non-smoking scenes from Dubai Airport

hello there

well, my view would be that i have already given you the details of the smoking areas in Dubai airport and thus i have told you all that you need to know. others for some reason disagree, in particular my cousin Christopher. he, as well as being an excellent co-pilot in that car i did a review of, was very interested to learn of just what one can do in Dubai on a stop over. it is unlikely that he will ever be a smoker, with his intelligence level being somewhat higher than mine, so i took a few pictures to give him a look.

these pictures are of low, blueberry-phone quality. i did have a proper camera with me, but i just could not be bothered with it. i also wanted to just take subtle pictures, not make a song and dance about it.

first off, and indeed showing up front the low quality of pictures i have for you, here's the Boots store near to one of the decent smoking areas i highlighted.

it's basically a "mini" Boots for essentials, but it does, i have to say, have an interesting view on what one would consider as being essentials. as in they stock a formidable range of condoms and, quite frankly, a staggering range of lubricants, but not a packet of tissues. go figure.

near the Boots is a Burger King. now, the likes of Burger King and McDonald's are highly the greatest cuisine you can lay your hands on, but for the traveller they are excellent choices for two reasons. firstly, wherever you go in the world, their menu and the ingredients are as close as you can get to being the same everywhere. you are, then, going to know what the food tastes like. that their food is OK doesn't matter i suppose, better to stick with what you know than gamble on something that might be decent. secondly, and perhaps most importantly, the cost is going to be OK. if you google "Big Mac Economics" you will see how the price of fast food varies, but you will at least know you are not getting ripped off, or at least not getting ripped off too badly.

here, if you are interested, is what US$9 buys you at Burger King in Dubai.

i actually have no idea what a deluxe chicken & cheese burger, fries and a coke costs in the USA or England, but the price i paid for the above seemed reasonable enough with the guarantee that it was going to taste exactly as i expected. whilst the food on the planes was great, this was a most splendid thing to sit down and eat properly in between flights.

i cannot be bothered to change the order of how these pics uploaded, so forgive me if things go a bit random in this post, by the way.

mindful of Christopher's, and indeed to an extent Andrew's, interests, here is a glimpse of some of the shopping you can do.

yes, that's a whole whack of Boss (is it in fact Hugo Boss?) threads you can purchase. what are the prices like? no idea, sorry. it didn't look like they made shirts or a pair of strides for the man with a more blessed figure such as your humble narrator, so i didn't bother looking. i can tell you that the replica sports shirt struck me as being somewhat on the higher price level, probably about the same cost as you would pay for them on the shelves in England.

the big winner for duty/tax free shopping in Dubai is, of course, cigarettes and alcohol. whereas duty free purchases in England were not all that cheap in this regard, cigarettes were way cheaper, even cheaper than the SA shelf price. i am no longer all that much of a drinker so i couldn't say if the booze was lower, but it certainly looked like good prices.

other shopping was somewhat hit and miss. i would say this - avoid CDs, DVDs and Blu Rays for the most part. i worked out the costing and none of them were any cheaper on the shelf in the Dubai stores than you would get them in the UK or USA, either on the shelf at HMV or online off something like amazon. strangely, the Django Unchained blu-ray i picked up at Tesco was cheaper than it was on offer at any duty & tax free store. go figure.

i did pick up a couple of DVDs, of course, but only ones that i knew i could not find anywhere else at all. one of them was a particularly happy find - Morons From Outer Space. that cost roughly US$17, but was happy to pay it as it does not seem available anywhere at the moment. certainly not online, as it were.

the biggest winner, if you are going duty free shopping and looking for savings, outside of cigarettes is probably anything electronic. my costing suggested that iTwat devices like the iPod and iPad can be picked up in Dubai for, give or take, just over half what you would expect to pay on the shelves. they also had those network-free iPhone things for a reasonable price if you wanted them.

on that note, i would have loved to have get one of these presumably exclusive phones for Colin or indeed my (considerably) better half, but they were rather out of my price range.

if Colin or Christopher happen to be in the Dubai duty free area with a spare US$1,000 then no doubt they can get one of these class Aston Martin phones. if i am ever grown up and rich enough i would certainly consider one!

right, here's a picture i took of the elevators that you take down from the B gates to get to the train to the A gates. smart elevators and that, but i am not sure why i took this picture to be honest.

i probably took it to give you a further idea on the size and scope of the airport. it truly is massive, and is a wonder of modern construction. as busy as it is, it's really a very pleasant place to find yourself in.

here's another picture i took to try and give a sense of the size, although it probably has not come out too well. probably the best i could do with a blueberry pic on a moving escalator, though!

and, for no apparent reason, here is the map of where the B gates are.

if that's any use to Christopher or anyone else planning a wander through Dubai, well then so much the better i suppose!

oh, look, another peek at the shopping area in Dubai. this is the store where those class Aston Martin phones were on sale, as well as any iTwat device you can imagine.

