the approaching storm

hi there

a rather odd trend here at the moment is that insurance companies have taken quite a shine to sending text messages to their client base as and when a large storm is likely to hit. whilst this seems to be a good bit of civic duty and reasonable PR, i cannot help but suspect the long term strategy behind it is to one day say "well, we told you the storm was coming, so it is your fault you did not dismantle your house and put your car in an underground nuclear bunker. so f*** you and your claim".

for the moment though it is a nice thing, and allowed one some time to get ready to take pictures of the approaching storm. this is something i did not do, and so when my (considerably) better half drew my attention skywards, i could only take pictures with the first thing that came to hand, which was the iTwat.

i have heard of the Johannesburg skyline being described as "atomic" in the past, and there's a compelling case to say this is the best way to describe it. it's beautiful, no matter how ferocious the storm which follows it turns out to be.

i appreciate that pictures of the sky are usually the users of something called "instagram". i do not know exactly what that is, but i do no enthusiasts of it are of the impression that no one else on earth has ever thought to take a picture of the sky before, so in order to make up for lost time they upload thousands of pictures that will never be looked at to, or quite possibly with, this "instagram" business. my apologies for stepping in to their world here.

all i know is i really like the purple shade. it's like Hendrix, man.

what makes the purple shade even better is, of course, using the Commodore 64 camera thing on the iTwat. it just makes the amazing look even more amazing.

the storm itself? came and went really. quite harsh for a few moments, or treacherous if you for some reason like using that word. 15 or so minutes of strong wind, heavy rain and the odd hailstone. and now it has passed.

scan lines? scan lines.

there's a touch more of the same due tomorrow, by all accounts. i shall probably not bother myself or trouble you with further images, for i have several other matters to be getting on with. it will be quite class if someone sends one of them text message things to speak of the storm, though.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what happens when you try to search for obscure references to the opulent clothing of obscure, hardly hated but mostly forgotten sideshow attractions in the world of "the other one" from famous pop duets of the 1980s

hi there

many thanks indeed to the CCP for this, and indeed her rather bourgeois display of the wizardry that is 3G.

as you can see, it seems that over the years i have wrestled with the correct way to spell Andrew's surname. partially this is because i do not care how he spells it, but mostly it is because to us fans he was, is and forever will be that one that was called Andrew in the band.

the one that, as history turned out, probably got more attention from the lady groupies at Wham gigs and appearances than we had previously thought.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the KFC power tower box meal

hi there

well, yes, i am still cross with KFC for selling fake, bacon-free double down burgers here. but it is stil The Colonel and so i still buy from them.

after conducing some brief business in, of all places, Randburg, i took the scenic route home. scenic involves time, and as the death of my journey came into being i was feeling rather peckish. fortune smiled on me somewhat here, for the pains of hunger stabbed as i was in the area of a KFC.

i really was hoping to get one of their ace cheeseburgers loaded with barbecue sauce, but it looks like they have decided to stop selling them again. why i do not know, for their barbecue sauce is amazing, and it's annoying that they only sell it for about a week every six years.

as it turns out, though, they had a new, new, new, older but new offer on the go in the form of the Power Tower Meal Box. and so, as you might have guessed, i gave it a try.

it might well be a box meal, but it's not a meal in the box as such, since the cup thingie full of Coke resides outside of it. this is no doubt some clever thing insisted on by a cocaine snorting, bowtie wearing creative exec at Coca Cola who wanted to make sure that KFC presented the subliminal idea of Coca Cola being something of a "think outside of the box", wow hey we are crazy zany sort of thing.

the street value of this here is R70, although it's not available on the street. you have to go into a KFC to get it. or get them to deliver i suppose. for our American friends this represents $7, whereas for those of you in the United Kingdom this is roughly or exactly £4.37, depending on what the exchange rate is as and when you read this.

what is, indeed, in the box? here you go.

a tower rounder burger, a conventional amount of chips (or "fries") if you like, a modest sized piece of friend chicken and one of them mash and gravy things. the last one is of particular interest, as it speaks of the liberal, cosmopolitan life of acceptance that KFC try to bring to the world, but often fail to by not including the bacon items in branches around the world.

