"Did you never consider the possibility that the whole thing might have been nothing more than a charade?"

up until about 4am on Wednesday, 15 October 2008, the best theory i had heard of the great Stanley J Kubrick was that he had in fact anonymously directed Star Wars Episode V : The Empire Strikes Back. that theory developed from the fact that Kubrick was making The Shining on the same sets, that Empire had "Kubrickian" elements (good guys lose, no moral redemption to be found), and the fact that Empire is easily the best of the whole Star Wars series, rather too good to be the work of the one off director named on the credits.

the best theory i have now heard of, however, is that Stanley Kubrick created and directed the fake moon landing footage and photographs as part of some side project whilst making 2001. i say "best" here in the same sense that Billy Connolly used the word "best" in his line "it was the best thing i'd seen since i saw a kid wearing platform boots and a kilt.".

some parts of this theory are plausible and others, well, if not preposterous, then dubious. up front, i am inclined not to believe that Kubrick participated in making films of fake moon landings, but it's such interesting reading i thought i would put the best (and worst) parts of the theory up here for you to have a gander at.......



The 'Plausible' Elements





* Kubrick was a genius with images, either motion or still. if they were faked, no one at the time, perhaps no one now, could have done a better job.

* NASA "assisted" the production of 2001, under the title of "technical advice".

* what little dialog there is in 2001 revolves around a "cover story" for events on the moon - Kubrick's sense of humour hiding something in plain sight?

* Kubrick knew how to keep a secret, and he did have unprecedented power for a talented film director who didn't get around to directing too many films.

* 2001 proved that the technology existed to deliver a fake moon landing film, in particular if it was distorted and presented in black and white.



The 'Dubious' Elements





* Kubrick agreed to do it in exchange for a particular kind of lens that only NASA had; a lens he wanted to make Barry Lyndon with. nonsense, at the time Kubrick didn't even know he was going to make A Clockwork Orange next, let alone the details of the film after. although he could have wanted the lens for his intended Napoleon film. besides, Stanley had abandoned films for a lot less reason than a lens being unavailable.

* the whole thing was exposed in the film Wag The Dog, in which a film director called Stanley is hired to make a secret film for the government.

* Eyes Wide Shut, with apparent tell-tale evidence such as lines like "Did you never consider the possibility that the whole thing might have been nothing more than a charade?", was released on the 30th Anniversary of the first "moon landing".

* Danny, the child in The Shining, wears an Apollo logo on his jumper.







well, make up your own minds, really. i do not understand all the science behind the theories that show that the moon landings were faked; equally i do not understand the science behind the theories that prove the moon landings really happened.

personally, and this may surprise some of you who have followed my unusual theories on The King, i would rather live in a world where we did put a man on the moon, thank you. do all great achievements, do all dreams really have to be taken apart by conspiracy theorists?

for further reading, well, i suggest for the most part you hit your favourite search engine on the interwebnetthingie, type in "Kubrick fake moon landing film footage" and off you go. i will, however, give you one special link - click here to go and read the review of someone who has got it into their head that not only did Kubrick do all of this, but that it was also his best ever work. see just one of the films that he without doubt made and i would assume you disagree with at least the latter part of that view.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a rather good question!

lambs, be silent.....

hey everyone

a rather curious, if not somewhat brave, batch of pictures has arrived from New Zealand this fine Sunday.

it seems that our dear family over there went off to the Ambury Regional Park Annual Farm Day today. whilst it looks like a most splendid and enjoyable event, i was rather concerned to see that there were no pictures of Grant included, what with there being a veritable treasure trove of sheep on display.

increasing my concern, if not a simple doubling of it, was this picture of Katie.





now, why exactly would Katie be telling the lambs, or anyone else for that matter, to be quiet? does she not want Daddy to find the sheep, or does she not want anyone to find out that Daddy has very much found the sheep?

and so the hunt for Grant begins. now, where would you start looking for Grant? yes, that's right......