they also had a whack of non-iTwat devices on sale too. if i remember the mathematics, the latest blueberry models (all network-free) were at about 60% of the cost on the shelves. the iTwat iPhone 4 was, if i remember right, sat there for about US$350 or just over 200 pounds, which is a bit less than what you would pay for a network-locked one in the UK, going on what Andrew told me.

so, if you need a new phone, laptop, iTwat device or anything like that and you are travelling via Dubai, then yes, wait and purchase one of them there. apologies if that all sounds like an advert for Dubai, i am just trying to give tips!

and here's a big massive advert featuring Usain Bolt. the reason for me taking this picture rather escapes me at the moment, probably to do with it being near the escalators and elevators to get to the train for the A gates.

now here's a bit of a practical image for you. first off, it shows them class walkway things. you know, the ones that you stand on and it moves you along in a lovely way, except you always get impatient, moody and ignorant twats that insist on walking on them and push people out of the way to do so. if that's what you want to do, just walk in the bit next to it, surely?

also there you can see the ace chairs to sit and wait on. most airports adopt an approach of "we do not like you and we will make you uncomfortable". not so in Dubai - all seats have cushions and are very comfortable. there are also loads of cushioned bed-like things around the airport for you to sleep on if you so wish. the major difference between Dubai airport and all others in the world is that in Dubai they seem delighted that you are visiting and are genuinely happy to have people there. Heathrow pay attention.

this picture sort of works.

the blue-green lights there are part of a truly amazing waterfall / fountain feature that's incredible to see. and it's tucked away behind the glass elevators!

and finally, i could not do this post without a brief return to shopping. of the many things you could buy in Dubai airport, this was about the only thing that left me baffled.

just who is it that is buying washing powder in duty free? and in that size too? it is not like the residents of Dubai can pop in to do their weekly shopping. i mean, is it that people are saying "we need some washing powder for when we get home or for where we are going", or does this strike you as the ideal last minute gift for someone?

i sort of hung around this shelf for a bit to see if anyone came and bought some Persil, or indeed to see if anyone was excited about picking up a big Omo as it were. sadly, if not unsurprisingly, no one even had a glance at the stuff.

right then, for all you non-smokers, hopefully that's given you a few tips if you are heading the way of Dubai!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

smoking in Dubai

hi there

the number one thing i could say about flying long distance with Emirates is that i am baffled about how anyone uses anything but Emirates these days. not only are they cheaper, but they are nicer - the staff of Emirates thank you for using them instead of treating you like you are lucky to be allowed on the plane, the seats are way better and the food is excellent.

and when i say cheaper, i recently had reason to get to the UK in a hurry. the nearest cheapest flight to Emirates was more than double, and unlike Emirates got me nowhere near where i needed to be. for less than the price of an economy flight on Virgin or British Airways (assuming no sane or indeed insane person would use SAA), i could have flown business class on Emirates.

many get put off by the idea of using Emirates as it involves a stop off in Dubai, and on paper makes your journey longer. well, for me to get to North Yorkshire, flying Emirates to Newcastle and stopping in Dubai was quicker than flying to London and getting north from there. it's also not like a stop in Dubai is a miserable experience - far from it. yes, i will try and do a "proper" post on Dubai airport later, but this one will be of importance for a few. for now, though, let it be said that the airport is an amazing place, and a stop over there for a connecting flight is hardly a burden.

a big bonus about stopping in Dubai is that they recognize that smoking is a bad habit, but accept that smokers are still human beings and thus treat them decently. there are at least four smoking areas, and here is a review of 3 of them. and, after starting off with singing the praises of the place, let us have a look at the worst of them first!

this is, if you can, the smoking lounge to avoid.

it's located by the higher number B gates, near the Costa Coffee shop as you can see. just, sadly, steer clear of all of this if you can.

this particular smoking lounge seems to attract all the worst kind of smokers - quite possibly as it is also near the Heineken lounge thing. it rarely, in my experience, gets cleaned, and is usually full of obnoxious and rude people. it is better to go walkies, then, and find another one.

Costa Coffee should also be avoided, to be honest. the coffee and that from them is actually good, but they do not give you change, ever, in the currency you use. if you shop anywhere else in Dubai or buy food and drink in US Dollars or UK Pounds they will give you most of your change back in that currency, but not Costa Coffee.

on to a much nicer smoking place, this one located near the lower B number gates is very busy but much nicer than the one above. it's located near the Burger King, Boots and indeed as you can sort of see the Starbucks coffee place.

it's usually really busy in this one, but you seem to get a better class of smoker here than in the one near the Heineken bar and Costa Coffee. that's probably because neither of those two places are anywhere near this one, i suppose.

on the note of Starbucks, whereas the coffee from there is ace, the tea is awful. i know, not everyone would be of a mind to drink tea from a coffee place, but after a few hours i had pretty much had my fill of coffee.

