sure, is a gander at my calendar for the month each month. this, i presume, is popular for those who have an interest in the date but simply cannot be bothered to have a calendar of their own, figuring it is easier (cheaper) simply to look at mine.

very well. although, not so much. this month marks the heralding of a new era, and possibly new direction, for the calendar and me for the remainder of the year. although also, maybe, partially, an old way.

surely, yes, that is indeed a calendar in celebration of Star Wars Episode VIII : Battlestar Galactica. i did indeed only pick this up recently. to my surprise the reduced sale of calendars has continued far further into the new year than is normal. for a period which can be defined as being between 25% and 32% into the year, calendars were still on sale. at, of course, massively reduced pricing.

the provenance and the cost of this one? well, now, this gets interesting. maybe. starting with the latter question, 50p was all what this cost. from, get this, Sports Direct. yes, the Sports Direct. normally you would know this to be a premium, prestige brand where nothing whatsoever is cheap, bar possibly the staff, going on certain reports. quite remarkable to procure such a bargain item from that store.

no, i don't really have any intention of using this calendar in my elevated shed. for a start, William saw it and claimed it as his own, for he really rather liked the film. i thought it was OK, but then again the astonishingly boring images they have selected for the calendar, shown above, reminds one of how boring the film was for most of its excessive running time.

what a waste. Finn and Poe should have been the new Han and Luke (in whatever order) for a new generation, but the characters got ruined. one really rather suspects that whoever made Star Wars Episode VIII : Battlestar Galactica had either never actually seen or understood what a Star Wars was, or had and simply did not like nor care for what they saw. absolute best of luck to whoever has the unenviable task of somehow making Episode IX in a way that is both decent and follows on from that clumsy, messy film.

see, there you go, for now, then, that is the as-is calendar i am using, reflecting the month of April, for that is where we are. as you can see, it is a lady, or as the calendar says "babe", posing. i would suggest that she may wish to be taking some caution or precaution, for it looks like her undergarments might slip off, causing some distress no doubt.

do i feel under pressure to change calendar because of the current climate? the times we live in are strangely identified by the idea that for some reason men and women should not be attracted to each other, or at the least should not consider members of the opposite gender to be sexy. not really, is the answer. in truth i am looking to change this calendar because, despite spending £1 on it, it simply isn't good. the paper it is printed on would appear to be far too thin, and so it keeps tearing on the hook and falling over. i have only so much sellotape and so much patience available to keep fixing it.

yes, that's what i believe to be the official calendar for Minecraft for the year 2018. no, i am not a fan of the game as such, although i am not against it. quite simply, i've not really ever played it. my basic understanding would be that it's some sort of Lego based computer game, and for some reason a few people have made an awful lot of money by videoing themselves playing the game. in the latter, good luck to them.

if i am not quite so much of a fan of Minecraft, why exactly would i purchase a calendar of it? well, there is not so much a clue as there is an answer in the next image; an image that shows off the 12 images on display in this calendar for the year.

certainly, 12p in real money was all that Tesco wanted for this calendar. that kind of value does not cross the path of a consumer every day, and so a consumer should grab it when it comes along. and, indeed, i shall and i did.

when my patience with the babes calendar finally fails, then, i suspect or expect that this is the one what will go up on the wall of my shed. no one else seems to want it, either in the house or in the wider world, hence the low down price.

a final calendar was picked up, not ostensibly but precisely for James because he likes this sort of thing.

that is indeed the official WWE, or WWF for purists, calendar for 2018. once again, as was the case at the start of this post, the provenance and price is 50p from Sports Direct. madness that someone can buy something so cheap off of an otherwise or hitherto luxury brand.

not really, would be the answer to whether or not i am a fan of the present day incarnation or incantation of this WWE/F business, and indeed the question of whether i like the calendar.

it's disappointing that they have diddled or otherwise disrespected the fans. the greatest WWE/F wrestler and its biggest star of all time, the Honky Tonk Man, is not visible. neither is the best of the present day batch of gladiators, and by that i of course mean there is no image of Sheamus. instead, it is all just b and c grade wrestlers who are there to make up the numbers.

anyway, what more can i say of some cheap calendars?