Gillian assures me that there was some sort of sheep shearing competition going on. a likely story, ladies and gentleman. although i am not very good at lip reading, and i would suspect that one could not lip read a picture anyway, don't you just get the feeling that Gillian is saying "it's OK Katie, Daddy is just mending the battery that makes the sheepies go baa baa baa" to Katie?

i am certain that Grant has a perfectly reasonable, legally sound explanation as to where he was at the times these pictures were taken, but the concerned for his father look on young Daniel's face won't help very much when the law (or possibly an irate shepherd or two) comes looking for him.





i do hope to visit this New Zealand place one of these days, but i presume that the second Sunday in October would be bad timing for me. i will plan any trip there rather carefully so as not to interfere with Grant's curious hobbies. well, one hobby.

hope you all had as good a weekend as Grant apparently did, along with the rest of the gang in New Zealand, and us here!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the Spiros in Uganda adventure continues....

hi there

thanks to the joys of modern technology, my chum Spiros is keeping me fully updated with his exciting adventures in Uganda. it all sounds like rather jolly good fun thus far!

sadly, his hosts were having none of taking him to Club Knight Rider, instead taking him to something called the Kampala Casino. the "playa" skills of Spiros, alas, are somewhat lacking, and by all accounts a game of chance called Lucky Leprechaun or something got the better of him.

two other things got the better of him too, it would seem. one would be some sort of French security guard wearing shorts, the other being the rather splendid sounding Nile Lager. it does look like a splendid drop of ale, even though it is not a proper drink. however, as Spiros apparently passed out twice after a couple of sips, it is clearly not intended for those who live The Spiros Life, a lifestyle more commonly full of elegant cocktails, Pimms and other rather more, shall we say, fruity delights.

the mind boggles as to what would have happened to Spiros had he passed out in Club Knight Rider; one can only speculate that the DJ chap there would have at least helped to "take care of him"......

more from the adventures of Spiros when he updates me!!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man Of Steel : Dubai Airport

Dubai, strictly speaking, is not a natural stop off point on the way from here to Great Ayton. via Dubai the folks went, however, and it is rather fortunate that they did!

oh, go on then - is it a bird? is it a plane? no, it's.................



...........Superman! taking a presumably well deserved break. now why Superman, with his class gravity defying skills, would need either an aeroplane or luggage is a bit beyond me, quite frankly. i shall get James to explain it to me in the morning.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i probably shouldn't post this picture, but......

....it really makes me smile! if you know and love my dear Auntie Susan the way we all do, it should make you smile too!!





be excellent to each other!!!!!! and remember, love Susan - love Slade.

Natalie

hello Natalie, pleased to see you for what i believe is only your second appearance on my site!! that's more than your cousin Finley, since Robert and Debbie have never sent pictures (hint, hint).

born a few days before young Daniel in New Zealand, Natalie looks like an adorable princess! Great Auntie certainly would appear to have taken a shine to you!!!!





wow, walking and eating already!!! soon you will be talking too, and off to the shops and out on the town with your Mum!!





speaking of Mum, here's the only picture of Elizabeth that seems to have come back with Mum & Dad! much like Angela in the last post, i suspect that Elizabeth would prefer not to appear all over the world wide interwebnetthingie, but here she is!





yes, as an added bonus, there's another glimpse of my dear Uncle Peter!! looks like he has just had a rather strong hit of tea!!!


hope you have enjoyed all the pictures as much as i have!!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clan Harland........luvvly jubbly

well, you have already seen a glimpse of the Harland family kitchen (see the "chef" post!), but here's some full shots of the family that, wisely or otherwise, put Mum & Dad up for a week or so!


first up, here's Andrew. Andrew's looking might fine, tall and handsome these days. i believe the purpose of being in the car was for an excursion to the outer reaches of the land they call Hull; one can imagine that he broke a number of hearts there!