the best smoking areas in Dubai airport, and perhaps the world, are located near the A gates. that's a mega fast train ride away from the B and C gates. if you are not flying from an A gate but have a bit of time, it's well worth a trip over there anyway.

in all honesty both of the smoking areas that i found over by the A gates were superb, but this one, right next to gate A23, is my favourite. lovely chairs, frequently cleaned and for the most part - in fact only in my experience - nice, decent people use it.

it really is lovely to sit in there and engage in our really stupid and dangerous habit.

i am not at all sure if people google to find out where and when they can smoke in Dubai airport, but if this information has been of some use to you, well then nice one! and, indeed, happy travels!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

car review

hi there

instead of any messy, clumsy and perhaps unrequired apologies for the lack of updates for most of this month i figured i would just do a car review for you. why? mostly because i took some pictures of a car i recently drove, but there's also the possibility, no matter how remote, that you might like to hear of my insights into the important bits of a car.

here, then, are my considered thoughts and general opinion on the black version of the Ford car.

yes, i know what you are thinking - that the Ford Black is merely a child's toy, looking at the size of it. it is a little thing indeed, but surprisingly perhaps i was able to sit in it with reasonable comfort. as in, i didn't have to push the chair all the way back to operate the pedal things properly. i did anyway of course, but i didn't have to. it's a bit spacious, then, i suppose.

the Ford Black also handles 1 (one) suitcase in the area where a boot is supposed to be, too, with any luggage you might have fitting with some ease on the back seat, so long as you do not have too many (i.e. any) passengers sat there.

apparently it is not simply called "the black Ford" either, by the way. it seems, going on the stylish badge thing on the back, that it goes by the somewhat interesting name of the Fiesta.

Fiesta strikes me as a most unusual name for a car, really. i am led to believe that there's a magazine of some reputation called Fiesta, a periodical for the gentry that does not really busy itself with cars as such, if at all. it is quite possible that some of the many pictorial articles it features have cars in them, but i cannot recall seeing any. well, i can't remember anyone telling me that it had or does, anyway, with me obviously not reading such publications.

as i seem to have taken a picture of it, here are them back seats i mentioned, the ones which appear to be there as some sort of replacement or substitute for a conventional boot.

you're probably wondering about the specifics and performance things of the car. this is something i can certainly give, if only for the more technical minded of you.

a major design flaw is the presence of one of them wiper things on the back. for a start, you really don't need a back window in a car at all - what do you care for where you have been, after all, or just what is behind you? if it was that interesting you would still be there. for some obscure reason a few people like checking the mirror to see what's happening out the back, especially when doing that reversing thing that makes no sense - if you want to go backwards, why not just turn around?

the biggest issue with the wiper on the back is that when you put it on entirely by accident you're not really sure how to switch it off. this, i know for a fact, can lead to you driving your cousin Christopher around for most of a day with the wretched wiper going on as you do, with it only being switched off when your cousin Andrew shows you the special, secret hidden button for it, connected to the steering wheel. Andrew will then ask if you really do know nothing at all about cars, and didn't you check this sort of stuff out when you picked it up.

mentioning Andrew brings up the subject of performance, or if you will, speed. on that front, it sort of does OK as it is, but a simple £3.00 modification nearly doubles the maximum possible speed of the Men Only, or Asian Babes or whatever the car is called.

yes, Tesco, that fine store where the kids appear to hang by the clearance shelves on an evening, supplied this fine looking CD to me for the amount you can see obscuring the head of that one that no one could ever remember the name of until he died in an ace-sounding fireball of cocaine and prostitutes just before a gig. John something.

this simple modification to the car not only helped double the acceleration of the car, but it also fixed the massive problem with the radio, which seemed to keep playing thing that i did not know but quickly clocked that i did not like. i am struggling to understand why they did not just weld a Who disc in to the car when they made it, but no problem.

yes, indeed, let's have a look at the tracklisting to understand the extra power off of it.

if you can make that out, you will observe that at least two of the tracks from the Ready Steady Who ep, one that i champion for a proper, complete CD release, feature. also on are the reasonably rare studio version of Naked Eye, and the bookends from Who's Next in the form of Baba O'Riley and Won't Get Fooled Again. those last two do wonders for the acceleration or speed or whatever it is, allowing the Readers' Wives Ford to attain speeds that lead to statements such as "i am terribly sorry, officer, i am no longer of this land and have never driven here before. these speed limits that you speak of sound tremendous and i shall abide by their numerical value from this moment forward, as soon as i have worked out what these miles things are".

it is crucial that you use the speed enhancement that i show above, however, as other speed enhancers just do not work. Andrew plugged in his iTwat thing and played some horrid music, mostly featuring some black chap being not at all nice about another black chap but yet quite excited about something called "bitches". with that on, speed dropped considerably, to the point that Andrew was making observations such as "i said overtake the truck, not do some sort of sneaky crawl past it".