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sit down, to be bored by darts, sit down

heya


it was a little while ago that i, look you see, did a think piece, a rant or a flat whine about the unnecessary meddling elected to be undertaken by the darts on the tele and that. you can read, if you wish, here of how some unelected and unrequested people got scared, confused and bewildered by the presence of lady models of the female kind at the darts. their inability to tell the difference between "sexy" and "sexist" meant that the models were gone.

with this, i feared that the spectacle of the darts would become dull and boring. oh, how i wish it were so. the tournament televised in early March was duller than dull, and bored the veritable pants off of boredom itself.

the occasion was the British or UK Open, and it was played in Minehead. most will be aware of this, but that's an areas renowned and celebrated for the passionate, vibrant way the darts tournaments get watched and enjoyed. no more, sadly, no more.

yes, granted - apparently the havoc caused by that Storm Emma and this "beast from the east" business affected the tournament. but that was clearly not the only problem - obviously they had set up everything to celebrate the new, "non-sexist" way in which they plan to showcase darts.

first problem? the walk in.  darts players used to walk up to the oche, accompanied by models and security. they had their own "theme song" playing as they did. this got the players pumped up, and excitement built up. well, that's gone.

now the players just mooch around to the oche from behind the dartboard. no models, and no need for security, as there is a massive barrier blocking off all of the stage.

also gone are the "themes". both players walk around to the same bit of music at the same time. in the instance of this tournament, more often than not the piece of music was the terrible Holy Mountain by the man who actively seeks to be champion of dull, Noel Gallagher. as an aside, it beggars belief how many organisations and institutions have now used this music for things. oh well, the licence is all extra money for Noe£ Ga££agher, i guess.

yeah, that's Rob Cross. a relative newcomer to the sport, he's normally exciting. now, bereft of any buzz, build up or crowd, he was boring to watch. all of the darts that weekend was boring to watch. perhaps what says it best is that the commentators could find absolutely nothing of interest to talk about except for "how fast" all the games were going. little wonder, really. the whole thing was embarrassing and humiliating for the players to be part of. but, it is ok, no models were made to feel like sex objects.

once upon a time, in the late 80s and early 90s, it became a "thing" to place a bet on how long the incumbent Chancellor of the Exchequer would take to deliver his Budget speech. perhaps this happens now, still. back then, though, it was just a distraction for the commoners, the proletariat and the working classes. if they were betting on the time of the speech, then they might not notice how badly they were being punished by the Budget.

worst of all, perhaps, was the "hipster coffee shop" approach to seating the fans. they all sat at round, coffee shop like tables, and applauded politely yet lightly whenever prompted to do so by something the scorer considered exciting or interesting. this was not so often.

the whole thing was sterile, insipid and painful to watch. for some reason they've decided that the lack of sound which surrounds snooker is perfect for darts. no, it is not. far from it. they are two different sports and attract similar fans. but the fans expect to be able to act, interact and behave differently.

so, then, i am against the gentrification, the castration and the pointless dulling down of the darts. watching the tournaments was a simple pleasure; now it seems to have been taken away from me and many others for no really good reason.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i've got a right to dream

g'day


one of them post that is not, look you see, "nothing really". just a personal passion of mine, and one which i am sure is shared around the world. although not in anywhere near as large numbers as should be the case.

when i start off a post like that, invariably or inevitably it can mean but one subject - the 1982 Australian film Starstruck, sometimes referenced as Star Struck. and certainly not to be confused with anything else bearing the same name.

for ease of reference or clarification, here is the Wikipedia link to "proper" Starstruck. read, and enjoy. better still, of course, would be to watch the film.

