Airport mix up leaves thousands cheering return of Gary Glitter

Thousands of Union Jack waving supporters were distraught yesterday to discover that the plane they were cheering at Heathrow Airport was in fact the one bringing celebrity paedophile Gary Glitter back from the Far East.

The embarrassing mix-up occurred as it emerged that the plane flying Team GB back from the Olympics was badly delayed, while the actual aircraft bringing home the former glam rock star was scheduled a few days later than publicised in order to avoid a hostile mob reception that could have turned ugly.


‘But cheering crowds was perhaps going too much the other way’ suggested airport worker Mike Pryor. Gary Glitter seemed surprised and delighted with the response as he looked out at the sea of cheering crowds with banners proclaiming ‘We love you!’ and ‘You make us proud to be British!’ Gordon Brown was at the airport for the big welcome home and declared ‘What we have here today is a symbol of what it means to be British today. It is partly the result of government investment but we should also salute the individual effort reflected here today – achievements that will be reflected in the Honours System,’ he continued as Gary Glitter waved at the crowd behind him.

However it appears that government officials were too embarrassed to admit the mistake, and so the country’s most famous paedophile then posed with the Prime Minister before driven past the throng of cheering fans on an open top bus to Buckingham Palace where he was to become ‘Sir Gary Glitter.’

Britain currently lies fourth in the world’s Paedophile League Table behind the USA, Thailand and Belgium.