KFC launched mash & gravy as a sort of meterosexual thing. whilst it's a fun item for children, the market sector for mash and gravy in a plastic tub is the designer conscious gay and lesbian population. by including this item in a meal that the advertising explicitly targets heterosexual males, some significant barriers are being broken down here. KFC are to be applauded.

having put the mash and gravy out of the way of harm, i tackled the rest of the meal.

it was quite good. i did not spill too much of the burger all over me and the small piece of chicken was as satisifactory as a piece that size can be. chips are chips.

will i have another one? maybe. would rather be somewhere that has the bacon elements to the KFC menu, though.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

twats of the road

hi there

well, this is one of them strange ones. i am not sure i should be writing it. this started off with an innocent enough question from overseas. the answer, as partial as this one may be, seems to be quite big.

i am hesitant to write this partially because i am not the best driver in the world, although i am some way from being the worst too. "average" i guess. mostly, though, i hesitate because this is an emotive subject here, likely to cause anger and i have nowhere to direct that anger towards. misdirected anger just leads to bad days for bathroom doors.

a friend saw an episode of that Top Gear show which featured an SA Taxi. a comment was made on the show that the taxis are the most hated thing in the world here, so i was asked it this was true.  my answer is a qualified and partial yes. it's more that they are a somewhat misunderstood major sign of a huge socio-economic issue, but that's not as easy as hooting, swearing and phoning crap radio stations to complain, now, is it?

these pictures, and indeed video (wahey!) were taken whilst my car was stood still or whilst i was a passenger. no doubt i do twat-like things myself in a car, but not to that level of twatdom. and so to start off with, here's a taxi deciding it was not prepared to sit in traffic any more.

yep, that's a, shall we say half a mile, tailback of traffic we are all sat in. the taxi has just opted to bomb down the other (incorrect) side of the road instead of sitting it out. what happens if a car comes the other way? if it is lucky the taxi will swerve on to the side, if unlucky then best the driver of the other car swerve.

i'd like to think i am sensitive if not politically correct. none of this is intended to insult anyone but the twats of the road, so if you take it any other way it was not intended and that's entirely your call.

in broad ways, to well off white people here the taxi is symbolic of all that is "wrong" with this country. they are overloaded, usually not in any condition fit for the road, break any law created and do so with consequences being rare. to not at all well off black people, they are symbolic of all that is "wrong" with this country. an ANC government has for almost 20 years now failed to provide proper, decent and reliable public transport for those who cannot afford cars, and many low income people have no choice but to ride in these deadly vehicles to get to work or, and here's the frightening part, school.

seeing the socio-economic thing here? add to that the taxi industry being literally cut-throat and every now and then gunshot, the maniacs driving them like maniacs are pretty much in that trap of having to do that because "all other drivers do".

here's a gem, and you will note i have taken the time to cover licence plates of non-twat drivers.

right there you can see a taxi just stopped at an intersection. that's right, it stops where people want to get on or off, not where it was safe or legal to do it. just behind it you should be able to make out one of them digger things, or some sort of construction vehicle.

people reading this in the Northern Hemisphere, and indeed in selected parts of the Southern, will be asking "what the f*** is a construction vehicle doing driving in a residential area during peak hours". good question. in most decent places, where the roads have rules that generally get obeyed, strict conditions are in place about construction vehicles and vehicles over a certain tonnage. not so here. some construction guy wants to move 16 tons of bricks through a residential area at rush hour? no problem.

back to taxis. i unwisely left the kind of gap between me and the car in front of me that the law kind of requires you to do. none but the insane do this, really, as it's basically an invitation to any other vehicle, frequently taxis, to cut in, whether they can fit or not.

to that end, then, here's a taxi trying to force me out of where i was and in to oncoming traffic so he can fit in. cheers for that.

most times, believe it or not, i don't have an issue with taxis. they for the most part do their thing no better or worse than anyone else on the road. as you will see just now.

every time i have driven a car here, and i do mean every time - no matter how short - at some point on my drive i will have taken at least one action to avoid a move by another car likely to cause an accident. yes, in theory we do have a driving test here and you are supposed to have a licence to drive. but they are p!ss easy to buy fake.

an incident which occurs every time i go down this one road - and sadly there is no alternate but to use this road - is the one you see in this picture.

yes indeed, that is a car ignoring 2 (two) no entry signs and turning the wrong way down a one way street. why are they doing it? selfish laziness, it is easier to turn in there to get to the shops than it is to go a few yards down the road and turn right at the lights.

