sail away, cigarette, be free

yoho, ahoy

a tale of misfortune, then. or perhaps (possibly) one of them "omen" things, look you see. if not an omen, for i shall confess that i am not 100% certain i am using the word right, then a sign, a warning or even maybe a hint of what i should perhaps consider thinking doing.

this isn't the first time i have written such, but all the same it remains (very much) the case that i have no idea what draws people to read, well, whatever i put here. maybe it's to look at the pictures. certainly i am aware that when i used to be able to put images of a car wash here, in the greater good and glory of Commodore 64 mode, it led to some general enthusiasm. if i were to speculate then it would be so that i believe some would be interested only in reading of any particular misfortune which had befallen me. should you be of such a demographic, then you are in for a treat. 

let me try and describe the scene. it was late afternoon (or early evening) on a Friday. i had returned to my lodgings in my place of exile after a particularly hot, bothered and needlessly extended journey. as would be my wish i wished to go and have a cigarette (sorry). with it being lovely and sunny, but with a noticeable (and welcome) cool breeze, i went off to sit by the river which runs past my lodgings, and believe you me that is not as glamourous a thing as you may think. so, i sat down on a bench, light a cigarette (sorry) and placed the nearly empty packet, lighter and my phone beside me. 

if the above (vaguely) looks like a poor zoomed in image of a packet of cigarettes, or rather a cigarette packet, floating on a body of water, fear not, for it is so. yes, the breeze i mentioned turned into quite the gust. there was little i could do but sit and watch the force of nature lift up the packet of cigarettes, and the lighter too, and take them towards the water. 

gravity sort of assisted in easing my plight here, as the lighter, being of some noticeable heavier weight, simply fell to the ground. not so the cigarette packet. that, i observed, was lifted up a bit, seeming or appearing to dance in the air for a bit, before the gust or breeze died off. at this juncture the packet simply dropped down, alas into the water. 

my immediate thoughts, or comments, when this happened were indeed laced (if not strewn) with profanity. to my shame i confess i believe i at least thought, but likely said, something like "f**k's sake". well, would you not think or say something of a similar sentiment, if not so obscene? 

momentarily i did wonder if the cigarette packet could in some way, shape or form be retrieved. this was very momentarily indeed, for it was quite some distance down and, if we are honest, the contents of the packet were likely of no practical use. being even (or all the more) honest, that's the River Tees we are speaking of. once it was spoken of as holding the title of "most polluted river" in either the UK, or Europe, or all of the world. it has improved, but still. rather like an Edgar Allan Poe story which i can't off the top of my head recall the title of, things that go into this river do not come out the same. except in his story i think it was a room. anyway, i resigned myself to being only able to watch, and take pictures, and indeed (above) take some VHS mode video. 

by some fluke of good fortune this was not as bad as it could (or might) have been. it was so, dear reader, that there was but one (1) cigarette left in the packet (or box) when this happened. a real term cost of what was lost, by virtue of these being cigarettes from a better priced, independent distributor, was 35p. had i been smoking "official" cigarettes purchased off a shop (and heavily taxed by our most beloved government) the loss would have been around 75p. please, feel free to let it sink in just how ripped off, or if you will f****d over, us British smokers are. 

where has this cigarette (and packet) ended up? as in, which way was it heading? by virtue of the time and from what i could tell of the tide (i am no sailor) the general direction it sailed off in was that of the North Sea. oh. not sure it would have made it all the way there, for various obstacles would have been in the way. still, how lovely to think that maybe it's washed up in some interesting place like Norway or what have you. Sweden, perhaps, but such a sight may well confuse them, based on my thankfully limited experience with people off of Sweden. two, i think. one was nice, the other an idiot.

just how bad are pictures off of this phone of mine what has a camera welded to it? awful quality on the zoom. my understanding was that Samsung were "market leaders" for a reason. unless they sold me a dud, or i am in some way not using it properly, very disappointing indeed. 

one of them little nuggets of "information", or unsubstantiated "fact" that non-smokers like to throw around is that smoking one cigarette takes between three to five minutes off your life. really? unless they are talking about a theoretical or symbolic thing, based on how long it takes to smoke one, i am not convinced. were it so that someone took my (realistic) assumed life expectancy vs number of cigarettes smoked (thus far) then i would think the calendar would suggest i am to meet my demise, at the latest, by the end of this sentence. and, apparently not.

quite a few, to tie (by chance) all of this back to the opening, would suggest that maybe i should take this incident, or episode, as a sign. an "omen", if you will, or some sort of thing where nature hints at what i should do. with that, presumably, being that the sensible thing for me to do would be to throw all of my cigarettes into a body or water. that or not buy them. perhaps such is so, but i will ignore. 

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!