fish fighting for food

hey there


regular readers - those who have, look you see, endured this blog for over a decade - will be aware of the fact that my present verk does not get mentioned as frequently or as often as the verk i did which was distinctly, and in a very real sense, south of the equator. there is good reason for this. as i've mentioned, or if you like written, here in recent times, my verk involves a great deal of intrigue, mystery, importance, international concerns, state security, privacy and of course lashing of sex and danger. in particular, but not exclusively, when it involves concrete. a consequence of all this is that i am not in a position to discuss too much of it.

every now and then, however, there's an element or aspect which warrants the observation of a wider audience. a recent episode in which fish were encourage to evolve at a somewhat accelerated rate was such an element, aspect or incident.

before we proceed, as he has not given me either tacit or explicit permission to mention his name, and just because the fish are his quasi-responsibility, please note that i did not expressly say that this was all the work of Ben. that's B-e-n Ben, he who is responsible for "dropping" some "proper smart" music on us, and is indeed one of them millennial types which i speak so fondly of from time to time here.

yes, that's right, the food for the fish has been placed on the outside of the fish tank which provides a rudimentary home, or if you like swimming space, for the fish. you may well think it is normal for fish food to be placed on the inside of such predominantly water housing; i can assure you that the fish themselves would on the whole be almost certain of this. but no, on the outside it is.

what's the hope or intention here? difficult to say, really, as the person who did it (again, i did not say Ben) just looked at me in silence when i asked. yeah, that's how secretive what we do is, and well done B.., well done to the person who i spoke to about it. i can freely speculate, however.

my best guess is that this is all some magnificent, if not splendid, experiment to see if we can't speed up considerably the rate at which fish evolve. if they want to eat then they must learn to live without water. this is not much to ask; it would only take a few seconds to get out, get the food and, in the words off of 50% of the 50% of The Beatles still alive (at time of writing), get back. also, i suppose, it could be some metaphorical, allegorical, symbolic sort of thing, you know - using the plight of fish ardently expecting food yet being denied to illustrate the food shortage the planet apparently has, or to give a clear indication of how we are knacking oceans and thus knacking the fish, as them Greenpeace ones go on and on about if you invite them to do so.

would you be right in thinking that a lot of what we do involves experimentation with freshwater based life? not really, no. mostly we are custodians and guardians of the most precious resource we humans have, which is language. most of our day is a lot like Immigrant Song off of Led Zeppelin, only way cooler and less likely to get us arrested.

anyway, onwards i go.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

roll 'em under the bridge

hello there


yesterday was quite a busy day, as it happens. it was, look you see, a day for much merriment and celebration; something that shall no doubt prevail as a sense through a few more blog posts after this one. but first, this one, and a celebration of the wonders of traditional technology.

if you are looking at the above and thinking "hey, that looks like the swing bridge off of Whitby as seen on a clear, crisp (hello, Faye), chilled yet beautiful February day", then your thoughts do not in this instance betray or disappoint you. that is indeed what the picture is of.

our arrival was not at a time as such that i could take footage of this famous swing bridge opening, but i could take some video of a boat, or if you like ship, passing through. here you go, and indeed you can catch a glimpse of the 75% of my family who you all like more than you like me.

there is a rich and lengthy history to this swing bridge, and all sorts of fascinating facts related to it. someone else, not me, would however be better placed to tell you all about all of that, i just thought i'd throw out some footage for you. whether you are a friend or family member who has not seen this for a while, if ever, or a random stranger who is for some reason of a mind that my blog is the place to go for interesting stuff, enjoy.

James was certainly of a mind to enjoy watching the wonders of how a harbour works. this isn't the best image ever taken, but see if you can spot him as he stands and watches the ships, or if you like boats - vessels, perhaps - coming in and going out. although actually they mostly just not so much as stood as they did floated there, where they were anchored or docked.

whist i did not get any footage of the bridge opening for you i did indeed get some of it closing.

did i deliberately hang around by the side of it to get some footage? yes and no. i did quite deliberately hang around, but not so much explicitly for footage as it was the case that they do not let you cross the bridge whilst it is swung open. they be all nancy boy about it; making you wait for it to be safe to cross before allowing you to do so.

the question you have is an understandable one, and i am sorry i do not know the answer. i am perhaps showing my age with the cultural reference, but yes, i would imagine that Wayne and Garth off of Wayne's World would thoroughly enjoy standing by this bridge and pointing out that it does a swing movement.

right, onwards with the remainder of my day, then - let me see what adventures it brings. probably not, i would suspect, any swing bridge action, for any bridge which i am due to cross today would not have elements to it which suggests it was meant to swing.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

offerings unto The King

greetings


let us not, look you see, beat around any sort of bush or be under any misconceptions here. a great passion of mine, and best this be a passion of yours, is paying respect and homage to The King, Elvis Presley. i was thrilled by the fact i could, on today of all days, be afforded a great chance to pay suitable respect and generous homage to him.

i am, i freely accept, merely a pilgrim making my way through the world along the lower levels set as established for the lesser members of society. it was a thrill, then, for me to be able to visit an altar set up, apparently, for the purpose of us lesser souls to be able to make an offering to The King, Elvis Presley.

this, i would grant you if you so observed, is not the normal sort of thing one would expect from an altar as such, in particular due to the as yet unexplained presence of bracelets, or if you like amulets, featuring Minecraft branding in an in all likelihood unlicensed way. on a practical level, however, this altar works very well indeed as it makes it a good deal easier to offer coins of money to The King, Elvis Presley so that he may be pleased by your offering of coins of money to him.

also, the altar is made all the more splendid by the fact that one is entertained by The King, Elvis Presley as one makes their humble offering towards him. here, appreciate the dynamics of this by watching this video clip, should your browser support it.

you hardly need me to tell or remind you of the immense generosity of The King, Elvis Presley. in the light of this, it will not be a shock or surprise to learn to you that, through the conduit of this altar, every now and then He returns coins of money which have been offered unto him by a most magnificent and splendid "drop chute" thing, which i did not film or picture alas.

it is quite possible that this happens when a pilgrim is deemed worthy by The King, Elvis Presley to be awarded one of His many coins of money. it is also possible, however, that He elects to do this only when a particular coin of coins of money displeases Him, and so the action is Him rightly rejecting the inferior offering with some contempt.

i would say that i could quite contentedly put all of my life savings, or if you like net worth, into this altar of offering for The King, Elvis Presley, but in fairness the 20p or so - of which He returned 12p to me - more or less covers that.


let me leave you to ponder upon how you may make better offerings to The King, Elvis Presley as you go forward in life, and also with the hope that your day was as clearly satisfactory as mine was.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bowie at the Tower

hey dudes


If you go and give the current album chart a look, you see that a month and a bit after his passing the people who buy music are still very much discovering or rediscovering the works of Bowie. Sure, now it would seem that it’s two greatest hits sets and Blackstar in the top ten, but Hunky Dory is still lurking around.

