exquisite relief

greetings

so yeah, no, i would not think this is at all an appropriate post to publish on the day (or evening) of the date today, 14th February. which is Valentine's Day, look you see. but then again, who are we to judge in this current, or present, world which i barely understand? any number of people out there may well find all of this the height of romantic stuff, who knows. obviously not me. 

oh but where to begin, or if you will commence. at the start i suppose, but not quite so. maybe something akin to a slight (general) prologue before the business end.

moving on, then, i was, for a concern i would wish not to disclose, in an area of London (innit) one would consider either posh or simply expensive, depending on your perspective. both, really. how much of each, exactly? as far as i was able to ascertain, very. what them people pay in rent, or mortgage, costs for a month would likely cover between six and eight months of the same for people living in normal, proper parts of the nation what have a considerably different (note i didn't say better, but still) sense of perspective. blimey. 

anyway, whilst there (and you can probably guess the direction of this from the above image) i was caught short. which is to say i needed to spend a penny. you know, in urgent desire (and pressing need) for a gypsy kiss (p!ss). options for such were somewhat slightly limited, but scanning around revealed that what i had taken to be some office, or fancy flats, was a hotel. nice one. with innocence in i went, on the assumption that i could just ask and surely they would allow. 

when i walked in and felt carpet what is even posher than what Fortnum & Mason have beneath my booted feet i went "oh". looking around i could not help but notice several (f*****g) expensive looking statues and sculptures beautifying the place. not to mention a fair few millions of pounds of art on the walls. right. believe you me the "class system" remains alive and well in this nation, and everything of the place said "you, urchin, do not belong here". but, like, it was going to get very messy in the trouser department very quickly, so boldly i asked if i could use their bathroom facility and the reception concierge type, what probably earns a month that i do in a year, consented and directed me. 

the expense of the place was certainly not spared in the bathroom either. all of it, as you can see if you so wish in the below (yes, we've got a video), was rather well crafted and designed. undoubtedly it is so that never have i used such an expensive urinal before. even the music gently playing in the bathroom appeared to have been curated. wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that they had commissioned him what does the shows and that, Lord Webber, to especially select pieces of music to play whilst members of the gentry conducted their business. 

i of course thought of Spiros. hence the video, really. this was filmed and sent to him to ask if he had ever been in there to make some short term yet mutually beneficial friendship arrangements. he responded that no, he had not, but intended to visit it quite soon. my hope would be that he finds the experience a spectacular success, and also that he refrains from sharing any details. 

do i have any plans not for bathrooms (as such) but for Valentine's Day? not really. in the rather fine words of the minstrel (Bowie), all i have is my love of love, and love is not loving. perhaps i am best left to speculate, postulate and consider the idea of romance, for i know not how it is done no more. my experience would be that in slaying a dragon it is all too easy to become the dragon yourself. oh. 

leaving that aside, i trust that if you did do something (or other) for the day today, it was most excellent, and boss. also, should you find yourself in need of some relief like what i experienced in this, then may it have been in totes amazing surroundings like this what you gone done it. please do not feel any need to share such, but then again, go ahead if that is your will. 

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!