why is there a no entry sign there? because it's on a downhill blind corner, that's why. it is a miracle no one has smashed in to me whilst i sit and wait for some utter, utter twat to turn because they want to. i have seen a few knocks.

more than once, dear reader, i have been going the right way down that one way, and had someone coming head on at me illegally. they have had the audacity and nerve to shout and flash lights at me. i would be pretty sure that you can guess the content of my response.

check this out for the amusement factor - a BMW using its indicators to show it is about to make an illegal turn down a one way street.

once upon a time the police were out in numbers for things like this and indeed stop signs. they hovered around residential areas near schools, because of course if we do not protect our children then we, as a people, are nothing. but the police don't do roadblocks or monitoring of signs like these being obeyed anymore. they are not fighting the high level of crime here either. the traffic police, at rush hour, can be found manning speed traps, hoping to catch someone speeding in bumper to bumper, snail pace traffic. they can sit down whilst they do that, you see.

but doesn't this mean lots of accidents and fatalities, in particular involving children, because reckless drivers are aware no one will punish them, you ask? why, but of course it does. this is what happens when you allow leaders to become known as "leaders" when they sit in the lap of luxury too long.

there's that old saying that absolute power corrupts absolutely. well, representatives of the ANC have made comments about how they will stay in power "until Jesus Christ returns to Earth", often quoting the idea of a reign that will last a thousand years, which sounds oddly familiar in a German way.

they don't give a fuck about children or people dying for no reason purely because they don't give a fuck for anything beyond their opulence and their position of power. all too often "leaders" have taken this approach, forgetting where and how the power came from. many people believe when that "president", Mbeki, and his bizarre "minister" for health, started claiming that AIDS was not real but an "illuminati conspiracy" and whatever the illness really was could be cured by a mix of garlic and "African potatoes", it was not "some crazy African leader behaving as expected", but rather a cold, cynical ploy to deflect from the fact that if they helped AIDS patients to live they would also have to feed and house them. and that costs more money than, say, watching a family take loans to bury a loved one.

throw that view from up on high in with a dangerous mix of a ruthless destruction of an education system and you have a population that not only believes "illuminati" theories, but also that a cure for this "AIDS thing" might be boiled bleach, or forced sex with a child. but never mind, Annie Lennox and Peter Gabriel come along and do an AIDS benefit concert every now and then to pretend everything is normal, and Bono does the odd concert, which is nice for Bono fans in rude health.

let's go back to our friend in the BMW, doing his illegal turn down a one way street.

the best part of it when they do this is that the actually stop in the middle of the road to see if it is OK for them to go down the wrong way. class, that is. how about you just don't turn down streets marked with no entry signs, bellends?

i mentioned stop signs here. as the name implies, it's a street marking which means you are expected to stop your car and not proceed past it until it is safe to do so. it is not a "slow down" sign, and nor is it a "bomb through it fast and assume everyone else with stop" sign. but that's what people, with the lack of policing, have seen them as now being.

by a stroke of luck, with my (considerably) better half driving, i was able to catch a magic moment on film.

yes, that's right. that clip shows 4 - four! - cars all running stops signs at the same time. quite an incredible moment in driving. if they could all only apply such unison and synchronicity to legal driving things here would be much, much better on the roads.

when someone basically tailgates me through a stop sign, one that i assure you i will have stopped at, i basically just reduce my speed down to the lowest legal possible for the duration of the journey that the car in question is behind me. it quite frustrates them, really. shame. yes it leads to a lot of people flashing lights, calling out rude names and making gestures. shame.

and to finish off with, how many of you around the world see this on the roads?

yep, overloaded, mirrors (which granted i do not care for) and back window entirely obscured, and driving on the hard shoulder or emergency lane, depending on what you call it. the funny thing was a traffic police car went past this and didn't even give a cheeky wave to the chap to at least drive on the correct part of the road.

so there's the answer. if everyone hates taxis here, it's because more than a few of everyone are reckless, lawbreaking, selfish maniacs on the road. as with all hatred, a degree of jealousy and spite must be at the foundation of it, really.

this blog, by and large, is usually an exercise in burying the head in the sand to get away from the insanity of the regular world. my apologies for this rare diversion into the real world. i'm not sure i am happy writing it, but every now and then you have to ask if not me, then who.

do drive carefully.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a perfect day for transforming clarifications and corrections after a walk on the wild side.

hi there

many thanks to my friend Jonathan for sharing this, although he didn't share it with me. i just pinched it.

i suspected that for the most part with the sad passing of Lou Reed we would just get the likes of Tony Parsons going overboard, with Tony in particular doing one along the lines of "greatest and most important singer songwriter heroin addict ever" and so forth.

i wasn't quite ready for this one.

that's an interesting idea, that. Lou, Metallica and Lulu all doing a record together. i have no idea and cannot comprehend what it would have sounded like.