just why has this frequently mentioned film cropped up here on this blog? because a random google search on the film turned up an interesting article on it. this is inside a magazine, called Cinema Papers, the April 1982 edition. as far as i am aware this link to the electronic version should work for all - here is the link in question.

it's a rather splendid, lengthy article, featuring a number of publicity stills which i had not seen before. therefore, i felt it best to do a quick-ish post on the subject, to bring the link to any google enthusiasts who also happen to be fellow enthusiasts of Starstruck.

unequivocally this film is one of the greatest of the many gifts what Australia gave to the world in the 80s, standing proudly next to Mad Max 2, Jason Donovan and 'Crocodile' Dundee, to name a few. sadly, for reasons beyond me, this film did not capture all that wide an audience around the planet. a great shame, in particular as the soundtrack is awesome.

now, how do i word this quite carefully? the film is difficult to find. should i have any say in the matter, it will only be death which parts me with the now 36 (!!) year old VHS. in terms of modern technology, i eventually found a quite lavish (and expensive) DVD of the film was released in the USA, and so i bought it. i have the soundtrack lp on vinyl and tape, not having it on CD as it has never been issued in this format.

should you be a fan of this film, or are simply intrigued, but cannot find a copy, then get in touch. as far as i am aware if there is no comments section at the bottom then you would just need to click on the title of the post to bring up the version what does. leave a message and we shall get in touch via the google or whatever you log in with. no matter where you are in the world, fellow Starstruck fan, we shall together work out a means of making sure you have access to being able to see it, or see it again.

for now, then, hopefully fellow fans enjoyed the article i have linked here!


be as excellent as Starstruck is to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the sacrifice of emma

hello there


i write this to you, future reader, on day four of what is commonly called the winter of the "beast from the east", look you see. although circumstantial evidence suggests we have, to be sure, survived the worst of it, who knows - perhaps we here where i am have all been wiped out by the coldness at the time you get to read this.

so, anyway, how we have coped. quite well, with it all, really, i think. in this area of England - Yorkshire, so yes the "proper" part of the country - casualties have been kept to a minimum. and yet sacrifices have been made. due to something called Storm Emma, off of Spain or Portugal or some other such Mediterranean concern, not mixing so well with this "beast from the east" logistics and transportation have been routinely knacked. i believe i mentioned this in passing in my last post on the subject, but to recap stores have been running with ever emptier shells.

yes, this is in part to do with "panic buying" by those fearing the end of days has come, but also it's simply because delivery trucks and that cannot make it through the treacherous road conditions. or could not, i suppose, as hopefully now, in the first week of April, all such worries are gone.

that there is indeed a "bag for life" shopping bag, off of Tesco, branded with the rather famous My Little Pony brand. whereas i had absolutely no need nor reason for owning yet another "bag for life" i felt strangely compelled to issue Tesco with £1 in exchange for this. a transaction for purchase, if you like.

i am assuming this means that Tesco have abandoned their love-in with Star Wars. after issuing bags what celebrated A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Episode VII : Mission To Moscow and Episode VIII : Battlestar Galactica, i had rather been looking forward to Return Of The Jedi, or Attack Of The Clones, or even Caravan Of Courage. but, alas, no, not yet. for now, then, My Little Pony it is, since they appeared to have sold out of the Battlestar Galactica ones off of Star Wars.

and so, in the name of Storm Emma, sacrifices have had to be made. one such sacrifice we have made, or i have, is in concern of milk. in our local shop, the refrigerated, usually satisfactorily ordered shelves which carry conventional milk were laid bare; bereft of any such dairy items.

but they did have the above, i will have you know. this is fancy, posh moo moo cow milk. it is, as you can clearly see, gold top. this is a term, i imagine, those who did not live through the great 70s and 80s eras of milkmen will fail to grasp. should you fall into this demographic or if you will bracket, gold top milk was known, renowned and celebrated for being ultra, or if you will uber or indeed totes, creamy.