and the of course there is Christopher, looking equally fine and handsome; in particular as he is wearing a shirt celebrating the little-known, minor event we are holding down here in about two years time!





and here's Colin, in a restaurant and looking mighty fine in a class 80's style get up. it's the kind of thing that Crockett would wear around town, which means it is quality fashion. the lady behind him certainly seems to agree!





now i know that modesty will have Angela hoping that i did not include a picture of her, but here she is with, well, you know the names of everyone else by now!!





now here's an interesting picture. i would assume that it is Dad and Colin under these masks, but who exactly are are masks of? to tell the truth, when i first saw this pic, i was trying to work out why on earth they had masks of Ronald Reagan and Roger Daltrey.....





i am however assured that they are masks of Del Boy and Rodney from the much celebrated, much loved Only Fools And Horses! well, when you know that it's supposed to be those two, you can see the resemblance!!


thank you Colin, Angela, Christopher and Andrew for putting up (with?) Mum and Dad for a few days! Gillian and i constantly debate which retirement home we should ship them off to one day, with me firmly believing they would be happy with a nice bungalow-like shed in Auckland, and Gillian begging to differ. perhaps we should bravely compromise and dump them on the Harland family on a permanent basis? no, James would miss them. as would we all!


i think there's another batch of pics left in me, then that should do it!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the loose-clothed chef

hey everyone


those of you who know him hardly need me to tell you this, but my Dad is one of life's eccentrics. it is not everyone who travels thousands of miles to see places and people, after all. it is also not everyone that does this and considers one of the highlights to be bothering the kitchens of friends and family with some extravagant cooking. before six in the morning. in their pj's.





believe it or not, this is a sight that is welcomed, in fact embraced, around the world. there are houses in Denver, Ohio, Melbourne, New Zealand and beyond that would welcome being woken up and discovering this display in the house!! in this instance, it is the fine Harland home in Coulby Newham being treated to this display.

he once famously did something similar to this in Sun City, when he lost patience with the kitchen's abilities (or lack thereof) in the world of poached eggs. yes, the patience was of a span of no more than four minutes. but at least he had some shorts and a shirt on that time.

nice one Dad, keep it up!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and, if you find my Dad in your kitchen a good while before the sun blesses the sky, just have a seat and let him get on with it.

out here in the fields.....

hey everyone

more pics from the tour!!!

the next two are a bit blurry, but they are unmistakable. in regards of them being blurry, as he reads this my Dad is saying "your Mum must have took them ones then". as far as unmistakable goes, well, they are landmarks from the place that i shall forever call home.

first up, the unmistakable site of Roseberry Topping, followed by a shot of Captain Cook's monument.





many are the times i have walked up and along both. well, with exams falling in the summer, what would you do - study, or take a walkman loaded with Bowie and head through the trees and fields, upwards to see all that you would want to see? i passed the exams anyway. in some instances "kind of", but passed all the same.





yes, i do dearly miss home. the people and the places are forever etched in my heart and mind. but, then again, home is very much here, with the beautiful family i have been blessed with, and i would exchange them for nothing.

i'm not the only nostalgic one, since Mum & Dad took a walk around the old village, and happened to go back to their first home. i wouldn't wish to say how long ago that was, but a hint would be that The Beatles remained a going concern then!





a few more memories - the area in which they stand is surrounded by conker trees. i recall many a gray, Autumn afternoon spent walking upon the dried brown leaves of the ground, feeling the sound of the crackle beneath every step, picking up dozens of conkers. Richard, Gillian and i probably would have been conker kings at our schools had we been patient enough to let them soak in vinegar as we were supposed to!





onwards, and out there into the fields! a rather clear sky for an October, but it looks like the wind decided to kick up a bit! never mind, Mum and Dad are still crazy enough to shield one another from it!





and here's Mum with Uncle Colin!