Lulu, at the least, must be happy to appear in the press for something outside of thinly veiled references to a 50 or so year old rumour about her and certain, apparently no one is too sad about the fact that he is deceased Jimmy Savile. and no i am not, google it.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

car mirrors

hi there

well, what can i say. after vowing not to upload loads and loads of pictures of my good (ahem) self ever again, here are a substantial number of pictures of me. well, in fairness if not defence, partial pictures. there seems to be some sort of demand or interest in these images, particularly over on that facebook thing, so here you go.

for some reason images of your humble narrator as he is reflected in mirrors that are attached to cars are proving to be quite a hit and indeed a talking point. here you go then, with the first few being ones posted on the network of socials, so if you have seen them there move on.

i am assuming they are getting on the whole positive comments as they all feature a lot less of me than my usual range of "selfies". it's either that or i have, quite by accident, hit upon some sort of arty thing with these.

this next one is one that my friend Jonathan, when not battling with tramps or motor authorities, believes is not so much me reflected in a mirror as it is me peeping out of a tiny cupboard.

is anyone really interested in these? i cannot think why. as a consequence i really don't have all that much to say, except to again stress that mirrors in a car are one of the more pointless elements of driving. for what reason would i or anyone else care to see where we have been? where one is going is surely the point of driving about.

this next one was taken in one of them underground parking things. i think it gives a nice, sinister edge to it. what a shame i had the Ray Bans on, and not my late 70s / early 80s b-grade movie assassin style ones, but i think it still looks good.

actually, a big plus to me mate Jayson, not the chief mechanic Jayson but the one in England, for correctly spotting this all looks a bit "end of Taxi Driver". one of my favourite films, that is.

if you want a sneak preview of a future post here, since a look at a previous post would be a review i guess, here's one from the train station car park earlier today.

yes i went on a train ride and yes i took a stack of pictures, so yes another monumental blog post about my adventures is in the offing. some of you seem to quite like the train stories, so there's something for you to look forward to. for those of you who feel physically ill at the thought of me and trains, well, you've been warned, then.

for a bit of a change, here's my attempt to capture my reflection in that mirror that's on the side of the car for no given reason. except to match the one on the other side, maybe.

for an even bigger bit of a change, here is a shot of Boro vs Doncaster from Friday night, a game which managerless Boro won 4-0. so it was player power why Tony Mowbray had to be sacked, then, was it?

oh yes, i did indeed take the picture of the match off the tele with Commodore 64 mode on, scan lines too, as you can see and admire.

and of course yes i did have a go at one of these mirror photograph things with the iTwat on Commodore 64 mode with scan lines on. would be rude not to.

looks quite good, that does. nice one, Commodore 64.

well, that's that. unless there is an insane level of demand, and quite possibly the offer of substantial amounts of coins of money, i don't think i will be taking any more images of me as relfected in mirrors that are stuck on cars. if you like that sort of thing, just carry on enjoying these images.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

handing over the Cruise Ship Nurse book

hi there

for some reason the post i did about finding three very exciting books for my beloved mother-in-law was really rather popular. i have no idea why that particular post averages something like 50 reads a day, but it's jolly nice to know that i wrote something of interest or use to several of you.

anyway, after a number of cancellations, i was able to visit my mother-in-law today, which meant that of course i could hand over the books. easily the most interesting and exciting of those, for me at the least, was the one called Cruise Ship Nurse.

actually, maybe that's why the other post was so popular. perhaps loads and loads of people are on boats at the moment and need medical attention, so are rather using their iTwat to google for a cruise ship nurse instead of wandering the ship looking for someone in a suitable outfit or uniform. if that's the case, then i suspect my post might not have been of that much help.

well, i made my mother-in-law promise to take good care of this book, and this is something i am delighted to say that she has agreed to do. further, there is the suggestion that she might forward a review of it to share here, although at present the days for her are busy so this may not happen any time soon.

but why wait for a review? on amazon.com there are two copies for sale right now, one at 41c and one and a slightly less reasonable $49.95. i probably wouldn't spend US$50 on it mind. and no, i probably would not have handed it over quite so freely to my mother-in-law if i knew i could fetch that sort of money for it.

ahoy sailors!




