The Worst 5 Films of 2007

OK, here are the five incidents of movies that i watched and, with a bitter taste in my mouth and perhaps a tear in my heart, lamented that the time spent on them was time i will never get back. they are so bad that they are possibly not worth spending the time writing about them, but then again i always try to justify my criticisms.


Grindhouse was astonishing evidence that Quentin Tarantino has lost whatever talent and ability he had to make a good film - i only hope that his partner in crime with this, Robert Rodriguez, returns to form soon. do not be conned into thinking this is cool, hip or brilliant; it is none of them. it is dull, dreary film making at its worst, lacking all imagination or ability. if the highlight is yet another "surprise" Bruce Willis cameo, you know you are on dangerous, dodgy ground.

if anyone tries to tell you that Grindhouse is good, ask them to qualify the statement. if their review involves the words "homage", "tribute" or "parody" in relation to the 60's & 70's B-Grade movies it was supposed to be inspired by, walk away. it is not this, and they are only reciting what those who blindly worship all that Tarantino does have told them to in the rather timid media promo work for this fiasco.


not content with Grindhouse, Tarantino seems keen to make sure that 2007 is his worst year ever by pointlessly having his name on one of the most pointless films ever made. i say pointless, but Hostel Part II does have one point - that is, if they all tried hard enough, all involved with Hostel "Part I" could and would make an even worse film.

Hostel Part II systematically fails to be everything that it claims it is. it does not push boundaries, as there are far more graphic films out there. it does not entertain because the pacing and editing of the film frequently leave you bored out of your mind. and it certainly does not shock or scare - you couldn't care less for any of the "victims", and their rather dull executions are too tame or just plain dull to cause any emotions to stir.


Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 is one of the most spectacular failures in cinema history. with two above average films in place and a wonderful lead character in the form of Captain Jack Sparrow, how on earth did they contrive to make this mess?

i already wrote a lengthy review on this one, feel free to browse my site for the full breakdown of where it all went wrong - reviewed in November or December 07, i think. basically, though, a Pirates film with Captain Jack all but absent, leaving you to hear a lot of Orlando Bloom whining away, is not really entertaining.


Hatchet claimed to be "old school American horror". what a great shame that the makers of this film consider the trash that was made in the 90's, such as Scream, Last Summer and Final Destination, to be "old school", as this is pretty much all that the film resembles.

i was expecting a classy, no holds barred 70's or even 80's homage work, instead i got a very dull, bland, run of the mill, seen it all before and highly tiresome "horror" movie. Robert Englund must be really hard pressed for cash is all i can say about his cameo performance at the front of it. avoid at all costs.


in some parts of the world this got released in 2006, but it qualifies for 2007 here. regardless, Apocalypto would with some ease be the very worst film released in any year that they chose to release it.

where did it go wrong with Mel? i think we are all at fault for letting his bizarre previous historical distortions, in particular Braveheart, not only slip by without harsh criticism, but also with a slap on the back and an award or two. even if you ignore the many blatant distortions of Mayan history he presents, the "reality" within the film is ridiculous - this fella managing to run solid for three days with no food or water and with the added bonus of a massive spear wound springs to mind as a prime example of what i am talking about. even if you switch off from each and every fault and flaw in the film (not an easy thing to do, so blatant they are), the story is not all that interesting, the way it is presented is dull and the whole things tends to go nowhere at all. if you are one of the many who were apparently awestruck by this film, sorry, i have no idea why and cannot comprehend any justification of it that i have read.



well, there you go! agree? disagree? do as you like!