such fine things are not cheap, of course. i mean, there is no practical reason for this milk to be expensive, but the artificially inflate the price, so as to keep it out of the hands of the proletariat, making it the quite dignified, exclusive reserve and preserve of the ruling, bourgeois elite.

how much did it cost, exactly? what a ghastly, vile and common question to pose. have you no manners? yes, no, i have forgotten. i am, however, certain that it was significantly north of £1.20 for a 1 litre bottle. perhaps it was slightly north of £1.30, or even just ever so gently south of £1.50. anyway, no matter - we as a family required milk, and so the sacrifice of emma would be that i had to pay more than usual for less milk than usual of a finer quality than usual.

indeed, that this the reverse or "other" side of my most splendid new My Little Pony bag. as you can see, in the beauty of Commodore 64 mode, it shows all of the great, great ponies that make up the entire brand. and beyond, i suppose.

no, to be honest, i don't know so much about My Little Pony, save that it exists as a concept and presumably involves ponies that are small. the bag just looked nice.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nihon no kankō torappu

kon'nichiwa


kore wa dōsatsuryoku ga ari, jamana tōkō no 1tsudesu, look you see. Koko de kentō sa rete iru no wa, aru Igirisu no machi de nihonjin kankōkyaku o shibashiba mujihi ni sakushu suru kotodesu.

as it is important, to be sure, that as many Japanese people as possible are aware of this, you will forgive me showing off how rather fluent i am in the ways of the Japanese language, at least as far as Google translate allows me to be.

それだけではない Japanese tourist イギリス人になったり、英語、町が好きな人は。no. 大部分はイギリス人のファンである日本の観光客です。彼らは間違いなくイギリス人だと思っているアメリカのミュージシャンもいます。

here, then, are some examples of this, along with some quite startling and often partially interesting facts and figures.

最初は、静かで美しい北東沿岸の町です。Peterlee. Kono sekai-teki ni yūmeina machi wa, wakusei no mukō kara kankōkyaku ni ippantekini mirikitekidesu. Zan'nen'nakotoni, nan sen mono Japanese tourists ここでは、不適切な理由ではない非常に間違った理由で誘惑されています。

the name Peterlee was adopted to honour a Fuhen-teki ni kōeina kōfu. Jissai ni wa, kono jijitsu ni chokusetsu kanren suru kankō jigyō ni yotte yaku £ 50000 ga hassei suru.

considerably more, however, is directly attributed to the fact that 多くの強迫観念の日本のファンは、町が実際伝説のフォークポップのロックコンボデュオ Peters & Lee.

Sono yōna koto ga Nihon de dono yō ni kinō suru ka ni yotte, seikakude seikakuna sūji wa nyūshu dekimasen. Shikashi, maitoshi 7 man 5 sen-ri no nihonjin kankōkyaku ga pītā rī ni nanrakano katachi de kankei shite iru to iu ayamatta shin'nen no moto, maitoshi pītārī o otozurete iruto hiroku shinji rarete imasu.

one of the more interesting facts of this is that 日本の観光客の中には、もしあれば、Peters & Lee. no, far from it, to be sure. as it happens, Chas＆Daveは日本では大規模です。as a result of this, it was レニー・ピーターズの登場 Chasu& deibukurisumasukokkunī wa 1981-nen ni hiza o hatta that put them on the map, as it were. it is regularly broadcast on Japanese television, most probably.

speaking of which,

Hai, mochiron. Ongaku-teki riyū kara Igirisu ni kuru nihonjin kankōkyaku wa, Michael Bolton.

Sono ninki o kadai hyōka shi tari kashō hyōka shi tari suru koto wa fukanōdesu Michael Bolton in Japan. Ikutsu ka, subetede wa nai ni shite mo, sukunakutomo 1tsu matawa 2tsu, tabun jun giji no yōna kare o miru koto ga dekimasu samī deibisu jnr, but presumably with two eyes.

