the bogs at barnard castle

now then

it would be quite correct to say that i never really intended to spend much time on the subject of gentleman's restroom facilities on this blog. yet equally it is also the same to say that it has, in a way, come to be so, look you see. at the very least, i suppose (hope, more like), this particular episode has some broader interest.

ever since a particular event, or "misunderstanding", happened at the place in 2020, during a most intense period of the invisible war against the new plague, barnard castle has come to be quite well known. many of the residents, to be sure, are not too happy about this notoriety and infamy of such association. in fairness the person at the centre of the matter has a less than stellar reputation now than he did then. which is saying something. 

no, i am not going to name him, you know who, associated with the place. he may well have become an irrelevance, but i suspect he remains a capable instrument of darkness. an unreasonable amount of my time these days is spent avoiding being another statistic of state sponsored assassination without attracting further attention by those who mean pure ill. but yes, i am indeed referring to that particular bellend. 

frames of reference are always a useful thing. did i go specifically to barnard castle to investigate the gentleman's restroom facilities (public bathrooms) there? no, i just happened to be there for verk, and whilst there was caught short, needed to spend a penny (go for a gypsy kiss), and so here we are. further, no, i have not ever gone and specifically researched such a facility. 

at the time when a certain individual went to barnard castle, it would have been, of course, the case that this particular facility would have been closed. to the public, at the very least. no, i am unable to confirm it and would not wish to imply it being the case, but it has been known that people with certain levels of power, in particular political, have been able to arrange for things what are closed to be open for their benefit. so, it is possible he, him, the bellend, went in where i did. not that i wold brag about such an association, but there you have it. 

but, getting back on to some semblance of subject (kind of), the facilities for gentlemen who are caught short at barnard castle. as you can see, the people of the place have elected (or opted) for a quasi subterranean location ('locale') for such a public facility, hiding it away beneath street level. 

generally the tendency is indeed to place such facilities below ground level. this, presumably, is for ease of sewage connection or what have you. also, though, it would be that places which wish to project an aura of sophistication and class tend to hide such things away, accepting that they are a reality of life yet seeing no need to be so brazen as to have them on display. hiding the public restroom facility away can achieve this, true, but it is a double edged sword, of sorts. a visitor may not be aware of such facilities being hidden away. consequentially, they may be forgiven for assuming it's the done thing to just relieve themselves in public. this happens more than you may think. 

it isn't particularly clear in the image above, but that sign to the left of the majestic (at a guess) wrought iron gate is quite involved, expressing a wish that patrons enjoy their usage of this particular facility, and giving details of who to contact if any displeasure was experienced. 

on to the business end of such a facility, then. you may well have already scrolled down and seen, but if not, then be warned, for the below is well within the depths of an admittedly empty gentleman's facility, but all the same. 

my chum Spiros has helpfully given me some information here. whereas i am not too familiar with the nuances, the architecture or the styles of such facilities, he very much is. as has been documented over the years, Spiros rather enjoys making short term, mutually beneficial friendships with other gents, and it tends to be easiest and most convenient to do it (so to speak) in facilities such as this. 

so, what he said (when he calmed down and ceased reminiscing of some interludes in similar looking facilities) was that this is a neo-classical, trough style urinal outlay. apparently, according to him, this is advantageous as several men can stand quite close to each other there, all getting down to business. he offered to elaborate on this, but i declined. when he insisted, i just claimed to have some sort of pressing medical concern that i had to attend to, like a liver failure or similar. 

referring back to the reason (individual, or bellend if you insist) why barnard castle became even more famous, or infamous, than it was, i was quite surprised to see the below on the go in there. yet, also, after some reflection, perhaps not all that shocked. it made kind of sense. 

unsure if clicking on the above would make it any clearer or what have you, but all them sticker things you can see are all anti-vax, anti-invisible war on the new plague. essentially they call for people not to get the vaccine, to cease wearing masks and, as famously someone of (dubious) note did in barnard castle, to ignore all them rules and regulations designed to fight the spread of this coronavirus thing. how apt, i suppose, that they would make barnard castle the headquarters for this battle. well, presumably a "hub" or provincial headquarters, for i believe the main war room is located in the stately home of that piers corbyn chap. 

yes, i did ask Spiros if it was likely, or plausible, that some sort of ultra contrarian faction would select a public restroom facility as a meeting venue to discuss strategies and plan actions. he confirmed that this was entirely possible, indeed feasible, and proceeded to commence explaining certain meetings that he had held in there. at this stage i remembered that i had a critical issue with my liver, or similar, so made my excuses, stating that i needed to see a surgeon or other such qualified person. 

no, i have not used the obvious word for this sort of facility, which is of course "toilet". my understanding is that the upper classes, especially the aristocracy and particularly royalty, hold this word in contempt and disdain, refusing to use the term and frowning on those who do. i still remain of the ambition to be awarded some sort of honour, be it an MBE or perhaps a knighthood, so i have elected not to use the word myself unless absolutely essential. 

above is another look at them stickers what the anti-vax (or whatever) crowd placed up, as well as a look at the "shabby chic" floor design, and something else of interest. whereas most of the facility featured here, as it appears in barnard castle, tends to lean towards traditional, or historic, that is a very modern handwash facility. it's one of these new uber-efficient all in one contraptions, providing soap, water and a rudimentary hand drying service. not bad. 

if for some reason you are interested in, or are considering, a visit to barnard castle to inspect this gentleman's facility for yourself, then i suppose it would be quite handy for me to give some guidance on where, exactly, you may find it. well, you should or could probably just ask a local. it looked pretty central to me, in somewhere called market square or market street. yes, feel free to insert your own joke or satirical comment concerning opticians there. 

oh, indeed, yes, there are (presumably) similar facilities for ladies there, too. no i did not go into them, for what was once obvious reasons but in this day and age i suppose i have to clarify. whereas i am aware of a phenomenon called "gender fluidity", i appear not to be infected by it as such, and so just use facilities as indicated for gentlemen. 

do i hold, or harbour, a wish to either return to barnard castle in general, or to visit the facilities of relief there in a specific sense? i am not adverse to the idea, no, and it is highly probable verk shall have me go again. a suggestion would be to arrive before 8am, for after that it gets very busy, in particular in the market like place where i was at. 

hopefully this will have been of some interest, or use, to those of you with an interest in either barnard castle itself, or public restroom facilities in general. indeed it would be nice if the council, or mayor or what have you, sent a note of thanks for me helping restore the reputation of the place with this look at the location, but reward enough is received via knowing you are all reading this, feeling a sense of being informed. 

be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!