Colin shall, of course, forever be referred to as "dude who to me to see Frankie Goes To Hollywood, G-Mex arena, January 10 1988"!!


yes, more pics to follow!!!!!!!!!!!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!! and, if you are in Ayton, take a walk through the fields, and have a Suggits ice cream!

our dear friend in the North

besides the unbridled joy of being there for Gran & Gramps' special day, and of course seeing all the family in and around Great Ayton, i dare say that a big part of the brief trip for Mum and Dad was being able to see our dear friend Bobby.

they went out and about, ending up with an obligatory visit to the pub, but also visiting a place where my Dad (and Gramps) could feast upon what they consider to be some of the finest foods known to man, smoked kippers!

Bobby seems rather happy to have gone there too!





it's great to see Bobby smiling and looking like age has not quite got the better of his health just yet. we all look forward to seeing Bobby, and hope to do so for many more years to come.

now, about that pub i mentioned.....





good to see Mum having a proper pint whilst over there!!





Dad has an uncanny knack of catching people not posing for great pictures. what on earth are the three of them seeking out???





right, a few more pics to post yet! will get to them as soon as i can!!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and, if you actually like smoked kippers, please bear in mind that not all around you appreciate the scent of them!

more diamond pictures

hi there


dear me, selecting some shots from 300 or so sent is proving to be quite a bit of work! i think i have done OK, although i have pretty much limited the selections to family pictures!

if you went to wish my Gran & Gramps a happy anniversary, thank you very much indeed, and my apologies if you are not featured here!

first up, here's Uncle Peter!





now, at a glance you may well have mistaken him for Jack Nicholson. whereas Jack would have been very welcome indeed to call in at the Grandparents, or at any of our homes, for a pint of John Smiths and a cup of tea, Uncle Peter is certainly the more welcome guest!

and here's young Robert, having a chat with Gran!




i say "young" Robert, as he is the youngest of the five grandchildren, but he got married before the rest of us and was responsible for the first great-grandchild! good to see Robert looking good and healthy, i miss him, dear Elizabeth and, well, all of them!

and speaking of people i miss, dear Uncle Travelling Trevor!





i am not sure that Trevor does all that much travelling across the world these days, but if he decides to dust down the passport once more i am sure he would find himself a most welcome guest at ours or anywhere he chose to go!

here's a good one of the elders of the family together! From left (i think, depending at which angle you look at the picture), here's Auntie Susan, Gran, Great Auntie Norma, The Legendary Stormin' Norman Gramps and Dad!





i know in the picture that looks like a class summer day in England, but i assure you the dark cloud brewing over the skies of Ayton is indeed October!


and finally, another picture of the fine card from Her Majesty. it's included here for the picture that is behind it.....





righty-ho, more pictures as soon as i get the chance to do them!!!!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Anniversary!

hi there

i am delighted to report that Grandma and Grandad had a fantastic 60th Wedding Anniversary. going on the photographs i have seen (and there are many, more on that later!), it all looks like it was a busy, fun day!

before we get anywhere near pictures, the happy event made the newspapers!





sorry if the size & quality of the newspaper scans makes it tricky to read, hope that if you are interested in the tale you can access it!

there's one or two familiar names that crop up in the one below!





needless to say, they got a great and generous amount of cards to wish them well for the day, but there was one in particular which arrived that stands out somewhat from the rest!!





wow! something of an honour! my dear Gramps, Stormin' Norman, isn't usually known for his love and appreciation of all things Royal, but even he seemed rather taken with it!





sorry that we could not be there!!

right, as indicated, there are many, many pictures to post. my Dad has sent me some 300 images from the trip they took over to England. i very much doubt that all will feature up here, but give me some time, i will get the best of them (or just ones i like) up here as soon as i can!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Entebbe's No 1 Nite Spot"

hey everyone


my chum Spiros is off on a bit of a boy's own adventure up in Uganda at the moment. whilst up there, he has discovered a most excellent looking place in the form of Club Kinght Rider.