This is the perfect excuse for writing some more about Bowie, although I have never particularly needed an excuse to do this, so prone am I towards doing this randomly. In celebration of this random way, then, let us look randomly at what Bowie was up to 43 years ago today.

18th February 1973 was something of a pivotal day in world music. The King, Elvis Presley, as I have written about here somewhere on my blog, punched a stage invader – hopefully square in the face – on this date. Truly, with all which has passed, it is remarkable to think it was merely 3 years ago that we celebrated the 40th anniversary, or if you like 40th birthday, of that class event. It’s also worth noting that on this day Genesis performed in Birmingham as part of their Foxtrot tour. Bowie, meanwhile, gave not one, not three but two performances of the “Ziggy Stardust” tour at The Tower, Philadelphia.

I know, I know. Most Bowie enthusiasts would not associate Bowie and The Tower, Philadelphia with 18 February 1973. For most thoughts are drawn to July 1974, for it was then at that venue when David Live was recorded, with no less than Elizabeth Taylor in the audience. David Live was, of course, strangely the first ever official live Bowie record one could buy, with the earlier recorded Santa Monica 72 and Hammersmith Odeon gigs only being officially released many years later.

Was there anything significant or of special consequence about the two shows Bowie played at The Tower on 18 Feb 1973? I would really suggest that any Bowie gig is one of significance and consequence, really. These two shows did sound rather boss, however. Here you go, here are the words of Chuck Darrow on the gigs :

For the two shows I saw at the Tower in February 1973, he did the "Hang Onto Yourself" opening and it was truly a religious experience. The way Mick and Trevor looked in the flashing strobe lights as they stood statute-still, and Bowie's Japanese space suit. Then they slammed into "Hang Onto Yourself",wow!! It's pretty much the most thrilling moment I have ever had at a concert. The second would have to be the jam in the middle of "Width of a Circle," when Mick and Trevor (with the strobes flashing again), faced each other at center stage and slowly rocked back and forth as they both kept riffing higher and higher on the necks of their axes.

Sounds like a pretty awesome show to have just been able to see once, really – nice one for Chuck, and no doubt a few others, that he got to see it twice.

In certain respects the 18 February 1973 shows reflect a coming to fruition of Bowie’s increasing aspirations to a flourishing, more expansive sound on stage. On top of the classic “Spiders” line up of Bowie, Ronson, Bolder and Woodmansey, by this stage there were several other musicians performing with them. The most notable additions by this stage were Mike Garson playing anything required that had keys,Geoff MacCormack adding backing vocals and extra percussion and, perhaps most tellingly, Ken Fordham and Brian Wilshaw adding saxophone, with the latter also playing flute when required. Saxophone would of course, within a few years of these gigs, be a big part of Bowie’s sound, in particular on the Young Americans album.

Weirdly, Young Americans is an album i have never taken a shine to. it did, though, lead to the Station To Station album, which was, if push came to shove, the one I would say was my all time favourite Bowie album of all time. And yes, I am mentioning this mostly just so I can wrap some text around a newspaper cutting picture, purely for the benefit of this looking if not decent and smart then sort of OK for those of you reading this on a computer type device.

Sadly no recordings, either official or bootleg in nature, have ever emerged from either of these shows at the Tower in Philadelphia on 18 February 1973. You would think that if they haven’t by now then they never will, but you just don’t know what tapes some people are sat on. Whilst there’s no confirmed setlist from either show, there’s general agreement that sets on this tour rarely varied from what you would find on either Santa Monica 72 or Ziggy Stardust The Motion Picture. Both are well worth getting and having a listen to, at the correct volume of course.

Well, there we have it. Whilst everyone except Scottish Nationalists (“glad that the tax dodging unionist **** is dead” was one of the more diplomatic statements from them) remains sad that Bowie is with us in person no more, as the above kind of tries to show he is very much a presence in memories. There are acres of days from years that one could pick and find an interesting Bowie story from; I just felt like going for this one for no particular reason.

Thank you, as ever, for reading. all pictures used here are taken from sites made by fellow fans, i trust you don't mind. well, if you do leave a message and i will take them down, i suppose.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

john

hey there


life, look you see, is something always touched by regret. it's not regret that has to be particularly bitter, resentful or remorseful, for sometimes regret can be just that. except when it is regret in the form of Regret, a recording by band New Order that was quite good, but tainted by the fact that, to this day, laughably NME refer to it as "the most important single of the 90s". but you and i are not here to discuss Manc bands or bizarre statements from the press.

here you go, this is John, i am informed.

if you are thinking that John looks a trifle like he might be a snowman, that is because he very much is a snowman. why is he called John? i was told, but i have forgotten. William and my (considerably) better half created John from the gift of the snow today, and they informed me that he is called John. i seem to recall asking why, but then i got distracted and didn't really listen to them.

where does the regret come into this? well, it's quite simple, really, and i am somewhat surprised that you have not worked this out. if i had been of the sense to either christen William by the name Falcon, or marry someone called Falcon instead of my (considerably) better half and somehow life for me had followed the same pattern, then i could have plausibly and realistically called this post The Falcon & The Snowman, after the brilliant film. a film, which lest we forget, featured a song that was a distinct highlight of the works recorded by Derek Bowie during that somewhat up and down decade for him that was the 80s.

