never, look you see, is the divide between America and England, or the British Isles to be sure, greater than when it comes to understanding the word "fanny". ostensibly, and in crude terms, to the Americans this word means the back bottom of a person, whereas for us in England it in a polite yet crass way references the front bottom of a lady.
and yet we here in England have, but of course, another definition for the word. to reference something as "being a fanny" means that it is cowardly, or easily scared, or of scant use when the pressure is on. more often than not a gentleman will call another a "big fanny" if the gentleman being addressed will not take on a hard or arduous task, or will not engage in fisticuffs.
to this end, so to speak, the biggest of the "big fanny" things i have encountered in this world of late is the drive belt one would have on a Hoover Breeze branded vacuum cleaner.
above, in the glory of Commodore 64 mode, you can see the snapped and frayed end of such a drive belt. this is, by my reckoning, the third such belt the vacuum cleaner has snapped. yes, i have replaced it, and now it is on its 4th.
what sort of time frame or calendar has the vacuum cleaner had in regards of breaking these belts? to be honest i do not recall exactly, but as far as i am aware, or concerned, we have not had it for much more than a year, if even. so, a fair guess would be that breaking the belt is a quarterly engagement for the vacuum cleaner, or if you prefer not to use fiscal terms once every three months.
might the breaking of the belts be down to misuse or otherwise incorrect operational procedures by me? perhaps. i have no idea how the first one broke, as it happened on the watch of my (considerably) better half. the second instance was when i had that rather infamous episode where the power supply for a netbook got knacked, with the third and most recent being caused, apparently, by a strap off of a bag inadvertently being hoovered up.
but, still, i am not at all sure that the above incidents should have directly caused such a big malfunction. it's not all that sturdy or protective of a design, is it, if one minor boo boo or oopsie can cause such damage; damage which renders the device inoperable until you have replaced the broken fanny belt.
and no, indeed not, changing the belt is no easy task. other than having to order the belts - expensive, they are, considering they are a loop of elasticated rubber - sliding it on to the cogs, bars or whatever they are called is quite tricky. one must remove virtually all of the underneath of the vacuum cleaner (the fanny side, if you like) and then squeeze one end of the belt onto a rudimentary metal bar.
yes, as someone not very confident about building or fixing or making things, there is a sense of pride i get when i successfully replace the belt. but also no, i would not really need to have this sense of achievement in my efforts quite so often, thanks.
so no, really, i cannot recommend or endorse this type, brand or manufacturer of vacuum cleaner. which is a shame, and really it is, as for many of us the business name "Hoover" has become synonymous, or whatever the fancy word for meaning is, with the art of vacuum cleaning. whilst i might be at fault for one or so of the belt breaks, it does not matter - for somewhere north of £70 but south of £80, Hoover should have users like me in mind when they design, build and sell these things.
with respect, or regards, to the word "fanny", who is right in the way they use it, us the inventors of the language or our friends the Americans, who perpetually seek to corrupt the language? of course we are right. if the Americans could be encouraged - gently - to transform their culture and society so as to accept and use the word, term and accusation "fanny" the way we do, well, one would think their lifestyle would be considerably less aggressive, and all the better for it.
i am at a crossroads, of sorts, then. or maybe i dilemma. do i pursue a life of continuing to use this vacuum cleaner and resign myself to changing the belt every third month, or do i invest in a similar device but made not by Hoover, who clearly have a penchant for fanny design elements. no, no idea, but as i have just changed the belt i suppose i may as well carry on with this one for now.
speaking of things to carry on with and be doing for now,
be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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