despite being proud of his Irish roots, and let us not forget his Greek ambitions, Spiros has always struck me as the sort of jolly chap that would quite like to be part of the Sandrinham, Etonian "Hooray Henry" crowd, wearing a top hat around town and a splendid safari suit as he surveys the colonies. i suppose this is why he goes off on these adventures into the heart of Africa. i couldn't say for certain, but perhaps he sees himself something akin to the Irish Mark Thatcher or something.


anway, back to the splending looking and super sounding Club Knight Rider. all the information i have on the place would suggest that it is not the kind of social venue Spiros would normally frequent as they seem to have no quarrel with allowing women onto the premises, but i am sure he is having a fun time there anyway. if you happen to be in Uganda in the near future, specifically Entebbe, then it seems that you could do a good deal worse than pop into Club Knight Rider for a swift half and enjoy the sights and sounds of the place.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bounty and your wealth in hand, terror in a best laid plan

there was a time, believe it or not, when the world did not have this interwebnetthingie business. i was then unable to spread word of The King living in China, my good friend Mike was unable to send pictures of branches of KFC that The King might have visited in China, and my equally good friend Norman was unable to visit that kind of site.

how did we fill the time, then? well, the Atari post earlier on may have given you some clues. here are some more insights!


when it comes to Atari quality, you cannot go far wrong with the class of Phoenix. Mike & I used to rent this cartridge from the video store that was in the local petrol station, next to our primary school. i think it cost 99p to rent overnight, and boy did we get every penny's worth out of it.

on the last trip over to home, i noted that the petrol station had gone; the rental store with it. i recall that the ladies in the store were very polite in not allowing me to rent a tape called The Pleasuredome, assuring me that it had nothing whatsoever to do with my beloved Frankie Goes To Hollywood or the album / single of that name. i found out many years later exactly what it did have to do with, and i think all of us would have been in a great deal of bother if we had taken that sort of thing home.


the Atari was all well and good, but we eventually got around to the pinnacle of home computer systems, the Commodore 64. Mike has sent me this link, and i suggest you go and have a gander at what quality PC was all about back then.

there were many, many fine things for the good old C64, but few could capture the imagination in the way that Kik Start 2 so convincingly did. not only, in the best 2D scrolling action known to man, could you ride along like the similar sounding TV show of the time, you could actually build your own track and challenge all your friends to get the best time on it!!

i would love to tell you that we spent ages constructing works of art for each other, but that would be a lie. oh no, we just built courses that featured in the region of one hundred flame throwers as it was class to see the fella on the bike go up in flames.

here's a shot of some Kik Start action, sadly not featuring the flame throwers but rather smart all the same. as you will observe, it features split-screen action. that's right folks, with a track made up of nothing but flame throwers, we were able to have synchronized dude on bike entertainment!


there are any number of quality C64 titles i could bang on about (the impossible Frankie Goes To Hollywood game, for instance), but Norman would not forgive me if i did not mention his beloved ACE.

a rather classy flight simulation thing, which required two people; one to handle the joystick and flying bits, one to man the flight controls, aka the C64 keyboard. Norman, ever the flyboy, always wanted to fly it, which rather unwisely left me at the controls for the missiles, flares, etc. Norman used to get very upset with the fact that i jettisoned all the missiles and flares once we were but a handful of centimetres off the runway, but what was i supposed to do? there's only so much fun to be hand watching Norman deftly navigate trees and a field. anyway, when i did let him fly for a bit, all he ever did was crash us into the mid-air refuelling thingie.

what a great shame that the similar kind of thing produced these days doesn't inspire a single calorie of the inspiration and innovation these things did for us. oh well.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new news from New Zealand....

hi everyone

under the claim that they have only just managed to get the batteries for the camera recharged, Gillian & clan have at last sent some new pics from the land slightly to the side down under. i guess the sheep have been on a go slow or something down the battery recharge centre, then.