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wired 200

hi there

over the last few months it feels like i've been hitting the keyboard quite hard, really. here to a degree, for sure, but also in other matters. the sounds it was making as i hammered away were mostly of an unpleasant and unhappy nature, then - in particular the space bar, which was starting to sound springy. springy in the sense that it would "pop" at any moment.

out with the 'Wired 600' keyboard then, and off i went to find  a new one. which was surprisingly a difficult thing to do. a visit to several retailers saw a distinct lack of choice in keyboards available for sale, even in "specialist" computer places.

with it being pretty close to Hobson's Choice in the matter, i have then ended up with the Microsoft Wired 200 keyboard, upon which i now type this.

i would find it very hard indeed to argue or disagree with anyone if they suggested that should a choice of thousands of keyboards been out there i would have got this one anyway as it has the world "Clavier" on it. i have no idea what it means, probably French or something for keyboard, but that's an excellent word.

why wired? because i really like wired things. my (considerably) better half did groan a bit that i did not get an unwired or if you like "wireless" one. well i am sorry, but i really don't like the idea of being forced or coerced into damaging the businesses of wire producers to the instant financial benefit of battery producers. i will make that decision when i am ready, and not a moment before.

if for some reason you were wanting to look inside the box of a Wired 200 keyboard then here you go, but i am not sure what it is you think will be in there other than a keyboard.

i sometimes struggle to understand the logic behind the numbers MicroSoft give their keyboards, but in this case at least one can see that the Wired 200 has a good deal fewer bells and whistles than the 600 model i had. i do still hope that MicroSoft one day launch the T-800 or T-1000 keyboard, just to see what James Cameron does about it. if he notices.

anyway, from the 600, gone on the 200 are the "multimedia controls" from the top of the keyboard.

i do not miss them, for i do not believe i ever once used them. for controling the volume there's kind of a big stereo that the sound pumps through, and that comes with volume control. in respect of the play/pause button, it really has not been the issue to use the mouse to click the button on a media player that MicroSoft seem to think it is.

a small, partial loss is the fact that the new one does not* have a calculator shortcut key as the 600 featured.

it was a bit handy, that was, in particular when i needed to work things out in Pounds or Dollars for you dear readers here. Hey ho, it's easy enough to open it off the start menu (none of your Windows 8 nonsense here), or i could always make one of them class desktop shortcuts for it.

enough of what i have lost, let us look at what i have gained. starting with what could well be the most impressive range of green lights ever to grace a MicroSoft keyboard.

i don't think that picture does the light justice. whereas the 600 had some sort of elegant, subtle, trendy light thing, this one features what can only be described as a beacon of activity. if you have ever had a dream of a keyboard with the most amazing, bright green lights on it possible as far as human knowledge has allowed for the creation of, this keyboard is for you.

and since we speak of keyboard, the keys deserve a look too. oh yes, they are chunky. chunky, chunky, chunky. like Chunk out of Goonies, only keys on a keyboard rather than a kid looking for pirate treasure.

i don't know about anyone else, but i rather like the chunky ones. they make touch typing a good deal easier. i have notice i have so far in writing this made nowhere near as many typo things as i used to with the 600 model.

some keyboards go for such a low down, small set of keys that they might be trying to pretend they are some sort of touch screen thing. Not the case here. with a Thor ruler of 15cm in length and a bit of string i have done the calculations and have come to the conclusion that these keys here probably use about 50% more plastic than the ones on the old keyboard, or thereabouts. this represents ace value for money, a tremendous boost for the plastic industry and is no doubt sensational for the environment. if the plastic is here in my keyboard, it is not out there choking ducks or badgers.

with the world wanting to go all touchy feely with screens or have wire free keyboards i am not sure if anyone is going to have any use for these comments, but if you have, there you go.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* fixed for the amusement of the CCP

glasses, or thwarting Simon Le Bloody Bon

hi there

just so you know and we are all clear on this up front, i suspect this could be the single most self-indlugent, "me me me" blog post i have ever done. i will, as a consequence, do my best to include as many things that are not me and thus are actually interesting, but you've been warned. if you don't want to take the risk i will understand, happy reading in some other corner of this blog or the rest of the net.