another big problem with the car is the presence of two pointless, distracting and just plain stupid window things, as you can see in the next two pictures.

as per the discussion of the rear window, wing mirrors are a total waste at the best of times. why would you ever need to see what's behind you? if you need to be in a different lane, just what is it you care about anyone who might be there? you need to be where you need to be, and they can see you, so they should just slow down and stop.

if the mirrors are not up to much, then that tells you what use these little windows are. why is it, i ask, would you ever need to look out of that part of the car? you are likely to cause an accident, leaning over to look through them. when you do have a look, there's little, if anything, that you can't see through the door windows anyway.

someone mentioned that these windows are there to break and unlock the car with if you've either locked your keys in the car or you are trying to steal it. in either case, surely the kids have some sort of "app" on their iTwats that can unlock it without testing the patience of glass with a brick?

otherwise, i do not think this car was designed for anything other than being a bit of a toy, going on the somewhat lacking ways of the petrol tank. my understanding was that petrol was very expensive in England. it makes little sense, then, that for £20.00 i was able to fill it when that needle thing on the thingie at the front reflected i had used a third of a tank. that translates as £60.00 for a full tank, which is not a great deal in the face of the price of the stuff. 

it would probably be even cheaper to fill it with this shale gas business, but as the dedicated protestors get Mummy & Daddy to drop them off in their Land Rovers at the nearest frack demonstration, or indeed just claim back travel expsenses from Parliament, i suppose it will be a while before we get cheaper petrol. 

despite all the flaws, this is indeed a smart set of wheels. i rather enjoyed driving it about and would not hesitate in saying to anyone thinking of getting one that yeah, they should go for it. 

another picture of it? sure. 

i must say that the single most surprising element of the car was that it wasn't quite as blue or as Opel as the thing on the internet said that it would be. a rather happy surprising element, then.

so remember - if you invest in this, you will also need to invest - to a modest financial amount - in the right sort of accessory to make it go faster. you also have to avoid attaching an iTwat with less than pleasant music on it, as that just drains the accelerator stuff.

i hope this has helped with any sort of car purchase or rental you are considering!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JG - Everything Has A Sell By gig, Sunday 18 August (possibly)

hi there

i am delighted to announce that my good friend Jonathan Granville is doing one of those online gig things very soon. a week today, in fact, as i believe that Sunday 18 August is when all of this is going to happen.

as many of you will know, Jonathan is a formidable musician, delivering to the world an impressive body of work. this body is constantly being added to and indeed sculpted, for by all accounts the gig on Sunday will be one of the acoustic things.

where must one click or what link do you need to follow to get to watch the gig? i have no idea, for as you can see in the below video, a video featuring a rather well trained penguin no less, Jonathan does not share such information with the world at large.

you can, however, follow this link to the as official as you get JG music page over on that facebook thing. he is bound to put a link on there.

UPDATE : LINK TO GIG!!!!!! now he ust has to indicate the time of it all.

UPDATED UPDATE! the gig is at 18:00GMT according to Stevey the penguin.

by the way, do i have the permission of the video creator to upload this video? no, not at all. i took it upon myself to simply rip it off and upload here to help promote one of our greater artists. if he doesn't like it i expect to hear from his lawyers, i guess.

meanwhile, please feel free to please yourself in any way you can imagine with either thoughts of the penguin in the video or, indeed, via any inspiration you draw from the below picture.

Jonathan, you see, is at war with the gentlemen of the road. it is not his doing. Jonathan is usually a happy go lucky, free and easy chap, hardly ever complaining about things turning up in the post. tramps, for that is what they are let us be honest, tend to pick on him, specifically taking him to task on his ironing abilities.

for insights into the tramp war, and most likely one or two less-than-positive comments about a particular Genesis drummer, do follow what links i have for you and keep an eye out for gig details!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

streaming myths

hi there

well, let me be upfront. this is an unashamed rant or whine about a subject close to my heart.for those not interested, or who have no concern at all about either the quality of music they listen to or, for that matter, if the artists who created it get rewarded or not, well, then, off you go, this is not the site for you.

the quality of music we hear has been in alarming decline for the last decade. i am not really, 80s child i might well be when it comes to vibes, talking about the content as such. i am sure most bands of today "do it" for the kids like the bands of my youth. the decline is in the way it is presented.

mp3 downloads, legal or not, have become increasingly popular. they are fast, easy to obtain and allow you to have an extensive collection on one, small iTwat device rather than a library of CDs and albums. there is no argument with the convenience or ease to get with mp3, but there very much is with the quality.

to compress a properly produced song to an mp3 vast amounts of the recording have to be diminished or remove, taking away aspects of the song. those of you who think this is not the case are much mistaken - playing an mp3 track through even the most advanced of surround sound systems only pumps the 2 channel stereo sound through more speakers, not delivering the song the way the artist and the producer intended at all. to compensate for this, the industry at large took a simple fix - they "made the song louder" on mp3 encoding. this makes you think you are missing nothing, but you are.

