swans

hello there


it is not uncommon, look you see, for people of other lands to ask me of the peculiarities and idiosyncrasies of the English way of doing things. more often than not such questions have been fielded, in an unsolicited but nonetheless welcome way, on my travels. but, every now and then someone will randomly message me in one form or another, which is nice.

whilst there are many subjects i have been consulted on so as i may share my wisdom or lack thereof, few can claim to be as intriguing to the wider world as the subject of swans. to, as far as i can tell, the rest of the world swans are standard, predominantly aquatic based birds of some description, and are not seen as anything all that special. well, not special bar being a bizarre hybrid of ducks and giraffes. here in England, though, they are treated with protection and admiration not afforded to many of our own citizens.

yes, i recently took some pictures of some swans that i saw. or rather was by accident allowed to see, for as i am not of the upper classes or landed gentry or ruling elite such beauty is normally prohibited from my commoners, proletariat eyes. there were, however, no police officers around.

how and why are swans so revered and protected here in England, or if you are American England land? broadly speaking, the law is of a nature which says that all the swans in England (possibly the UK, or the Commonwealth entire) belong to Her Majesty The Queen, or if you like the reigning monarch. or some breeds of swans do, as apparently there are different types.

many of you will want specific details of the above, which i understand and respect. for you, then, here is a far more explicit and involved breakdown of the law and protection of swans in England -

"swans something something something The Queen something something something owns all something something something offence to harm or kill something something treason something something Tower of London something something something hanging something something something".

at this stage i would love nothing more than to bring you an even better understanding of the law off of Spiros. he is, alas, still quite busy with a few matters. one of them, of course, is hunting down and punishing someone or other who is apparently making unfounded allegations about his sexual disposition on something called a "blog". but there are other matters to which he must attend.

yes, enthusiasts, that is Spiros, recently, proudly showing off a sort of quasi "cease and desist" and restraining order thing. it was issued, reluctantly, by a Turkish Bath, the name of the proprietor of which escapes me but it sounded a little like Farouk Ameen. as usual there is only so much i can discuss about the activities of Spiros, for his position as the greatest legal mind of his generation means much of what he does is secretive. but, from what i can gather, the whole matter is a little bit of silly nonsense, relating to a perfectly simple misunderstanding of what gentlemen are giving tacit consent to by entering a Turkish Bath and disrobing.

does Spiros have any sort of relationship with swans? not really. on the rare instances we have discussed them he has dismissed them, somewhat out of hand, as being "vicious b@stard$" that he would not wrestle. please, make no mistake - Spiros would not actively harm any member of the animal kingdom. although he does, from time to time, daydream about days gone by, when kangaroos were brought - at great expense - all the way from Australia to England, by sailboats, and shoved in boxing rings with some suitable gloves on and expected to fight plucky challengers.

well, for now, back to swans, then. and yes, that little bit of video i mentioned. this is quite short, but of course i had to be on my guard in case the constabulary, or the Beefeaters, or even the SAS were stalking and staking this out. they would have arrested me, a common peasant, for daring to think i could live the dream of being allowed to look at swans.

some of you will have observed, or even noticed, to be sure, that these Swans were clearly visible and pictured in Stockton. yes, indeed, i do have a good, strong working relationship - or at the least partially open line of communication - with the gentleman currently recognised as both the Viscount of Stockon and further the Marquess of the Tees Valley region, even though it is not really a valley as such and they just made up that name in the last decade or so.

alas, sadly, no, i do not have any comment from him, his excellency. he is far too busy attending to other matters, doing whatever it is a Viscount does exactly, to waste time on making comments for the benefit of people who are substantially beneath his social class.

but, since we are on the subject, as far as i am aware a Viscount, as a member of the higher echelons of our society, is probably permitted to look at swans for as long as they would wish to. no, i doubt such privileged existence allows them the right to hunt, capture, kill and/or eat them, though. if they did so, no doubt Her Majesty The Queen or ruling monarch would get quite cross, strip them of their titles and allow the courts to indulge the ways of justice on the matter.

from my perspective i wouldn't say i am all that particularly interested in swans in any sense. i mean, yes, Sydney Swans are a boss team, but as for actual swans, well, live and let live. may they carry on doing their thing, be it on the Tees or across the waters of some other, lesser body of water.

hopefully this has been of interest, if little practical use, to those of you who observe England from afar, and get quite fascinated with our approach to swans. should you feel that there are any more questions you have about swans that for some reason you think i am the best or only person who can answer, do feel free to pose or post them.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!