i have some new glasses. no, they have nothing to do with Barbara Streisand, or feeling a need to wear different spectacles to listen to her music in. i could write it that way, but it would undermine my next class idea involving Barbs. so i won't. instead it has more to do with trying to discourage Simon Le Bon from imitating my look.

yes, dear reader, yes i did. i went and got some of them Ray Bans as part of this.

why Ray Bans? mostly because my (considerably) better half really liked the look, and they suited me for a number of reasons, none of which are particularly aesthetic. appearance, yes, but not the aesthetics of that. i have long grown to accept defeat.

as many of you will be aware, Simon Le Bon has for some bizarre reason tried to start looking like me. this is to say he has grown a beard. he has also started to dress in a very poor manner too. it can only be a matter of time, then, before he hits the Marlboro and the pies too to complete the look.

just what it is Simon hopes to gain from looking like me is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you. i have no idea why he wants to do it, but he must be stopped. i don't mind him looking like me, but the consequence is that people assume that i look like him, and as a result people might start thing i am in fact Simes. this would lead to all sorts of uncomfortable situations along the lines of "cougars" making unsolicited sexual approaches, sailors asking me to help them with their rigging and cocaine dealers wanting to do some business. i am rather keen to avoid at least two of those.

how do they look on me? well, see for yourself. here's one of them "selfie" things (one of many to feature here if you didn't catch the warning earlier), taken in a mirror as i am ledt to believe you are supposed to.

people are being very kind and say they look really good on me. this is very much appreciated, but i know they mean that the frames are ace, not the wearer. that's cool.

right now you may be wondering why exactly wearing Ray Bans frames would help thwart Simon Le Bloody Bon's plans on looking like me. well, quite simply, neither Simes nor any member of Duran Duran would ever wear Ray Bans. ever. they are still too angry and cross about how one of the single most iconic scenes in cinema history, the scene that gave Ray Bans to the world, could have featured their music, but did not.

what movie scene? why, not only the single most homoerotic moment in any film ever, but quite possibly the single most homoerotic work of art or statement ever made.

yes, the volleyball scene out of Top Gun.it has never ever been topped in terms of sheer homoerotic thrills, no matter how hard some have tried. sure, that New Zealand fella tried, but the love expressed by the midgets in Lord Of The Rings was merely nine hours of carnal homosexual lust. not that there's anything wrong with that; it just lacked the romantic edge of the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

Duran Duran could have been as integral a part of this beautiful, moving and touching moment as Ray Bans are. however, the producers opted to use Playing With The Boys by Kenny Loggins as the soundtrack for the scene, instead of, say, The Wild Boys.  Duran Duran were thus denied their place in the history of homoeroticism.

not that in any way, shape or form are Duran homophobic. it is not their fault the song was not used. or maybe it is, i don't know. i do know that Duran spread a message of universal love, harmony and acceptance. i hope if they ever remake Top Gun then Duran gets used on the volleyball scene, as that will make it even better.

this pic proved rather popular when i posted it on that social network thing, probably because of the presence of black boxes. here it is for you anyway.

i'd like to think, then, that in owning a pair of these Ray Bans things, i am showing my appreciation for the volleyball scene in Top Gun and my general, overall support for acceptance, understanding and "just dig what you dig" approach to homoerotic things.

here's me looking all serious and that to prove the point.

and indeed, as if to press some sort of subliminal agenda in all of this, here's a look at one of the finer homoerotic moments from that class volleyball scene in Top Gun.

with the kind of anger he probably has about his bands' music not being in that scene, i cannot see Simon Le Bon wearing a pair of Ray Bans in the near future. unless you have to wear them when you do the sailing and that.

but he probably does not smoke, or at least not in public, so if i keep it up with the Marlboro then i should be in the clear, even if he does wear Ray Bans at some point. whilst sailing.

there's also the small matter that Simon Le Bon does not regularly present images of himself taken with class Commodore 64 modes put on the iTwat camera thing. i, as you are aware, do, and here i am in the new ones with that very mode switched on.

i do look almost close to decent when i am pictured in Commodore 64 mode, don't i? no? well, i look no worse at least, and it amuses me.