i won't bore you with technical rundowns on the above - google away. but let it be said that anyone who thinks that an mp3 download gives you the quality and same sound as a CD or mp3 is very much mistaken.

the biggest concern i have with these new ways of listening to music is that soon, if not already, it will start killing the art of making music. this is because, let us be honest, the financial rewards are going away. what is the point of lavishly producing an album to perfect sound, after all, if the quality is going to be compressed and the creators will make no money?

many thanks to The Atlantic and The Cynical Musician for the provision of this diagram that spells out the realities for artists of downloads and "streaming".

there you have it. i really don't think i need to comment on the figures there, it speaks quite loudly as it is.

you may not care that artists don't get paid. you might think that so long as you get the music, what difference does it make if anyone makes money. quite a lot, as it happens. the music business is a business.

if the business end is not profitable, then there's not going to be any time and money invested in making music. this is a cliche, perhaps, and a tired argument for some, but here are the facts - if they existed in the music market today, The Beatles would not have been given the freedom to experiment in the studio and break ground in production that set up pop music for life. Pete Townshend would not have been able to create Tommy or Quadrophenia, instead being forced to just churn out pop tune after pop tune. David Bowie wouldn't have been able to relocate to Berlin and find the sound that music followed for the best part of a decade. Frankie Goes To Hollywood, with the amazing production and remixes required to create some of the biggest selling songs in history, would have existed only as a club band.

tales of excess would not exist either. with the amount of money available from downloads and streaming, Led Zeppelin would not have their own plane. Keith Richards would not be throwing TV sets out of windows. Duran Duran would not fly around the world to make videos. the rich and shameless tales of rock star excess are often just as important as the music. do we really want a world where musicians are having to serve you McDonald's to make ends meet? i don't.

if you rely on downloads and streaming for your music you are denying yourself the proper quality sound and you are killing the industry. not everyone can afford CDs, of course. but do, if you care, think about this.

rock on, and of course,


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

French speaking monkeys

hi there

well, first off, a major apology for the lack of updates lately, and indeed in advance an apology for the lack of updates for the next couple of weeks. i really do appreciate and respect the fact that i have a few regular readers - sorry to not update you with my warped ramblings!

i was, for little or no apparent reason, certainly nothing i will be discussing here anyway, messing about on that google maps thing. it crossed my mind to establish how, if for some reason one wanted to do that, one would get from the upper area of Newcastle to the classy place of Middlesbrough.

google maps provided me with some general directions (heading north makes little sense, but far be it from me to question the magnetic ways of the Geordie compass) and an interesting map. here it is...

do you spot the more interesting element of this interesting map? yes, that's right, they insist you make a very blatant bypass of that magnificent coastal resort town of Hartlepool. i am not sure if it is a blatant or outright snub (they at least list the place on the map), but it does strike me, and indeed Hartlepool, as a bit of a slap in the face.

they probably show this way to save you time, petrol and all that sort of thing. it could, however, of course be the case that they do this as the 'people' who do google maps are in fact French speaking monkeys. they may well fear that the person looking for directions is also a French speaking monkey, and thus do not want to send someone to meet the same fate as one of their illustrious ancestors.this is plausible.

if i notice any more oddities, or spot anything else that i consider to be either an accidental or very well intentioned dig at Hartlepool, i shall surely mention it here.

in the mean time, and indeed until the next time,


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the gift that keeps on giving

hi there

after the somewhat serious post i just made, i suppose i had better put some of my usual nonsense to bring balance for the peace of mind of my more regular reader. by some good fortune, my chum Jonathan Granville has provided a most excellent tale to tell.

recently, and if i am not mistaken it was around the time i arranged for a copy of that most splendid film Brokeback Mountain to be delivered to a cousin of mine (fear not, Andrew, Christopher and Elizabeth, it went to Robert), Jonathan seemed to be a touch, well, not upset but certainly left out as he had not received a specially selected gift in the post.

some intensive discussion took place between a select circle of Jonathan's friends, a circle that i was proud to be a part of, and we decided that we must, i say simply must, send a suitable gift to him.

after some discussion, we decided on something and i had the honour of using my own money to place this order for him.

we were all very sure that Jonathan would be delighted when an item arrived in the post for him, a level of delight that surely would only be matched when he played the DVD and indeed CD that was in the parcel.

to our collective surprise and horror, he was not really delighted at all when it landed. the evidence, in fact, suggests that he is quite upset. in regards of one of the allegations that he has thrown at me in regards of this parcel, i can confirm that he is wrong and my parents were married, for quite some time as it happens, when i was born. otherwise, he seems reluctant to accept that a circle of us selected this, and is holding me responsible entire. it's ok, i can take it.

