there are many, many wonderful instances, look you see, of things which do not need to exist all the same existing on this blog. it could be (very much) so that what you read here is such, or at the least imbued with a sense of superfluous. no, i am not running down my writing here, but rather suggesting that however you imagine a deodorant infused with the smell (scent) of marmite would be, well, it is.
yes, as per numerous instances of me reviewing lynx (or axe, depending on where you are in the world) deodorant, i am aware that it exists for a specific demographic. and, as that demographic is mostly feral teenagers who use it to attract each other for quasi breeding purposes, no, i am not part of that demographic. generally, rather than strictly, speaking, no one over the age of 15 (18 at best) should be using this stuff, especially not overweight and out of date types in their (northern) 40s.
why, then, do i use it? because, regrettably (or alas), every single other type of deodorant i have used insists on having a starchy, musky incorrectly burnt acidic out of date lemon scent to it, and generally it really stings and smarts (and knacks) when you squirt (spray) it on. in a world where hai karate is now absent, lynx is the only choice for those who do not wish to punish themselves.
my first engagement, as such, with this new one off of lynx - lynx africa and marmite - was when i saw a picture of a tin on one of them internet things. i had, foolishly so, assumed it was some joke or prank thing, made by someone what is clever with a "photoshop". despite voyages into insanity taken by lynx - and here i am thinking specifically of their leather and cookies debacle - i took it as no one, in particular a going financial concern in terms of a business, would be so stupid as to make any sort of deodorant smelling anything like marmite.
it was quite a surprise, then, to see it was an actual, real product, manufactured and presented for sale to we, the people. for a moment i looked at it, looked at the price (£1.75), thought about it (for a second or two), looked at it, observed and noted the price (£1.75) and figured f*** it, and so bought it.
the lady on the till what was serving me gave both me and the tin of lynx africa and marmite a funny look. it was very much more of a funny peculiar than funny ha ha look, for the record. she was clearly keen to pass comment, but refrained from doing so until prompted. so, i prompted, by asking if it was any good. at this point she broke down, and revealed that when the stock in the shop arrived, they got curious, so squirted (sprayed) it a bit to see what it was like. the conclusion was that it was a disgusting shade of revolting, with many of them feeling a need to leave the store until the scent had cleared, for fear of spewing.
at this point the lady asked if i would wish to reconsider my purchase, as it would be no trouble or bother for her to cancel the item and have it returned to the shelf. maybe from pride, possibly from shame or just with a general informed sense of stupidity i said no, let me give it a go. i completed the transaction then. which would be the point at which i was damned.
upon spraying (squirting) it on, the first scent which hits you is that of the classical, or traditional, africa fragrance with which it is blended. oh, that's nice, i thought. but then, within moments, your skin starts to smart with a burning sense, and you are overwhelmed with the meaty yeasty smell of traditional conventional marmite. a scent which is pleasant enough on, say, toast, but not on a person. it is hideous, horrendous, vile and a f*****g obscenity. whoever came up with this should be arrested and place on some very serious criminal register.
in all honesty the only way i can truly describe this lynx africa and marmite deodorant is to recall what Fraser told me and Spiros about prison. he told us that you should not accept a cigarette off of anyone, no matter how friendly they are, for the next thing you know there will be an expectation for you to do all sorts of things (that i would not care to repeat here) which you might not wish to, in particular outside of wedlock. that's the main thrust of this deodorant.
do not buy this item. let my foolish folly be a lesson, i beg you. i don't care how much you think you love the smell of marmite, you do not (or will not) in this incarnation. don't even think about buying it as a joke for someone as a present, for no jury in this land would find them guilty for doing whatever they do to you as punishment for buying them it. so, yes, then, my review is that this particular deodorant is complete and utter, unforgiving, unrelenting sh!t.
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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