no matter the delay, let us enjoy the sights, the sounds and the smells of New Zealand. so long as you are prepared to accept that only 33% of this is possible on this site....

there seems to be no end to the technical, engineering ingenuity of the fine people of New Zealand, for behold, they appear to have constructed an armed and fully operational swing!





well, it might be a gift from Blighty, actually, since the Imperial specifications are all in place and it would appear structurally sound. nonetheless, they are quite clever these New Zealanders, and no matter who built it, Daniel and Katie would appear to be having fun on it!


for good measure, here are Katie and Daniel very kindly taking a break from some sort of wrestle or other engagement to pose for a picture.





and now, ladies and gentleman, be prepared to be quite dazzled by this full show of strength of the powers and merits of New Zealand refridgeration / freezing skills!!





anyone wish to bet that this be a kiwi fruit lolly they have? assuming that they have kiwi fruit to take the juice from in New Zealand, of course. if they didn't have kiwi fruit available in New Zealand, well, it's not quite the correct use of the word, but it would be ironic in the commonly used sense of the phrase.

thank you Gillian for the pictures! a delight to see Katie and Daniel, but a great shame not to have any new pictures of Grant. who was probably off playing something or other. near the flocks of sheep. alone.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spring Day Hat!!

hey everyone

just a sneak peek of one of the preview pics we got for James' spring day hat from school. we'll be ordering the "proper" copies to send off to people soon enough!





well done to the photographer who took it, i wish i could get him to pose and smile for pics more often!

and, once again, well done to Michele for the most excellent hat!!


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the greatest slice of 4KB home entertainment ever

back in time, when i were lad in my best Yorkshire-Tees italics drawl, games and entertainment were limited by the format. the Atari cartridge system was, for a good few years, the be all and end all of home playing, there was simply no way that you could get any better than that. well, time has suggested that there in fact was something of a margin for better home entertainment systems, but how many have dominated like the Atari did?

of the games we had as kids, well, the favourites were Keystone Cops, River Raid, the ace Empire Strikes Back adaptation and of course good old Pac-Man, which Richard was the undisputed king of. oh, and Gillian quite liked Oink!.

nostalgia has once again got the better of me, and so i have been investigating the ways of the Atari across the interwebnet. it seems that the emulation software is easy enough to get your hands on, as well as all of the thousands of games made for it. yeah, thousands of them. not like the systems today, which get a couple of hundred made for them before they are obsolete.

obviously this means that i have discovered games i never knew existed for the Atari. one of them in particular caught my eye. i wish we had got this one when we were young, but even if they could have found it, you would have thought that our folks would not have invested in this gem for three children under 10 years old :





oh yes, that's right, me beauties! someone took the time, trouble and imagination to make a game based on the class film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!! nice one!

being 35, and "master of my domain" in the non-Seinfeld sense here, i happily downloaded it and had a play of it. as you will have gathered from the title of this post, it is with some ease one of the greatest things that i have ever played in the league of games which are 4KB or less in size.

what's it about? well, you are Leatherface, and you must take your trusted chainsaw to the people walking around the green, homely ranch of the Leatherface family. you have to be quick, for you need to take 5 out to gain more fuel for the saw. an odd, curious economies of scale structure for fuel i grant you, but an all together wise one.





erm, yes, well, the above screenshot may have some of you concerned about the aesthetics of it all. considering the space they had to make the game in, i think they did a pretty good job with it!

Michele is not too taken with it, i have to say. she's not happy with the content, sound, graphics or anything else you care to mention. understandably, i am not allowed to let James play or watch it either.





an Atari emulator (Stella) and this cartridge image will take you but a handful of seconds to find on google or something like that. i suggest you head off and do just that. ok, maybe get some of the other games mentioned too - River Raid in particular is a good fun blast!!

remember - Atari was good enough for Sigue Sigue Sputnik to sing songs of celebration about, which means it is good enough for you.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!