as for the disc or discs, well it would seem they accidentally fell in the bin, and Jonathan has been so kind to take a picture of them before he presumably took them back out of the bin.

i am sure we, the circle, shall soon hold further talks. we will try and work out where we went wrong with this one, but also try and establish where we went right. we will build on that and make sure we get the next parcel even more right than we believe this one to have been, even if Jonathan himself does not agree.

hopefully the next parcel will be agreed upon and sent soon, and with some luck i shall have images of it to post here.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stress

hi there

well, this is weird. it's unusual that i would post anything too serious here, although it happens. rarer still is it something serious, grown up and what some may call 'professional'. let me try to explain.

i was requested to write the article which will appear below. without going in to the specifics or finer details, commissioned more than requested, if you like. after finishing it and delivering it, there was a statement along the lines of "whoops, erm, sorry, we didn't need it any more and forgot to tell you".

these things kinda happen, you know, and it's not that much of a big deal to me in the long run. such works usually just get discarded, or brushed up and used at a later stage. that's not happening with this one partially to put a published date next to my work, on the off chance whoever cancelled it ends up, quite by accident i am sure, somehow using it without payment. mostly, though, it is because the only other person to have read it was, flatteringly, very impressed with it and said that it was too good a piece of writing to not appear somewhere.

stress is, without undermining the following article, something that does affect us all. whether you are, for entirely fictional and in no way based on anyone real example, a gifted musician working in a museum who battles tramps (sometimes to the death. with an iron) on a daily basis, a brilliant photographer based in New Zealand that wrestles with dogging ideology, a senior figure in a respected corporate bank that struggles with their sexuality or even a Romanian engineer who worries about the fate of assistants in Doctor Who, stress is a constant.

if this is of any use to anyone at all, well great. the original piece was text only, but as some of you get quite upset when no pictures are here i have taken some at random to make it all pretty. one or two of the pictures cover my own resolution to stress management, but they are not intended to reflect anything in the actual article.

here you go......

The word ‘stress’ is one that is frequently used to describe how or what we are feeling. Most commonly of all it used to describe a negative sense of feeling and low well-being. It is something that we all feel, experience and indeed create – intentionally or not – during our life. It is, then, something that we all require to deal and work with. There are a number of ways one can alleviate, manage and deal with the stress they experience in their life, but first it is of importance to understand just what ‘stress’ is.

Broadly, stress is defined as experiencing strain or pressure. This most commonly manifests itself when circumstances create a sense of being overwhelmed or under some pressure to do a particular task. How an individual reacts to this sensation is determined by their personality and psychological state. Whereas a person who is naturally introverted may become more anxious and withdrawn socially when experiencing a stressful situation, a more extroverted personality type may well become irritable, possibly lashing out at the perceived source of the stress factors both verbally and physically.

In all cases of stress levels becoming high there is the great danger of a physical consequence. If the psychological effects of a high stress experience are unmanaged the person experiencing it can suffer from a loss of appetite, headaches and migraines and a potentially dangerous increase or decrease in their blood pressure level. The dangers which could come from that to an extent speak for themselves, with it being entirely possible for someone to develop cardiovascular and other organ related problems stemming from not managing stress levels.

To ask what causes the senses of strain or pressure which lead to stress is to receive an answer along the lines of pretty much everything we see and experience in life. It is an important aspect of life that stress is present in everything, for one must bear in mind that there is such a thing as experiencing ‘good stress’ factors.  Stress is what keeps our minds alert and active as we respond to experiences. A good example to illustrate this is driving, particularly in heavy or congested traffic. The thought of being in an accident or causing damage by creating a collision causes a stress level that keeps one alert and focused on careful driving, which is good. If one becomes overwhelmed with concerns of causing an accident, however, this can increase stress levels to the point of distraction, whereby the driver loses focus and is consumed by the fear of causing an accident. That would become a bad stress level and, in this example, a case where the person should immediately start to manage and deal with it by stopping driving.

To help gauge and understand what a good and a bad level of stress is considerable research has been conducted over the years. Widely considered to be the research to have shown the most accurate results, and thus the method of measurement most commonly in use, is the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, more frequently referred to as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. This system of evaluating stress levels has been in general use since the early 1970s and has come to be relied upon for giving trusted results which allow one to take courses of action to manage and reduce stress levels.

In the late 1960s the psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe speculated that in a number of cases a primary or contributing cause to physical illness was likely to be stress-induced psychological concerns. Using 5,000 patients from diverse backgrounds and circumstances to ensure a common link was established, Holmes and Rahe requested those involved in the study to give a score from 1 to 100 on a list of just over 40 life experiences, with 1 being something that caused no stress or discomfort and 100 being a score that represented severe distress and great discomfort.