that is indeed William, proudly showing off the magnitude or if you like scale of John. that's John who is a snowman John, and not some other sort of John that i have just thought of but, as it turns out, not subconsciously written about.

as you can kind of see in these images, the snow which brought such fear and stoppage to my routines yesterday has all but gone. yes i did indeed go off and be all brave driving today, feeling that the falling snow level was perfect for me to be less of a fanny about it all.

tomorrow, dear reader, i believe i shall go and purchase a recording of The King, Elvis Presley. no specific one as such, although i hope to get a 70s one. this will be, if in my head alone, an act of great defiance, but more of that as and when it happens, if indeed it does happen.

if it's as cold for you as it is here, or colder still, well, if you are waiting for me to suggest to you that you keep warm and you've not thought to do such a thing yourself, that's your business.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beaten by the snow

hello there


today was, look you see, a rough day. it was testing for me and a great many people out there. why? because snow came both overnight and this morning, and came with some anger.

those of you who read the celebratory post of my new hat yesterday will appreciate we were warned that it was on the way, but my word did it make its presence felt. whilst certain parts of the world get it a lot worse than we had - our friends in America and Canada, for example, have tres snow presently - i can only play the hand i am dealt, and the cards i got today said fold.

the above image was taken in the late stages of this afternoon. yes, at a time when i should have been at verk, but was not. the snow which had fallen and laid was up from the road to be all but level with the kerb of the pavement. the whole thing looked like an ice rink, and any effort i made to drive on it - in particular with my unique "hit and hope" style to driving and my inexperience of driving on ice rinks - would have resulted in a crash. me getting injured or knacking my car is one thing, but outside of Spiros i would not ever put another life at risk.

whilst i cannot disclose too much about the verk i do - except to suggest that it involves a lot of danger, sex, intrigue, mystery, mayhem and world safety - it is a job that mostly sees me writing. thankfully, then, with the kind support and understanding of those at verk, i was able to do most of my usual job from the safety of home, thus avoiding the risk of knacking anyone or anything with my efforts at driving.

in order to avoid cabin fever, or going stir crazy, i took a break from my verk at home to take a stroll. i did so after it had stopped actually snowing, and when the Sun was visible enough so as to melt away fragments of that which had fallen.

everyone needs to take a break whilst verking, after all. and, anyway, it really is lovely to walk upon the crunchy, crisp (hello, Faye) snow which has fallen on us.

yeah, that there right in that picture is me walking around in my smart cowboy look in the snow. i know a cowboy look is not a usual one to project or portray in the snow, but i thought i'd experiment a bit - really mix things up and see how the stark, bold contrasting style would work out.

pretty well, really, as my feet remained dry in the brown boots i insist are cowboy ones purely as they are brown. as for the rest of the look, undoubtedly people who passed me by thought i looked like a d!ck but then people who think that of me probably do that no matter what i have on.

earlier today, then, when the snow was falling with some passion and enthusiasm for falling.

i do appreciate that a picture tells you little of the speed and the passion with which snow was falling, it just shows you that some did. here you go, then a video of sorts of it for you to watch.

driving in it, even when it does not lay on the road, is not fun. how best can i describe the experience? you know that thing they do in Star Wars when they jump into hyper space? where all the stars stretch out in beams of light, giving a quasi-3D sense that leaves you dizzy and a bit disorientated? like that.

happy news, for i do really rather enjoy travelling to verk in order to do verk, is that the falls have stopped, and at this stage the roads are reasonably clear. i am rather hopeful, optimistic and confident of being able to drive without fear tomorrow.

a massive sized 13 brown cowboy boot footprint in the snow? certainly; i suspect the chap who made these boots for me in Zimbabwe or somewhere like that never imagined that his work would touch the fluffy frozen ways occasionally adopted by the rain north of the equator.

i probably should not include a smart boot foot print off of me here on this blog. some devious soul might use this to fake my presence at some sort of crime or politically motivated interval. if they did do that and it was successful, mind, it would show that evidently the quality of blueberry camera phone pictures are not quite so bad as i presume to assume. not every cloud has snow, then, but there you go, this one has a silver lining of sorts.

off i go, then, to wave a fist at the skies above me, threatening them with my anger if they elect to snow once more again overnight.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the spiros valentine

hey there


i suspect i know what you, look you see, are thinking. you are probably thinking that any sort of advice or input as to what Spiros does to celebrate Valentine's Day is of little use one day after the day itself, with less than one year being inadequate preparation time for the next one. that's where you are wrong, dear reader. this year, lest we forget, is one of them leap year things, a instrument of torture created by the ruling classes so that they may punish us, the workers, with an extra day of labour once a year. as a consequence, although today is technically the day after the most recent St Valentine celebration, in real terms it is exactly one calendar year until the next.

it is perhaps worth intervening here and suggesting that one interested in all of this takes a moment to question the wisdom of it. i know that many of you - your number is legion, in fact - quite enjoy reading the adventures, or if you like tales, of Spiros. are you sure, though, that you are keen to see him as a source of inspiration and guidance for your lifestyle? are you certain, in particular with respect to affairs of the heart? very well, then read on.

if the above looks like a rudimentary plastic box, a "lunch" or bait tub, with some tissues in it, then your at a glance observation skills are not to be understated. if that does not sound like all that much of a fun, interesting, dangerous or exciting way to celebrate Valentine's Day in the Spiros way, it isn't. a closer look, however - both above and below - will show that there's much more to it.

but first this.

going on the reading stats - both actual and assumed, with assumed being much, much higher - quite a lot of people were rather taken with the somewhat controversial look at the gentlemen's club where Sprios is not banned off of and so quite likes to drink and meet men in.

a lot of the controversy, i think, came from the fact that i could not be bothered to look at what the name of the place was, despite having relatively easy access to that name within close reach. as this picture shows, just above the elk or deer or whatever animal with antlers that it is which would look not at all out of place in a faux ski lodge, is Apres. no, i do not have any idea how you would pronounce that, and yes i would agree it's probably the case that they simply wrote down the name Aspen, a fine town in the wastelands of Colorado known for skiing stuff, wrong and just decided to go with it as they couldn't be bothered to fix it. which is, in fairness, pretty much the approach i take with typing incidents here on this blog.