Simes would probably not endorse anything Commodore 64 related as there was never an ace Duran Duran game made for the Commodore 64. there was one for Frankie Goes To Hollywood, which is probably why that band would wear Ray Bans at some point and, if requested, would pose for a Commodore 64 style picture. maybe.

another look at Ray Bans in action in the volleyball scene from Top Gun? sure.

as there is, then, every chance that Simes might decide to bite the bullet, or pillow if you like, and start wearing Ray Bans in non-sailing avenues to help him look more like me, i took a precaution out. an insurance policy, if you like. yes, a second pair of glasses that are not Ray Bans.

yep, you read that right. they are called PANTHER glasses. as in Sex Panther. i didn't know that before i selected the frames, but it is not like that would have stopped me.

i chose them mostly, of course, because they look very much like the style of frame sported by both assassins and the more motorcycle based police officers in action films from the late 70s and early 80s. you just don't get a better or more class look than that.

unfortunately i am not really in a position to show off a reenactment of any one of dozens of scenes from such movies that would feature such class frames. outside of not having a firearm, i have no wish to damage the bathroom door. i can, however, show you how i would look in one of those "mood setting" scenes from one of them films as i drove around to do some assassin or cop stuff.

but obviously not cop stuff on a motorcycle, as i am in a car.

these aren't just glasses, though. they are them special ones that go darker when it gets brighter, and go lighter as it gets darker. i cannot recall the fancy name for them - reflactive or reflective or some other such nonsense that no doubt a scientist got paid a very great deal to come up with.

i had vowed never to get another pair of them, to be honest. the last ones i got were 20 or so years ago, and they seemed to just stay constantly dark. it was annoying as they made me look like some sort of Cuban refugee for most of the time. well, that i had a proclivity for Hawaiian style shirts at the time probably didn't help matters, but the glasses were certainly an enabler.

the technology would seem to have got better in those two decades, however, as these are ace. they do indeed go lighter and darker as they are supposed to, something which impresses the boys a very great deal indeed. it's like i am a magician.

to that end, when they go dark i can also pretend i am in the ace video for Sabotage by the Beastie Boys, only without the class 70s suit. or backpack.

yeah, i'd like to see Simon Le Bon try and do that look. i think that's him thwarted.

but in thwarting Simes, i have walked into another problem. one of the nicest, best and class things i have ever been called or mistaken for in this world is a "slightly chubby Bono". the person who called that has perhaps more influence on me than they might think - their words and comments exude a sense of universal positive, and this chap thinks and talks the way i simply wish i did at all times. sadly, i am probably just far too much of a twat to be, but i can try.

anyway, getting confused with Bono could be even more perilous than being confused with Simon Le Bon. with Simes it's all groupies, yachts and drugs. with people thinking you are Bono there is a natural expectation for you to put your hands on them and heal them. and that's before we even get to soliciting advice on tax efficiency.

to thwart this i have, reluctantly, decided to upload this video. do be warned. once seen and heard, it cannot be unseen nor unheard.

yeah, that should pretty much end any ideas that i am Bono, slightly chubby or otherwise. i really don't sound good on the singing front at all. i sound better when shouting along in the car, though.

that this will now lead to people seeing me and saying "i know you and you cannot sing" is not great, even if it is a Smiths quote. it seems better, however, than having people come up to me and say "i know you, please heal my cancer by placing your hands on me, Bono. and fill this tax form in for me".

if i had Bono's healing powers i would of course use them. and if i had Bono's wealth i would not take his approach to tax efficiency. not at all. i would keep it all in cash. cash is tax free. when exactly did you last hear of a pimp or a drug dealer accepting a cheque, credit card or EFT confirmation.

should you still be reading this, i can only imagine you are incredibly bored and this seems like it makes you less bored. it doesn't, it's a trap.

as a reward, however, yes, here you go, the other new glasses in Commodore 64 mode with the scan lines thing switched on.

i am not sure if i am getting the "selfie" pose right. i am certain i am not doing the "duck face" one is supposed to. i can't really do one anyway, as i have no lemon to suck, and no wish to p!ss on one beforehand.

yes i pretty much am running out of things to say here.

so here's another C64 scan lines image.

and, indeed, another image of that sensational volleyball scene, this one featuring Val sans Ray Bans.

that Val didn't wear Rays in this scene is probably why Simes and Duran let him use their magnificent song Out Of My Mind in his not quite so magnificent film of The Saint. i like the Val, but that film was poor.