The results of these ratings gave Holmes and Rahe greatly consistent results. Within a minimal level of marginal differences between the scores given by all patients for the incidents listed, the psychiatrists then sought to see if there was a correlation between highly stressful life incidents experienced and physical illness developing. To do this they provided the same set of incidents and instructions to some 3,000 sailors serving in the USA and monitored their health over a six month period. Holmes and Rahe work in this revealed that the higher someone scored in the rating of stressful life events experienced the more prone they were to developing illnesses.

In regards of scores on the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, the life incidents which are the highest scoring and thus the most dangerous in respect of monitoring and managing stress levels tend to be somewhat obvious. The death of a parent, family member or spouse / life partner rates the highest score on the chart, 100. Lower scoring incidents and circumstances on the scale, however, must always be considered. In the modern world, for example, we have seen an increase in the mobility of people with regards to where they live and work. A common thing for people to do is move to a new area to take on a new job, often involving moving their children to a new school. The three ‘new’ life experiences listed there each score 20 on the Social Readjustment Rating Scale. If you add to that new total of 60 other related factors, such as a change in responsibilities in work (a score of 29) and a change in financial state (a score of 38), you can see how something as potentially positive and good as a career change can in fact cause a higher stress level than the death of a loved one. 

The consolidated score from all the life experiences and events indicated by someone provides the details of where they are in terms of potential danger. To understand what the score recorded means, usually in a case where someone’s score is over 150 some caution is required and management of stress needs to be put in place to proactively prevent illness developing as a direct consequence of that stress level. A score which is over 300 indicates that there is an immediate problem with stress levels in the individual and some intervention to help the individual cope is required as soon as possible.

As accurate and reliable as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale is seen for evaluating stress and the potential of it to cause illness, each score must be looked at entirely with a perspective of the individual very much at the forefront. The identification of causes of stress in the individual is only the platform for successful management of it.

If we take, for example, the highest scoring life incident on the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, the death of a loved one can be experienced in substantially different ways. If it is the case that a parent or spouse has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, one usually has a period of time to accept and to adjust to the inevitable passing away of that person. This allows for one to be prepared and manage the stress associated with such an experience. This is quite different in the case of a sudden, unexpected death – referring back to a previous example, for instance the case when a partner or loved one is killed in a car accident. The sudden shock of receiving such news can amplify the stress experienced by it. In such an unexpected, traumatic case as that often urgent assistance in managing the stress placed on the individual receiving such news. Broadly, psychological counselling would be a necessity in such a case, the possibility of medication to give short-term relief must also be considered.

It is of course not always possible to be able to use the services of either a professional or any sort of ‘self-evaluation’ test based on the Social Readjustment Rating Scale to keep a check on stress levels. An ever-present guide to how you are coping with stress is, however, your own body. You should always pay attention and listen to it.

The physical signs of stress levels being too high were mentioned earlier. When these signs begin to appear it is not too late to start managing the stress levels causing them without calling on professional help and guidance. If you notice that there’s something “not quite right” with you, it could well be time to pause and reflect on what’s going on in your life. One may find that, subconsciously, a number of factors which cause lower stress levels are combining to take their toll on you.

Frequently the two changes in behaviour that indicate stress levels being too high are fatigue and a loss of appetite. Not eating as much as you usually would, or finding yourself no longer particularly enjoying a favourite dish, are all indicators of a build up of stress levels.  A lack of eating will itself cause a feeling of fatigue too, but this is not the only source. Stressful factors in life might not prevent you from eating as usual or seem obvious during your day to day life, but from a psychological perspective they can combine and play on your mind as you try to rest, causing restless sleep or even insomnia. If one notices they are experiencing either or both of these in their life it’s a sign that they should seek some assistance in managing stress.

Beyond those two, there are other things your body can do to alert you to a need to manage stress, but they tend to be of the kind we naturally shake off in the present day and age as just being “one of those things”. If you find yourself experiencing headaches on a regular basis, or have a sense of being light-headed or dizzy, there is every chance that it is stress related. If you are aware of being under some pressure or strain in the short term then this might be causing it. Under those circumstances the knowledge of it being short term should help you manage the feelings yourself through calm consideration of the problem. If not, assistance with stress management is certainly required. 

As uncomfortable and unfortunately unnecessarily embarrassing as it is for people to speak about, changes in both your enjoyment of and ability to engage in sexual acts can be a sign of stress too. Simply not being in the mood for any sort of sexual intimacy or contact happens to everyone from time to time, but if it’s something that you constantly experience, or you find that you crave such intimacy but feel physically unable to do so then it is likely that high, unmanaged stress levels are contributing to that feeling.  If you can find the will to overcome reservations and embarrassment experienced by a number of people when discussing their sexual health, which no one will ever say is an easy thing to do, you will have taken the most difficult step in resolving the problem and have moved closer to getting help with both that and indeed managing the stress levels in your life.