anyway, certain information has been made available and become known to me which suggests that, in heart and intention, this new "where men meet" club that Spiros is all excited about isn't actually a club which was founded with a view to such things being encouraged. not that the proprietors are against such things, presumably so long as they may happen outside of their premises and legal responsibilities. i have every confidence, however, that Spiros and his chums will ensure that, despite more modest origins, it will indeed become the leading place for men like Spiros to meet in this post-Chariots era.

but, anyway, back to the Spiros valentine, and a close detail look at the contents of the, as it were, Spiros box in the precise detail afforded by Commodore 64 mode.

what exactly is in the Spiros box of Valentine love? well, why don't we do a part by part, or if you like element by element, look at it all?

tissues : something of a controversial and unusual inclusion, this, as Spiros is very much a cotton hanky man. the Spiros range of hankies is legendary. he has a collection which features hankies of every colour you can think of, although now that i think a good many of them are yellow or brown. before he goes out he always selects one of them, with the colour being dependent on what he is in the mood for.

purple bullet : this is some sort of intrusion or penetration device. i do not believe anything further needs to be said in respect of this, and i implore if not beg you not to trouble yourself with any thoughts or concerns around what intrusions or penetrations Spiros is doing with it.

in fact, let me go further and say here, distract yourself with this image of an entrance, or possibly exit, to that club he is now all excited and keen on.

how much involvement did i have with the Spiros Valentine box of love? absolutely none. i mean, i don't see at all how the fact that i bought the items at Pound Land, wrapped them up and posted them to him at his place of verk can in any way be construed as me being involved in it all. no, this is quite clearly all 100% Spiros.

whilst we are on a break, here is a news story from a very reputable source of news that has got Spiros very excited indeed, as he believes it is his way to transform one of his greatest talents into fame.

yeah, OK, it is from the Sunday Sport. whilst many dispute the veracity or accurate nature of their coverage of world events, so far as i know they have never been knacked in court for telling lies. which puts them ahead of pretty much all other newspapers in the credibility rankings.

Spiros would absolutely love to be on this show. the idea of being given a keg of cider is, to him, exciting in itself. that he would be actively encouraged to use his class karate and kung fu skills to defend the cider from any and all trespassers is the icing on the cake, or if you like the pips in a pint of scrumpy. if they go ahead and make that show with Spiros in, i would certainly video it.

back to the contents of the Valentine box of love of Spiros? certainly.

sensual lubricating jelly : i know that previously on this blog Spiros has been portrayed as a gentleman who believes such things as lubrication are cheating, whether in relation to a car engine or anything else or any other act that you may normally believe would benefit from "lube". for Valentine, however, it would seem that he elects to at least try to be sensitive and respectful of the ways of others.

charlotte church cd : a little known fact about Spiros is that he is a massive, massive fan of charlotte church. over the years he has shared with me, whether i wanted to know or not (i didn't), tales of the times in which he has spent private moments, either in a bathroom or a vacant boardroom, thinking about all things charlotte church, and in a sense wrestling with himself about those emotions. to my knowledge it was the case that Spiros had absolutely no idea at all that, during all this thinking and wrestling, charlotte church is in fact a quite successful singer. i am sure that listening to this CD, and studying the booklet, will aid his thinking and wrestling no end.

well, there you go. if for some reason you were curious or interested in the Spiros approach to Valentine, now you know.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new hat

hello there


well, here we are again. precisely a year, by conventional measurement at least, look you see, has passed prior to the previous Valentine's Day, which makes it fitting, apt, accurate and most decidedly correct to describe the day today - as in the day i write these words - as Valentine's Day.

was i most fortunate enough to get a gift to mark this date from that fair maiden i refer to as my (considerably) better half? indeed. and, indeed, readers of my previous post will have already seen it, but here we go again.

the gift from my (considerably) better half was not the snow you can see, but rather the most splendid and super "bomber hat" you can see me wearing as i walk in it. for that is, for those of you new to this blog, me you can see in the above image.

yes, there will be a bit more about the snow just now, but for the moment let us look in closer detail at my most splendid new hat.

i have wanted one of these hats for quite some time. how long? however long it has been that i first saw the film Kelly's Heroes i suppose. Oddball was like totes smart in that film, and i always wanted one of the hats he had on so that i may pay homage to him. so that will be around 30 years then, give or take.

that the packaging on this hat said it is a "bomber hat" might well go some way towards explaining why i have never found one. i, you see, was always under the impression that they were called a pilot's hat. thankfully, then, it is or rather was the case that my (considerably) better half elected to look for one on the basis of it's actual name, not the one i presumed it to be.

it would be quite fair to suggest that an awful lot of my driving style has been based on that which was displayed by Oddball in Kelly's Heroes. like him i have always been of a mind that should it be the case that i want to cross a river at a very specific point, then someone should be on hand to come along and place a bridge where it is that i want it to be. also, i firmly believe that any incidents or mishaps that happen to me whilst i am at the controls of a car are down to the issuing of negative waves by others. their lack of ability to focus on the positive beauty around them just brings everything else down with them. man.

also, for a substantial part of the time that i have wanted what i call a pilot's hat - we are talking well north of 60% here - Spiros has promised that if i ever got one then he would start calling me Biggles. so i guess as soon as he sees this he will now have to call me Biggles.

enough of the hat of undetermined name for no, except to say let us see how it performed in the snow. from what i recall of the film, which is a fair amount, Oddball never had to combat the snow when he wore his, driving around as he did making pretty pictures with paint via a tank.

that is indeed one of them metaphorical, or if you like allegorical, reflections of me in the mirror as i prepare to start my engine and have a bit of a drive around in the snow. was i looking forward to doing this? not at all, as i think you can see quite clearly in a later picture, or if you like in a picture to come later on in this blog.