if for some reason you have read all of this, thank you very much indeed for doing so. please come back, i promise not to write anything like this again.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the milk of destiny

hi there

for some reason the "spooky milk" i posted a little while ago interested some. well, it amused my (considerably) better half at the least, and that counts more for anything else. she tells me.

with that in mind, i could not see the milk producers of my choice celebrating another date on their bottles or jugs of milk without including a picture of it here.

remember, remember the 5th November, as the song, ditty or political chant goes. except any of our friends in America will read that as the 11th of May, owing to a misprint in their calendars or something. rather like that one Australians had which sees them put the wickets before the runs when giving the score from the only sporting event that really means anything.

as for the milk people - cow owners, i expect - it's pretty impressive and indeed to a degree flattering that they have decided to commemorate the date i got to see Tin Machine at the Newcastle Mayfair in this way. fitting too, with the 'BB' presumably standing for either 'Bastard Bob' or 'Big Bob', that they have observed it's also the date on which Robert Maxwell may well have died, after he fell off that boat and no one knows what happened.

that other thing happened too, with that guy and that building and the fireworks, of course. but that didn't involve Bowie, the Sales brothers, Reeves, a newspaper owner or a boat. actually, it might have involved a boat.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ah, erm, oh, whoops. double the double disc

hi there

i got quite excited earlier in the week when an item arrived in the post for me. well, that's nothing new. it is always exciting when something arrives as it is supposed to through the mechanisms of the postal system. when one pays for a letter or item (or indeed items) to be delivered, it is always class when that actually happens.

i was particularly excited when i saw that the item, as you can see in the magic of Commodore 64 mode (with scan lines, since that's the one that the CCP likes the most and they are the only ones to have made an appreciative comment), came from amazon.

was it somehow possible that an exceptional miracle of the post office had happened? had my copy of Made Of Stone, the celebrated Stone Roses & Heaton Park documentary, landed already, only 3 or so days after it had been shipped?

this would indeed have been cause for celebration. i imagined blowing as many speakers as i could in the house with the sound of the bass of Mani as i opened the package. i then ceased such images in my mind when i saw what it was.

ah, yes. no, you do not have a case of deja vu, that is the same Frankie set i have posted a few times on and indeed have already got a copy. this second copy is now mine mostly thanks to my forgetful ways, but partially as a bit of research.

as some of you will recall from the original posts, this "best of" Frankie Goes To Hollywood is strange. it was released with no advertising, and the record label releasing it has no details at all for it on their site. on amazon it came up as "temporarily unavailable", but marketplace sellers had new and sealed copies of it very cheap.

as amazon saying something is "temporariliy unavailable" tends to translate as "we can get it but we don't keep stock on hand", i decided to place an order to see when they would get it. as it turns out, it was within 10 days (give or take) from when i placed the order.

there must have been more than me interested in this, as i see it has now moved from being temporarily unavailable to "usually ships within 2 weeks" on the site. it my comments and review has somehow stimulated that interest, whoops, but then again it's an ace set for a decent price - about £4 at the time of writing, which is roughly £1 less than the very good Frankie Said set and covers similar ground.

and you can skip Frankie Said for now anyway, as ace as the set and the pictures with it are. it is getting re-released in early 2014, packaged with a DVD.

what am i going to do with two copies of this set? proudly own two copies for the most part. however, if you look at the previous posts, the poster inside it is quite class. i may well see if some clever chap or lass who is a mender can have one of them ironed out and framed or blockmounted. it would look ace on the wall, that one would.

i shall probably give the first, already opened copy a play just now, it's an ace thing to have on the stereo. in the mean time, i thought i would do one of them "selfie" pics to show me holding the discs, and indeed give a hint of my new glasses to you. if you are for some reason interested. i, however, pressed the wrong button on the iTwat and made a video instead.

after that, though, i pressed the right button for pictures, after cocking with the touch screen thing for a bit, and did indeed take a picture as originally intended.

but, as you can see, i forgot to switch it on to Commodore 64 mode, so sorry that it does not look anywhere near as good as it could have.

one, or at least i (and my (considerably) better half), can only hope that the Made Of Stone set arrives in the post sooner rather than later, then. in the mean time, the sound and the smell of Frankie are perfectly fine to be getting on with.

i appreciate that i have probably said this before (cannot be bothered to check, soz), but i imagine this will be the last post on this particular CD set. as ace as it is. the last voice you will ever hear, if you like.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!