Stress is, as the above has shown, a constant in all life. As much as we need it in our lives to function, to perform and to achieve great goals, we also need to be able to manage and control it effectively. The idea of managing stress can cause some stress in itself, as it might make one feel that there is something “wrong” with them in that they need help. Well, if everyone has levels of stress, that just cannot be, unless one suggests that every living thing on the planet is “wrong”.

When the Social Readjustment Rating Scale indicates that stress in your present life is putting you at risk of illness, or if the tell-tale signs your body gives off indicate that you are not coping with your current stress levels, it is time to act. Managing the stress will ease it and greatly enhance your life and all that you experience. Trying to avoid it will only make it worse, which could lead to an unhappy life and risks you experiencing serious illness.

many thanks indeed for reading.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tributes in the medium of hair

hi there

nothing lasts forever. all good things must end. these are but two of dozens of familiar, well used sayings out there in the world. well, in the world and beyond, as it happens, as going on extensive research it seems that aliens on other planets also speak English. specifically, if they are good aliens they do it with an American accent and if they are bad aliens they do it with a post English one. this introduction seems to have lost its way a touch.....

the good thing that was not going to last forever which came to an end today was my beard. it has been allowed to roam free, growing rampantly for the last 3 or so months. how rampant? if instead of growing it was breeding, then right now you would be able to read on a normal, rational newspaper site (the Daily Mail, for instance) of the scourge of beard breeding and how it leads to immigrants destroying the national identity of [insert any country you like here].

my (considerably) better half agreed to give me a haircut, then. this was only after, say, a round month or so of asking her to do this. that it got done today is quite impressive, really, believe me on this one as much as i will get knacked for saying that.

it was as we were getting ready for this haircut that i clocked we had a rare opportunity at our disposal. an opportunity, with some strategic, initially shaving, to pay tribute to a number of celebrated figures. who do i mean? well, have a look for yourself.

yes, well spotted, the above is my best effort, by having my (considerably) better half shave just my chin first, to pay homage to the great Lemmy out of Motorhead. Lemmy is indeed someone full worthy of homage being paid to, but it is not always an easy thing to do.

one could, as i have been known to do, buy Motorhead albums and prance about in a Motorhead t-shirt. Lemmy is so class, however, that more homage is needed. indulging in a bit of the Lemmy lifestyle is tricky at best, and also possibly dangerous. not everyone, after all, can get away with dekcing their house out with Nazi memorabillia. trying to sleep with as many of the Nolans sisters too could be beyond most of us.

trimming a large-ish beard down to look a bit like Lemmy, if only for a few moments, is a safe way to pay homage then, and i think stays safely on the right side of the border between "fan paying homage" and "fan dangerously trying to be like Lemmy and in need of help".

you will note i said for a few moments with the tribute. that's because, alas, the whole of the beard was to come off. however, taking the moustache off first was a way to give even more tributes in the way of homage. this you can see in the somewhat scary picture below.

i was trying my best to remain open-eyed and smiling in the above. i do not think it has worked out at all well, has it? oh well, that's just the way i look. the above, as you have no doubt worked out all by yourself, is a sort of combination tribute to both Wolverine out of X-Men and indeed Wolverine, as well as Amos Brearley (or whatever his surname was) out of Emmerdale, except it was called Emmerdale Farm when he was still in it.

do i have a particular fondness for either Wolverine or Amos? not really. nowt against them i suppose. it might be that one day i am all enamoured with thoughts of them, so it was best to do this now and not regret later not having paid homage to them when i had the chance. to be safe, though, you will note that i adopted neither the physique or Australian accent of Wolverine, nor did i shave a bald patch in the middle like Amos. there was a suggestion from an anonymous source (Jonathan Granville) that i glue pencils to my hand to perfect the Wolverine part of the homage, but alas i did not have any pencils of a Wolverine nature at hand.

there is of course one other very important person that i paid tribute to with massive sideburns. that is of course the one they speak of as The King, Elvis Presley. i did not have any large quantity of cheeseburgers, jumpsuits or sunglasses to pay the correct tribute to The King, Elvis Presley, so instead i just tried to do a pose as The King, Elvis Presley might be inclined to look if he found himself in a situation of having no cheeseburgers, jumpsuits or sunglasses.

i think i did pretty well, to be honest. if we accept that no one will ever look as good as The King, Elvis Presley then i think i can say i did as much as any fan could. and i bet The King, Elvis Presley had an ace yellow slide in his garden too. he probably made monkeys, or even members of The Beatles and similar, go up and down it for his amusement.

the rest of the beard, and indeed the hair upon the top of my head (the sort which is usually associated with a haircut), was removed in an almost loving way by my (considerably) better half. you wish to see the finished product? ok, sure, no problem.

yeah, that's pretty much the image i want to project out into the world. i seldom look good, and that's about as good as it gets!

that is, by my calculations, two blog posts in a row that feature images of me, your humble narrator. i will give myself, and indeed you, a break from appearances here as far as i can!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!