i would, on an unusually serious note, say that this is by far the most serious looking snow we have had in the just over two years i've been back home. whilst these images do not show it as such, it is now very much laying. it's about 1cm deep now, and more is likely to follow. if that does not sound like much, trust me it is enough to make driving - nay, just walking - quite the challenge.

would you like some video of more or less the above scene, so you can see the snow whirling away and battering beautiful Yorkshire, presumably out of the jealousy of the gods? of course you would, so long as your device and browser can support the peculiar format what blogger converts video to.

a particular challenge to driving in the snow is the very special kind of d!ckheads which take to the roads in it. oddly, in this regard, i do not mean there are those who drive with speed - all of us out in this today were driving well below the demarcated speed limit, bar one toss in a red audi going as fast as he could. no, my main issue was an awful lot of cars that are silver and white in colour driving through falling snow without their lights on. this is something which makes them plausibly invisible.

but hey, they were visible enough so that i may have seen them in a way that allowed for collisions and other such matters to be avoided, and here i am, home, safe and tying all of this. but if you are wondering, motorists, yes it is a good idea to have your lights on when driving in snow that falls in such a way that it blankets most of your view.

that last picture above is indeed one of me, in one of them "selfie" things, wearing my most smart hat and getting ready to drive. i would suggest i look somewhat apprehensive and nervous in that image. that would probably because i was. anyone who drives in the snow and assumes it to be easy or a breeze is being rather dangerously complacent.

anyway, time for me to attend to some other matters, and to walk around for a bit, in the house and in such a way that my family may see how splendid and smart i look in my new hat.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

these are the days

hi there


could i possibly take a tape which is just ever so slightly south of being forty years old and make it into a compact disc? this is the question, look you see, posed to me by my Uncle. no, not that one or that one, the other one, Trevor. i said yes, of course i can. and then i went off to set about working out how exactly to do such a thing.

of course i did it; if this was a failure then i somehow doubt i would be celebrating it all with a blog post for your entertainment. although actually it's a blog post more aimed at those who randomly search the internet for things they like, for i suspect that the contents of the tape might be of interest to some.

a look at it all done to start with? certainly.

what is it exactly? it is an interview on Radio Tees with highly regarded and fondly recalled singer Mary Hopkin. the interview, it says on the tape, took place on 1 March 1976.

and yes, that is indeed a most splendid orange coloured BASF blank tape it was recorded on to off of the radio on the date mentioned above.

a little snippet of how it came out? sure, although as usual i don't know how the quality will come across on this video clip. as i shall go into detail about just now, i am rather impressed with how the sound quality came through. nice one Trevor, although it would go without saying that a music lover will preserve and protect music recordings in their collection.

the first concern i had about doing this was of if the tape was going to be OK. in this era where we are assured that the digital form, no matter how disposable, is superior, there's always a concern about trying to play an aged tape or vinyl. the trick is, though, back in the 60s through to the 90s, music really mattered, and so quality items were used to record and store it on.

am i by any chance wearing a very smart bomber hat, as worn by Oddball off of Kelly's Heroes and jack Bruce on the cover of the Fresh Cream album, as i write this, you ask? why yes i am. it is a most kind gift from my (considerably) better half to celebrate Valentine's Day.

as for the mechanics of transferring tape to a CD, it is a bit of work but nothing too much more complex than the way one had to record a tape off of the radio, or the way one had to connect two video machines in order to make a copy of a smart film you had rented.

basically, i took my most smart Sony walkman, put new batteries in it, connected it to Dad's old red XP netbook via a headphone jack to headphone jack wire, used an appropriate audio recorder bit of software to "capture" the tape as it played, then recorded the files to CD. simples, if you know what you are doing i guess.

there are a lot of people, i appreciate, that do not know how to do this. that is why, sadly, there are people out there who make an awful lot of money from offering this service (video tape to DVD, record or tape to CD) to people who want it done. i wouldn't think it fair to charge much for it, maybe the time it takes and that's it. and no, absolutely not, no way am i charging my Uncle!

will i be showing off more of my class bomber hat on this blog? yes, but not in this post, i will do a full one on it in due course. for now, however, another snippet of my conversion job for you.

any problems with the taping? nothing major. a sad part of this is that it's not the entire interview, just the first 30 minutes or so. it ends with a promise to return after the news, but that's where the tape runs out. still, the 30 or so minutes are interesting.

interesting and a bit uncomfortable, really. whilst i have always said that one needs to understand values in society were very different in the seventies, that doesn't mean they were right, pleasant or easy to listen to. the host doing the interview, for instance, refers to Mary Hopkin in terms of how lovely and beautiful she is as a lady, rather than acknowledge the fact that she is an exceptionally talented singer. also, underlining the sexism, the bloke doing it spends more time asking Mary Hopkin what Paul McCartney is like. little research was done beforehand, as the interviewer "forgets" that Mary was married to Tony Visconti at the time, and had "forgotten" that Tony Visconti had produced huge, successful albums for artists such as Bowie and T-Rex.

also, the bloke doing the interview sounds very much like Alan Partridge.

otherwise, on the tape itself there are some true gems. i can confirm for you, for instance, that advertisements for the proprietors of carpet outlets designed for provincial radio sound exactly like they do now as they did in 1976. there's also a good quality recording of Gary Glitter live in concert, although of course he is not an artist quite so fondly remembered these days. further, there is a news bit presented by Bob Holness out of Blockbusters from a time when he was a journalist rather than being him off of Blockbusters, discussing how a hedgehog was being used to promote litter awareness.

whilst it would be inappropriate for me to make this whole recording available in a public way, such as on that whole "you tube" thing, i do appreciate that there are many Mary Hopkin fans who may well be interested in hearing this. should that sound like you, please leave a message and we will make some sort of arrangement, i cannot think Uncle Trevor would be distressed about other fans hearing it.

let me go and drop this off for Trevor, then. and yes i shall be wearing my most smart bomber hat as i do so.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

reflections of love bead loaded toothpaste

hey again

in very quickly following on from the post i just did, look you see, here's the boss awesome and like totes amazing pictures Dad has sent on of lovebead toothpaste as it looks in New Zealand.

