for clarification (of the title, look you see) what i intend to write of here is if the choice of being a passenger on an airplane (aeroplane?) of a commercial nature remain a daunting, miserable experience. not an easy question to answer in simple terms, but for those in a rush the answer is yes, no, maybe. there is of course the small matter of how in no way can i presume to assume my experiences are going to be true for all. but, here we are. and without images in the greater good and glory of Commodore 64 mode, as my boss "app" for that no longer works. VHS mode it is, then.
having spent around 48 hours or so of my life this year on planes i do feel slightly qualified, at the least, to speak on the subject. as for provenance, i elected (or opted) to use Emirates airline for my odyssey from here (England) to there (New Zealand) and back. of the now very limited options to fly there it was easily so they came out on top - more or less (excluding Air China) most modest cost, largest seats in economy class, least (fewest) amount of time between connecting flights. also, have used them before a few times, and the service was always good. well, as good as an airline in this modern world gets.
where to begin? at the start i suppose, or (at least, pedantic types) after buying the ticket and actually heading off to fly. in general terms all airports are miserable, what with the horrid outlay of them, curiously depressing staff and ludicrous amount of people one find there. exactly how much time effort and money gets spent "developing" Heathrow to just make it increasingly worse is baffling. mind, the one mishap i experienced (here) wasn't the fault of the airport. and once you check in and go through security at Heathrow there's no smoking areas, so be warned. every other country has airports what provide this facility, so it's just Heathrow being tw@ts as usual.
on the actual plane, and, well. it is (considerably) out of character for me to give due credit to French things or people, but still. Sartre's frequently quoted line "hell is other people" is so phenomenally apt and true when you find yourself with such (other people) in a tin can some 40,000ft above sea level. what is wrong with people, or what goes wrong when they get on a f*****g plane? is it really that difficult to just get on with it? apparently it is.
to be (reasonably) fair, most of the passengers on all four (4) flights i took of late just got on with it. but still there are those special cases. a lot of this is down to airlines not enforcing their own rules. they always make it clear that people are allowed one (1) item of hand luggage, of specific dimensions and weight. yet several passengers come onboard with ludicrously oversized cases, taking up all the space in the overhead compartments. what utter w@nkers they are, true, but why are airlines not saying no to them?
it is of course the case that a number of flights, sometimes weekly, get diverted or cancelled due to the behaviour of "passengers" on board. with mercy this seems to be on them ultra cheap flights to rather cheap areas of Europe. mostly i suspect this happens because why wouldn't you disrupt the plans of over a hundred people for less than £50 or so? the people who get drunk, or smoke, or fight or whatever and get flights cancelled are not going to pay any fines and will simply use the experience as a tale to enthrall their similarly thick and ignorant contemporaries with down the pub. generally one does not get quite that level of riff raff on flights that cost thousands of pounds.
but, or and yet, still it was so that my one flight, Dubai to Auckland, had at least two incidents with completely f*****g retarded passengers. there may well have been further, but only two (2) happened near to me. the first illustrates the farcical, illusion based nature of "security" on flights, as someone managed to get an aerosol can on board. yes, a compressed gas canister on a flight, what could go wrong. we all knew they had, as someone set it off in the toilet, which triggered all sorts of alarms.
no, that wasn't the most retarded person on the flight. that would be the person who knew full well that they had a nut allergy yet for some reason ate a bag of peanuts. somewhat suspiciously they elected to do this after we had cleared Australia, as in at a (convenient) time when we would not be diverted to land there, but would carry on to Auckland. perhaps they were seeking to unofficially extend their stay in New Zealand, and gambled with their health to do so. very fortunate that they had timed it so, as if we had been diverted they would very much have had a dent in their face more or less matching an imprint of my fist. yes, there was some interest level in watching the cabin crew f*** about with the various medical kits, trying to work out what to do.
sensing that it would be wise to do so, i shelled out some extra cash for "extra legroom" seats on the flights (two of them) between Dubai and Auckland. overall this did prove wise. however, what one gains in legroom they lose in general comfort, as you have them ridiculous too small fold out trays and in flight entertainment screens. you win and you lose. also other passengers understandably wish to stretch their legs, and tend to spend a lot of time wandering about trying their best to trip over your outstretched legs. when (rather than if) i make the trip again, i may well begrudgingly pay for the same again, if not shell out a substantial amount more for "premium" economy.
eating? quite difficult on the smaller cramped trays in the extra legroom seats, but still, an odd triumph. well, sort of kind of. vast, immense improvements have been made in the quality of food served. as in i had some truly excellent meals. of course this is tempered with the eternal issue. on flights they for some reason have two (2) basic options, one which is extremely appealing to all and one that sounds awful and not interesting. so of course they usually run out of the excellent one before they get to serve you. how difficult can it be to just plan two equally interesting meal options? apparently very.
ultimately in our present world flying is simply an uncomfortable means to an end. once upon a time getting on a plane was an enjoyable, integral part of any holiday. now it's a dehumanised experience, with livestock being driven to slaughter getting better treatment. presumably all of this leads to them that own the airlines make even more money, i hope they enjoy it.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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