いくつかの典型的な、またはあなたが日本からの定型的な日本のマイケルボルトンファンを好きなら、ここにあります。

time, love and tenderness indeed!

Genmitsuniieba, Maikeru boruton wa kare ga igirisuhitodearu yori mo kitaamerika hitodeari, Nihon ni tsuite wa kore ni tsuite ikutsu ka no konran ga sonzai suru. here i must confess that i may well be at fault.

2014-Nen ni wa sukoshi jikken o shimashita. Kore wa maikeruboruton CD o マイケル、ボルトン. no, i have no idea if anyone got it. 70-Ri ijō ga sono kiji o yonde iru. Sono nakaniha nihonjin kamo shirenai hito mo imasu.

私自身の娯楽のためにこれをやっていることの結果は、多くの - よく、数人の日本の観光客を見たかもしれない flock to North West England under the mistaken assumption that they might get to meet him in person whilst they were there.

Boruton de nihonjin kankōkyaku ga maitoshi dono kurai no okane o tsukau nodesu ka? Nani mo omoitsukimasen. but if for some reason i had to have a guess, then that would be probably more than me.

Michael Bolton Nihonjin ga Igirisu de shinjite iru yuiitsu no Amerika no poppusutātaipude wanai. far from it. 過去10年ほどに influx of Japanese tourists to the West Midlands. Kore wa, poppusutā ga yori ryūkō tte iru to iu ayamatta kangae no tamedeari, watashitachi ga shōjikideareba, lives there.

ベルエンド, or Beruendo, Kotonaru hitobito ni kotonaru koto o imi shimasu. Shikashi, kono kotoba no fuhentekina teigi wa, mochiron, uchū no mudadeari, jiko sengen sa reta "greatest living rock star", 一般的な才能のないゾーン、Kim Kardassian氏

British television shows, in particular youth orientated ones discussing music, Nihon de mi rareru kamo shirenai, watashi wa tashika ni wakaranai. as a result, if and when he has appeared on such Nihon no kodomo-tachi wa Kimu karudashian-shi ga "クソ bell end".

その場合、日本の観光客の中には、ベルエンドロードに行ったことがあるかもしれません。by comparison amazingly talented 妻はそこに住んでいる。私が知っている限り、彼らはそうしない。

finally, then, as is more often than not sometimes the case, Hartlepool. a special place, which holds special memories for many special people.

Nihonjin ni wa, hātoripūru no rekishi wa chigatte iru. in terms of the Japanese educational system, Watashi wa kanzen ni muchidearu koto o kokuhaku shite imasu. Hātoripūru no densetsu wa saru no kakegoedesu French spy got mistranslated a little.

Saru to hangingu ni tsuite no bitto ga hon'yaku sa reta nimokakawarazu, it was not in the correct order, or using the spelling appropriate. thus, Nihonde wa `The monkīzu' to iu bando ni kanren shite iruto karera wa kangaete imasu.

in Japan, the theme song goes

ねえ、ねえ、私たちはモンキーズだ そして、人々は私たちの周りに猿を言う しかし、私たちは歌うのが忙しい 誰かを落とす

Sore wa naze son'nani konran ga aru no ka ​​, and indeed why one can barely take more than two steps in Hartlepool without bumping into a Japanese tourist or ten.

oddly, Watashitachi ga sono yōna EU-hō kara manugarete iru tokiniha, ōku no Igirisu no machi ga adopting the Hartlepool way of doing things Hōritsu ni. Burasage ga seikaku ni nani ga saizen no kotodearu to shinjite iru hitobito no subete ni wa, zettai ni fusoku wa arimasen encountering a French person here in the British Isles. Soshite sono saru ni totte wa saru Peter Tork.

well, hopefully this has been of use or some interest. no, i doubt it is going to change much in respect of Japanese tourists, but i am just putting this out there.



お互いに優れている!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!