this would be, i presume, the tube or if you like packet of lovebead toothpaste that my Dad thought would be the final one he would experience. it has very much, as you hardly need me to be point out, been flattened and squeezed to drain every last particle of it out. nice bit of efficiency in use, there.

i would not disagree with a view that a particular type of toothpaste is an unusual thing to form an emotional bond with, or the view that retaining the last empty packet of it would be a somewhat peculiar form of clutching at the last remnants of a feeling in the hope that it may never pass. this is, however, my Dad we are speaking of. those of you fortunate enough to know him and his ways will find nothing unusual or out of character with any of this.

the three packets i sent him as a sort of "surprise" thing a couple of weeks ago? certainly, here they are.

sorry that there's not too much writing here,  the post i just did kind of covered pretty much all i can think of to say about lovebead toothpaste on this chilly evening.

a close up of the branding for lovebead toothpaste? sure, why not.

anyway, that will do. it's too cold up here in my elevated shed. i am off to see if i can't covert a tape which is just a handful of days south of being 40 years old into a CD.

cheers Dad for the pictures, nice one that the tubes arrived and i am glad that they've made the world a most excellent place for you. as for everyone else, thanks as ever for reading!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last of the lovebead toothpaste (?)

hello there


well, here we are, look you see. well of course we are here, if not then you would not be able to read this to know that. when i say here we are, right, i don't mean here here, just here in a sort of symbolic, metaphorical state like sense of the word.

despite being assured, if not advised, by the manufacturer last year that toothpaste what has got love beads shoved in it was a thing of the past, look, see you what i found on the shelves recently.

yep, Tesco, the store that i normally think is quite smart except for the parts where they charge more than the others do and their staff are prone to being insolent, had some of this supposedly no longer exists toothpaste on the shelf.

if you are quite new to this party and have no idea why toothpaste of any nature, let alone toothpaste what has had lovebeads shoved in it, makes for compelling reading, it's all down to my Dad. this toothpaste, for him, is like totes the best thing like ever. which makes it rather disappointing - and very much my problem - that even when the maker claimed to make and sell it and actually did, it was a rare and difficult commodity to find.

was i happy to find some of this toothpaste on the shelf? absolutely. it would be all too easy for me to say how for four years posting this stuff to New Zealand has left a hole in my finances, but it is a hole that i would have found another way to create. considering all that he has done for me over the years, buying a few tubes of toothpaste as and when i can find them and posting them off to the bottom of the world is a formality and something i'm delighted to do. yeah, sure, it would be nicer if Royal Mail didn't charge quite so much for this distinct honour, but there you go.

let it not be said that i do not appreciate you, the reader who is here reading this despite having no interest at all in toothpaste, either with or without lovebeads shoved in it. for you, then, here is a glimpse of my most splendid washing machine on the go, and a look at just how many creamy bubbles vanish gold makes.

why do i have vanish gold in the washing machine? William. i would not say that our clothes are ever so soiled that they actually require the miracle of vanish gold to be applied to them pre-wash. William, however, saw an advert on the television for vanish gold, saw that it was amazing and has nagged me to buy some to use. i gave in, in the hope of a quiet life.

vanish gold, i will have you know, on a weight to weight basis, costs more than actual gold does. probably. this is the one and only bottle of the stuff i am buying, then. if in the future our clothes become exceptionally soiled i shall just throw them out and buy more; this will be cheaper than using vanish gold.

but anyway, back to toothpaste. here's a look at the selling points of toothpaste what has had lovebeads shoved in it, and a look at those selling points sideways no less, for yet again apple and blogger disagree in a most profound way about picture rotation.

i'll be honest with you here - whilst i have never dared to try toothpaste with lovebeads shoved in it, to me that sounds like pretty much what you would expect any sort of toothpaste to do. for what exactly it is that makes this lovebead toothpaste so special, then, let me quote directly from the man himself, the world's leading connoisseur on  toothpaste with lovebeads shoved in, my Dad :


Thank you so much... I finished the last one on New Years Day and have been meaning to send you a photo of the flattened tube... It's still on my desk. Also I have been doing a survey on how little toothpaste there is in the breath strips version.... the beads usually last 4 weeks whereas the strips barely make two weeks.... 

i would make some sort of comment about having a flat, empty tube of toothpaste on a desk, but as i look across my desk i see those stickers that are on CDs that you buy are all stuck to my desk. on the side of my printer, for a start, is the sticker that was on the 20th anniversary edition of The Stone Roses by The Stone Roses.

why have i never tried the lovebead toothpaste myself? sheer guilt, really. it has been something of a temptation to get a packet - when it was freely, albeit sparsely, available - to see what the fuss was. every tooth i would have brushed with it would have been a tooth which my father would not.

also, i don't know how it works wherever you happen to be in the world, but here in dear old England we like to be a little bit more sophisticated and refined than as to have the phrase "i use the same lovebeads what me Dad does" available to use in conversations.

a look at the other end of one of the boxes of toothpaste with lovebeads shoved in it? sure. i was hoping that by this point in time we would have a picture of the three tubes i sent to New Zealand, but not to be as such as yet. this packet, then, is the last one that i had, and as we shall see i posted it today.

that's a good bit of jazzy, snazzy writing, that is. although one would suspect that mentioning the lovebeads are dissolvable strikes me as being somewhat superfluous. if they did not dissolve, after all, just how many of them would you be able to shove in your mouth at once?

anyway, off on my way i went today to post this tube, along with another item which is not your concern, to my Dad. here if for some reason you want to see such a thing is a selfie thing i took as i walked off towards the representatives of Royal Mail to send it.

what's that, it looks bleak, does it? me, yes, the weather also. we have had a day where the sky is grey and the iced wind giving a frosty, crisp (hello, Faye) feel to the skin. sporadic showers came down upon me as i walked, and every now and then the rain of those showers gave way to the slightest hint of transformation into sleet or snow. but onwards i marched, making it and proudly paying just ever so slightly north of £5 to post the parcel what i had made that had lovebead toothpaste as a most integral part of it.

wouldn't you know an email has just landed off of Dad with the images of the lovebead toothpaste in New Zealand. i will post them for you just now, but here as an apology for having to look at the above picture of moi is a video of the washing machine doing its thing with vanish gold in it.

do i consider colgate to be complete, utter and total b@stards for stopping making toothpaste that has lovebeads in it? yes, i very much do. damn them. my Dad really, really likes it, and it says it all about the prejudice at colgate that my coins of money are not enough to see them keep on producing this presumably magnificent style of toothpaste.

here's what the colgate shelf at Tesco looks like now; so many to choose from, not a single one of them has a lovebead anywhere near them. 

i should rightly write something poignant and profound here, lamenting that this is the end of the road for me buying lovebead toothpaste and posting it along the path James Cook carved across the world. somehow, methinks, this is not going to be the case. colgate have been shown in a light which casts a shadow of distrust; they seem not to know what they make or sell. i have hope if not confidence that i shall one day again buy more and post it.

let me get on with the lovebead toothpaste gallery blog post, then.


UPDATE : gallery of lovebead toothpaste in New Zealand can be found here.


be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

where men meet

hey there


sorry, nothing much at all of interest here for you, and in truth i am somewhat tired, look you see. drawing verk to a close some thirty minutes early simply led to 90 minutes sat in the car, due to the constabulary closing down a 10 square mile of the province to attend to a most unpleasant and apparently quite furious disagreement between a car and a bicycle. who won? no one.

still, an update is in order. if i leave this blog unattended for more than a couple of days it brings the false dawn of hope to many that i am deceased, or otherwise no longer in a coherent enough state to do anything bar be not of the living. apologies for dampening your enthusiasm if you are of the legion that live with that day as a beacon of hope; alas it has yet to dawn.

Spiros, my dear old bum chum, has troubled me with some more pictures. as the pictures i have so eagerly been anticipating from New Zealand (hello, Dad) have yet to clear "internet customs" and arrive in my email, here is a hint of what Spiros has sent me.

indeed those are skis rather recklessly attached to a wall, and those would appear to be logs. the whole thing, i believe, is designed to give the impression that one is in a ski lodge. except they are not.

the above is the first of several (well, three) images which Spiros has sent me of his new "hang", which to you and i translates as an establishment which he hasn't been barred from and in which he can drink ale and make merry with men. speaking of which.....

this new bar or pub or lodge that Spiros has elected to become a patron of must be quite draining for him, as apparently he is now getting through - as a minimum - a packet of these bad boys a day. are you supposed to take so many? no idea, but if Boots were all that bothered then perhaps they should not have sold him quite so many, and if Boots do not care i see no reason why i should.

what's the name of this new bar for men that Spiros has become a patron of? it's called Asper, or Aspen, or Speran or something like that. somewhere in London, i suppose, is where one will find it. i am not sure where, but if you got in one of them class black cab things and instructed the cabbie to take you to a place where men meet men i dare say that you would end up there, whatever it is called, what with Chariots closing down.

indeed yes, Chariots being no more was one of the principal reasons for Spiros finding a new "fun club", so to speak.

the really, really weird thing is that when Spiros told me the name of this place and i actually remembered it, right, i did one of them "google" search things and found that the place with that name in London closed down around January 2015. i am somewhat confused, then, as to if this is a place which has simply helped itself to the name, if the place is the same and the proprietors have done one of them "phoenix" tricks to more or less f*** over the tax man and creditors, if i simply imagined that Spiros sent all of this, or if Spiros had a dream about all of this in a drunken slumber underneath a head and sent me pictures off of the "magic camera" he takes into his dream world with him from time to time.

will i, at any stage soon, be going to London to find out more of this place? perhaps, but not in the near future. possibly towards a central part of the year. i mean, i can't see me going along and transgressing on the patch of Spiros and so i will allow him to meet as many men as he likes there and steer clear myself of such things, but it is always fun to watch him get all sauced up and start a fight with someone.

more stuff, and more Spiros no doubt, as and when i have the energy and inspiration!



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vintage dairy

hi there


when it comes to aged liquid i do appreciate, look you see, that most people think of things like whisky and wine. brandy, too perhaps - generally liquid what has got alcohol of some description in it. i, you may not be too surprised to learn, take a slightly different stance on this one. each passing year that sees me roam the lands of this planet sees me seek out particular vintages of dairy products.

have i got the right word? i think a diary is the one you write, where as dairy is right for when you want to write about farmyard produce, predominantly off of cows. cows that now, alas, i no longer monitor for takeover plans, for i am seldom stood by a field with them in. anyway.

it is widely regarded amongst dairy / diary connoisseurs that february tends to yield the very finest vintage of milk that one could obtain at any point of a year. i do not know why this is the case, or for that matter why the milk which is dated 18 of that month is particularly superior; it just is.

just so we are reasonably clear, no i do not mean that people should store milk with dates on it for many years as they do with wine. it's more that milk, or for that matter any dairy product, of a certain expiry date is superior to others.

the ways in which those who bottle the milk and sell it know which is the date by which it must be consumed is remarkable, and quite beyond my understanding. i can only assume that dairy farms around the world elect to employ some sort of "cow whisperer" that is capable of ascertaining from the cows knowledge and information pertaining to when the cows believe the milk will be knacked.

the term, or if you like phrase, "peak" is getting used quite often these days. it's a catchy term people are selecting to use to describe the pinnacle, the zeitgeist or if you like the upper most height that something will reach, and it shall never get better. i find this somewhat limiting, as it suggests that we've given up, that nothing will ever get better again.

that said, it's hard to see the below - which i have accidentally uploaded upside down, it's not apple or blogger at fault - as anything but us reaching "peak Star Wars merchandising".

what is all of that? it's Star Wars endorsed toothpick / floss things. i've not seen the new film yet, but i do believe that it's an image of the one they call Kylo Ren on the packaging. i am guessing, then, that dental hygiene and tooth care is a big part of the character. otherwise the above is just a case of Disney slamming Star Wars on absolutely everything they can think of just to make money, and that's not the Disney we know.

are my views on vintage dairy concerning february limited to milk? mostly yes, but sometimes no. not often, but every now and then, i will indulge in Greek peasant dairy produce, so long as the vintage is of the same satisfactory date as the milk.

yes i know that them in that picture shows olives and olives are not, strictly speaking, dairy products (or diary for that matter) but ignore them and concentrate on the feta.

feta is boss, so it is, to be sure. the vast majority of the world would see feta cheese as one of the highest levels of luxury things they could ever eat, and yet in Greece it is seen as something made by peasants for peasants. the peasant population of Greece must live like kings, man.

did i do anything today other than look for particular vintages of dairy products? yes i did. i strolled to the village, conducted some business with the post office and then watched several hotly contested pancake races on the green.

unlike fetal festivals for peasants in Greece, the annual pancake races are reserved for the patronage of only the most exclusive of VIP members of our community, which is how i came by meeting Auntie whilst there.

did we enjoy watching the pancake racing? yes, mostly, although the muddy conditions have played all sorts of havoc with our quality footwear. i imagine such things do not have any bearing on feta festivals in Greece, as i doubt very much that the peasants that attend it have shoes of any description. sandals at best, i suppose.

anyway, if you are having some diary or dairy products whilst you read this or not long after, i hope that they are most thoroughly enjoyable.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the minecraft song

hello darling


usually it would be the case, look you see, that when i do a post of this nature i would be asking you, the reader, just what song it is playing. in this instance i happen to know exactly, or if you like precisely, what song it is but i thought i would share for the sake of it. also, as posts during the verking week are not always as forthcoming as they could be, it gives you something to read if looking for updates here.

William has, for much of the day, been bopping along to a song about the game Minecraft. he asked me to see if i could find it for him so he could play it on his walkman like mp3 player. i did indeed rush to take video and images of it so that someone could tell me what it was, but as it turns out it is in fact just called The Minecraft Song.

what is this Minecraft business? basically it's like a massive computer game version of Lego but there's more to it than that and i suspect you don't need me to tell you such. the 75% of my family that you all like a lot more than you like me love the game and are very good at it. i just find the controls too fiddly.

songs about computer games are quite smart, i suppose. ones about computers themselves are even better. did you know, for instance, that every great song you have ever heard was influenced by a Commodore 64? weirdly, all rubbish songs were influenced by a ZX Spectrum. a perfect example of this is found in the works of Van Halen. when they were cool, which is to say when David Lee Roth was in the band, they had a Commodore 64 available to them. when Diamond Dave left he took the Commodore 64 with him. Sammy Hagar turned up in a laughable attempt to replace him, but he brought a ZX Spectrum with him, which is part of the reason why all the songs they did with Hagar were rubbish. the only exception to this are the songs that were really rubbish, and they were done when Hagar's ZX Spectrum was at the mender and they had to use an Amstrad instead.

anyway, thanks for not helping me find what this song is as i already know.




be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on the slide

hey there


as recently as yesterday, look you see, i went on a voyage through the past to have a gander at one of my more successful, and indeed notable, construction projects what i had been engaged to do around the world. if you cannot be bothered to look for it yet still wish to see it, here you go, click here and you shall be taken towards it. well, actually to it rather than towards it.

in that post, as you may well have read, i gave an account of how i came to test the sturdy validity of the structure. as chance would have it Gran, when not assisting me in weighing a poster, had found a picture of the moment i bravely tested the slide out.

that is indeed Gramps holding it "steady" as i more or less described, on the off chance that the concrete or related supports (flanges or something, i suppose) were not quite up to the task of supporting someone of my size upon the slide.

actually, my initial thought on seeing that picture was that i wasn't as overweight, out of shape or if you like as fat as i thought i was back then. by no means was i a picture of perfect health, but not as big as i had imagined. not that my immense sexual magnetism has ever relied on the trivial ways of the physical.

why was i in better shape than i remembered? several reasons, i suppose. i had, just before this was taken, spent three or so years living in Cape Town. i keep forgetting about that, so i do. in the Town of Cape i walked around a good deal more, for it was reasonably safe to do so when compared to Johannesburg, and ate somewhat better. or, at the least, less.

not long after this two things happened which knacked my physique. the first was my (considerably) better half came along, who is an amazing, immense, mega cook, to be sure. i have been fed exceptionally well. also, for verk i entered the corporate sector for just over a decade. as a big part of this indulgent, bourgeois life i was routinely called on to eat whole chickens, not to mention many kilogrammes of ribs, steaks and what have you.

i would say after being back at home and walking as much as i would like to i am in somewhat better shape once again, but i could be fitter. but you didn't come here for such words; you want to see some slide action.

yes, Richard enthusiasts, that is the Richard you are so enthusiastic about making a return to these pages. Richard, as i recall, was suspiciously "unavailable" or "engaged in another matter" when it was time to lift concrete mix and mix the concrete, but by chance had space available in his diary to come and test the slide out when the work was done.

that is indeed Gramps stood by, once again. he was by this stage satisfied that the slide would hold in place (as it should with my deft work in place), and so took a step back to serve as a sort of quasi-lifeguard for people using the slide. and when i say quasi, it should be noted that Gramps cannot actually swim as such, but if in need he would have been boss at calling attention to the distress that a drowner was in.

is that who you think it is on the slide? yes it is, so long as you think that it is Dad. he was, as you will recall from the original account, the commissioner of the project. this image would suggest that he was delighted with the work carried out, or at least that is how Gramps and i interpreted his lack of complaints about any of the work we carried out.

i think that's me sat in the pool, there in the corner, watching Dad enjoy the presumably mid-life crisis of an idea he had to get a slide put in the pool. them look like my snazzy red swimming shorts from the first picture.

yes, dear reader, that is barbed wire around all of the walls. as i mentioned, Johannesburg really particularly isn't the safest place in the world, alas, and all too often things such as electrified, barbed wire with razors still proves not enough to stop scumbag criminals. but let's not worry about them.

if you live in an exotic location, whether safe or dangerous, and you want a quality slide to be cemented on the corner of your swimming pool, if the money is right i can be engaged to do it for you. if you are paying premium coins of money i can even arrange for Gramps to come along and gaffer the gig.



be excellent to each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!